Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters end up in are the product of my own imagination. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy this latest chapter.

Note: Congrats to .ixos., the only person who apparently realized why I chose the name Atticus Finch for Christopher's lawyer, and the significance of it. To the rest of you, go rent "To Kill A Mockingbird" and thank me later with reviews lol.

You're So Funny

As they walked back into the castle Al could clearly see that Scorpius was still disturbed by what had been said about his family. And Scorpius being a typical teenager Al had a pretty good idea where Scorpius's mind was at the moment. It amused him personally, because no one reved his own engine the way Scorpius did with just a smile.

Laying a hand on the man's shoulder Al gave Scorpius a look of understanding, hiding his amusement so that Scorpius wouldn't take offense or disbelieve him. "Don't look so worried, you'll be aces in bed."

Scorpius's whole face went red as a tomato, especially since the only person he'd ever truly wanted to sleep with was the one telling him he'd be aces in bed.

"And why would you think that?" Domi asked, genuinely curious as she gave her cousin a disbelieving look. To her, the only thing Malfoys ever seemed to be passionate about was hating Muggles. The rest of the time they were pretty cool, uninteresting customers. She sure as hell had never wanted to sleep with one of them.

Al paused to give his cousin a 'not helping' look before turning his attention back to Scorpius, squeezing the other man's shoulder before letting him go. "Because he's Iceland." Al announced, winking at Scorpius before jamming his hands into his pockets, just in case they got the idea to touch the other man again.

Albus and Gellert caught on pretty quick but it took Scorpius a while to remember what he knew about that particular country. He'd never been there, but he did recall having vacation plans ruined once because of…volcanic activity. Iceland had a great deal many underground volcanoes. Its name was incredibly misleading.

He was Iceland.

Going even redder in the face as he figured out what Al had meant by the comparison Scorpius was as much embarrassed as he was flattered.

"Well if he's Iceland than what am I?" Domi wanted to know, also getting the comparison after a moment of contemplation. Since Al was the one who'd snogged the Malfoy plenty of times in the past, Domi supposed he would know better than most the man's heat generating abilities. But if he was Iceland than she sure as hell better be a hotter country.

Al didn't even have to think about it. "You're Mexico."

Domi grinned, approving of the choice. "Hot, spicy and with plenty of bite. That works for me, my Caribbean cousin."

Grinning back at her Al agreed with Domi as well. He loved sand, sun, and water. Especially when you put those three together. His cousin knew him so very well. But if Scorpius was Iceland, Domi was Mexico, and he was a Caribbean, what were the other two members of their current group.

Everyone thinking about that Albus finally offered up a suggestion for Gellert. "You're sorta like Canada. But just in terms of their climate only. Politically speaking you couldn't be any more different. Actually, it might be criminal for me to compare you to it. If Canadians weren't so nice they'd probably be pretty vocal and pissed off."

"I'm pretty pissed off to be compared to them too."

Albus's lips twitched. "I said climate wise, Gellert. Most people think Canada is year round winter where people live in igloos and hunt polar bears all day. Take it from me, what Americans believe about Canadians would have even you rolling around on the ground laughing."

"Don't even get me started on the American bashing." Rolling his eyes Gellert cocked his head to the side. "So you're saying I'm someone who seems cold to pretty much everyone when in fact I'm not completely." A slow, rather salacious smile crossed the man's face. "Actually, as I recall, the northern parts of Canada are pretty much cold all year round, the north being my head in this case. While on the other hand the southern parts of the country, which would be below my belt, can get pretty damn hot as I recall."

Albus's face went as red as his hair while Al and Domi laughed at the way Gellert had twisted Albus's words, even Scorpius cracking a smile.

"But what country is Alby?" Domi asked when she was done laughing so hard she'd feared damaging her ribs.

Everyone thought hard, but no one could come up with the perfect country for Albus. They all agreed to think about it and reconvene during dinner to brainstorm some more.

)

Going their separate ways after lunch Al headed back towards their dorm room, unable to get their early conversation out of his head. And so, upon his arrival, Al climbed up into his bed, retrieved his cell phone, and dialed the home number for the Tonks/Lupin household. As he'd hoped Andromeda was the one to pick up.

After the usual chit chat and family updates Al got to the point of his call. "The reason I'm calling, Dromeda, is because I have an…unusual question for you. I was wondering if your sister…before you and Scorpius's grandmother stopped talking to each other…if she ever told you why Malfoys never have siblings."

"And you want to know why, may I ask?"

"Well because some people and I were talking and we came up with all these theories and it got me to thinking…and you know how my curiosity is. I was just wondering if there was some proven reason, like all the inbreeding or a history of miscarriages."

