Warning for the reader: This chapter contains some difficult subjects that may offend some. I do not own The Outsiders. All characters used are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton. To all of those that have read my story, I thank you. To those that have taken time out to review, I thank you more.

21

What the hell was the matter with me? I mean, what the fuck was I thinking? I'd sent my two brothers out to hide from the authorities like a couple of fugitives, with no money, and no plan except I'd put Two-Bit Mathews in charge. I'd grown soft over the past few months, and that was gonna have to stop, and stop right now. There had to be a better plan than to have Two-Bit in charge. I could've kicked myself.

I slowly opened the door and eyed Mrs. Richards and the two detectives coolly, trying to compensate for the pounding of my own heart racing in my ears. Mrs. Richards looked to be her usual nervous self, even with the accompanying officers.

"Good morning, Darrel. How are you?" Mrs. Richards started, but I didn't feel like idle chitchat when I knew they were here to try and fuck up our lives again.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly, and saw something close to sadness on Mrs. Richard's face.

"Mr. Curtis, I'm Detective Backus and this is Detective Davis. We met with you when your brother was in the hospital. We'd like to talk to your brother, Ponyboy."

"He ain't here." I said firmly while I stared at them both.

"What do you mean he isn't here? He was just released from the hospital yesterday. I need to see him!" Mrs. Richards was completely flustered.

"Why the need to see him? Y'all gonna take him? Stick him in another one of those fantastic foster homes you got lined up? Hey, maybe they'll succeed this time and actually kill him."

"DARRY, PLEASE!" Mrs. Richards yelled.

I didn't want to stop; I had plenty to say about the work the State did. But the look on her face, and the fact that she was close to tears made me pause. She did try to help; she let me come with her to that horrendous house. If it weren't for her, I never would've found my brother in time. If it weren't for her, Ponyboy would've died.

"I still have nightmares about that day, Darrel. Please, we just need to talk. Please."

Against my better judgement, I opened the screen door and motioned for the three of them to enter the house. I headed for the living room and quickly pulled the coffee table away from the couch so they could sit down. I grabbed my half-empty coffee cup, and went to the kitchen to warm it up with some fresh from the pot. I walked back into the living room and sat down in my chair.

"Darrel, we'd really like it if we could speak to Ponyboy. It's regarding the time he spent in the care of Martin James Campbell."

"I told you. He's not here." I replied coldly to Backus, still remembering how he'd pulled out naked pictures of my brother and that monster from his special envelope like they were pictures of puppies.

"Darrel, where is Ponyboy?" Mrs. Richards asked, concern on her face.

"Out with his brother. Don't know when he'll be back." I answered quickly before I took a healthy drink of coffee. "He ain't said a word since his attack. You're wasting your time."

"Why isn't he talking, Darrel?" Mrs. Richards asked.

"Can't. Too much damage from needing a breathing machine for two months. Don't know if he'll ever be able to talk again. Probably wouldn't talk to you, even if he could. What is there to say?"

"Darrel, Martin Campbell is still missing. Have you had any contact with him since the incident with your brother?" Detective Backus asked again like he had in the hospital, with that same tone, like I was the one that had done something wrong.

"Missing? That bastard is still out there?" I wondered if I'd ever rest knowing the man that brutalized my baby brother was roaming the streets a free man. Free to do it again.

"You've had no contact with…" Backus started up again.

"NO!" I yelled angrily. "Jesus Christ, no! I've been busy trying to put our lives back together. Now you're all here to what? Fuck it all up again?"

"Darrel, no. I'm just here to make sure Ponyboy got home safely."

"Yeah, right. And them two?" I gestured to the two detectives standing in my living room. "They here for decoration, or were they brought for a purpose?"

"We just came to gather more information from your brother, but if that isn't possible, I think we've got what we need. Thank you, Mr. Curtis. Ma'am." Detective Davis nodded to Mrs. Richards before him and his partner let themselves out.

I could hear the sound of car doors closing before the engine revved up and I heard them leave the area. I looked back at Mrs. Richards, and wanted to feel for her but there was just so much that happened. I knew in my head that it wasn't her fault for what went down, but she worked for a system that failed us; failed Ponyboy and put his life in danger. I just couldn't let it go.

"Officially, you were not authorized to discharge your brother home. He was supposed to be discharged into my care."

I thought about the day Pony was released from the hospital. Greg all but rushed us out, putting his own job on the line to help us avoid dealing with the State. I owed him so much. He saved my brother's life and never judged us once. I was shocked how easily he made the decision to discharge Pony early so we could beat some unknown State worker from pouncing and hauling Pony off to another foster home, just for the sake of following policy. I knew eventually there'd be questions to answer, but with my focus on Ponyboy I wasn't thinking it would be this soon.

