I'm so excited about tonight, yeeeeeeee, anyways this chapter is about Derek, sorry no baby talk yet, but it's coming, soon I promise.

21- Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes -The Who

Derek was still mad when drove out of Joe's parking lot. His blood was still pumping through his veins. He had driven 7 hours to get home. He hadn't even been to the trailer, he wanted to surprise Meredith. He first drove by Meredith's, but her jeep wasn't there, so he decided to check the hospital, and that's when he saw the jeep at Joe's. He imagined her sitting at the bar with Tequila lined up in front of her, while Christina teased her. When he saw Mark standing with her, and whispering in her ear, it was all too much. Then when she followed him outside and started yelling at him, it was even more too much, but it was Mark that pushed him over the edge, coming to Meredith's rescue like the white knight. He was suppose to be her white knight, not Mark Sloan.

It wasn't only Meredith making him edgy, he had talked to his lawyer the night before and Addison's lawyer, her brother, had rejected the divorce settlement that Derek had drawn up. They were out for blood, blood that he wasn't willing to give up.

He really wasn't sure what to make of everything that Mark had told him, there was a lot to digest. Mark was right, he was being self destructive and he was taking Meredith down with him, and it wasn't fair to her. He wasn't sure if he knew himself anymore.

Derek found himself at his and Meredith's spot where they would go to watch the ferry boats and make love. Now he stood there, leaning against his rental car watching them alone, a contemplating his life, past, present and future.

His family had moved to Queens from Maine when he was only 8, so he had never truly acquired the New York accent. He hadn't always known he wanted to be a doctor, let alone a surgeon. During and after high school he had worked as a mechanic with his dad. Derek had built his first car by the time he was 17, and old Camero, he smiled every time he thought of that car. It was almost his only claim to fame in his Queens neighbourhood. Derek sister Janice still had the car parked at her home in up state New York, he always wanted to get it and restore it again, but Addison didn't want him working on cars in case something happened to his hands. He understood where she was coming at, mechanics hands seemed to never come clean, but he still missed his car.

Derek had grown up around Hospital as much as he did a garage, his mother Molly had been a nurse. Derek had been out of school for almost two years when he came home and told his parents he wanted to be a doctor. They were a little hesitant at first, but he had saved money to get himself through college, and then if he kept good grades he could apply for student loans and grants to pay for the rest.

He was 22 years old when he met 20 year old Mark Sloan on the first day of Pre-Med at Columbia. Derek was a little in awe of the cocky rich kid that was his roommate. Right from Day one Mark let it be known he was only becoming a doctor to annoy his parents, and also that's why he was in public housing rather then a private apartment. Everything Mark did in those days was just to annoy his family, Derek had to wonder if that was why Mark had befriended him.

They had been inseparable back then. Derek had to admit he was not the best looking guy in there class, he was skinny, not overly tall and had a mass of black curls, but thanks to Mark he was never dateless. Girls were lining up to get to Mark, and they always had a girlfriend for Derek. Mark was right, they were like brothers. Derek had even let Mark date one of his sisters. Derek really didn't have a memory form Pre-Med that didn't include Mark. Even Marks interest with reconstructive surgery had began because of Derek's motorcycle accident, something sparked in Mark when Derek had to get his nose reset, Mark picked he specialty right then and there. Things didn't change until Med school. Now that Derek knew the truth about Marks feelings for Addison it all made sense. The moment Addison had walked into class Derek had turned to Mark and said, "Meet the future Mrs. Derek Shepherd."

"You seriously think she'll go out with you?"

"She will Mark, just wait and see."

Derek had learned a lot of things from the girls Mark had set him up with, he had actually become charming, and he learned how to use his two best features to his advantage and was his smile and his blue eyes. He had approached Addison at lunch one day, she was studying, she was always studying.

"Addison right?" Derek asked as he sat down.

"Yes, and you are Derek," she looked around the room "You other half seems to be missing, Mark?"

"He's busy."

"Can I help you with something?" she asked. He hair was a softer auburn back then, but her eyes were still large and beautiful.

"There's a party on Friday, and I would be the luckiest guy on this campus if you go with me."

"Your asking me out?" She had looked confused.

"Yes, is that okay?"

