A/N: Hey, everybody! We continue the tissue alert. Most of you have been kind to me through the breakup, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

A chance to comfort Edward goes to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy. These ladies are beyond compare.

Huge thanks to my awesome betas, Katmom and Sue (chayasara), for wielding their sparkly reds. Their help is invaluable. Mwah!

Chapter 20

~Breathing Through Glass~

Songlist:

Never Learned to Lie ~ Hana Pestle

These Two Hands ~ Hana Pestle

He Won't Go ~ Adele

A Message ~ Coldplay

I heard his voice today
I didn't know a single word he said
Not one resemblance to the man I met
Just a vacant broken boy instead

~ Adele

~*Jacob*~

As I gunned my bike and raced up the Cullens' drive, I could feel Izzy trembling against me. A few times, I feared she would fall off the back; her hold on me was that loose—or maybe she was just that weak after using her power against Edward.

My mind churned, trying to make sense of the scene I'd just witnessed. What I did know was that Izzy loved Edward with her entire being. She was his mate, and I knew it must be like the fiery pits of hell had opened inside him, watching the woman he loved more than anything ride away into the sunset on the back of another man's motorcycle.

Like any good wolf, I hate vampires and loved nothing more than to watch them suffer, but I didn't feel that way about Edward or the rest of the Cullens anymore. They were different, and they had all taken broken, bitchy, fucked-up Izzy and loved her until she was nearly whole again. None of us on the Res had been able to do that for her. Not my dad's guidance, my friendship, or Paul's love. Edward had gotten through to her, changed her for the better.

Izzy was an impulsive girl. Hopefully, whatever this was between her and Edward would blow over.

It was nearly dark when I pulled onto the Res. I turned toward my house, but Izzy squeezed me tight, pointing away from our neighborhood toward the cabin out in the woods. It was a good a place as any to talk.

Ten minutes later, we pulled up in front of the cabin and I cut the engine. Izzy climbed off my bike and unbuckled her helmet, handing it to me. Her shoulders were slumped as she turned her back on me and clambered onto the front porch, shouldering open the door.

We never bothered keeping the cabin locked; it was there for whoever needed to use it. Sometimes one of the guys would stay here when he first started phasing; some brought their girls here for a little skin-on-skin, or we might get drunk and rowdy then crash on the floor together. We had a leather tie that served as a "Do Not Disturb" sign; if that was hanging on the doorknob, it was a clear message not to intrude unless you were looking to get pummeled.

After stowing the helmets, I followed her inside, hanging the leather tie out before closing and locking the door. If anyone happened by they would think I was here with Angela. Speaking of my imprint, I was supposed to see her tonight.

Izzy sat on the couch and pulled a blanket over her shaking frame. She looked like a lost waif enshrouded in the fuzzy Aztec print.

"Fire?" I questioned, and she inclined her head listlessly.

The cabin was always kept stocked with firewood. Whoever used it was responsible for refilling, or cutting and stacking, if the supply was low. I tossed several logs in the fireplace and lit it.

"I have to make a call. I'll be right back."

She stared into the burgeoning flames without responding.

Out on the porch I paced back and forth, wondering how much to tell Angela. Hell, I really didn't know anything. During the Cullens' hunting trip, I was patrolling in human form. Since Edward wasn't in residence, they needed someone to liaison. I'd received Izzy's text while I was taking a leak in the woods. Her message was short and to the point.

I'm coming to live on the Res. Get your bike ready.

I barely had time to pick my jaw up off the ground before all hell broke loose. Everything seemed to happen at once: raised voices, shattering glass, the skanky Tanya flying into the trees not a hundred feet from me and knocking over the tree I'd just pissed on, and the remaining Cullens filing out of the house to inform everyone to stay away while Edward and Izzy talked. They were in there for quite a while before the next text came.

Now.

I'd hightailed it to the front of the house. Emmett happened to be the one closest, so I'd asked him to get Izzy for me.

Beyond that, I had no fucking clue what was happening—although I suspected it had something to do with the blonde bloodsucker that took out the trees with her not-so-graceful slide, compliments of Izzy. The sight of Tanya, wide-eyed and surprised, caused a smirk to form on my lips. Somehow, I thought she had it coming.

