Chapter 21

"Memories are pay-per-view
It costs too much to think of you
I'm hanging by a thread"

- Story Of Another Us, 5 Seconds Of Summer

"I brought doughnuts," Nico announces as he sails into the room.

Thalia looks up from her guitar with her face lit up and makes grabby hands towards the box in his hand. Nico offers it to her, but just as she reaches for one he quickly takes it out of her way and offers one to Percy.

"Hey!" Thalia whines.

"Percy," Nico says, with a bow.

Percy eyes them. "These are jam doughnuts."

"That's an excellent observation," Nico says.

Percy folds his arms over the edge of his guitar. "Is there any particular reason you bought jam doughnuts?"

"Not in the slightest," Nico says.

"They're my favourite."

"What a coincidence," Thalia says. "We didn't know."

"You both hate jam doughnuts."

"Again," Nico says, slightly tightly. "An excellent observation."

Percy sighs. "You really don't have to do this."

"Do what?" Thalia asks innocently.

"You're not subtle. All week you've been doing everything I ask. You always make my favourite food for dinner, and you keep buying me things, and you let me choose what we watch on TV and where we'll eat out, and I get it. But you don't have to. It's not that big of a deal."

"But it is, though," Nico says, his voice suddenly whiny. "Percy, you've just had the love of your life brutally torn out of your arms by He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. It's the least we can do."

"You don't have to treat me like I'm glass."

"We just want to make sure you're feeling okay," Thalia says, gently. "You're grieving. And it's completely understandable, because Dionysus is a dickbag who deserves to get run over by a truck, but what other option do we have? Literally last week we saw a blonde girl on the train. And you started crying."

"I didn't cry, okay, I just had something in my eye."

"Yeah, tears," Nico says, and Percy opens his mouth to retort but Thalia beats him to it.

"Regardless!" she cries. "Point is, Percy, you're in a funk, and we're a team. We're with each other almost twenty-four seven, and if one of us is upset then we all need to work together to make sure that they get back on their feet, otherwise we all feel the burden."

Percy stays silent.

"So," Thalia says, "that means if we have the opportunity to buy you jam doughnuts because they're your favourite dammit we're going to buy you jam doughnuts, all right? Let us help, at least for now. Mr D has us backed into a corner. We need to just survive for now, and then we'll try and sort out the bigger issue."

"Jam doughnuts won't solve anything."

"But they sure as hell don't hurt," Nico says. "Also I spent around fifteen dollars on these so they're going to end up down your throat whether you want them or not."

Percy stares at the box in his hands for a long time. Then, he sighs.

"Okay," he says. "Thanks."

"Finally," Nico says. "A thank you."

Thalia elbows him.

"I mean, you're welcome," he corrects. "But I am taking several, just so you know. I love you but I ain't forking fifteen dollars for a box of doughnuts I don't get a fair portion of."

Thalia rolls her eyes.

Percy just smiles and takes one. He's got a broken heart and half a song in front of him and a jam doughnut that doesn't really taste of anything, but he's also got two of the most thoughtful, considerate, block-headed cousins in the whole world, and he loves them endlessly for it.

This whole Annabeth situation has been hard on all of them, to say the least.

They haven't been in contact with almost anyone who stemmed from the relationship. Piper won't even speak to them, just leaves all of Thalia's texts on read, and doesn't respond. Percy tries calling Annabeth almost every day, even though he knows it's potentially useless. She's blocked him, and he knows it because every time he tries it rings once and goes to voicemail. None of his calls will show up, but he's just praying that somehow, he'll try enough that one day she'll unblock him, and maybe pick up.

In the back of his head, he knows how useless it all is. Dionysus has seized his relationship by its hind legs and crushed it flat, and there's no way out of it, because everything he has to say sounds like a bad excuse. And Annabeth won't even pick up her damn phone, and there's nothing he can do about it, but he keeps trying, keeps praying, keeps praying there's something at least for him.

After the sixth day of trying, Nico had gently suggested maybe to stop. But Percy is feverish, so he keeps going.

He's not coping very well. Whatever crap Dionysus had spieled about his heartache helping his creativity was just that: crap. It's like since losing Annabeth all his creative outlets have been stoppered, and he can't even write the simplest of hooks. He's a dead weight, and he knows it, because Thalia and Nico are doing all the work, have practically written half the album at this point, and Percy hates how useless he's become, because it's not as Annabeth was his lifeline or anything, he can still live without her, but it's just hard.

