For those of you cheering for Juice and Olivia to make a more emotional connection, I think you'll be pleased with this chapter. :)

so who's to worry
if our hearts get torn
when that hurt gets thrown
don't you know this life goes on
and won't you kiss me
on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ain't this life so sweet
David Gray, "This Year's Love"

Juice's mom had kept him busy through the entire week of his suspension and basically wouldn't let him out of the house except for his shifts at TM. Olivia saw him some there, but other than that there was virtually no contact between them. They'd briefly chatted online Wednesday night, but she was keeping him off the computer, too. And the phone.

Olivia understood. She was lucky as hell her dad hadn't flipped out harder over the Ben thing and she was still allowed out of his sight.

But…

Something worried her. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she had this weird, nagging sense of unease. They had chances at work to spend time together, moments when they could sneak off somewhere or legit excuses, like she needed help getting a tire off a truck. One day Juice had been drafted to take a run to the taco truck, and she'd offered to go with him to help carry everything. He'd said no.

She couldn't shake the feeling that he was avoiding her.

Friday night had been…insane. Crazy. One of the most intense sexual experiences she'd ever had, and that was really fucking weird considering some of the stuff she'd done with Ben.

But it had been different with Ben. Good because he was good, and because he took his time and made sure she was enjoying it, then later good because he knew her and what she liked. Not that she hadn't been attracted to him and there hadn't been a spark between them, because duh. One doesn't seduce one's teacher, former or otherwise, unless there's attraction. At least not in Olivia's life philosophy.

With Juice it was more like…insta-heat. Intense and wild and the sort of thing that could breed a level of infatuation she didn't want.

It wasn't just that, though. She genuinely liked him. Once she'd finally let her guard down a little and gotten to know him, she realized he was…he was a dork, but in a cool way. He knew things about computers that hadn't even occurred to her before, and when he talked about hacking he got this look on his face…

She shook her head and ducked into her closet. She felt dumb about it, but Juice was due back at school today and she wanted to look cute. She had to find the right outfit: hey, I look cute but I didn't put a lot of effort into it but I did try a little because I wanted you to notice. It was a delicate balance, and she was all alone because she hadn't decided on the plan until about midnight last night.

Maybe she was wasting her time. If he were avoiding her a cute outfit wasn't going to change that. She hated feeling so discomfited. She'd never let a guy mix her up quite like this. TJ's mix-up had been completely different, but she knew she was feeling this way partly because of him. He'd undermined her confidence and sense of self in a way that one didn't bounce back from quickly.

If ever. But she hoped that wasn't the case here.

Juice liked her. She knew that. He wasn't lying or trying to say what he thought she wanted to hear. He was genuine and honest and so, so sweet it hurt sometimes. The thing he'd said about Katie, that looks didn't even come into it because Olivia was a better person and that's what mattered. He found her physically attractive; that was obvious; but it seemed like he liked her for more than that. He saw more than that. Olivia wasn't the type of pretty that controlled your life, that made it impossible for people to see or value anything else, but between her red hair and her big boobs, guys tended to pay more attention to her looks than she felt comfortable with.

She was being ridiculous. Paranoid. If he were avoiding her it was probably just because he was on such tight lockdown at home. Or maybe his mom had told him something weird like no talking to girls until you straighten up and fly right, young man!

She giggled at that idea. God he was so damn cute.

If only she'd explained the difference between him and Ben a little better. That was where things had gone wrong on Friday. He didn't really understand what it had been like between them, and she didn't like talking about it because it was their business, not anyone else's. But she thought now if she wanted to keep Juice—which she really, really did—she was going to have to stop being so guarded. She'd have to let him in, and further than she had already.

She laid some outfits on her bed and gave them a critical once-over. Discarded the dress she'd chosen. Now it was between shorts and tights or a skirt and tights. Either way, tights, both because she wanted to hide her scars and because apparently panties weren't enough of a barrier when it came to Juice Ortiz.

