Dro: Got this one written early tonight. I like this chapter. I've done something I haven't really done before with the parallels. Anyway, have at it!

Chapter Summary: Finally, the much neglected Matt gets to think through everything that's happened. Then, he gets a surprise visitor.

Warnings: Mentions of past non-con; Language

Disclaimer: You know this would be canon if I own APH, right?

Matt aimlessly paced down the dark hallway, the silence finally allowing his scattered thoughts to reorganize themselves. They'd arrived here only hours ago, the day already fading toward the horizon. Everyone had been exhausted, and some of them had been injured from the ambush in Berlin. Matt had been thoroughly surprised to see the safe house compound looked more like a mountain retreat than it did a heavily guarded security facility to protect important officials. And he had to admit he was grateful for that. He'd had enough of staring at industrial walls and being left with nothing to do except ruminate in terror for hours on end.

He crossed the length of the living room and slipped quietly through the deck doors, trying his best not to wake anyone else. The cool night air met him, and he sighed, relaxed for the first time in many days. Yes, here he could actually think calmly and rationally. And most importantly, alone. It wasn't that he didn't like company, but everything was so mixed up and confusing now that he just needed some time to figure everything out without twenty-five panicking nations in his immediate vicinity. He pulled a chair from one of the tables and tugged it toward the railing, where he sat down, letting his elbows rest on top on top of the wooden beam.

His immediate view was of a forest, and he couldn't say he minded that at all. It was something calming, something that reminded him of home. The sky here, so far out from the city, was clear, the stars twinkling brightly in the night. He rested his head on his arms and inhaled deeply, starting his mental movie reel over from the beginning. Despite the fact that he was uninjured and hadn't faced any severe threats personally yet, he still had a million and one problems. Most of them involved people he would deem his loved ones.

The first problem he came to was Alfred. Alfred—like everyone else—seemed to have completely overlooked his presence. After his little passionate display in Paris, Matt had immediately realized that Alfred had actually dared to use his emotions against him. He'd been enraged at one point about it, but he'd suppressed it due to the seriousness of the situation. And he probably should have continued to do. He would have, too, had the feeling not been eating away at him and threatening to break through his mental wall any moment. He couldn't deny it. He was pissed. He knew Alfred had done it to save his brother. It had been self-sacrificial. But that didn't stop him from bearing some animosity toward the man. He hated it when people toyed with his feelings. After so many years of Al refusing to acknowledge his feelings at all, he'd become fed up with that kind of behavior. And yet, here he was facing it all over again.

He didn't blame Alfred for doing what he did, but he still felt immensely disappointed. Part of it spawned from his own stupidity. For a single moment, he'd actually believed that Alfred still held the same feelings for him that he had just over three years prior. But, of course, it was apparent now that he didn't. Actually, it was like Alfred didn't notice him at all now that he'd gotten his Arthur back.

Which brought him to his second problem. Both Alfreds and Arthurs seemed to be having issues. And he wasn't even sure all of them knew it. Matt had thought he'd been imagining things for a while there, but he obviously hadn't been. Al and Arthur and Alfred and Artie were each hiding things from not only all the other nations but also their romantic counterparts. Alfred and Artie definitely knew something that the rest of them didn't know, and Matthew placed all his bets on what had happened back in Yao's base after Alfred had been taken there. He had no clue what it was, but whatever had happened had affected both of them drastically, and they were desperately trying to cover it up. But Matt had still caught it. They would exchange glances that spoke of something they wouldn't dare utter out loud. Matt was more curious than anything else. He was sure whatever their secret was wasn't anything romantic. At least not overtly. It was something specific. Some event or…

And now Al and Arthur seemed to have the same thing going on. Ever since Al had returned with the other British man, they'd seemed to be silently agreeing to say nothing about what Ivan had done after Arthur had been kidnapped. Matt was almost afraid it was because he'd been sexually assaulted. Ivan had already proven he wasn't above such a thing. But he got the sense that this too was something else, something unexpected and not easily deciphered. But like Artie and Alfred's secret, he just couldn't figure it out from their changed mannerisms alone. And it was starting to drive him insane. He couldn't even figure out what Alfred was thinking and feeling now, so how could he even confront the man with his own personal feelings? For all he knew, Alfred was harboring some kind of damaging secret that could tear him apart if revealed, and Matt knew he couldn't risk doing so.

