Today is a special day. On this day, January 10 2019, is the two year anniversary of when I uploaded the first chapter of Beyond the Mansion Gates on this website! It's so weird to think that this story is mire than two years old now (remember, I first uploaded it to Wattpad). Man, how time flies!
Chapter 21: Mr Whoopy
When the Smash Mansion was first built, it wasn't known as the Smash Mansion (it wouldn't be called that for another fifty-four years). It was called the Macador Mansion.
It was built by an unbelievably rich gentleman named Lord Macador who apparently really wanted five floors worth of rooms to do only God knows what in. There were just so many rooms that, after his death, the mansion changed hands sixteen times in the span of nineteen years before it came into the possession of Master Hand and Crazy Hand, who then founded the Super Smash Brothers Tournament in order to help repay back the loan they borrowed from the bank in order to buy the place. (They received tons of dough from the merchandising rights and the public pays even more tons of money to watch their favourite fighters duke it out, so it all worked out in the end.)
Each floor of the Mansion had a specific purpose to it. The ground floor was the main living space. It had the kitchens, cafeteria, common room, games rooms and most of the bathrooms.
The first floor was the gym and training area.
The third floor contained the bedrooms.
The second and fourth floors, which also contained bedrooms, were deemed off limits by Master Hand because they were being used for storage. Which is a pretty flimsy excuse considering the fifth floor.
The aforementioned fifth floor was split into two parts. The first part was a ballroom which Lord Macador used to hold the most ridiculously lavish and extravagant parties, and the other part was used for storage. It was as musty and dusty as a typical attic and the way everything was shoved together made the place feel more like a museum, where one could rediscover all the random crap that had been collected over the years.
The roof was also a popular lounging area. People had dragged up sun chairs and even a mini fridge, with an extension cord that ran halfway down the stairs to the nearest electrical outlet.
The observatory (where Rosalina spent most of her time) was impulse-built by Lord Macador a year before he died. It occupied its own wing at the back of the mansion.
The mansion sounds big enough already without the three floors below the ground.
The Underground, as they were referred to, was where the Miis lived. Underground 1 was where paperwork was taken care of, mostly regarding bills, maintenance and copies of important documents.
Underground 2 was split into several levels. Level 1 had classrooms, where the Miis were trained on what to do and how to respond in an emergency and different situation. Due to the sheer number of Miis, they were separated into groups. All day, every day, there would be a group of Miis in each classroom and every Mii attended at least once a week.
Level 2 was the gym for the Mii fighters.
Level 3 was another storage area, except that it held dangerous equipment and machinery and was much better kept than the one on the fifth floor.
And finally, Undergrounds 2 and 3 housed the Miis living quarters; bedrooms, cafeterias, common rooms and bathrooms.
The Smash Mansion is big, isn't it? How could anyone be expected to find their way around?
Well, if one spends long enough in the mansion, they soon learn the ins and outs. All of them. And the choice spots to hide things. Like anti-aircraft guns.
But the downside is that it's very easy to lose things. Like Mr Whoopy.
Master Hand was frantic to find him. Ever since the grocery shopping disaster with the Young Ones last week, he realised that Mr Whoopy could really come in handy for keeping the buggers in line. Problem was: he couldn't find him. And it was a brand-new Saturday, meaning it was the day of the Young Ones Programme. He was on a timer.
He'd swept all the papers off his desk and pulled drawers out. He'd turned over the bookshelves. He'd even pried open some of the floorboards. All to avail. Mr Whoopy was nowhere to be found.
It was then that he decided to look in the attic on the fifth floor.
And it was in the hallway where Pit, Stormy and Toonie saw Master Hand rushing past, evidently very frazzled.
"Where do you think he's off to in such a hurry?" Stormy asked as she blew a bubble with her strawberry-flavoured bubble gum.
"Dunno. Let's follow him!" Toonie cried, and took off after Master Hand. Put and Stormy looked at each other, shrugged then ran after the blonde boy.
Master Hand stepped out of the elevator to find himself completely surrounded by darkness and dust. Coughing, he flicked on the light switch and flapped his fingers around to clear the air a little.
The attic was worse than he remembered. Everything was piled up on top of each other in dangerously high groups with barely and floor space in between. It would take him forever to find Mr Whoopy!
He inched around carefully, making sure not to knock anything over as he searched the piles gently, moving further away from the elevator, to the point where he was far enough away and so distracted by what he was doing that he didn't hear the elevator ding as the doors opened.
"Man, this place is crazy!" Toonie said quietly as he took notice of Master Hand and, not wanting to be spotted, crept behind a china-filled glass cabinet resting atop an old box TV. Pit did the same, Stormy too, but not before she knelt in front of the TV and used her finger to draw something in the dust on the screen.
Suddenly, they heard a crash and what sounded like a gong, as well as Master Hand shouting "God fucking damn it! Where is that piece of shit?!
Even Stormy stopped chewing her gum as Master Hand let out a wordless yell of pure rage before he angrily floated to the elevator, got in and went back down to the ground floor.
The three delinquents emerged from their hiding place.
