Your eyes flutter open and your ears prickle as you hear sniffling coming from next to you. Without moving your body you look through the corner of your eyes and see a flash of blue. You turn your head slightly, carefully. Sans is sitting against the bed's headboard staring at a cyan heart speckled with white all over, his eye sockets filled with blue tears and a smile on his face. Those last things seem contradicting. Why would he be crying if he's smiling, or smiling if he's crying? It doesn't make sense in your head.
He strokes the tiny shards of whiteness and laughs quietly as his eyes overflow. You move your hand so that you touch his leg and he nearly jumps. Wiping his face he returns his soul to his chest. "Hey…" He says softly, that gentle smile still lighting up his features.
You want to ask him why he was crying but you can't gather the energy. He leans forward and bony fingers stroke your cheek. You notice that your legs are still dangling off the side of the bed and that you're in the exact same position in which you lost consciousness. Once again you can't find it in you to make yourself move. You let out an unintelligible grunt and flinch at the strain it does to your throat, making you cough and hurt even more. Bad idea. Definitely a bad idea.
"Shh…" He hushes as he brushes your hair from your face. "I still can't take us back. Alphys is sleeping too. Just get some rest…"
What about you? You want to say. But of course he can't read your mind so he doesn't answer.
He groans when he tries to move closer and you squeeze the bone sticking from under his shorts, trying to tell him he doesn't have to. You wonder how he even got himself from the bed he was on to this one.
"You look beautiful when you're sleeping peacefully. Heck you look beautiful at all times…" He whispers. You try to smile. You're not sure if you succeeded or not, feeling kind of dazed at the moment.
So you just let out a breath letting your eyelids droop low, your hand still on his tibia. He leans back against the back of the bed closing his eyes as well.
There's a hand on your shoulder shaking you lightly. You feel drowsy as you wake up still unable to move. "Rise and shine my morning star." Sans' voice sounds in your ear. You struggle to open your tired eyes, the corners of your lips pulled upwards in a lazy smile.
"T-take it easy. You're s-still recovering from using your soul to h-heal his." Alphys says from your other side. You notice a light pink blush on her cheeks and you wonder what that's about.
The two monsters help you lift yourself up off the bed. The room spins for a few long moments and you feel your stomach twist into a knot. I think I'm going to be sick.
Your head falls to Sans' shoulder and a hand is on your forehead, lifting it up. Surprisingly it helps settle the dizziness. You open your eyes again, not even realising you had closed them. "Ss…" You start, but as soon as you try to sound the 'a' you immediately regret it. It can't just be from the screaming, even though you definitely did a lot of that and really loudly at that.
"Don't try to speak. Don't try to do anything. You gave a part of yourself away, your body's still catching up."
And you? Why aren't you like this? You almost died.
You want to voice your questions. You want to hear the answers. But you're not stupid enough to keep pushing yourself right now.
Sans lifts a glass of water to your lips and you sip carefully, swallowing it is painful, but you welcome the coolness of the liquid against the burning in your throat. After you're done, he sets it back down wherever he took it from and caresses the side of your face. Alphys is taking your hands, turning them over and wrinkling her nose when she feels the dampness in the stained bandages.
"I need to ch-change these again." She waddles over to where she keeps the medical supplies.
"Wh-" You scrunch up your face as you try to speak. Sans tells you not to once again but you ignore him and the pain this time. "Why… are you…" Each word is like torture. "Not…"
"I got it, don't say anything else. You gave me your life energy. It's why you're… Well, half dead. Usually soul melding doesn't happen in these circumstances…" You make a mental note to ask him about that when you're not feeling so rotten. He shakes his head with a disbelieving smile. "You're so strong. So good. You gave yourself to save me without even stopping to think twice."
You pull your hand up and hold onto his arm. "Cr… crying?" You let out hoping he gets what you're trying to ask, unable to form another sound.
"They were tears of joy." He answers quietly. Tears of joy… Those sound nice…
Alphys returns setting your hands on your lap and unrolling the bloodied gauze. You gasp when she tears the last bit that's stuck to your raw flesh. Sans whispers sweet words in your ear in an attempt to distract you from the pain.
"D-despite everything it l-looks like it's starting to heal n-nicely." She says when she finishes redressing the wounds. "Undyne should be here a-anytime soon. Maybe we c-could take her up?" Her question is directed at Sans.
"I don't know, you feeling up to it?" Sans asks you. You shrug your shoulders. It doesn't seem like you're going anywhere on your own, but then again this dark lab is starting to tick you off so you nod weakly.