It felt weird, thinking about him like that: if she wanted to keep him. And she didn't mean it in a possessive way, but she'd never thought she'd be the type of girl to think of a guy like that at all. Guys (relationships in general, though she'd never really had one with a girl) came and went, and she never thought she'd be in a position to want to work to stop one from…going. Not that she thought Juice was going. Not exactly.

And it wasn't even a relationship anyway. Not in that sense. But it was enough of one that she felt the distance, and it hurt. Scared her a little, too, if she were being honest, because she wasn't entirely sure what had caused it. Ben? Sex? Her apparent inability to form a real connection with someone unless she'd known them at least a decade?

"Fuck it," she muttered. She gathered up the clothes and shoved them back in the closet. Skirt, no tights. Maybe the socks, though. He'd seemed to like the socks.

If Juice Ortiz wanted to avoid her, he was going to have one hell of a battle on his hands.

Olivia wasn't there when Juice got to school Thursday morning. Tara said she was running a little late, and honestly Juice was kinda relieved. He wanted to see her. They'd hardly had a second to themselves the whole week thanks to his mom's you're not in school so you might as well do this mile-long list of chores I put together for you plan of attack, and he'd missed her, but…

But what? He wasn't sure. Friday night had been one of the most incredible experiences of his life, and not just because of the sort-of sex. Just lying in bed with her and talking had been something completely new. He liked being with her. Making her laugh. Watching her face light up when she talked about the things she loved.

And she seemed to really listen to him, and care about what he said. She didn't get that glazed-eyed look when he talked about computers, and she asked questions. Like, smart ones, even though she claimed she wasn't any good with them. She didn't make him feel weird for liking math, and she knew as much about muscle cars than anyone he'd ever met.

So why the fuck had he been avoiding her for the last week? Maybe he just wanted to see how she would react. That was shitty and manipulative, and she deserved better. If he wanted to know how she felt he should just ask her. It wasn't like she'd mislead him at all: she'd told him from day one she didn't want to be his girlfriend, and he could back out if he wanted to.

He just hadn't realized how hard it would be. He wanted to hold her hand in public. Kiss her in front of everybody. Walk down the hall at school with her and have everybody know. He didn't want Katie Adams to ask him out, but if she did he wanted to be able to tell her he was with someone. That he was with Olivia Gable and she was worth about twenty of Katie Adams and maybe Katie should get a fuckin' clue and stop acting like she was God's gift to high school.

Olivia would love that. And probably scalp him for it.

It was Thursday, which meant they had shop together later. He could wait to see her then, or he could go find her during free period. It seemed stupid to wait. He wanted to see her; he just wasn't sure what to say. That'd probably only get worse the longer he avoided her. Free period, then.

He pushed open the shop door and crept inside. It was quiet. Empty? She wasn't here? He frowned and checked the break room. Nope, no Olivia. The torch was cool, her most recent sculpture shrouded. Where was she?

He heard the creak of the door and whipped around.

"Oh!" she said, startled. "I didn't know you were in here. Scared me."

"Oh," he echoed, a hard, stunned exhale as he blinked at her.

His eyes raked her from head to toe and back up again: maroon Doc Martens, black and white striped over-the-knee socks, black pleated skirt that was almost too short to pass dress code, fitted white button down. Her hair in tousled waves around her face and her lips painted the sexiest cherry red he'd ever seen. Some sort of smoky thing around her eyes that made the green seem to glow.

He thought she didn't wear makeup on shop days.

Her mouth curved. "You okay? You look spaced. You know you really shouldn't get stoned before school, Ortiz. You just got off suspension."

"Huh?" He gave a quick, sharp jerk of his head and somehow tore his gaze away from the white stretch of skin between the top of her socks and the bottom of her skirt. His brows drew together. "I don't smoke before school, Liv. You know that."

The grin deepened. "That's right. You're a Boy Scout. Honor roll and helping little old ladies cross the street."

"That's me," he said.