He's become a bit erratic, obsessive. Only the other day he had looked up at the time and realised it was past eleven and he was still in the studio, by himself, and he had run his fingers to the bone on his guitar, played so hard and ferocious and so many times that he was bleeding. He can't even get the simplest thing right, not even the stupidest, easiest guitar riff in the entire world, and so he had to obsessively play it over and over again until he's almost worn his fingers down to the knuckles.

It's not killing him, but it's continually breaking his spine and then fixing it up only to break it again, and that might be worse, because this way the pain is still just as bad now as it was two weeks ago, like it's fresh.

Sometimes he watches over the livestream in the kitchen. Someone uploaded the clip of just him and Annabeth on YouTube, and it's already garnered over a million views, and Percy thinks half of them might be from him. He remembers it so vividly, it's like it happened yesterday, that sometimes he can almost still smell Annabeth's shampoo and see the freckles on her cheeks.

"You're not doing yourself any good, Perce," Nico says one day, when he catches him.

"Shut up, you're stupid."

"Not any stupider than you," Nico says. "You need to stop. You won't heal this way."

"This is my way of healing."

"Whatever you say, bro."

Percy thinks maybe the biggest smack in the face was the delivery of the box. They've been spending so many hours at the studio sometimes they don't get home until at least eleven or twelve, and one day when they arrived back to their apartment there was a cardboard box sitting on the mat, unlabelled.

"Did anyone order anything?" Percy asks. He has to, just in case a fan found their address and sent, like, a hand again, and they get put on trial for her death because they were the one with the hand. Because that's happened before.

"I swear, Nico," Thalia says, "if it's another one of your stupid whim furniture ideas I will cut you."

"They're not stupid," Nico says, slightly sulkily. "That human-shaped lampshade was a stroke of genius."

"It just was a stroke. Period."

"Well," Percy says, picking the box up. It's heavy. "Let's see what it is."

It's not a hand, and it's not one of Nico's stupid whim furniture ideas. In fact, it's kind of worse.

Percy puts it on the island in the middle of the kitchen and opens it, and suddenly he feels like he's just been sucker-punched in the gut. In the box are just piles and piles of neatly-folded clothes – Percy's clothes. At first, he doesn't know how or why it's here, until he spies a pair of track pants he hasn't seen in a while, and a couple of hoodies he thought he'd lost, and that treacherous Nirvana shirt that had put them all in this mess in the first place.

These were the clothes of his Annabeth had collected. And now she had sent them all back.

"Oh God," Thalia whispers behind him.

Percy can't even speak. He pulls out the first object – a green stripy T-shirt of his that Annabeth had always adored wearing. It was one of her favourites. Privately, he'd always thought she looked much better in it then he did, and it was the shirt he put the least fuss up about, because he loved her in it. Hands trembling, he presses it against his nose, and all he can smell is laundry detergent. It's not even Annabeth's laundry detergent, either.

She had these dry-cleaned, to properly get him out of her life. There's not a trace of her scent left behind.

"I think I'm going to cry," he says, muffled into the T-shirt.

Nico comfortingly strokes his back. "Need a hand unpacking these?"

"Yes, please."

Together, they put the box on their living room floor, and start sorting through it. Percy never realised quite how many clothes Annabeth nicked, not until they're all lying strewn around his living room like ghosts. It hurts him, because he can recall times where she wore most of this, and it pains him to know that only a couple of weeks she was wearing all of it. Maybe even longer. Maybe after she heard the news she put on all of his clothes and cried. Maybe that's why the green shirt was at the top – because it was the one she couldn't bear to give back.

But she got them dry-cleaned, and folded, and hand-delivered them back, and she probably hasn't even touched them since they came back to her from the dry-cleaners, so any and all memories that he associates them with have been dissolved with a simple wash. There's not a trace left on them. At this point, it doesn't even matter if she wore is clothes for weeks or not at all – she's not on them anymore.

This is the stamp of approval. They're done. And Percy is slowly packing away any and all proof that they ever were.

