A/N. Well, despite the oncoming migraine I have, I am in a good mood. Because for the first time I my life I have a real spring break. I have absolutely nothing due this week! And the due date for my essay on 'The Odyssey' got pushed back a full week. YES. So. I don't own anything.

"Kendall?"

Kendall jumped at the sound of Logan's soft voice and hurriedly turned to look at his friend. "What's up, buddy?" He asked gently, trying to ignore the ever present look of confusion on the other boy's face.

Logan sighed and rested his head on Kendall's shoulder, smiling a little when he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. "I miss my mommy and daddy." He admitted quietly, tears pooling his in deep brown eyes.

Kendall's throat tightened and he had to blink back tears from his own eyes when he saw how upset Logan was about his parents. Before the accident, Logan would hardly ever speak about his mother or his father because it just hurt him to much to do so. It made him miss them more. He also never wanted to trouble anyone with his grief and so he mostly kept his true feeling locked deep inside of himself. But now, all those long held back feelings and tears were coming to the surface in Logan's extreme vulnerability. Part of Kendall was glad that his friend was more open but the rest of him knew it was only because of the tragic circumstances.

"Why did they have to die?"

The question brought Kendall out of his inner musings and he glanced at Logan, a sigh escaping him. How in the world was he supposed to answer that question? "I don't know, Logan." He finally said, deciding that it would only make things worse if he tried to attempt at a deeper answer. "It's not fair, is it?"

Logan shook his head, the tears in his eyes beginning to fall. "I want them here with me." He said in a broken hearted whisper. "I'm scared, Kenny."

One of the hardest parts about dealing with Logan's situation was the childlike nicknames he often used. Kendall could still remember a time when they all used them without a second thought. "Carlitos" and "Logie" had stuck while "Kenny" and "Jamie" were the ones that faded when the boys matured a little. "Jamie" had been exchanged for the occasional "Jay" while Kendall had simply lost a nickname all together. He used to be jealous of the fact that he was really the only one without a nickname but now it hurt to hear his all over again, spoken with such earnestness. "Why are you scared, Logie?" He asked, automatically reverting back to Logan's own nickname because it had always made him feel better.

A tiny sob shook Logan's whole frame and he buried his face into Kendall's shoulder, gripping onto his shirt with one hand. "They made me feel safe." He said quietly. Then, as if sensing that he might have hurt Kendall's feelings, "You make me feel safe too but what if they take me away from you?"

Kendall frowned, not understanding. "Who would take you away from us, Logie? We adopted you. You're not going anywhere."

"Are you sure?" Logan asked, sounding slightly more cheerful.

"Of course." Kendall assured him, wondering where the irrational thought had even come from. "Besides, they have no reason to take you away. We take good care of you, right?"

A small smile eased onto Logan's tear-stained face and he nodded. "The best." He said, releasing Kendall's shirt with his hand but moving closer at the same time. "I'm really happy that you're my big brother 'cause you're the best big brother. And I love Katie and my new mommy too. But I still miss my old mommy and now I don't have a daddy at all."

If things had been normal, Kendall wouldn't have had a problem with telling Logan that he was better off anyway without his father who had all but abandoned him after Mrs. Mitchell died. He might have said that he was glad Ryan Mitchell had died so that they could adopt him. Things were just better that way. But Logan's memory had obviously been affected in such a way that he couldn't remember those days he spent alone at only eight years old because his father was in the office all day. And for that, Kendall couldn't help but be a little grateful. "You have us." He said, not knowing what else he could possibly tell Logan.

"Uh-huh." Logan nodded and sighed deeply. "I'm happy but I'm also sad. I remember when my mommy used to sing to me at night and when my daddy would tell me stories that he made up."

Kendall tensed. They had all been too young when Logan's mother died, changing his home life drastically. They had never asked Logan about what things had been like before because the subject was too painful for him. But now, Logan obviously needed someone to listen and Kendall couldn't help but be curious about learning of the part of his friend's life that he had never known. "Oh yeah?" He asked, waiting for Logan to go on.

"Yup. Mommy sang me lullabies. Sometimes she made up her own and sometimes she sang ones that everyone knows. And my daddy told the best stories. Mommy always told me that he should write his own book with stories but he said he wanted us to be the only ones to know them. He said it was our little secret."

In all honesty, Kendall had no clear memory of Mr. Mitchell being a good father. He had vague, blurred, and confused memories but that was all. Logan's words were so foreign to him that he doubted them a little before he remembered what his own parents used to say. That Ryan Mitchell had indeed once been a wonderful father. "Do you-" He broke off when his voice cracked slightly and swallowed hard before trying again. "Do you remember any of them, Logan?"