Andromeda's amusement could be heard through the phone. "I'm pretty sure those last two aren't the reasons. Though too much inbreeding can play a role in that area, birth defects are far more likely. Not that anyone in the know would argue that Lucius is one big birth defect."

Al had to laugh at that. "I certainly wouldn't argue with that."

"What sort of theories did you and your friends come up with? You've got me curious now."

Al began to describe the various theories, not getting very far before Andromeda broke into hysterical laughter, cutting him off in mid sentence. Giving up on trying to continue the conversation after his attempts to calm her down failed Al opted to simply enjoy the sound of her laughter through the phone's earpiece. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard the woman laugh with such unrestrained joy. It was damn nice to hear.

He was ready to give up and try calling her back later when Teddy's voice came over the phone, his older brother wanting to know why his grandmother was practically hyperventilating with laughter. So of course Al began to sum up the conversation for Teddy but didn't get much farther with his god brother before Teddy was laughing as hard as Andromeda was.

Al was about to hang up the phone in amused frustration when a new voice came over the phone. "Hello?"

He recognized the voice straight away and had to smile. "Hi, Flora. How's my favorite girl?"

"Hi, Uncle Al, I'm as goody goody as a gumdrop. Uncle Al, how come Daddy and GG are laughing so much? GG's sitting on the floor and Mommy can't get Daddy to breathe long enough to tell her. She's real worried."

"I just told them a really funny joke, that's all."

"A knock knock joke? I like knock knock jokes. Or is it about the stupid chicken that likes to cross roads and go splat? Will you tell me the joke too, Uncle Al? Unless it's about the chicken, I don't like those. I don't think him getting hit by cars is funny."

That was the great thing about four year olds, Al thought as his smile widened. What came out of their mouths was always either entertaining or thought provoking.

It took Al a moment or two to think of a joke that was both easy to follow and age appropriate since he hadn't told any of those in a long while. But he remembered a few from his own childhood that would work. "Well, Flora…what does a ghost say when he's upset?"

"Uhmmm…well Uncle Nicky blames Peeves or that guy who didn't cuts his head off right."

Lips twitching Al had to laugh. "No, he says Boo-hoo-hoo."

It took a moment but she got it, Al could hear Flora's delighted laughter through the phone. Then Victoire got on and demanded to know what was going on before he sent her daughter into hysterics as well.

"I'd tell you but then you'd start laughing and then there'd be no one in any shape to look after your precocious munchkin." Al informed her with a chuckle, hearing Flora in the background trying to tell her mother the joke he'd just taught her. "Just tell Dromeda to send me a letter answering my question when she feels up to it. If it's not too much trouble."

After his cousin had agreed to pass the message along Al told her to call her mother for some important news before bidding Victoire a hasty adieu. If he told her what had happened to Domi earlier himself Al knew his ears would be made to suffer big time. His Veela cousins could hit decimal levels never before heard by human men when they were pissed off and Victoire was so going to be pissed off.

He was glad he was going to miss it.

)

By dinner time no one had come up with a country that perfectly suited Albus, but that didn't bother the man any. Albus was content to simply be himself as he ignored everyone's continued debate as to what country suited him best. He was busy working away in between bites anyway, scribbling away on a notepad in deep concentration.

To Gellert's amusement he found out that Scorpius hadn't been joking about the redhead's habit of singing when he was deep in thought. Albus was just humming in this case, but it was still music of a sort and new to him. Propping his head on his hand Gellert enjoyed the sound while Albus remained oblivious to his audience.

"What's he humming?" Domi asked, seeing Gellert's interest.

"Bette Davis Eyes, I think." Al informed her after listening to the tune for a moment. And realizing that Albus wouldn't like the idea of humming in front of Gellert Al shook the redhead's shoulder until Albus turned his head and blinked owlishly at him through his glasses. "You were humming."

Cheeks flushing Albus gave Al a grateful look. "Sorry."

"What are you working on so hard?" Gellert asked, genuinely curious. Albus had actually looked like he was expending some mental energy so it definitely wasn't schoolwork the man was doing.

"Oh, catching up on my crosswords. I make them for a magazine called 'Veela'."

"It's my sister's magazine." Domi added, butting in before Albus could elaborate. "She started it two years ago. Albus does crosswords for it and no one can finish them which is why she gets him to do them for her. It's this huge ploy because we offer a reward if you can complete one of them in under three hours. People buy it just so that they can try and win the cash prize. No one's ever come close. Not that that's the only reason why people buy the magazine of course. It's the most amazing thing ever and it's going to become the most popular woman's magazine in the Wizarding World before long. Buy stock in it now." She added with a wink in Gellert's direction.