She sauntered closer, but stopped just short of touching him. "But we both know that's not quite true, don't we?" she murmured. "I have a very clear memory of Friday night, and—"

"I guess it just takes the right motivation," he said before she could go on.

She slid a hand up his chest to catch his shoulder and pull him into her. Her lips were so close to his ear he could feel the warm whisper of her breath. "I've got a pretty good idea of what motivates you, Juan Carlos."

He frowned. The feel of her pressed against him was incredibly distracting, but he wasn't stupid. Something was wrong here.

"Olivia, come on. You don't have to do this."

"Do what?" she said. She caught her lower lip between her teeth. "I've missed you, Ortiz. Can't stop thinking about you."

She chose her words very carefully, always, and the fact that she hadn't called him Juice or Juicy told him everything he needed to know. He felt exposed out here in the shop, so he took her hand and tugged her toward the break room. Locked the door behind them and turned to face her. She immediately wrapped her arms around him, and for just a second he forgot everything he'd just been thinking and let his hands skim along her sides.

"Wait," he said when she kissed his neck. "Baby, hang on. Wait, please."

She pulled back, nose scrunched. "What's the matter? Worried about lipstick stains? Don't worry; you won't have your clothes on for long."

"Olivia, no." He gripped her waist and gently pushed her away. "This isn't what I want."

She stood frozen a moment, her brow creased and her mouth soft, before her eyes flicked away and she swallowed. "Oh. Right. I—I should've taken the hint. Sorry, I—"

"Stop." He ran a frustrated hand down his face. "Stop pretending. Stop acting how you think I want you to be and just be you. I want you, Olivia. Do you get that? Just you."

There was a quiet moment while she stared at him. "I don't understand," she said, softly.

"I'm starting to get that."

She crossed her arms over her chest and dipped her head. "I don't know how to be any other way, Ortiz. You said Jax and Opie warned you. You said you knew better than to fall for me. This's me. This's who I am. It's not a cakewalk. It's not—it's not something you really want to be a part of."

He had no idea how to explain it to her, but he knew if he didn't at least try she'd walk out and maybe never speak to him again. "The girl I was with Friday night. The girl I was with under the pine trees. Hell, even the girl I was with the night I found you on the side of the road! That's the girl I—that's you, Liv. That's you without all this pretense and bullshit. You don't need it. Not with me."

She spun away. Ripped a tissue from the box on the table and scrubbed it across her mouth. "I am pretense and bullshit, Juice. It's all I've got."

"That's not true. I don't understand how you can't see—" He broke off with a scowl. She didn't even want him, not the way he wanted her, so why was he trying so goddamn hard?

"Why've you been avoiding me all week?" she said.

"Because I'm an idiot."

She turned toward him with a snort. "If I believed that I wouldn't be bothering."

He made a face. "I don't know, Liv."

They eyed each other across the space that separated them, and for a moment it felt like a gulf. He knew he had a choice to make: fight for her, fight past all her insecurities and reservations, or let her go. He had no idea if she'd ever feel the same way he did, but he thought, maybe, they were too good together to just give up.

He had to come clean with her or they wouldn't stand a chance.

"I like you so much," he finally said. "Friday was crazy and amazing, and I think about you all the time."

"But…?" she said when he hesitated.

"I know you don't like me, not the same way I—and I thought I was okay with it, and I am, mostly, but then you go and say we're chocolate cake and I don't know what to think."

A quick gesture stopped him. "Hang on," she said. "I'm confused. I like chocolate cake. I was trying to explain—"

"No, I know. I get what you meant about your thing with Mr. C being cotton candy, and I hope it doesn't weird you out when I say I was really glad to hear it. Like, relieved I guess. But the thing is, I don't wanna be chocolate cake with you."

She gave a slow blink. "I'm not following the metaphor anymore. Could you clarify for me?"

