Chapter 21 – Angela

"Angela Ruskin?" she said.

"Mmm-hm. She was a carnie just like me. We met each other when I was sixteen, she was fifteen at the time. In the beginning, she was a little annoying to me, just a kid, you know, running after me. But I grew to like her, she was soft and gentle, unlike most of the other kids on the circuit. She had a certain innocence that wasn't normally still in carnie folk by that age. Then on her sixteenth birthday, I suddenly saw her as an entirely new entity." He grinned at the memory.

"Her parents were having a birthday party for her and they invited over some of the other kids. She was wearing this white dress, it was conservative but I was suddenly aware of the curves that she had kept tucked under jeans and sweaters until then. I was just about to turn seventeen myself so you can imagine what my hormones were like."

"Yeah, they're pretty rampant even now."

"I could hardly speak to her when I gave her her present. She looked at me and could see through me immediately. I'll always remember that look she gave me. She realised she had me in that moment."

Lisbon smiled over at him. "What did she do as a carnie?"

"Animal trainer. Well, trainee one, I guess. I was able to teach Victor a few commands based on what she taught me back then."

"What happened next?"

He sighed again and pursed his lips. "I guess you could say we fell in love. Well, as much as you can be sure of that at that age. We spent every free moment together. By the time I was ready to turn eighteen I decided it was time to leave. I was tired of doing all the work and my father taking all the money to either gamble or drink away. I'd watched him enough by then to be able to rope people in myself. Angela and I had talked and she wanted out of that life too. Some people who I'd met had talked about me doing some private readings for them so I thought it was time. So, I pitched her the idea of us leaving together. Told her that I would support her as a psychic until she was able to find a job caring for animals."

"She knew you were a fake, though, right?"

"Absolutely. She always knew. In the beginning, she knew I did it because it was what my father has taught me to do so she gave me some leeway, I guess. She wasn't happy for me to continue conning people if we left but she loved me. I think she hoped it would only be for a short while and that she would talk me into doing something else in time. She agreed to leave with me once we saved up some more money. She wanted to wait another year. But I was too impatient. I told her that I didn't want to wait any longer and if she truly loved me as much as she said then she would come with me."

Lisbon's eyes widened. "So, you just left without her?"

He nodded slowly. "I thought she'd come around. I thought she'd run after me."

"But she didn't."

"No. She was as stubborn as me in many ways. Neither one of us ever wanted to give in when we had a fight but she was always the one who did. She would come to me and then I'd kiss her and make her laugh until I was forgiven for whatever I'd done to annoy her. I figured she would come after me after a few days without me." He turned to look at her and gave a small smile. "See? Arrogant asshole even back then."

He continued, "Anyway, I was living in this flea pit of a motel a few weeks later, most of my money was gone. I had done some readings but bookings were drying up. She had been right. I should have waited until I'd saved up more. I could hardly feed myself never mind her."

"So you went back?"

"No. Stubborn. Remember? I managed to acquire some jobs labouring until the psychic stuff picked up again. Then I got a break one night at a private reading. The woman I was doing it for went to a lot of psychics and the club she belonged to were looking for theme nights so she booked me in for a small run. That led to other bookings and, well, you know the rest pretty much."

"You never saw Angela again?"

"Once I had earned enough money to find somewhere that didn't have rat droppings on the carpets I made my way back. Got a new suit and haircut and decided it was time not to take no for an answer and to be the one who gave in for a change. I hadn't even looked at another girl in between. I even bought an engagement ring. A cheap one but figured she could change it later. Just wanted to marry her, for us to have children and live the rest of my life with her."

"'How long had it been since you'd seen her by then?"

"Ah, by then? About eight months, I think. But when I got there she had already left. That thought hadn't even entered my mind. I never thought she'd leave on her own. Turned out she got a job in Florida at some wildlife park a few weeks before." He breathed deeply and rubbed his fingers down Lisbon's arm.