"Why me?" She asked.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly, why me?" she asked again.

"Because the moment you walked into class I knew I was going to Marry you." He smiled and looked deep into her green eyes.

The truth must have worked because she said yes, and before either one knew it they were dating exclusively. Mark had started to becoming brooding and in fact seemed to go through woman even faster then he had back in pre-med. Derek had always assumed it had something to do with his parents, but now it made sense, Mark had been in love with Addison.

Derek and Addison didn't have the ideal courtship. Her family was rich and very political. Her father had made it clear that he was not happy about Derek dating his daughter. Despite her families objections they did get married only three years after they had started dating. Derek had thought she looked like an angel in her wedding dress. The wedding was perfect, with the exception of Mark getting drunk and Derek finding him in a closet with one of the waitresses having sex. Derek had never told Addison that, he didn't want her thinking bad of Mark. It was hard to wrap his brain around that 11 years later Derek would find Mark and Addison in bed together. Derek had felt like his world had disappered that night, nothing he believed in had been real, it was all a lie, his friendship, his marriage it was all a lie.

He still couldn't explain why he had just got up and left. All he knew was that he was drowning in New York and he needed a change, and Richards offer was the perfect solution. Derek had never imagined he would fall in love again, especially with a self absorbed, neurotic intern, but he did and he still was madly in love with her. Now he couldn't imagine his life with out her, ever. Mark had been right, he needed to focus on the Divorce, and then he could spend the rest of his life making it up to Meredith.

Derek un-clipped his cell phone and flipped it open. He dialed an all to familiar number. "Hello," his mom answered.

"Hey mom."

"Derek honey," he smiled at least she didn't call him Der-Bear.

"How's things there?"

"Oh good, your father, whose suppose to be retired," Derek knew she was saying it loud so his dad could hear him. "Is helping Keith build a car, kind of like you did when you were that age."

"I think I was younger then Keith. What's it like with grand kid living with you."

"Well I'm glad his mother raised him right, his father, well you know what Keith's father is like."

"Ya I do mom."

"Whats wrong Der-Bear you sound unhappy." His mother always knew when something was worng.

"Me and Addison are getting a divorce."

"Oh sweetie, for real this time? Did she have another affair, because your sister Janice called and told me Mark had moved to Seattle."

"No mom she didn't have an affair," Derek didn't like keeping things from his mom, "I did."

"You did, you had an affair, you broke your vows?"

"Yes mom I did."

Derek could he a scuffle on the phone, he wasn't surprise when his dad was on the line, "Hey son, whats going on?"

"I told mom me and Addi are getting divorced and I had an affair."

"I thought you two were working it out?"

"We were, but remember I told you and mom I had dated someone out here when we were separated, it wasn't just a fling, I fell in love, like real love."

"Like when you met Addison."

"No it was different, more intense, mind blowing even."

"This is the woman you had an affair with."

"Yes it was, and I'm hoping when this is all over that you could welcome her into the family."

"Your planning on getting re-married already."

"Maybe not married right away, but my future is with Meredith."

"Addison's family been in touch with you yet."

"No, well Chris is her lawyer."

"Be careful son, that father of hers."

"I know, Dad I did a really dumb thing tonight."

"Whats that?" his dad asked.

"I've been out of town, and when I came back I saw Meredith and Mark playing darts, we all work together, but I got jealous and was pretty nasty to both of them."

"You need to apologize son."

"I know."

"To both of them."

"I know. I found out tonight that Mark had been in love with Addison since school."

"That doesn't surprise me son."

"Why?"

"I always thought that Mark maybe looked at your wife in away he shouldn't. Hold on your mother wants you back."

"Derek."

"Yes mom."

"I love you and I hope you can come and see us soon."

"I'll try, maybe I can find time to bring Meredith with me if that would be OK."

"That would be nice, I know you going to hate this, but give Mark and Addison my love, I know it's wrong, but she still my daughter in-law, and I always felt sorry for Mark."

"I'll tell them mom."

"Okay honey, I love you."

"I love you too mom, bye."

Derek closed his phone. He didn't know how long he sat watching the boats, but he sat there until the air grew cold around him. He decided it was time to go home to the trailer.