"So, you're here to take him away again?" I choked.

"No. The State considered all that had happened, and want to grant you permanent custody of Ponyboy. That would mean no looking over your shoulder. No surprise visits from me. Complete and permanent custody."

"In return for what? Gimme a break, Lydia. I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. What does the State want from me in return? Me to pay all those hospital bills next week? Ain't happening!" It sounded way too easy and I was definitely suspicious.

"No, no. All of Pony's hospital bills have been taken care of since technically he was in the State's custody." Mrs. Richards smiled.

"What do they want from me then?" I demanded irritated. I hated it when somebody took me for an idiot and thought they could manipulate me, just because of where I came from.

"The State would ask that you don't pursue any legal action. They are willing to discuss this with you in person, but they want it kept quiet."

"So, you're a goddam lawyer now, or what? I don't understand. They're worried I'm gonna take them to court?"

Now I was just confused. I was sure the fuzz and Mrs. Richards were pulling up to take my brother away again, and now it seemed like I was being offered a bribe to keep silent and not take legal action.

"No, I'm not a lawyer. I just wanted you to know what they're willing to do for you."

I wanted to punch the wall. "What they're willing to do for me? My brother's a mess. Can't talk, eats through a tube, and shits in a diaper. He's basically a baby again. I'd like my brother back, Mrs. Richards. If the State can manage that for me, then we'll have something to talk about."

"I'm so sorry, Darrel. I never thought in a million years..." Lydia cried softly, but I couldn't let it go.

"I'm sorry too, but that don't change what happened, does it?"

Mrs. Richards shook her head and slowly got up from the couch defeated. She made her way to the door slowly and I got up from the chair to follow her, placing my coffee cup down on the table, and then my arms crossed defensively. She quietly opened the screen door and turned around to look at me.

"I never doubted you for a second, Darrel. I always knew the best thing for Ponyboy was to stay in your care. I could always see how much your brothers meant to you. You're so different than the other families I deal with. I always defended you; I always wanted him to stay and always suggested that."

"I get it Lydia, I do. But that fact doesn't set my brother free. It doesn't change anything. He has to live with what happened to him for the rest of his life, and it's too soon for me to even know what that looks like. He'll never be the same. It's not enough."

She nodded sadly as she shut the screen door behind her and made her way to her car. I didn't watch as she drove off. I turned around, shutting the front door and then leaned against it. I took a deep breath of relief and then slowly let it out with a smile. Permanent custody of Ponyboy; that would mean more to Soda and me than any dollar amount we would get battling government bureaucracy in court. I tried to imagine what life would be like without the State breathing down our necks every day, and I allowed myself another smile. The smile quickly faded.

"SHIT!"

I'd sent my brothers off to hide out only God knows where, and I had no idea when Two-Bit was going to call. And all for nothing. I really could've kicked myself then. It was the stupidest thing I'd ever done. This whole disaster had messed me up real good.

I headed for the boys' room with little hope they'd stuck around. Sure enough, I noticed the bedroom window wide open as I opened their door. I looked around and was somewhat relieved that they'd brought along Pony's medical supplies, and I knew that Sodapop would protect our brother any way he could.

I let out a sigh as I sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed Ponyboy's stuffed horse from the hospital. I had to let it go, and trust that between Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit, Pony would be okay. The real torture would be hanging around waiting for word from Two-Bit. I hoped to God he didn't move them out of the state. I shook my head and threw my upper body backwards on the bed.

I knew things had gone from bad to worse when I got the phone call from Two-Bit in the middle of the night to come down to the old warehouse district. I didn't know what possessed him to hide out at Brady's old abandoned shack, but here I was driving up and down the alleyways looking for that fool and my brothers.

I hated driving downtown, which didn't make much sense. I lived in one of the roughest neighbourhoods in the city, but these parts gave me the creeps on a good day, never mind at half past midnight. The area was dark, and I could barely see through the windshield. I finally came upon Two-Bit's broken-down Buick in front of the door of the old warehouse. I pulled the truck up next to the car, and wondered how the hell he got it to run long enough to make it across town.

I got out of the truck and pulled up the collar on my jacket. The wind was picking up and felt like it was blowing through to my bones. There was an eeriness to the place that I couldn't quite put my finger on. The big receiving door was down and locked as I inspected the outside of the building. Just as I made my way to the side of the warehouse, Two-Bit came barreling through a side door, a look of horror on his face while he struggled to catch his breath.