Eager to get back inside, I dialed Angela's number.

"Hello?" Her soft voice calmed me even over the phone.

"Hey, baby. Listen, there's a problem I have to take care of. I can't see you tonight."

"At all?"

"No."

"What's going on, honey?"

"Izzy broke it off with Edward. She's in the cabin right now, and I have no fucking clue what happened. I just know they're both hurting pretty bad."

"Oh, no! But he loves her so much! I thought they were mates."

"They are. I don't know if her being human makes it mutual or not."

"Well, I'm not Quileute . . . yet I felt drawn to you the first time I saw you. A soul mate is a soul mate, right?"

"Yeah, probably. This is such a clusterfuck. I'll call you, okay?"

"Jacob? I love you. Tell Izzy I'm sorry, and she can call me if she needs girl talk."

"I love you, baby." I smiled. My angel. The mere thought of her rejecting me made my chest clench, and I couldn't fathom the unimaginable pain Edward must be in.

When I pushed the door open, Izzy was still sitting in the same position as when I'd left. She huddled in the blanket, looking very small and frail, yet the set of her jaw exuded determination. Her eyes were glassy and empty, the flames highlighting the deadness there rather than the warmth that should have been reflected.

I grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge, popping the top on mine and setting the other on the coffee table in case she wanted it. Then I sat down, propped my feet up, and waited, knowing she would speak in her own time.

I was on my third beer, well on the way to getting a buzz, when she finally spoke.

"He lied to me." Izzy's voice was low and raspy.

"What about?"

"Our whole relationship." Her unemotional monotone concerned me. Fire-breathing Izzy I understood, but not this vacant shell.

"What lie?"

"Oh, not just one lie, Jake." She leaned forward, snatching the beer off the coffee table.

"Let me get you a fresh one," I offered, taking the condensation covered bottle out of her hand.

I put the beer back in the fridge and grabbed an icy cold one, popping the top off. Izzy tipped her head back, guzzling half the beer before she winced. "Shit—brain freeze." She pressed a hand to her forehead and rubbed.

"Okay, so lay it on me." I sat back down, slapping my hands against my thighs. This was sure to be a doozy.

"He neatly sidestepped the issue when I asked about his ex, Tanya. In fact, he managed to avoid talking about his love life at all."

"So? Everybody comes with baggage—God knows you sure did. Did he have more partners than you or something?" I popped the top off my fourth beer and took a long drink.

Izzy shot me a dark look and gulped down more of her beer before answering. "No, actually, Edward had no sexual history. He was a virgin when we met."

I choked, spraying beer into the air and dousing the coffee table. A fine sheen of droplets landed on Izzy, and she yelped in disgust, scootching down the couch away from me. "Fuck, Jake!"

"Sorry, did you just say Cullen was a virgin?"

"Yep." She finished off her beer and slammed the bottle down on the table. "Another."

"Sure, since you asked so nicely and all," I muttered. I grabbed two more beers and a sheaf of paper towels to clean up the mess. "So, you're pissed because Edward was a sexual newb?"

"No." Her look was scathing. "I'm pissed because he didn't tell me. He didn't directly lie, but when I asked about his past, he danced around the issue. I never would have slept with him that first time if I'd known." She pulled a rumpled pack of cigarettes out of her bag, lighting one with shaking hands. Inhaling deeply, she held the smoke in her lungs for a while before exhaling long and slow. "You have anything stronger lying around?"

I laughed. "No. With our metabolism? We can't get high."

"Well, that sucks balls. No peace pipe, huh? Let me make a call . . ." She dug around in her bag, but I put my hand over hers.

"How about you don't. The beer and cigs should be enough for now, okay? Keep talking. Tell me what happened."

"You're so fucking bossy, Jake. What, are you a shrink now?"

"I'm your oldest and dearest friend. Talk. Or do I have to truss you up like a turkey?"

Izzy laughed humorlessly and leveled a look at me. "I'd like to see you try." She shook her head, a slight smile still tugging up the corners of her mouth. "Okay, I'm going to give you the digest version because I don't want to keep on with this. Edward failed to tell me he was a virgin despite the fact I questioned him several times about his sexual history. He did mention there was an 'issue' that caused the breakup with Tanya, but he only said that he 'couldn't do what she wanted.' I mean, why not just fucking say he was a virgin? He also didn't tell me I was his mate. It's a big deal to me. Something I had every right to know."