He let out a hard sigh. "Chocolate cake's great. My favorite, like I said. But it's still just dessert. It's not good for you. It doesn't fill you up. It's like a quick sugar high and then it's gone. You've got a sugar headache and kind of a tummy ache and you're wishing you hadn't had quite so much chocolate cake even though it was way good at the time."

Her mouth fell open. "Ohh…" she said. She shook her head a little. "So what do you want to be?"

"Pot roast."

"Pot roast?" she repeated, nonplussed.

"It's good. Like, comfort food. You eat pot roast and yeah okay maybe you're a little too full because you ate too much, but at the same time you feel really good because it's just like, yeah, pot roast."

She pressed a hand to her face to smother a laugh. Pot roast? Somehow she got what he meant, as out-there as it seemed, and her expression sobered as the implications sank in. "I've never…I have no idea how to do that, Juice. I've never been pot roast with somebody before."

"Yeah, me neither," he said with a rueful, self-deprecating smile.

His face went still and he stepped toward her. "I get you're scared, Livvie. I get you're goin' through some serious shit. I don't wanna put more pressure on you or make you do something you don't want. I do wanna be there for you. If you'd let me. Because you're cool and I laugh a lot when I'm with you and…I don't know. Even when I'm kinda frustrated with you you still make me…"

"Make you what?" she said. Her eyes were big and nervous, her body tense like she might bolt at any second.

"You make me happy, Olivia. Being with you, and I don't just mean sex so please don't think that, makes me happy. I want to make you happy, too."

Happy. She made him happy. Was it really that simple? She cleared her throat and brushed at her face. "You didn't say I'm cute or have a nice rack."

"What? You want me to say that, too? Okay. You're cute and have a nice rack. Your ass is good, too, and your legs look smokin' in those socks." He waved a hand. "All that's just stuff, Liv. Yeah, okay, I like looking at you, but if that's all it was I'd be fine with chocolate cake."

He reached for her, and when she didn't flinch or step back he cupped her face. Ran his thumb over her mouth and smiled a little. "Wish you hadn't taken it off. It's sexy when it's all smeared because I've been kissing you."

The roughness in his voice sent a shiver through her. She drifted closer. "Who says you would've been kissing me?"

"Just a hunch I had. Maybe I was wrong."

His dark gaze was steady, warming, and she felt a flush spread across her cheeks.

"You really like my socks?"

"They're awesome," he said without dropping her eyes.

"I wore them for you. Stupid, I guess. I don't usually do things like that."

He broke out in a grin. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. You scared me, Juicy. I know it seems like what we did Friday was no big deal to me, or easy or something, but that's not true. It meant something. It actually meant a lot, and it was a huge deal. The reason I don't want to have sex with you has more to do with me than you, and it's because I'm just not ready. That probably sounds ridiculous, considering."

"No it doesn't." He brushed his hand back through her hair. "I'm not sure I'm ready, either."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

He blushed. "I know. Especially after the last time we were in here together, right?" His mouth twisted and he shrugged. "It's weird, because if you'd asked me a few weeks ago I'd be down as hell. But I guess you sorta changed my mind."

"I made you not want to have sex with me?"

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. "Okay, so that came out wrong. I just meant…I like what we're doing. I like taking it in steps. Yeah, it might be a weird line to draw considering what we did Friday, but it's not the same thing."

"The importance of vaginal penetration is really over-inflated in Western culture," she said.

He let out a huff, half amused half frustrated. "You gotta stop thinking so hard about everything."

"I can't help it. It's just the way I'm wired."

"Yeah, and I'm wired to do stupid shit because I don't ever think it through. So maybe we can help each other out a little bit."

Her face clouded as she remembered what Tara had said to her that day: you smooth each other's rough edges. She'd never wanted her rough edges smoothed before. She'd never wanted someone close enough to even really see her rough edges.

"What'd I say?"

His voice brought her back, but only kind of vaguely. "What?"

"Your face got weird. Sorta freaked out. What'd I say?"

"Nothing," she said. She focused on him again. "I just realized something, that's all."

"Something good?"