Which meant he'd have to keep his feelings silent. Again. Just like he'd been forced to do with Al. He groaned. Why did this always happen to him? His brother had ignored his advances and had been so blind that he'd never even realized Matt's true emotions. Then, when he'd found someone that actually returned his feelings, the man had returned to a parallel dimension to be with the man he loved more than Matt. And, of course, there was Ivan, who he'd slowly watched go insane over the course of a decade. He was starting to think he just wasn't meant to be with someone. Maybe love just wasn't out there for him. Maybe…

The deck door slid open, and he tensed. The other nation didn't seemed deterred by his presence, and he waited until the person was right behind him before he turned to peer up at him. Oh. It was the other him. Matthew, who had been noticeably silent since they'd rescued him, pulled up another chair and sat down next to him. Matt stared at him curiously. He deeply regretted not being able to save his counterpart from Ivan's wrath. The anger had been for him, not his innocent parallel self. He scrutinized the boy's bruises. They had started to lighten slightly, but they were bad. They would remain for a while yet. His eyes traveled down until he met the man's high-collared coat. He was doing his best to cover up the rest of his body, no doubt incredibly self-conscious.

Matt had not seen the extent of his other self's injuries, but he knew Ivan's brutality, and he knew the boy's torso and pelvic area had probably suffered the same fate as his face, if not worse. He didn't even want to imagine the kind of pain Ivan had inflicted on his counterpart. The sheer mental torture would have been more than enough for anyone. His world's Ivan was in his counterpart's body, and he had used that body to rape his counterpart's lover. Just that alone would have broken him, and he knew it. Yet his other self didn't seem to have completely fallen apart. He was quiet. Real quiet. But he was aware. Even if no one else had noticed it, he had. His other self had been watching the events unfold very carefully.

He was damaged for sure, but he was not out of the game just yet.

"You've been staring at me for several minutes."

The sound startled him, and he stared, shocked, at his other self. He hadn't been expecting… "Oh, I…I just thought…"

"I can speak, you know?"

"Yes. I know. I just though you didn't want to."

He shrugged. "I don't. But you looked rather lonely out here all by yourself, so I thought I would change gears, at least for a few minutes." His double never made eye contact. Solemn violet eyes gazed up at the night sky, and Matt couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his double's head.

"Oh."

His other self slightly raised an eyebrow but continued to stare at a random spot in the sky. "Well, do you have anything you want to talk about?"

Matt sighed. "Honestly? I could talk all night."

"Well, we have it, so if you really want to…"

Matt swallowed. Of all things he'd been expecting, it hadn't been for his double to help him. If anything, it had been the other way around in his mind, and he realized for the first time that may have severely underestimated the differences between them. His double looked so pale and fragile and damaged, but he was strong. Much stronger than me. The other boy's silence was likely his coping mechanism. He was purposefully stopping himself from getting into conversations that could potentially set him off emotionally, all the while slowly beginning to recover on the inside. His ability to basically vanish from social situations was actually helping him. It was keeping him calm and composed, and by letting himself process only his own thoughts and feelings at his own pace, instead of forcing himself to align with everyone else, he was able to rationally consider everything that had happened to him.

Matt was on the verge of falling apart, and yet his double—who had faced so much worse—was doing much, much better. He stared at the soft-spoken man next to him in awe. "Um, well…" He paused, realizing he had just been about to discuss his own romantic feelings with his alter self, who had just been devastated by—

"If you want to talk about your feelings for my brother, then go ahead. Don't be shy. I'm not going to shatter if you start talking about love." His lips curled up slightly into a barely there sly smirk.

Matt blushed. "Oh, all right then. Well…" He went on to explain how Alfred's actions had upset him, gradually transitioning into his suspicions about the two sets of British and American nations. Matthew occasionally nodded along with his story, but he didn't offer any commentary until Matt had finished completely.

"Try to not be too hard on Al. He's probably already punished himself for manipulating your emotions." Matthew mumbled softly.

Matt nodded. "I know that. It's just upsetting is all. I suppose we can sympathize with one another about feeling ignored?"

Matthew pursed his lips. "I suppose. I definitely know the feeling." A tongue darted out and licked his lower lip. "Hm. I know what you mean about Alfred and Artie, though I haven't figured out what they're hiding. All I know is that it's something massive, so massive that it could potentially hurt their respective lovers. Which is something neither of them would risk. Unfortunately, they seem to have an agreement to keep completely silent about what that something is."