"Two-Bit? What's goin' on? Where's Sodapop and Pony?" I asked, concern increasing with the difficulty Two-Bit was having.

"Darry! Darry! I'm sorry, Darry! I'm sorry!" Two-Bit started crying, and I was getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"What the fuck is going on?" I grabbed Two-Bit by the shirt and shook him, trying to get him to talk to me.

"I'm sorry! He found us, Darry! He found us!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Who found you? The fuzz?"

"Him!" Two-Bit was hysterical. "He's got Ponyboy, Darry. I tried to get him, Darry! I swear to God I tried!"

My vision heightened, and I was seeing red as I shoved Two-Bit out of my way and made my way through the steel door of that old abandoned warehouse. Despite there being lights on, it was still dim and cold and damp. I tried to listen for my brothers, but I could only hear the odd muffled grunt coming from behind a barrage of old rusted machinery.

My feet took me there on their own. I turned the corner and there I could see him. They both had no clothes on and he was holding Ponyboy face down as he ground his way into him. Pony didn't scream or fight. His lifeless body bobbled with every vicious thrust made into him. I screeched out into the dead of night, overcome with rage and hatred. I charged forward, ready to dish out my own brand of torture, but then heard a voice from behind me.

"It's too late, Darry. It's too late. He's gone."

I looked down to see the body of my youngest brother. His wrists bound, his soiled body curled up in the corner of that filthy abandoned room in that middle-class home that was supposed to look after him. The smell I would never forget assaulted my senses and I found myself on my knees again, wailing and begging whatever powers that were in control, to save my brother.

I turned Pony's body over, and his eyes were blank and lifeless. I howled out again when I heard, rather than saw him swallow. Pony's eyes looked right through me before I heard him speak.

"Get him off me, Darry."

My eyes flew open and I stared at the tan face of a stuffed horse. I grabbed it and hugged it in one arm while I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling of my brothers' bedroom and tried to get a hold of myself. I was getting damned tired of these weird dreams I was having, and a few of them were creeping me right the hell out.

The phone started ringing, and I eased my way out of bed and trudged my way through to the living room. I glanced at the clock and it was after six, and I hoped desperately that the phone call I was receiving was from Two-Bit. I was hoping he'd be telling me everything was alright.

"Yeah?" I answered cautiously, and then rolled my eyes at myself when I realized I was still clutching Ponyboy's stuffed horse.

"Hey, Darry. What's up with the fuzz?"

I breathed a sigh of relief hearing Two-Bit Mathews voice on the other line.

"False alarm. Where ya at?"

"I'll tell ya, but you gotta promise not to yell at me, Darry."

I suddenly remembered my dream, and got that sick feeling in the pit of my gut. If these dreams were telling me anything real, I knew that I was about to be in big trouble.

"Where the hell are you?" I asked, my voice rising.

"Buck's. Don't yell at me, it was your brother's idea." Two-Bit begged wearily.

"Get them back here now and hurry! I don't want either of 'em near that hole!"

"Yeah, that's what Soda said. Uh, my car broke down, Darry. We're kinda stranded here with the kid and all…" Two-Bit started blubbering, but I didn't wanna hear it.

"Fine. I'll be there in ten." I slammed the phone down, pissed. I quickly threw some clothes on, and headed out.

The only place worse than downtown was Buck Merril's. It was a tiny little corner dive on the eastern edge of town, and the only person I knew who loved laying over there was Dallas Winston. Buck was his rodeo partner and lined up some work for Dally back in the day, but that didn't score him any points with me. He was a cheat, and he was sleazy, and nothing good came of that place unless you were looking for trouble. Buck liked booze, fast women, and drugs, and I threatened both of my brothers not to ever go near that place. Why the hell would Sodapop suggest it now?

I didn't waste any time heading over there. I wanted my brothers out of that place as soon as possible before even more trouble ensued. I didn't bother with pleasantries; I opened the door without ringing the door bell or knocking. I spotted that lanky ass cowboy at the bar as soon as I walked in. There were people everywhere drinking, playing pool, playing poker, and even making out on the tables. I could hear yelling from the back telling the all too obvious story that a fight was about to break out, and I knew I needed to haul ass and get my brothers out of there while I could.

His eyes were huge when he saw me coming at him, my stride long and determined. I simply pointed at Buck and gave him a look that meant business, and he nodded towards the staircase. I rolled my eyes at him, and shoved one of his girls away from me when she tried to get too close. I knew I needed to act fast, and couldn't help but wonder if my nightmare was a warning.

"Soda! Two-Bit!" I hollered out, starting to take the stairs two at a time just to get up there faster.

