Chapter 21

Getting to know Zara

The first thing that had to happen was moving all their belongings to their new rooms. For him, it was easy; all his things were moved into employee quarters of the palace. For her, it was more difficult; she was being moved to the new building; something she was not happy about.

The king assured her that Adama needed time to focus and train, and once all that was done, he would join her. They would visit on weekends until then. She pouted, but nodded.

Since they were being separated, the first thing Steve had to do was learn how to communicate with her. He and Wanda looked up American Sign Language and practiced together. He was surprised to discover she only knew a few actual signs; mostly it was just letters and some she customized to her own liking. She turned the letter "k" on its side which confused Steve at first before he understood what she meant.

Once that was out of the way, he asked her why she didn't write things on paper. She shook her head.

When he pointed out her schoolwork on paper, she signed, "That's different." No further explanation was given.

Trying to figure her out was more complicated than trying to figure out women in general Steve discovered. Zara gave little away in words or signs. So Steve resorted to his innate abilities. He watched her body language.

He figured out pretty quickly when she was mad, happy, or scared. Those were easy. Not so easy were deciphering her restlessness, anxiety or suspicions, and particularly why she felt that way.

When she caught him scrutinizing her too much, she shut down, folded her arms across her chest and sat with her head down. She wasn't going to make this easy and Steve wondered what was going through her mind.

Steve talked to a couple of the doctors assigned to the building in hopes he could glean some bit of insight to encourage her to open up. They referred him to mental health doctors, and he talked with them at length. He had meetings with Adama to further his knowledge base, whose best advice to him was to be honest with her. Trust was the most critical thing to her, if she couldn't trust you, you'd never get anywhere with her. The other thing he was able to tell Steve was to never shout or raise his voice to her. It made her afraid. Hitting her was never an option, and Steve took umbrage at the implication.

"How did you get to know her?" Steve asked flat out.

Adama laughed. "She'll get to know you if she wants to and on her own schedule. Try telling her about yourself. It may be a one-sided conversation for a while, but it might work out in the end. I must admit something to you. I have been having regrets about bringing her here, I mean, to Earth. She had gotten so settled and was happy on Atlantis. It broke her heart to leave. She misses her friend Ronon a lot."

"Can we bring him here?"

"I'll see what I can do, but don't say anything to her."

"I won't."

So, in the meantime, Steve set up a little routine for her to give her some structure; breakfast, school, lunch, gym, break, and "play time". Play time was reserved for arts and crafts or playing educational games on the laptop.

Steve tried engaging her with the others, but that didn't seem to go over well. She could tell Wanda was younger than she was and they really didn't have anything in common. She tolerated Scott for the most part, but again, no connection. She frowned at Sam whenever she caught him whispering to Steve, and she shut down whenever he came too close. Clint fared the best, but even then it was at arm's length.

She just wouldn't open up.

Thanksgiving came and Zara was invited to spend the day with the team just to hang out. She couldn't eat with them as they couldn't remove their masks, but she was brought to the buffet to pick out whatever she wanted to eat. She picked out her food and put it on her plate, but she didn't look happy. She still didn't know how to reconcile "holidays" in her mind. Adama had to work, so he wasn't there. It was a long and sad day for her.

That night she had trouble sleeping. Her sour stomach acted up and she got up in the dead of night and prowled the halls. She'd run out of snacks in her room, and she couldn't take the medicine on an empty stomach. She tried all the doors, but they were locked. She was desperate to find something to eat. She hadn't finished her meal and what she did eat wasn't agreeing with her.

She went down one floor and repeated the process, without any luck.

She got back in the stairwell and headed further down. Nothing on that floor either.

One more floor down, and as she touched the landing, she heard voices speaking in Wakandan. She peeked around and watched as they went through the doorway. She hustled down and caught the door with her fingertips just before it closed. She slowly pulled it open and looked around the corner. Two people walked away and disappeared around the next intersection.