He comes to the Nirvana T-shirt, and stares at it. Percy had been particularly reluctant to let her take this one, because it was special to him, but she had just kissed him on the nose.

"I'll look much better in it then you do," she says, with a small teasing smile.

"You won't want to wear clothes that has my name stitched into them."

"Quite the contrary," she says, pulling it on. "Whenever I forget your name, because you're just forgettable like that, all I'll have to do is look at my collar and remind myself who you are."

Percy is offended. "Forgettable?"

"I'm kidding, you buffoon. The name reminds me I'm yours."

Now all it brings him is sour memories, because it's that damned shirt that's the reason they're in this mess in the first place. He doesn't want to pack it away. He knows it's his dad's, and he knows that only a week ago it was one of his most treasured possessions, but now he just wants it gone.

"Perce?" Thalia prompts gently.

"We need to throw this one out," Percy says. "I don't want it."

"Let's burn it," Nico says.

"That's a terrible idea," Thalia says.

"No, that's good," says Percy. "Let's burn it."

So they do. They gather the T-shirt and they all cram themselves onto the fire escape, and then Nico holds the T-shirt up. It's a slightly chilly day, with a wind that nips a bit and stings his cheeks, but it describes how he feels perfectly. Without a single feeling of remorse, he takes the lighter, flicks it on, and holds it to the hem.

Slowly, the shirt burns away. It's not as big or flashy as he thinks they all expected, but it's kind of cathartic. At one point, Nico just lays it on the railing of the fire escape, and they all watch as gradually it all turns into ash. Something in Percy's heart hurts when the Nirvana logo disappears completely, and something even more when finally the PERCY on the collar burns away, too, but he's glad it's gone.

They all watch the ash gently blow away with the breeze.

And then: "Let's go back inside," Thalia says.

Percy stands and watches it for just a few more seconds, and then allows himself to be led back indoors.

"Percy, Percy, what can you tell us about Annabeth?"

"What happened between you guys?"

"Percy, tell us what happened!"

"Who was the girl? Did you mean to cheat on Annabeth?"

"Percy!"

Percy ducks his head as they clamber out of the car. To relieve his mind, he, Nico and Thalia had decided to go for Italian, but they had been mobbed just as they sat there waiting for their meals by paparazzi and had to run into the kitchens to hide and take their food home in cardboard boxes. The paps wouldn't leave them alone, though, because as they darted out the restaurant they had chased them into the car, and now, as the car pulls up in front of their apartment block, the cameras are there.

"My God," Thalia mutters. "You'd think they don't have lives."

"They probably don't," Nico says.

"You didn't have to throw your spaghetti at them," Percy says.

"Yes I did," Thalia says. "And I'll do it again if they keep harassing us outside our apartment."

They do. As soon as the door to the car slips open, Percy is almost immediately blinded by flashing lights and yelling. The worst part is, is that they're all about Annabeth, because true to Mr D's word their fragmented relationship has been the hot topic for the past week, and now everywhere Percy goes he's just bombarded by questions about the two of them, and he hates it.

Even he doesn't know where he stands. All he knows is that he's pretty Annabeth hates him and he's pretty sure they're over.

"This way, Percy!"

"Percy!"

"What can you tell us about Annabeth?"

"Do you regret cheating on her?"

"Who was the girl, Percy?"

"Have you seen what Annabeth has said about you on social media, Percy?"

That stops him. Percy knows that he's not meant to let street paps distract him, and the best thing to do is to just ignore them and eventually they'll go away, but he hasn't allowed himself to look at any of Annabeth's social media since they broke up, because if he went on our Twitter and saw her rant about Masterchef he might just break down completely, but they've got him now.

"No," he says. "What did she say?"

The cameras go off even faster. The reporters are screaming at him now. They're pleased they've caught his attention.

"She's deleted all the pictures," the man says. "Said on Twitter she was sad to say but you're done, the two of you." He prods his microphone even closer to Percy's mouth. "What do you think? Do you regret it? Are you done? Do you agree with her? Was your split a good one?"

"All right, all right, out the way."

It's Thalia. She puts her arm through his and starts leading him through the throng of reporters, a nice, steady, safe anchor through all the chaos. The reporters are yelling even louder, because if one got Percy's attention, they all could, and they all want to make headlines, but all Percy can think about Annabeth confirmed it it's really over.