"I asked around and found out she was heartbroken after I left, apparently, had cried for weeks on end. Her father punched me when he saw me. He was a kind and gentle man so I realised then what a mess I'd made." He sighed heavily.

"'Didn't you follow her to Florida?"

He shook his head and bit his bottom lip. "She was just getting back on her feet again when she managed to get that job. It was one she always wanted. So, what was I do? Run after her again and drag her back to L.A.? To live a life with me she would have hated instead of following her own dreams? She couldn't stand the psychic gig, she was honest to a fault and I imagined as time went on she would start to hate me for it. By that stage, I knew she had no hope of talking me out of it - the more money I made and the more attention I received the more I enjoyed it. I figured it was better to leave well enough alone for both our sakes. So, I went back to L.A. instead. I think that was the most unselfish decision I've ever made. Or maybe the dumbest, I could never figure out which."

"That's...so sad. You never felt like looking her up?"

He nodded, placing his arms around her again. "About eight years ago I did. I was doing pretty well for myself and I'd never met anyone else that mattered in between and thought maybe there was a still a chance of picking things up again and settling down with her. I discovered she was still in Florida, married with two kids. The next time I was there I looked up her address. She lived near the beach and I saw her within ten seconds as I got near to it. My heart jumped. She had long blonde hair and a smile that lit up her face. She looked as beautiful to me then as when I'd known her years before. Then I saw her husband and the children. They looked like they were trying to teach one of their daughters how to fly a kite but the wind kept on pushing it down. I noticed the way she looked at him. The joy in her eyes as they laughed together. She was so carefree and happy, Teresa. She was clearly head over heels in love with him. A perfect family right in front of me."

Jane's eyes glistened as he spoke, his mind reliving the memory.

"You didn't speak to her, then."

He shook his head. "What would I have gained from it? She was married to a man who adored her, had two great kids."

He stretched his arms out before placing them around her again. "Is this not weird for you? Me telling you about a previous love in my life?"

"A little but it's nice to know you haven't always been a conceited misogynist your whole life," she teased.

He chuckled. "It's strange, isn't it? The decisions you make sometimes. The different paths they lead you down. I used to always wonder what would have happened if I'd waited and we left together the year after or if she had come with me when I left. Wondered if we would have gotten married and had kids. If we'd still be together and happy today if we did or if I'd just have screwed it up later on, anyway. Guess I'll never know."

He looked at her again, a soft smile on his face. "I didn't think I would ever find someone again who made me feel the way she did. I gave up after seeing her in Florida. Decided I'd never fall in love again so may as well enjoy as much sex as I could instead."

He trailed his fingers lightly down her cheek. "You're so different from her but you have the same honest quality, the same goodness." He smoothed a hair from her face. "Guess it's true what they say, opposites attract."

Lisbon kissed him softly and snuggled into his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"So, how about you? Ever been in love?" he whispered.

"I thought so once but after hearing your story I'm not so sure. I was engaged when I was a teenager but I left him to join the police. Looking back, he was a convenience. It's terrible thinking that now but things weren't good at home. Greg was nice...reliable-"

"Sounds like other words for boring to me."

"Hush. He was a nice guy. He made things at home a little more bearable. But I don't think I ever really felt what you're talking about. You know...the thunderbolt."

"Oh? How about now?"

He put his hand to her chin and brought it up to his face, kissing her slowly, pushing his lips against hers and moving his fingers over the satin covering her back at the same pace of his kiss. He pushed her head back to her pillow and deepened it, darting his tongue inside and leisurely moving it around her mouth. He drew air for a second before plunging his tongue into her again, the hand on her back moving up to cradle her neck, caressing her hairline, his tongue picking up pace inside her mouth. He slowed the movements down again and finished with a soft kiss on the lips. He smiled at her, her face red and her pupils dilated.

She breathed out and blinked in quick succession. "Well, I have to say, that was pretty damn close. Maybe you should give it another shot."

So he did.

A/N: I know there wasn't much from Lisbon in this chapter but she'll feature heavily in the next.