Zara opened the door and slipped out of the stairwell. She never noticed the keypad on the stairwell wall.

This floor felt different right from the start and Zara was curious, so she began exploring. 'Maybe it's for the staff.' She thought. 'Then there must be some food down here!'

She found a small lounge. It was boring, but she found a couple of bananas. She scooped them up and peeled one. She was eating the first one when she came to a strange looking room. It reminded her of Atlantis.

There were a lot of buttons, dials, and blinking lights. She didn't understand any of it. She looked at the large consoles, and kept wandering. She came upon this strange looking console. It stuck out of the floor at an odd angle. When she came around to the other side, her jaw dropped open. There was a glass door and inside the console was a man!

He was sleeping in there!

She knocked on the glass but he didn't wake up. It felt cold to her, and she wondered why it was cold.

Then she walked around a little further and saw that his left arm was missing!

She jumped back!

He was dressed all in white.

Something in her mind clicked at that moment, a memory, several memories all rose up and converged on her at once. 'He's an ANGEL!'

She patted the door but couldn't figure out how to open it. 'Why are they keeping him prisoner in here? Why would they do such a thing?' She thought to herself.

She heard the voices from the stairwell and they were coming closer. Panicking, she fled as quickly and as quietly as possible. She found the stairwell and struggled her way back up to her floor. She didn't stop until she got to her room and closed the door. She ate the second banana and took two pills to settle her stomach using the water from the bathroom sink. She climbed into bed, but sleep did not come easily.

When Adama came to visit on Saturday, she asked him if he believed in angels.

"Of course I do. Apollo, Sheba, Starbuck and Boomer all saw angels while they were out on a mission. I believe it led us on the path that brought us here."

'I saw an angel a couple of days ago.'

"You did? Good for you!"

'He was beautiful.'

"All angels are beautiful."

'Radek showed me a story on his laptop that told all about angels, but there was so much, I didn't get to read it all. I just read parts of it.'

"Perhaps the Captain can incorporate a lesson on angels into your studies." He called Steve over.

"Yes?"

"Zara says she saw an angel. Someone from Atlantis was talking to her about angels, perhaps you can further her along with a lesson?"

"I'd be happy to. I'll look up some stuff and we'll talk about it. Has she had any particular lessons on religion?"

Adama raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't go too deep into any religious studies unless she asks a specific question."

"No problem."

Later that day, Steve looked online for anything related to angels. He found a lot. He was deciding how best to pare it down when Sam walked in. He did a double take as he passed by the monitor. "Angels?"

Sam took a seat. "Why the interest?"

"Oh, Zara apparently had a dream and thought she saw an angel. She was asking about angels and the commander asked if I could incorporate angels into a lesson."

"Good luck on that one."

"I know. He said not to get into any religious studies though, which I thought odd since they often go hand in hand."

"Maybe he doesn't want any one particular religion swaying her views on the world."

"Maybe, but I think I should mention something about it."

"Yeah, I guess, especially with Christmas coming up. She might ask questions."

"I'm not sure I'm the best person for this job, Sam. I mean, she does the work as best she can, but teaching her beyond reading, writing and arithmetic is not something I'm sure I can do."

"She doesn't appear to like anyone else, just do the best you can."

Zara slammed her hand on the table in anger. 'But I did see an angel! Why don't you believe me?'

"Ok, I believe you." Steve conceded.

'No, you don't! You're just saying that!' She got up and walked out of the lounge. She ignored Steve's calls, and when he stood up to walk after her, she fled in fear. So ended the lessons for the day. She closed herself in her room and didn't come out.

When Steve knocked on her door for lunch, she didn't answer. He tried the door and to his surprise it was unlocked! He cracked the door open, and called her. When she didn't answer, Steve shook his head. 'Of course she's not going to answer me, she doesn't speak. Idiot!' He pushed open the door further and leaned in. "Zara?"

