Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am making no profit from this. Although I would have paid to see it.

Episode: Coda (S3 E15)

AN: I said I'd never do one of the cliché stories, like the stuck-in-a-turbolift-and-confess ones, but I don't think Lake George counts. Unlike the turbolift or several other things I can think of, it is something that is mentioned on the show but just not shown. It's one of the scenes I most wanted to see when I first watched the episodes, and although I know it's been done it hasn't really been overdone. Dedicated to BuffieAnn, who gave me the prompt when I asked for a Coda one. (it's a rearrangement of a BtVS quote: "Angel was only out [unconscious] for a few minutes. Longest of my life.")

Prompt: Those minutes when he thought he had lost her were the longest of his life.

Loss

By Lady Callista

=/\=

"So where exactly is Lake George?" Chakotay asked as he watched Kathryn punch in buttons on the control panel outside the holodeck.

"New York. My parents have a cabin on a little island in the middle of it, called Refuge Island. We used to take vacations there when I was little." Kathryn smiled. "My father…my father had this huge telescope set up, it's where I first started learning all the names of the stars and constellations."

Chakotay noticed the catch in her voice as she mentioned her father, and thought about the little she had told him about her experiences when the alien presence had infected her brain. She hadn't written a full report yet, and he completely understood the need to analyze an experience like that before trying to write it down. He tried to keep the mood light. "And you went sailing as well?"

"We did." Kathryn chuckled at the memories as they entered the holodeck. "Dad said that if I wanted to captain a ship someday I should start by learning how to sail one."

"I've never sailed." Chakotay commented as they appeared on the deck of a boat already out in the middle of the water, which was not what he had expected. He swayed slightly, stumbling a step at the unfamiliar movement under his feet.

She caught his arm, steadying him automatically as she spread her legs slightly and rolled with the motion of the ship. "Well, I could give you a lesson sometime if you want, how to run the riggings, trim the sails, and so on, but we're cheating for tonight."

"Cheating?" He asked, looking at her curiously as she moved towards the front of the boat and he carefully followed.

She grinned. "I put the ship on autopilot."

He raised a questioning eyebrow as he watched her pull a bottle of champagne and two flutes out of the small bag over her shoulder.

"I programmed completely light and steady winds, and turned the shoreline views into a kind-of loop." She gave him her half-grin as she popped the cork on the bottle, shooting the cork off of the side of the boat. "Basically we could stay here forever, never have to touch the sails, and never hit anything."

He smiled back at her, but there was a trace of sadness in his eyes. "Forever sounds just about perfect."

She froze as her eyes caught his, a champagne flute extended halfway to him. "Chakotay…" Her voice was soft.

"It's okay." His voice was also soft, and he took a steadying breath. "I just… I really needed this after today."

Kathryn stepped closer to him, handing him the one flute, and as soon as he took it from her she rested her now empty hand on his arm. "I needed it too, although for completely different reasons."

He tried to keep his voice light as he glanced from the drink to her eyes. "So, to beating yet another strange Delta Quadrant entity?"

She tipped her head in agreement, and the glasses clanged quietly before they each took a sip. Then she said quietly, "I kind of wanted to talk about it, but…"

"But?" Chakotay prompted when she trailed off, wondering if it was for his sake or her own that she wasn't sure she wanted to rehash things.

"But it's so hard to even think about. I mean, I was at my own funeral. And I know it was my mind making up the things people would say, and maybe no one would have said anything like what they did…" She trailed off again, unable to explain how the events made her feel.

"What did I say?" Chakotay asked quietly into the uncomfortable silence.

Her breath caught, and she set her champagne on the table, walking to the railing and leaning against it to give herself a minute to think. She watched the water quietly, enjoying the beauty of the moonlight reflecting off of it. Such a simple thing. Something she had thought she would never be able to see again.

"Kathryn?" He came up behind her, and when he placed a careful hand on her shoulder she leaned back into him slightly. That was all the encouragement he needed to wrap his arms around her gently, holding her close to him in the way he had needed to ever since she woke up. He wondered if she needed it as much as he did, because he had never dreamed she would allow even this small amount of comfort and closeness.