She smiled, slow and sweet. "I think so."

He couldn't help but grin back. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Please," she said.

His free hand slid around her waist and he pulled her against him. He studied her face like he'd never seen it before, or like he was trying to memorize it. Her smile turned teasing, and her eyes drifted down to his mouth.

"You gonna make me beg, Ortiz?" she murmured.

"There's an idea," he said. "No. I just like lookin' at you."

"You said that already."

"I guess I really meant it."

He lowered his head and she lifted up and they met somewhere in the middle. His fingers tightened in her hair and her arms curled over his shoulders. His lips parted to let her tongue brush against his. The spark roared to life with a vengeance. He must have felt it, too, because he groaned a little and squeezed her ass. Let go with a frustrated growl to run his hand under her skirt.

She jerked back and he cursed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"No, it's fine. That's fine. I just—I really want to be making out with you right now. I really want your hand up my skirt. It's why I wore the damn thing after all. I'm still just a little unclear on a few things, and I'd like to get them straightened out before I forget."

"Okay," he said. He looked kind of fuzzy-eyed. She pulled his hand off her ass and moved it back up to her hip.

"Tell me what you want, Ortiz. From me. Try not to use food metaphors. I need to make sure I know what page you're on even if I'm not quite there with you."

"Oh." It was good she'd moved his hand, because honestly the first thing that popped into his head when she asked him what he wanted was my face buried in your cunt, but he figured that wasn't what she meant.

"I'm not going to freak out," she said at his hesitation. "I promise."

He took a deep breath and plunged in. "I want people to know about us. I'm all for keeping things private; it's nobody's fucking business what we do; but I don't want to hide. Secrets suck, Liv. They always come out and somebody gets hurt somehow. We at least need to tell our friends because it feels weird keepin' it from them."

"Tara already knows."

"Yeah, I know," he said, dryly. "She made that clear on Friday." He paused. "She also said if I tried to push you you'd run the other way. Am I pushing you, Liv?"

She was biting her lip again, but after a moment she shook her head and managed a smile. "No, Juicy. I just—I wanna be sure you know what you could be in for. My reputation is so fucked up. It'll drag you down. People will talk shit about you. They'll talk shit to you. It sucks, and I don't want you to think any of it'll be easy."

"Olivia, how many times do I have to tell you I don't care about all that?"

"I know you don't, but—"

"You do."

"I do." She lifted a hand in a shrug. "I try not to. And if it were just me it wouldn't matter as much, but I don't want you to have to put up with it. It shouldn't be something you have to take on."

He pressed his forehead against hers. "Clue it in, Olivia. I want to take it on. I want to take you on, which is kind of a scary thought to be honest."

Her face scrunched. "I'm not that bad."

"You kinda are. Which weirdly is part of what I like so much about you."

She lifted a brow. "You love a challenge."

"I really the fuck do."

Her eyes drifted shut, and it was a long time before she opened them again. "Okay," she said.

"Okay…? Okay what?"

"Okay we'll stop keeping it a secret. I'm still not sure I can be your girlfriend, like your actual, full-on girlfriend, but—"

"That's okay. I'm really good with the way things are. I just need to know…I don't want other guys lookin' at you, Olivia."

"You're with the wrong girl, Ortiz," she said with a snort. "That ship sailed months ago."

"I know. But I guess maybe I don't want other girls lookin' at me, either. I want people to know we're otherwise occupied."

It surprised a laugh out of her. "You that scared of Katie Adams?"

"More scared you'll get suspended for pulling her hair out by the roots and then your dad will send you to boarding school and I'll never see you again."

"And you say you don't think things through." The dimple appeared in her chin and her bright eyes danced. "You're quite the catch, you know. Cute new guy who broke up with Dana Riley for reasons unknown and hangs out with Jax Teller and Opie Winston? You could have just about any girl in this school."

"Ha," he said, clearly embarrassed. "That's crazy."

"Maybe. Doesn't make it any less true."