She leapt up from the bed and made pushing away gestures. 'Go away!'

Steve ducked back out and she closed the door. She refused to come for lunch.

Steve felt bad. His first real failure with Zara.

She did come to dinner, but refused to look Steve in the eye for more than a microsecond. She wasn't happy, but Steve wasn't sure what she was feeling. He pondered whether or not he should say something to her. Sam's advice was to let it drop.

The next morning, Steve met her for breakfast as their usual routine. She just ate her bowl of cereal with her soymilk, took her pills, and sat there expectantly.

"Are you ready for your lessons?" Steve asked.

She glanced at him briefly and nodded, but her head was down and she twiddled her hands nervously.

"Ok, we have reading comprehension on today's schedule." He slid her bowl out of the way, and put her reading workbook in front of her. "Let's pick up at the page I've marked. "

She opened the book and stared at it patiently. Her head was down and her shoulders were slumped. She looked sad. She found her fingernails unusually interesting and rubbed one thumbnail over the other, something Steve noticed she had a habit of when she was anxious.

He took a deep breath, and slid the book to the side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She reached for the book, and brought it back. She grabbed the pen, and read the directions at the top of the page. She put a little check mark to show she'd read the directions.

Her eyes moved to the story and she read the whole thing without asking a single question. She held her pen over the lines at the bottom that had been provided for the answers. She twiddled with the pen as she thought and began printing. Her printing was getting better, but she still took a long time for her to write down her answers. She put a lot of thought into what she wanted to say before she wrote anything. It was if she wanted to be as brief as possible. She never gave more than asked.

When she was done, she turned the book around so Steve could review her work and give her a grade on it. She placed the pen down and folded her hands in her lap and just waited.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. You're right; I should have been more understanding. I'm sorry that didn't happen. I'm willing to listen."

The only response Steve got was that her incessant thumbnail rubbing picked up speed.

"I really am sorry. I always try to be honest. I find that honesty really is the best policy. I didn't give you a chance to express yourself, and that was wrong."

She grabbed the book back and began printing in the free spaces. When she filled up all the space, she flipped the book back around. She wrote over and over and over the same sentence. "I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything."

Steve sighed heavily. He knew things had just changed between them. As he began checking her work, he wondered if it could be fixed.

It was now just a week away from Christmas, and as a special treat, he presented Zara with a surprise. He said they could knock off lessons early, and she could have extra free time. She just nodded a dismal acknowledgement.

She had been withdrawn and agitated since that day. She just said she was tired whenever Steve asked her about her sloppy work.

The truth was that she was tired because she'd been getting up in the middle of the night and kept trying to go back downstairs.

When the door wouldn't open, she'd noticed the keypad. She tried pushing odd buttons, but nothing she did would let the door open. So she began staking out the door from the level up, and waited for someone to happen by, but no one did. She had to get back there, she just had to. She had to set the angel free. She thought maybe he was the one that was going to save her, to rescue her, after all that's what it said in the song. She thought if she could save him, he could save her. The song described him very clearly as the angel without a wing. She knew from Dr. Beckett an arm could be referred to as a wing. When Zara put all the pieces together, the man had to be an angel. In her mind, it made perfect sense.

Steve told her that they were all going to have a holiday the following week called Christmas. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head no. She'd already been through this last year, and just wanted to be left alone.

"It's customary to give presents, so I'm asking you what you want for Christmas."

She shook her head again.

"Surely there's something you've seen at the marketplace that you would like."

Another head shake.

"Well, I'm going to give you something anyway. I'd prefer it be something you'd like rather than something you don't."

With a huff, she looked up at him and signed. 'I don't want anything. I have everything I need.'

Steve persisted, and finally she signed again. 'You can't give me what I want. No one can.'

"I'll try."

Her hands slapped the table in anger, and she stared at him for the longest time. Then the tears started.

She signed. 'I want to feel safe.' And she got up and walked away.

Steve sat there speechless.