"Soda!" I yelled again, and was about to get worried before a door flew open and Steve poked his head out.

"In here, Darry. Thank God, man. The kid's been freakin' out since we left the house." Steve was unusually worried, and that alarmed me big time.

"What do you mean? Is he okay?"

I pushed my way through the door and Ponyboy was laying on the bed, his body shaking violently while a visibly distraught Sodapop did everything to try and calm him down.

"Is he seizing? How long has he been like this?" I tore my jacket off and let it hit the floor while I made my way to my brothers.

"No, I don't think they're seizures. I just can't get him to calm down, Darry. He's been like this since we got him out of the house. I don't know what to do. Nothing's working!" Soda was as upset as I'd seen him in the hospital.

"Okay, shhhh. Easy, little buddy. Easy." I held the back of Soda's neck, and gently eased his forehead to mine. "It's okay, we'll figure this out."

The disgruntled sounds of a barroom fight were getting louder through the floor boards of the dingy little room the four of us huddled in. I looked at Steve sharply.

"Can you go down there and see if there's a safe way out of this shithole?"

Steve nodded, and grabbed Two-Bit for back-up, leaving me alone with my brothers.

"Hey, kiddo. What's goin' on, Pony?" I gently shook Ponyboy's shoulder, but he didn't look my way. He just laid there trembling; his breathing ragged and irregular.

I crawled over Pony, and laid on my side facing him trying to gauge if it really wasn't a seizure. Sodapop called it right, and I nodded proudly. He really was paying attention to when Greg was giving us tips and pointers on how to manage Pony's condition at home. I don't know why I was surprised; it was Ponyboy, and I knew how much he meant to Soda.

"Good call, Soda. Now let's see if we can get him out of here."

"I'm sorry, Darry. Two-Bit was ready to head outta state in that rust bucket of his. I figured we could sit here and not get noticed."

"Yeah, 'til one of Buck's goons shoots the place up. I told you to stay the fuck away from here. And you drag Pony along?"

"He's already been here, Darry. I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't thinking."

I felt bad for raising my voice to him. I was the one that jumped the gun in the first place.

"I'm sorry for yelling. It's my fault to begin with; I shouldn't've panicked like I did."

"We need a better plan." Soda commented and I wanted to tell him about my discussion with Mrs. Richards, but Ponyboy was in bad shape.

"Ponyboy, I want you to calm down, okay? It's alright, I'm gonna get you home."

His eyes were shut tight, like he was in pain and his body trembled and shook out of control. But it was the sound coming from his throat; the same sound he made in the hospital when Eric had pulled out his breathing tube and Pony struggled to take every breath, that alarmed me.

"Pony, come on now. It's okay. We're going back home." I gently cupped his face in my hand, but nothing was working.

Steve and Two-Bit came crashing in; the noise from downstairs almost deafening.

"Darry, it's crazy down there." Two-Bit slid down the door and sat down on the dirty rug.

"We ain't gettin' out," Steve confirmed.

"Then we'll lay low in here until it settles." I spoke as calmly as I could.

I shuffled on the bed and sat up leaning against the headboard and then reached over and hauled Ponyboy up so he was against me. I shuffled around with him; laying him on my chest and between my legs so I could keep him close and keep him safe. With each shudder of his small frame, I held him even closer. Soda eased his way on the bed with us, curling around my arm and his little brother.

"Shhhh…" I continued trying to lull my youngest brother into calm while gently petting his hair.

Sodapop joined in, rubbing Pony's side and offering him the occasional kiss on the back of his head. It took a long time, and with every crash and whoop and holler from downstairs, it seemed like we had to start all over again. It was all I could do to keep it cool.

"Ponyboy, look at me. Open your eyes." I gently commanded as I brushed my hand across his face.

His breath was ragged and loud. His eyes slowly opened, and he looked at me pleadingly.

"I'm here, and I ain't goin' nowhere. Nobody's ever gonna take you away from me, you got that? You and Soda are stuck with me, so you better just get used to that fact, savvy?"

The tears seemed to roll faster out of his eyes, but his breathing settled as he curled his right arm around my chest and held on to me tightly. I tightened my grip around him as well, and nodded letting Soda know we'd finally made progress. Soda smiled, and shuffled down to rest his head on the pillow, but never let his hand move from Pony.

"It's a Ponyboy sandwich!" Two-Bit chuckled and slapped Steve on the arm as he got up from the floor and moved into a chair.

Steve rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. He made his way to the floor, leaning up against the wall while hell broke loose beneath us. I stayed awake, counting down the minutes until I could grab my brothers and high-tail it out of there.