"The stories?" Logan tilted his head to watch Kendall nod. "Yeah, I do. But I'm not gonna tell you because they're still me and my daddy's secrets."

A laugh escaped Kendall and he nodded again. "Okay, buddy. That's fair to me."

"My daddy also taught me how to skate." Logan said then, bringing up one of the clearer memories that Kendall had of so long ago when everything had been perfect. "That's how we all met. Remember?"

"Of course I remember." Kendall said with a real smile. "That was the best day ever."

Logan nodded in agreement. "But Kenny, I don't know if I remember how to skate." He said with a frown. "What am I going to do?"

"I'll teach you, remember?" Kendall promised. "I'm going to teach you how to skate and how to climb a tree and how to fish-"

"What else?" Logan asked, looking eager at the mention of all the fun things that awaited him after his recovery.

"Let's see," Kendall pretended to be in deep thought. "I'll teach you how to hit a baseball because baseball is a cool game to play too. I'll teach you how. . ." He trailed off, stumbling slightly, but rushed on when he saw Logan waiting expectantly. "I'll teach you how to read the best books and how to tell time and-"

"So all of the things that I used to know but forgot?" Logan guessed hopefully.

Tears stung Kendall's eyes but he refused to let them fall. "Yeah. Does that sound good?"

All traces of sadness were gone from Logan's face. "Yeah," He said, completely content. "I can't wait to get better." He gestured to his broken leg stretched out before him. "Then we can have lots of fun together. You and me and Jamie and Carlos. Just the way it used to be."

Kendall looked away quickly and wiped furiously at the tears that had insisted on falling. "Yeah," He echoed Logan. "Just the way it used to be."

"Why are you sad if I'm getting better?" Logan asked, instantly catching sight of Kendall's tears.

Because you're not really getting better and we can't go back to the way things were ever again. Kendall didn't dare speak aloud until he had better control of his emotions. "I'm just sad that you had to get hurt in the first place." He said, working hard to keep his voice steady.

A worried frown crossed Logan's face. "Like James?" He guessed. "He's sad all the time. Is that why he has to go to a doctor all the time? To make him happy?"

James. Kendall didn't think it was possible to forgive himself for the damage he did to his other friend. He was supposed to be the protector and instead his actions had nearly torn them apart from one another. He was the reason James was at another session with his counselor with Carlos waiting for him so he wouldn't be alone. "Kind of." He answered Logan reluctantly, knowing that the less he knew about what was really going on, the better.

"You and James," Logan said with a sigh. "You should be more happy like me and Carlos."

And that brought up yet another issue that had been weighing heavily in the back of Kendall's mind for weeks now. Carlos had been far too strong for way too long. He had changed from an innocent, care-free and fun-loving teenager to an adult since the accident. As proud as Kendall was, he was also extremely worried because deep down he knew that there was no way Carlos was really as strong as he appeared to be. It was only a matter of time before-

"Hey, guys." At that moment, James and Carlos walked through the apartment door followed by Mrs. Knight and Katie who had gone out to run errands at the grocery store.

"You're all home at the same time!" Logan proclaimed in delight.

"Yeah, good timing, huh?" Carlos asked as he seated himself on the floor, in front of Logan. "What did you two do while we were all gone?"

"Um," Logan's brow furrowed in concentration. "We had lunch. Kendall made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then we played Candyland because that's my favorite game. I was the little red man 'cause red is my favorite color. I won."

"Nice," Carlos reached up to meet Logan's hand in a high-five. "Anything else?"

Logan shrugged. "Nope. We talked. And now you're all home! Can we play Candyland again?"

"Sure," James spoke then and retrieved the children's board game from the top shelf where Kendall had placed it. From memory of their earlier days he handed Kendall the blue piece, Carlos the green piece, Logan the red piece, while keeping the yellow piece for himself.

But Carlos sat frozen, staring at the game piece in his hands. He seemed lost in thought, oblivious to Logan's enthusiasm and Kendall's and James' concern. Finally, he spoke in a voice that sounded like someone had taken him by the shoulders and was shaking him roughly. "I. . . I'm tired." He watched as Logan looked at him in confusion and rushed on to finish before his tears fell. "I think. . . I'm going to take a nap. Why don't you play with James and Kendall for now?"

"Well," Logan looked doubtful at the prospect of just the three of them playing. "Okay," He reached over and patted Carlos' arm "Sweet dream!" He said brightly.