Careful not to hurt you Sans picks you up and holds you in his arms, carrying you out through the rooms, with Alphys in front of you with something in her arms that you can't quite see. You guess he still can't teleport or at least not very far.
Just as they're both stepping out of the elevator, right on cue, the blue fish monster bursts into the lab, Papyrus right behind her, a look of concern twisting his features. At least there's no fear there anymore. You think to yourself.
"For the love of Frisk how do you keep getting yourself into this state?!" Undyne asks incredulously as she stares at you with her yellow eye. "At this rate I won't fight you again until you're old and wrinkled!" You want to laugh but it hurts too much so you just smirk at her, dropping your head back as your neck starts getting sore from the effort of holding it up.
Sans chuckles and tells you to lay your head on him.
"Mm." You sound, not even attempting to move.
Always helpful, Papyrus puts a hand on the back of your head and pushes it up against his brother's shoulder, petting it softly for a moment. He doesn't say anything, not wanting to be too loud or forceful knowing how you feel right now and why.
You lift your arm to hold his hand in yours. "It's okay…" You choke out.
An orange bead forms in the corner of his eye. "You saved Sans." His voice cracks. "Thank you."
You don't feel like you deserve his gratitude so much. He shouldn't have had to be saved in the first place if it weren't for your amazing talent for getting into messes he wants to fix.
But right now you're physically and emotionally unable to feel guilty. So you just close your eyes, feeling yourself fall into the darkness for the fourth time in a short while.
You drift in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. You hear melodic 'Tra la las' at one point. At another you feel cold bite into your skin, waking from something wet falling on your nose. And then there's the warmth of a blanket and the softness of a mattress. All the while you feel Sans close to you.
He stares at you as you sleep. Your soul is shining brighter than ever. And the piece of him inside you makes him feel like he's always with you. He still can't quite believe what you've done. But every time he pulls out his soul there it is right in front of his eyes. The white fragments filling the gaps of what he lost trying to keep you from losing anything at all.
Each time he touches them he falls in love with you all over again.
You mumble in your sleep and he shifts so that he's closer to you. Opening your eyes you look up at him and his soul flutters. "I can never get over the way you look at me." He mumbles. "We're at mine and Pap's old house back at Snowdin, just for a little while until you get better." He says before you can even ask. "Do you want some food?" You shake your head honestly. You're not hungry at all. "Oh and Paps took care of your wrists while you were sleeping, hope they're okay." You move your hands and there's no pain indeed.
Looking around the somewhat bare room and noticing the mess of socks in a corner you peg it as Sans' bedroom.
You want to get up off the bed. You try to prop yourself up with your elbows but the weight of your body is still too much. You huff in annoyance. The skeleton notices your failed efforts and helps you up into a sitting position telling you to not push yourself. He fluffs up a pillow and leans your body into it comfortably.
"How are you feeling?" Sans asks.
Like I've been chewed up by an exceptionally large T-rex who then decided I wasn't good enough to eat, spat me back out, and then stomped me with his also large dinosaur feet until every bone in my body was crushed irreparably, rendering me immobile and completely useless. "Fine." You croak. It still hurts immensely but you're quite tired of being nearly mute so you endure it.
Sans shakes his head at you. "Parts of your soul are in me now, I can tell some things pretty accurately, like how you aren't doing so great."
"Why ask?" You return with a slight hint of annoyance.
"Because I want you to be honest with me." He looks down at his hands and twiddles with his thumbs ashamed. "I want to know that you still trust me, even though I don't really deserve your trust…"
With a great amount of effort you reach out for his hands and pull one onto your lap. "I feel like crap." You say frankly, albeit that would be a very generous description. He looks up at your face with sad eyes. You smirk at him. "But honestly…" You cough into your hand from the strain. "I've never felt so much like myself."
His pupils seem to shine a little brighter and your heart flutters slightly.
But then his whole expression falls and you wonder if you've said something wrong. "Oh right…" He mumbles. "Alphys has something to talk to you about."
Without another word he goes out the door to get the tiny scientist and her mysterious 'something'. When they return, she has a glass cylinder in her arms, a faint red mist swirling around in it, and you immediately know what it is.
"Chara!" You say jumping out of the bed, only to fall flat on your face from your limbs not getting the message that they're supposed to hold you up. You groan on the floor and Sans is promptly at your side.
"I thought I told you to take it easy." You glare at him for a moment before you focus your attention back to the container with the remnants of your brother's soul.
"I-I want to know what you w-want to do with it…" She stutters, looking at you with guilt in her eyes.