"He didn't?" I burst out, then wished I could slap a hand over my big mouth.

Izzy missed nothing, though, and I swear I saw sparks shooting from her narrowed eyes. "You knew."

"Shit, Izzy, anyone with eyes knows. That day outside the school? It was so blatantly obvious."

"That's why you backed off. I feel like such an asshole. And Paul? Does he know, too?" She dropped her head down, leaving me unable to see her expression.

"Yeah. Don't tell me all of those bloodsuckers don't know, too! Why do you think James is so wild over you? At first, you were probably just an amusement, but knowing you are another vampire's mate raises the stakes so much higher—makes it more exciting for him."

"Fuck me." She finished off her cigarette in one long pull, stubbed it out in the ashtray, and then lit another. "And the fucking cherry on top was our trip to Rio. Edward took me away on vacation to keep me from meeting Tanya. He knew she was coming and deliberately deceived me."

"Anything else?"

"That's it in a nutshell."

"Izzy, he did those things for you, to protect you."

She blew a plume of smoke and swiveled her head to glare at me. "What are you—a member of the Edward Cullen fanclub now?"

"Frankly, yes. He's good for you. You've changed so much since you met him. Have you forgotten how broken you were before? What you were like?" I slung an arm around her shoulders.

Her entire body stiffened and she lunged off the couch, the blanket puddling to the floor. She flicked her dying cigarette butt into the fire and stalked back and forth in front of the hearth.

"You . . ." She looked around like a caged animal seeking escape then halted, shaking her head hard. "You think I don't know what he did for me? What he was to me? You think I don't know how different I am? But, fuck, Jake . . . he did the one thing I abhor most in the world. He lied. And it wasn't about something mundane, and it certainly wasn't innocent. Edward knew exactly what he was doing and why."

I stood up, grabbing her by the arms as she made another pass in front of the fire. Shaking her lightly to get her attention, I locked gazes with her. "He didn't do any of it for personal gain, did he? Did he do it to harm you? What the fuck do you want a man to do to be good enough for you?"

Izzy looked hurt, but her black lined eyes continued to meet mine. "No, of course he didn't do it for personal gain, and I know he'd never hurt me on purpose, Jake. It's not even a matter of being good enough, because God knows I've never felt like I deserved him." A tear rolled down her cheek, and I pulled her against my chest, stroking her hair. After a moment, she spoke into my shirt. "Edward knows that the one thing I can't condone is lying. As fucked up as I am, I've never lied to any of you. Truth is the one thing I've always clung to, and he knew that."

"Oh, Izzy. Is there something inside you that just doesn't want happiness? Because Edward is it, you know. He's your happy ending."

"Not anymore. How can I ever trust him when he didn't trust me? I laid myself bare in front of him, and he kept shit from me—important shit."

A loud bang sounded on the door. "Izzy!"

"Shit, it's Paul," I muttered.

"What the hell is going on? Open this fucking door before I bust it down!" A low kick sounded against the heavy wooden door.

"You want me to get rid of him, Izzy?"

"I heard that, asshole! Let me in, Jake!"

Izzy shook her head. "May as well get this over with now."

When I opened the door, I placed my palm in the center of Paul's chest and pushed hard. As expected, this only served to hold his testosterone-filled ass in place. "Paul, now is not the time to act like . . . well, you. Go easy, okay?"

Paul's nostrils flared, his breath coming in short, strong huffs. He nodded sharply. "'Kay."

"So help me, I'll make your life miserable if you make this any worse." My voice was low and threatening.

"Let me see her."

For better or worse, I switched places with Paul, allowing him to enter the cabin as he slammed and locked the door in my face.

Much to my surprise, it was pretty quiet in there. Maybe he was what Izzy needed right now. Hell, he was no stranger to pain; he was still head over heels in love with her. Two broken, fucked up souls. I just prayed he wasn't stupid enough to try something with her.

My ruminations were disturbed by a commotion in the distance. Fearing the worst, I phased and headed out into the woods.

He's fucking crazy! Stupid bloodsucker! Quil snarled.