Carlos bit down on his bottom lip so hard that he tasted blood. With every ounce of his failing self-control he smiled back at Logan and whispered a thanks before stumbling to his feet and hurrying off to his bedroom. He closed the door quietly behind him and then sank down on his bed, drawing his knees to his chest and pressing a pillow to his face to muffle the oncoming sobs. At first he merely shook, making no noise at all. But then he heard the door open and close again and felt the mattress dip under a new weight. He felt a strong pair of arms wrap around him tightly and he opened his eyes to see fading scars on pale skin. Then the flood gates opened and Carlos cried harder than he had ever cried in his entire life as James held him.

James didn't say anything. He knew from personal experience that no words would bring the comfort Carlos needed now. Instead he simply tightened his hold on Carlos and let his own tears fall. One trembling hand ran in clumsy circles on Carlos' back while the other rested gently on the back of his head. He felt tears soaking into the shoulder of his t-shirt but he didn't move an inch.

"I'm s-sorry." Carlos finally stammered out in between his slowing sobs. He tried to pull away but didn't protest when the arms around him tightened, holding him firmly in place.

"Don't be sorry, Carlos." James' voice broke and he took a deep breath to steady himself. "Don't ever be sorry. You've been everything up until this point. It's. . . it's okay to cry."

"B-but," Carlos struggled to regain control of himself. "What about L-Logan? He wanted to play-"

"Mama Knight and Katie and playing with Logan and Kendall." James said quietly. "Logan doesn't mind.

Carlos sighed deeply. "It. . . it just hurts so much." He said sadly. "I've been trying to be strong for Logan and for everyone. But I'm so tired and just now. . . it reminded me of how we used to play Candyland all the time when we were little and I thought of how you and I and Kendall were playing it the day. . . the day Logan and his mom were in the car accident and his mom died. And I thought of how different Logan is now and I wanted to play but. . . I couldn't." He shook his head helplessly. "I don't really know how to explain it."

"You don't need to." James assured him. "I understand and I bet Kendall will too."

But Carlos shook his head. "Don't tell Kendall." He pleaded. "He doesn't need to worry about me. He has enough-"

"Carlos," James interrupted firmly. "You matter just as much as Logan does."

"That's not true." Carlos said in stubborn disagreement.

"Yes it is." James wavered slightly, seeing how little Carlos suddenly thought of himself. "Carlos, just because Logan. . . has different needs, it doesn't mean that you matter any less. We still love you and want you to be okay."

"But you don't need to worry about me." Carlos insisted. "You all have enough to worry about. Logan needs me because he's so. . . helpless. You need me because of how. . . of what happened with Kendall. And K-Kendall needs me because of you and Logan. I'm still okay."

James laughed through his tears. "You're more than okay, Carlos." He whispered. "You're the strongest, most fantastic person I've ever known. But no one is perfect even though you're as close as anyone can get. I mean, don't take this wrong, but I'd be more worried if you didn't cry. I'm. . . I'm kind of glad that you're crying now. Buddy, everything is so different now but one thing is still, and always will be the same."

The idea of something remaining the same in the midst of their topsy-turvy life caught Carlos' attention and he pulled away from James just enough so that he could see him. "What's that?" He asked in a tone that was both hopeful and tired.

James gave him a lopsided grin, his eyes still shiny with unshed tears. "We still all need each other. So that means you need us just as much as we need you. And Carlos, we need you so freakin' much right now."

At last Carlos smiled just a little bit. He leaned back up again James and closed his eyes, relaxing. "I have the best friends in the world." He whispered.

"Me too." James said solemnly. He felt Carlos relax against him even more until he felt the smaller boy breathing deeply and he realized he had fallen asleep. He wondered if Carlos had been sleeping at nights and he felt slightly guilty that he had never thought to ask before. "We forgot about you, didn't we?" He mused thoughtfully. The self-hatred rose up inside of him then, screaming at him that he was stupid and had forgotten all about Carlos. What kind of friend was he?

But then James stubbornly shut out that less than kind voice inside his head. "Shut up." He mumbled to himself. "I don't need to listen to you anymore. I'm going to start listening to my friends now." Because when it came right down to it, he trusted his friends far more than he trusted himself.

He glanced down at Carlos who had remained fast asleep while he talked to himself. "We won't let it happen again." He vowed. "We'll look after each other again. Just like we used to and just like we always will."

A/N. Lala, this chapter is longer than I thought it would be which always makes me happy. James and Kendall won this chapter, yes they did. I broke Carlos hahahhaa -slapped- WELL IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. Anyway, thank you to all of my loyal readers and reviewers, especially those who took the time to R&R 'Heaven' because that was really important to me I really neeeded it this week and sgjttt your support always makes me feel better. I love you all!