Interested Gellert reached out and picked up the notepad, reading the clues and the boxes Albus had sketched out. "And people have a hard time with this?" He asked with a sneer, looking at Albus from over top of the pad.

"Your ego is showing just a little." Al drawled, as he scooped up some peas. He personally had never been stupid enough to even try one of those lethal crosswords.

Albus's smiled a little as he retrieved the pad to continue his task. "He doesn't know how not to." But he did aim a look in Gellert's direction. "Don't get the magazine just so you can show everyone up, okay? Victoire doesn't have a lot of money to spend because of production costs and the prize money would leave a real dent in the company's account."

"Well he'd have to get ahold of a copy soon." Domi pointed out, pointing her fork in Gellert's direction. "Her subscribers are all in England at the moment. And beside, with the money Teddy says that ugly Hippogriff is going to bring in Victoire thinks she might be able to actually hire help instead of just using us family and friends. But still…leave the crossword alone, Stalanski."

"Your sister is the owner of 'Veela'?"

The five turned and looked in the direction of the table behind Al and Scorpius where a girl about their age was looking at them in excitement, her eyes wide and completely focused on them.

"You know my sister's magazine?"

Soon Domi and the girl were talking at length about the magazine, the Durmstrang student expressing interest in becoming one of those new, paid employees. The two women discussed the idea and Domi promised to write to her sister and ask her if she couldn't come and interview the girl sometime soon if she was hiring.

"And ask her to bring Flora with her." Scorpius told her as he buttered a roll. When Domi gave him a look he shrugged. "I don't get to see her that often and besides, she really wanted to meet Christopher."

Al smiled, imagining the werewolf's surprise when he met the world's number one werewolf fan. One of Flora's all time beefs with the fates was that they hadn't made her a werewolf like her grandfather. She actually thought she'd been jipped. "That would be an interesting meeting."

Everyone agreed and Domi promised to pass along the request, thinking that maybe her little niece could soften Christopher's attitude towards her somehow.

But that was probably too much to ask.

)

Arms wrapped around his waist Christopher looked and felt like death warmed over. He could feel the tug of the moon already, even though the full moon wasn't yet high enough to trigger his change from man to beast. Dominique Weasley would probably argue that he was a beast no matter what form he was in, Christopher thought with a half smile that disappeared as quickly as it had come. His grandfather had arrived to see him and that was never a good thing. Casper Worden was not the type to just drop in on anyone, much less when his grandson was shortly going to prove glaringly why he would never be able to take over the family business.

Approaching the door to the library Christopher's nose wrinkled when he recognized the scent of his uncle's cologne. Not good, definitely not good, Christopher thought as he reached out to knock on the door. When he was told to enter Christopher stepped in and carefully closed the door behind him, keeping his arms at his side.

He never showed weakness to his grandfather or uncle if he could help it.

"Take a seat beside your father."

Doing what his grandfather ordered without question Christopher took a seat beside his father, not surprised that his grandfather had commandeered his father's desk and chair. His grandfather would always take center stage so to speak.

"Mr. Finch had to go on an errand for me earlier today." Casper Worden began, not the type to beat around the bush. "That errand involved you, Christopher."

If he hadn't already been pale Christopher would have lost all color in his drawn face. Not good. Definitely not good. He couldn't think of anything he'd done recently that he could be penalized for but that never stopped the Division before. Making up reasons to kill werewolves was one of their specialties. Why else would Finch have been called in?

Patting his son's hand in sympathy Christopher's father turn his attention to his own father, his worry plain for everyone to see. "Who brought the charges against Christopher? We can buy them off, can't we? Everyone can be bought, right?"

Normally Christopher was rather disgusted with his father's habit of buying people off to get what he wanted but in this case he was behind his father one hundred percent.

"They refused to be bought off when Finch offered them compensation. Just as they refused to press charges against you, Christopher." Ignoring his son's sighs of relief Casper turned his attention to the only grandson he had worth the money it had cost him to educate the boy. Too bad he was a werewolf and therefore useless to him. "Apparently it's going around that you've been sleeping with an exchange student at your school. The Aurors tried to get her to sign documents stating you forced her into it but she refused. She and her mother got quite violent from what Finch told me. Gave Krostoff two black eyes from what I heard."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww!" Christopher's father exclaimed in delight, clapping his hands in front of him. "My little boy has a girlfriend!"

In unison Christopher and his grandfather rolled their eyes, sharing a look of mutual, resigned understanding.

Why oh why couldn't it have been his son who lost his ability to speak, Casper thought wearily as he shook his white head in exasperation. Life would have been so much simpler for everyone if that had been the case.

He knew Christopher would agree.