Aw, fuck! What do we do? Where the fuck is Sam? Seth was frightened.

Guys, guys! What's going on? Is it James? I broke in.

That would be too easy. No, it's Cullen, and he's over the treaty line. What should we do?

Yeah, he's not stopping, Jake!

Fuck. Restrain him, but don't hurt him. I'm on my way.

Fuck me.

When I arrived at the treaty line, Seth and Quil were somewhat subduing Edward. Seth was across his legs, and Quil sat on his chest, roaring in his face every so often. For his part, Edward struggled, twisting and turning beneath my pack mates. He was spitting venom and snarling; under his breath, the mantra was "Izzy, Izzy, Izzy..."

I phased back into human form and crouched beside him. "Shit, man. Do you have a death wish?"

Edward's eyes met mine. They were black as tar and crazy. And filled with suffering. "Please," he forced through gritted teeth, "I need her."

"She doesn't want to see you right now. Give her some time." I camouflaged my thoughts by thinking about cliff diving—the running, the leaping, the rush of hitting the ice cold water and then bobbing up to the surface.

"She's mine!" He growled and struggled. "Please. I can't live without her." The anguished whisper reached inside and tugged at the part of me that feared losing Angela. Any imprinted wolf could understand and dread what he was going through.

"For what it's worth, Cullen, I'm on your side. But you can't cross the treaty line again—"

"No, he can't." Sam sauntered over, his expression hard and unyielding. "One time fucking pass, Cullen. You come over my line again, and you're dead."

"Sam..." I stood and turned his way.

"No, Jacob. You protected him this time. I would have slashed his ass apart if I got here first. I'll let your order stand, but if he comes here again, kill him." Sam glared down at Edward. "Jacob, clean this up. We'll talk later." And then he phased, taking off into the woods.

What the hell was eating him? He knew the Cullens weren't bad as far as vampires went. It really didn't matter; Sam was Alpha, and his word was law. If Edward broke the treaty again, there was nothing I could do to save him.

"You hear that, Edward? I can't save your ass again. Stay on your side of the line."

Edward looked thoughtful for a moment then nodded. "Okay, I will."

"You promise you won't try anything when they let you up?"

"Scout's honor." His lips twisted in a pained grimace. "I will stay on our side of the treaty line."

"Quil, Seth, let him go."

Edward rose fluidly to his feet and sauntered back over the line where he proceeded to sit cross-legged.

"What are you doing?"

"Staying on my side of the line. Perfectly legal, yes?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm going to sit here until Izzy comes back to me."

"You're going to sit there?"

"Yes."

"Do you realize how crazy that is?"

"My only reason for existing is on your land, Jacob. I'll wait right here for as long as it takes."

"Edward... she's really pissed. It might be months—years—before she thaws out."

"I've got nothing but time."

"Okay, you crazy fuck. But don't even think about putting your toe over this line again. Got it?"

Edward simply closed his eyes. He looked like someone deep in meditation, calm and serene on the outside, but I knew deep down a painful storm was raging inside him.

I turned to face Quil and Seth, whose muzzles were slack. "Close your maws and get back to patrolling. You heard him—he's staying." My tone was harsher than necessary, but I sensed one big bloodsucking headache coming on.

Crazy fucking vampire.

~*Izzy*~

I didn't know what to expect from Paul. Numbness had filled my body after listening to Jacob yammering about Edward, and I was scared I'd never feel anything again. My mind was a fog, all the thoughts crowded inside moving like sludge.

When the door slammed and locked, I glanced over at Paul. He was leaning with his back against the door, his bare chest heaving, nostrils flaring. His dark eyes roved over me. I expected to see triumph there, or at least a sense of satisfaction, but what I saw was sympathy.

"Oh, not you, too." I hung my head and swiveled to face the fireplace.

He strode across the room, inserting himself between the crackling flames and me. I didn't notice much difference in temperature; Paul's skin was radiating heat. He grabbed me and crushed me to him. I stiffened instinctively, nearly forcing him away with my power. It took a great deal of restraint to hold the urge back, knowing he would be burned by the flames if I did.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered against my hair. "I never wanted this kind of pain for you."

"What do you know about my pain?" I spat angrily.