"I wonder what he was looking for?" Pit said, scratching his head in confusion.
"Dunno, but let's look around and see if we can find anything that we can show the others." Stormy said as she picked up a battered, old-fashioned red telephone.
Pit found some old porn magazines dated from the mid-to-late sixties. He flicked through them innocently, wondering why there was page after page of half-naked men and women.
Stormy discovered that it wasn't a gong that had made the strange singing sound, it was a bell. It was big enough that it looked like it belonged in a frickin' church, not in the attic of a crummy mansion hosting a fighting tournament.
Next to the bell was a lasso, made from yellowy rope and tied in a thick knot. Excitedly, she picked it up, spun it around then threw it. She felt it tighten as it landed around something, and she pulled it towards her. Whatever it was, it was fairly heavy and made a bunch of tiny dingaling sounds. She'd yanked it enough into the light to discover that it was a fully decorated, albeit long since dead and brown, Christmas tree, complete with tinsel, baubles, bells and a star on top.
The hell? she thought as the popped a gum bubble between her teeth.
Toonie, meanwhile, had found a jar of pickled inside of an old microwave. Giggling, he hurled the jar at a shoebox that was resting on the very top of a particularly large pile. Instead of hitting the shoebox, however, he hit another box that causes everything on top of it to come crashing down.
Toonie covered his eyes as a cloud of dust washed over him. When he looked again, he saw a dusky orange umbrella at his feet. Peering closer, he noticed something poking out from between the folds. He grabbed it and pulled, and something long and sleek came slipping out. When he saw what it was, a slow grin spread across his face.
"I need to show the others!" He shouted excitedly before running to the elevator.
That was the context.
But when Chrom and Lyn went into the field to gather up the Young Ones only to find them taking turns flicking around a long black whip, they didn't have that context. Actually, they were very confused. And concerned for their safety.
And when Shulk hit Zelda in the face with it, their concerns became perfectly justified, and they raced over.
Shulk let out a strangled gasp as he ran over and helped Zelda pick herself up off the ground.
"Omigod omigod omigod I'm so sorry it was an accident, are you alright?"
Zelda gently touched her cut cheek and winced. Tears of pain formed in her eyes. But still she put on a brave smile.
"No Shulk, I know it was just an accident. I'm alright."
"But your cheek is bleeding…"
Zelda put a hand on his shoulder.
"Oh Shulk, I'll be alright." She leaned in to kiss his cheek.
Shulk still felt terrible, especially when Chrom arrived, panting and shouting "Shulk, what the fuck are you doing with a whip for god's sakes, kid?!"
"I…Toonie brought it and was letting everyone try it out." Shulk said, still flashing apologetic grimaces at Zelda as Stormy pulled a roll of bandages out from under her skirt, cut off a piece with her lightsaber and gave it to Zelda.
Chrom took in a deep breath.
"AND WHERE DID YOU GET A WHIP FROM?!" He bellowed, pointing at the small boy. He was getting real sick of Toonie's shit.
"I found it." Toonie said, completely unfazed by the outburst.
"WHERE? WHERE EXACTLY?!"
"Inside an umbrella."
"An umbrella?" Lyn asked as she attended to Zelda.
"Yeah!"
"An umbrella." Chrom states in disbelief.
"That's what I said."
"Well, where was the umbrella?"
"In the mansion."
Chrom's nostrils flared. "Toonie, I'm warning you, no funny business. Where was the umbrella?"
"In the mansion, like I told you."
"Where in the mansion?"
"In a room, duh."
"Which room? Where abouts was it?"
"A room with stuff in it."
Chrom grasped his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on. "Where abouts in the room?"
"On the floor." Toonie rolled his eyes as if that was the most stupidest question he'd ever been asked.
"Why does she…?" Link muttered.
Chrom turned. "What?"
Link looked up and held up his phone. "Oh sorry, I just got a text from Daisy asking for my girlfriend's number, and I was just wondering why."
Chrom nodded.
Lyn stepped up and clapped her hands. "Okay people, enough fooling around. Everyone, get to the minivan, Toonie, give me the whip. We're going to a farmers market to help out with setting up."
"Laaaame." Stormy droned.
"Are we at least allowed to go shopping after," Zelda asked. Even she, a princess, a helping hand to her people, thought this sounded extremely boring.
"If you do what you're asked without trouble, we will give you each some money to spend. Sound fair?"
"...Yes…" Everyone sighed.
The group then began making their way towards the minivan. On the way there, Ness laid a hand on Toonie's shoulder.
"Please don't ruin this for us, Toonie." He said desperately.
"I won't…" Toonie said absentmindedly, staring hungrily at the whip in Lyn's firm grasp.
Master Hand also caught sight of the whip as Lyn loaded it into the boot with Stormy, who gave an army salute after Lyn had obviously told her not to play around with it. His heart became heavy with dread as he raced towards the minivan as it kicked into life and began to move.
"Oh no...Mr Whoopy!" He cried.
He was too late. The minivan reached the front gates and pulled out into the road, heading into the city.