"There's only one girl I want, Olivia. If you don't want me back I'll figure out a way to deal, but you gotta know you're the only girl I think about."

"Of course I want you back. I keep telling you that." She stopped short as everything suddenly snapped into focus. Of course. Wow she was an idiot sometimes.

She told him that over and over, and then insisted that they keep their relationship a secret. She told him she wanted him and then turned around and made it look like she didn't want him enough to tell people about it. She'd kept Ben a secret, too, because she had something to hide. So what must Juice think about why she wouldn't tell anyone about them? No matter what she said to the contrary it looked like she was ashamed, and it made all the words in the world ring hollow.

"I'm a jerk, Ortiz. Like a real, full-on jerk. We can tell anyone you want. Everybody. Cut down a forest and wallpaper the place in flyers."

"Let's not go overboard," he said. "I'm just talkin' about a little hand-holding and maybe the occasional public kiss."

"My dad will think you're my boyfriend if we start that nonsense."

"Just tell him you're using me for sex and I got demanding."

She laughed, free and golden, and her eyes narrowed as they locked on his. "You're so goddamn cute, Juicy."

"Yeah, yeah."

But she could tell it thrilled him to hear it.

"Sexy, too," she murmured as her mouth found his.

"You just want me for my body, Gable. I know the truth."

"Your face is nice, too."

"Oh. Well that's okay then."

They both grinned like idiots.

"We should get out of here before I jump you," she said.

"You jump me? You're the one who wore an outfit specifically calculated to make me drool."

"Did it work?" she said, her eyes big and innocent.

"Not even close," he said as he nodded yes.

"Then we should definitely get out of here."

"Wait, before we go." He frowned and looked down at his boots. Maybe he should just quit while he was ahead.

"What? Don't stop now."

"I was wondering if you're gonna go on the camping thing this weekend."

It was a three-day weekend, so Jax and Opie had gotten it in their heads to go to Opie's dad's cabin. She and Tara had told Donna's parents there was a youth retreat with church, and they'd even printed up a permission slip for it. That was a lot of effort for her to bail now.

"Yeah, Ortiz. I'm going camping. Are you?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Why wouldn't I want you to come camping with our group of friends? That would be weird."

"No, I just mean—it'll be Tara and Jax and Donna and Opie, so we're gonna get stuck together a lot. If that's gonna be awkward for you I can stay home. I'm sure my mom can find some more shit for me to do," he said and rolled his eyes.

She pulled his face down for a long kiss. "I don't know, babe. Being stuck alone in the woods with you doesn't sound half bad."

"Yeah?" he breathed.

"I think we can figure out how to make the best of it. Don't you? The mind fair boggles at all the possibilities."

He nodded, his eyes big. Then, "I can't believe your dad is letting you go."

"Oh, he thinks Donna's parents are going." She pressed a finger to her lips. "Don't tell."

"I'd never."

He tangled his fingers in her hair and captured her mouth. She nibbled his lip. Sucked on it. He pulled back a little and watched her face as he started to unbutton her shirt.

"Juicy, what are you doing?"

"I just wanna see," he said, his voice rough.

"See what?"

He undid only the first few buttons, then spread it open. His mouth curved in a cocky half-smile and he lowered his head to brush a kiss over the fading mark he'd left Friday night.

"That," he said. "Maybe I'll make another one on the other side sometime soon."

"And maybe I'll let you," she said, sweetly. She stepped back and fixed her top. "Come on, Ortiz. Let's get out of here so I can start showing you off to everybody."

He laced his fingers through hers and grinned down at her. "Lead on, beautiful."

Nice of Olivia to finally clue in. Poor girl. Like Tara said, she may be smart about a lot of things, but when it comes to relationships she really has no idea.

I spent yesterday doing a bit of plotting/outlining, but getting it all organized and on the page might be a bit of a challenge. Any reviews or encouragement you guys wanted to throw my way would really help a lot. :) And for those of you who have, thank you! I appreciate and love every one of you.