There's no hope for him. He can call all he wants, and every single of them will end up at the very bottom of Annabeth's missed call list. They're done.

"Move!" Thalia shouts. "I bought two pasta dishes, I've got ravioli now! If you don't want to be covered in that I suggest you bog off!"

They part for her like the red sea, although some are still snapping pictures and shrieking. Together, the three of them wrestle their way through the people and into the lobby, and then they hurtle themselves into the elevator just before it closes so the paps can't get in there with them.

It's empty, save for a girl on her phone chewing bubblegum. She doesn't particularly care that they're there.

"Thank God," Nico breathes. "I thought we were going to get eaten alive. Or lose a limb, in the least."

"Well, we're all still here," Thalia says. "Fully-limbed."

Percy is still numb. He stares at the floor.

"Percy?" Thalia asks.

"Maybe he thinks he's actually lost a limb," Nico suggests.

"Shut up, Nico," Thalia says harshly. "He's lost a lot more than just a limb."

"It's really over," Percy mumbles. "She said it herself."

Thalia and Nico share confused looks.

"I'm sorry?" Thalia asks.

"Annabeth tweeted," Percy says quietly. "She said we're over."

"I thought you weren't looking at Annabeth's socials," Nico says.

"I didn't. One of the reporters said it."

"Oh." Nico frowns. "Well, they talk a load of garbage anyway. I bet he just said it to get your attention."

They're trying to make him feel better, but Percy is so filled with emotion, that he can't help himself when he snaps, "Well, they didn't make it up, did they?"

Nico holds his hands up. "Whoa, okay. Don't get mad at me."

"What do you expect me to do?" Percy shouts. "You're not doing anything except treating me like I'm made of porcelain! I'm not a kid! I'm fine! Stop trying to protect me, okay?"

"Percy," Thalia says. "You need to calm down."

Percy laughs, a little hysterically. "Calm down?"

"You're pissed," Thalia says. "And if you don't control yourself you're going to do some stuff you'll regret."

"Are you hearing yourself? You're telling me to calm down. The love of my life has literally been taken out of my life and every day I have to wake up and see that and be reminded that it wasn't even my damn fault and yesterday she delivered a box of my clothes by hand to our door, she stood on our fricking doorstep and gave back all my clothes, she was outside our door, our door, and everywhere I go all anyone can ever talk about is her, and me, and how badly I messed up, even though I didn't do anything, and you're telling me to calm down?"

Thalia takes a step forward. "Percy–"

"No, screw you," Percy shouts. The elevator doors slide open and he marches out. "You don't know I'm going through, you can't tell me anything."

"Percy!"

Percy ignores her. He flings open the door to their apartment, storms into his bedroom, slams the door and then collapses on the bed.

For the first time, he allows himself to cry.

percabethforever: codenamewisegirl is it true? pls don't say its true

→codenamewisegirl: it's true im sorry x thank you all for being so respectful ❤︎

A/N hey all!

how are we all on this fine day? i myself am simply spiffing because um i got FIFTY REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER WHAT

that's literally crazy. i have never got that many reviews on one chapter before. you are all so wonderful! i'm so terribly sorry for causing you heartache and whatever and breaking up percabeth and here you have a nice angsty chapter that's a wee bit shorter than normal to keep you satisfied

also in getting 50 reviews last chapter we surpassed 400!

guys honestly. you are the SWEETEST people ever ever ever! i canot believe we've got 400, and we're only on chapter 20! that's nuts and i'm so pleased and it's all down to you so thank you so much i thank you from the bottom of my heart you don't know how much this means to me

as tradition follows i would normally do a big response thing to all of you except there were literally 50 of you, so im a wee bit unable to do that otherwise this a/n would be the size of texas, but i'll do it next chapter because i sincerely doubt i'll get 50 reviews for this chapter so woo! if you have any questions about the story do review them and stuff xx

also - how would you feel about the next chapter being from annabeth's pov (like still in third person but from her)? im geniunely considering it, and i've worked in a stupid little thing that could work so i mean if you want

anyway! thank you all ever so much for all your loveliness (also pray for me i've got my school play literally every day of next week so hopefully i dont die) and i shall see you all next saturday! i love you! xxxxx