He laughed humorlessly. "Oh, more than you might think. Every day you're not mine has been agony for me. I pray every night that I'll imprint on someone."

"Paul..." I choked on his name, wanting to express that I never meant to hurt him but unable to in my current state.

"Shh... I wasn't saying it to lay blame. I just want you to know there's someone who can understand you. I'm on your side, Iz. Whatever that means."

His rigid and unwavering hold slowly broke down some of my defenses. It was exhausting being strong when all I wanted to do was fall to the floor in a heap. Deep inside me an avalanche started, rumbling loudly as shards of ice broke apart and shattered. Every breath was like pulling broken bits of ground glass into my nose, mouth, throat, lungs—and then blowing it back out again. I tasted blood in the back of my throat and knew I was bleeding internally.

"Shit, I'm bleeding," I whispered, sagging against Paul, allowing his strong arms to surround and shelter me. So unfair to allow him to comfort me over my vampire. No, not my vampire any more. My ex-vampire lover, whom I would never get over even if I had eternity to spend doing it. Edward was my one chance at love. Pick up your pieces, beyotch! Lift your head.

"Where, baby?" Paul held me at arm's length, looking me over for damage. "I don't see any blood."

"In... me. Every breath is... agony. Like broken glass. And I taste the blood."

"I think a lot of that pain is because you're refusing your mate. I don't think you fully understand the ramifications of this."

Without Paul's arms wrapped around me, it felt as if I was being rolled in the pieces of glass, coated in them. I stumbled forward, throwing myself against his chest. "Hold me. Please." I sounded weak and pathetic to my own ears; I couldn't imagine what Paul must be thinking. "I'm... sorry. You shouldn't... have to... shoulder this."

"I'm here for you because I want to be. Whatever you need." His voice was hoarse, his hot breath searing my ear.

I was being consumed by his heat, wrapped in a cocoon of his warmth. And all I wanted was the coolness of Edward—his cool fingers, his cool breath, his steady golden gaze.

"No, no, no! Make it go away!" I cried out. "I don't want to desire him anymore. How do I make it stop?"

"You don't, baby. You don't." Paul's whisper was soft and sympathetic, the sound of someone intimately aware of just how hard the path I'd set out on could be. "You're always going to love him, want him... need him. If you insist on doing this, the best you can hope for is to acclimate and get by. I'm so sorry."

"You mean... it's always going to feel... like breathing through glass?"

"To some extent, yes. Edward's your mate. To fight a connection like that is like ripping part of your own heart out—and his. Don't forget he's going to be feeling this, too."

Everything crashed down on me. All my defenses crumbled, and I sobbed my heart out. Paul lowered me to the floor as I curled inward on myself and rolled into a ball. His arms encircled me and he kept me from splintering into tiny bits that would never find their way back together. I don't know how long we sat on the hard wooden floor of the cabin that way, but my ass was numb and my legs had pins and needles.

Paul helped me over to the couch and held my hand silently until I was ready to talk.

Finally, I took a deep breath and launched into a blubbering tirade. "He lied to me! The only man I've ever loved. He kept things from me. All I ever asked was for the truth. Lying is my one hard limit. I'm a bitch and a harpy, a fucked up, drugged up, foul mouthed mess. I've done shit that probably has Charlie turning over in his grave. But I'm not a liar. I've never lied about who I am or what I have to offer."

"I hear you, baby. Let it out." He rocked me, but not with pity; he was giving me his strength.

"I warned Edward that I was fucked in the head. I never hid trysts with other guys from him, and when my guilt over them left me unable to allow another man to touch me, I shared that with him, too. He knew about the alcohol and drugs and how hard it was for me to admit I l-loved him. He led me to believe he'd had other partners before me."

"He lied about how many women he'd slept with?"

"He was a virgin when we met and never told me. When I asked about his sexual history, he just avoided the issue. He also never told me I was his m-mate."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, he took me to Rio because he didn't want me to meet Tanya."

"That's the ice-queen vamp that's been visiting the Cullens, right?"

"One and the same."

"Wow. That's a lot of deception."

"Thank you!" I said sarcastically. Paul was the first to address it without begging me to reconsider my decision. Restless, I lit a cigarette, leaping up from the couch to pace the floor. "I've got to get out of here—I need a fucking drink."