"I don't know how much the alien was influencing what I saw, and how much was my own conscious or subconscious mind making it up." Her voice was almost a whisper, and he unconsciously drew her slightly closer, his chin coming down to hover right above her shoulder. "You, you lead the service obviously, but you didn't say anything personal. All of the senior staff said something, told stories of good times, or how I had influenced their lives, or how much they would miss me. Harry actually broke down in tears partway through speaking. But you… your face was almost blank throughout, although I could see the pain in your eyes."

Chakotay could feel that same pain coursing through him now, and let out a deep breath when her own arms came up to link with his around her stomach.

Her voice shook as she continued, "Maybe it was just my own mind, thinking of how private a person you are, and knowing that as the captain it's not a good idea to break down around the crew. Maybe my subconscious just made you act the way I would have if it was you, knowing that I couldn't speak at the funeral because I would start crying and never stop."

His heart twisted at the roundabout acknowledgement of what he meant to her, and his chin dropped to her shoulder, their cheeks rubbing together briefly.

"Or maybe the alien was as confused by our relationship as I am sometimes, and couldn't figure out how you would react." Kathryn finished in barely a whisper.

"I don't know how I would react." Chakotay whispered after she fell silent. "I've never… I've never wanted to think about it. Even down there, when I was doing CPR and waiting for the Doctor to come, even as I was screaming at you that you couldn't die, I never thought beyond the moment. I couldn't. I couldn't even begin to imagine what I would have done if you had died. And not just died, but died in my arms."

His voice broke, and she could feel him trembling against her. Even as she had the brief thought that what she had seen had been close to the truth, maybe even exactly what happened, her mind flashed back to watching his desperation and pain as he tried to resuscitate her. She had almost hoped that had been an invention of her mind, but had known she would never be able to ask him. His soul had been laid bare in that instant, and even their close friendship made that moment too private to share.

That look of utter desperation and pain locked into her mind, and she pulled herself away from him just enough to turn in his arms, wrapping her own around his back as his body continued to shake softly.

Chakotay's arms tightened, the moment of panic when she had begun to pull away easing as her arms wrapped around him and her head came to rest on his chest.

"Staying here forever is sounding better and better."

Kathryn tensed at his uncensored words, a few tears coming to her eyes. She could feel the deep ache in her chest, both at his pain and her own, and at what could never be. She drew strength from his embrace even as she worried that she could get too used to this, could lose herself in him and lose the focus and drive she needed to get the ship home. Because staying here with him like this forever sounded pretty damn good to her as well.

She drew back slightly, unable to pull away from him completely but needing to see his face. "Chakotay, we can't…"

"Shhh." The pain was still there, in his face, but it was a different kind of pain, one both of them were familiar with. He cut her off, knowing she was talking about more than his comment on them staying on Lake George forever. "I know. I just need to hold you for a little while. Consider it a personal request."

She chuckled briefly as he had intended before sliding back in to rest her head against his chest. "That implies it has something to do with our positions on this ship. And I'd much rather just be held by my best friend."

His heart took a little leap, it was the first time she had called him her best friend, and his arms tightened around her as he rested his cheek against her hair.

The pain in his heart began to abate as the scent and feel of her surrounded him, and for the moment he was completely content merely with the fact that she was alive, and safe in his arms.

FIN

AN2: Some of you may have noticed the not-yet-completed prompts have been changed around yet again. When I started this series, I just wanted to write 25 moments in their lives, but as I started doing more and more "missing scenes" from episodes or their aftermath I realized that was what I should have been doing all along. I'm not going to go back and change them obviously, but some of the prompts that were funny as single sentences didn't really work well to have stories written around them, so they are gone. Although I'm sure a few at least will pop up in other stories I write, as they're too funny to get rid of. Sorry if one you were waiting for is gone, and thanks for understanding. I've got basic outlines for each of the remaining stories, so they shouldn't change again.