"Him." You correct her, sounding a lot harsher than you intended with your gruff voice and making her flinch.
"R-right… Anyway, t-there's nothing I can do t-to bring him back, his soul is too f-fragmented…" She looks down at the floor. "I-I'm sorry…" You see a tear fall down onto the top of the glass and your heart sinks.
You let out a shriek of pain as you force your legs to move. "Star, you c-" Sans starts to say but is rendered silent as you persevere over the aching in your entire body, pushing yourself over to the small yellow monster.
You drop to your knees with an 'oomph' when you're in front of her and put your arms around her, the cylinder pushing against your chest, feeling hot tears streaming down your cheeks as well. "You did what you had to." You manage to say. "Thank you for everything Alphys, you're amazing."
A small sob escapes her and you hold tighter, trying to comfort her despite feeling like your own heart is breaking. "Y-you can k-keep what's l-left of h-him." Her stutter is worse from the crying. "Or you c-could let him g-go. I-it's up t-to y-you."
"You don't have to decide now." Sans says from behind you.
You nod while letting go of Alphys who is still sniffling. You yourself try to wipe your tears away, feeling like you're going to pass out from the energy you just spent. Alphys leaves the glass container by the door before she makes her way out. Sans walks up to you and carries you back onto his bed. He kisses your forehead softly and you look him in the eyes not asking the question that's burning in your brain. You're sure he knows what you're thinking but he doesn't say anything, because he also knows you won't like his opinion.
"I know you're not hungry but Grillbz is still in the Underground while he works out what he needs to move his business to the surface. I'll go get you something. Try not to get yourself hurt…" He mumbles the last part while eyeing the vessel by the door. But he doesn't make a move to take it with him as he steps out.
You inwardly thank him.
Staring at the scarlet dust swirling inside it you can't help feel your heart clenching. How many times are you going to have to say goodbye? Do you even have to? Alphys said you could keep him, but is that fair? Is he still conscious? Probably not, it's just a fragment of what he was, nothing more… Right?
There's too many questions and no answers to speak of. It's frustrating, exhausting. You want to move over to him but know that even if you made it there it'd be painful, so you decide to talk, despite the fact that he most likely can't hear you.
"I know that you're mad at me. You have every right to be I suppose." Your throat hurts and you wonder if it's stupid to be talking to someone who isn't listening when it's so much of a hassle. Even so you keep going. "I wish I could've been better to you. I didn't try hard enough. I was just a kid back then, I didn't know what to do. I thought…" Fresh tears pool at your eyes. "I thought that was all there was to life… I didn't know things could be better… I should've run away with you before they got worse." You think back to all the times you thought about it, but told yourself it would all amount to nothing, that you'd starve on your own, die sooner rather than later, just as miserable. So you stayed. "I let you become bitter, filled with hate for humanity and everything that came of it. I'm so sorry." A sob shakes your whole body and you wince. "I'm a terrible sister. A terrible person…"
"No you're not." A voice snaps you out of your rambling and you lift your eyes from the soul in the glass to see Papyrus standing there by the door with a hint of sadness in his eyes. "You made my brother happy in a way that I never could. You motivate him to get out of bed and do something that matters. You gave him life… Even if it meant possibly giving up your own." You stare at him with tear filled eyes and he picks up Chara's soul, bringing it over to your side and sits down at the foot of the bed.
You reach over to touch the glass with your hand and the haze of redness seems to gather where it sits. It's probably just your imagination or your blurred vision, but the thought still fills you with some sort of warmth and a hope that maybe he accepts your bad excuse for an apology. That maybe he can finally be at peace somehow…
The tall skeleton lays a hand on your shoulder and squeezes. You smile at him and he returns it with one of his own. "If it counts for anything, I'd love to have you as a sister." He says quietly. Your heart jumps at his words and you choke back more tears.
"Oh Pap…" He leans over to pull you into a hug which you return to the best of your ability. "I'd love to be your sister…" You mumble into his ribs.
"Can I join?" Sans asks from the door as he walks in with a brown paper bag in his hand. "I must admit I'm getting a bit jealous, first Alphys, now Paps, I'm feeling left out." You sniffle but smile at him when you notice his soft expression. "Plus I'm not one to pass up on my bro's awesome hugs." He shuffles closer and Papyrus scoops him up into your embrace as well. He closes his eyes. "This is nice. I could get used to it."
You can't help but agree with that.
NOTE: Slowly things are getting better :)
Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and as always leave any feedback you may have please