Matt let his head rest against the rough wooden railing. "Yeah. In that case, maybe would should just leave that one alone for now."

"Perhaps." Matthew answered simply, his eyes falling from the sky to the densely-packed trees. "However, I do know what happened to Arthur. But you must make sure you don't let on that you know."

Matt perked up. "Of course."

"I happened to see him changing earlier. Thankfully, he didn't spot me." He nibbled on his bottom lip. "I…" He closed his eyes for several seconds before continuing, a defiant look overtaking him. "Ivan carved some kind of message into his back." Matt opened his mouth, but nothing coherent came out. Matthew continued. "I'm guessing he allowed your brother to see it because he was the one who came for him at the hospital. Because of course—"

"Arthur would never let anyone see that kind of damage."

Matthew nodded slowly. "First, he is too prideful. Anyone who saw such wounds would pity him, and pity is something Arthur won't accept under any circumstances. Then, there is, of course, the horror factor."

"He'd have people staring at him constantly. And Arthur hates people looking at him like that because—"

"Because, lastly, he's incredibly self-conscious about his body. And this probably made it a thousand times worse. So, of course, he's keeping it a complete secret, even from Alfred. Because my Alfred—"

"Pities everything and would try to comfort Arthur about it, which would make him even more self-conscious."

"Exactly." Matthew concluded.

Matt hung his head. "I knew something terrible had happened, but that…that really does…" He shook his head. "At least it's something that will heal." He absently touched his forehead. The scar from his bullet wound had all but faded years ago, and he'd been more than happy to get rid of that particular reminder.

"Well, that's something. Though I'm sure the warning came across just fine. Which is another reason Arthur said nothing."

It took Matt a few moments to pick up on his counterpart's point. "Oh…it was a scare tactic. Ivan did it to terrify the other nations. It was a testament to Ivan's power and ruthlessness." He rubbed his temples. "And Arthur doesn't want to demoralize the others."

"Not that that already hasn't happened." Matthew noted bitterly.

"You can say that again." They'd taken a mostly clean route out of Berlin, but part of their trip had clipped one of the bombed areas. Destruction. Chaos. Mercilessness. Ivan had given no warning this time, no threats. He'd just straight out attacked. He was angry at his loss, and he was trying to make it up for it in the only way he how: by become even crueler than he had been before.

He yawned, snapping himself out of his rapidly darkening thoughts. "Wow, I lost track of time." He glanced at a watch he'd managed to snag. It was already past 2:00 AM, and he hadn't slept in well over a day now. He'd been restless.

Matthew finally looked at him, and Matt froze as he met those identical violets. Well, they were supposed to be identical. And they were, in terms of color. But there was something in Matthew's eyes that Matt knew his lacked, and he wondered if it had to do with his other self's immense mental strength and composure. Matthew seemed to be scrutinizing him. "You should rest. I have a feeling tomorrow will be another long day. I…Ivan's rampage will not take too much time off. As soon as he resettles himself in Moscow, he'll be back on the offensive again. We're going to need everyone to work together to take him down. Including you. Whether you want to accept it or not, you know him. You know how he acts, how he thinks. And we need your knowledge. He may be in my lover's body, but he is not my…not my Ivan. And thus, I do not know him. You do. And you can use that knowledge against him just like he uses his knowledge of you the same way."

Matt sat up straight and smiled tightly. "I've spent this whole time thinking that we're supposed the be same person, and I just realized how naïve that idea was. Even after seeing the difference between my Al and your Alfred, I still actually thought…" He shook his head. "But you're not me, are you, Matthew?"

"No, I'm not." The edges of lips quirked up in a ghost of a smile. "But that doesn't mean we're unequal. We may be different, but neither of us is less than the other. Just like Al and Alfred. Just like Arthur and Artie. We're parallels. We're born from the same processes, but we experience different things. And thus, we have different thoughts and feelings, different strengths and weaknesses. So don't compare yourself to me like I know you've been doing since you first saw me. We have the same face and the same voice, but we are not the same person. And that's probably one of the most important things I've learned in my entire time here."

Dro: Two Canadas talking to one another. Strange concept?

Next Chapter: Lovino gets an unexpected visitor. Prussia receives some startling information. Artie finds himself in a very uncomfortable position after a fight with Al.