Paul rose from the couch. "Easy, girl. You don't need to go anywhere."

"Yes, I do! I need a drink... maybe something stronger. Don't try to stop me."

"I'm not." He strode over to the kitchenette, opening a cabinet and reaching for something on the top shelf. He pulled down a dusty bottle that was three-quarters full of amber liquid. "Here, baby."

"Oh... JD. Come to Izzy." I snatched the bottle out of Paul's hand like a wino on a cold winter's night.

"Glass?"

"Fuck, no." I uncapped the bottle and tipped it up to my lips. The warm bite of my favorite whiskey coated my aching throat and bloomed like fire in my belly. I gulped down a few more mouthfuls, feeling the familiar loosening of my joints as the alcohol took effect. After I finished my cigarette and consumed half of the Jack Daniels, I glanced over at Paul, who stood by the window looking out into the night. "I didn't know you guys drank Jack."

"We don't. Beer and hot dogs off the fork is more our speed, Iz." The muscles across his broad shoulders tensed and bunched as he turned to face me, his jaw set. "You don't remember?" he asked softly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

Memories of nights spent with Paul in this cabin slowly returned. One time in particular, we'd lain on a blanket beside the fire. The flames cast a golden glow over Paul's skin, his tribal tattoo standing out. I traced my finger over the intricate design on his arm. "This is such a cool tat. It looks random, but sometimes I can almost see wolves looking out at me from it."

"There are wolves looking out from there—my ancestors." He leaned over and kissed me long and hard before rolling up to a sitting position. "You thirsty, baby?"

"Parched."

He left the blanket to root around in a cabinet, producing a bottle of Jack. When I grabbed for the bottle, he held it out of my reach. "Nuh-uh." Paul took a strong pull from the bottle then leaned over, cradling the back of my head in this hand. Pressing our lips together, he'd deposited the whiskey into my mouth. He'd continued to slake my thirst this way until I'd blown him with whiskey on my tongue, and he'd yelped when the liquor found its way inside him.

"Oh, Paul. I do remember."

"My dick sure remembers! Nice to know I'm not completely forgotten."

I plopped down next to him on the couch, still gripping the neck of the bottle in my fist. "Even though things didn't work out for us, I'll never forget you, Paul." I held out the bottle, but he waved it away. "Thank you for being here for me."

He leaned over to caress my face with his palm and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'll always be here for you, Iz. I'm not going to try to force you into any decisions, but I do want you to think about this carefully. Whatever you decide, I'm behind you."

"Are you suggesting I take Edward back?"

"No, but I don't think you should completely write him off, either. He's your mate, and you'll never have another. Only you can decide how you want to live out the rest of your life."

"I don't know what to do, Paul. How I'll survive."

"One second, minute, hour, and day at a time. One week, one month, one year. There's no reason to rush your decision, though. A lot's at stake, baby."

My eyes started to droop. Between the JD and the emotional wringing out, I was exhausted. I glanced at the bed in the corner with longing but didn't trust myself to sleep. I was scared to turn myself over to my unconscious. "Paul... I know I have no right to ask, but will you stay with me? While I sleep?"

"Of course." He scooped me into his strong arms and carried me to the bed, pulling back the covers and tucking them up to my chin. He lay down on the top of the blanket with his arms under his head. "I don't have to be anywhere tonight, sweet Izzy. Sleep."

The choice was out of my hands as my eyes slipped closed.

~*IWIPB*~

A/N: So, Paul. What are we thinking of him? And, no, Izzy will not be having a fling with Paul or anyone else. He's there for her for moral support just like Jacob. What do you guys thing of Edward's sit in? The next few chapters will be difficult to get through, but I promise a payoff at the end. Cross my heart.

Next chapter in approximately two weeks. Thanks for sticking with me.

I've been given the honor of receiving an ARC of the lovely Sydney A. Logan's (SydneyAlice) new book Lessons Learned. I'll also be hosting a day of her blog tour on September 8th. Mark your calendars and show up on my blog to read an interview with her character, the schmexy Lucas Miller. Subscribers of my blog will be eligible to win a copy of Lessons Learned in my e-book giveaway!

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