1 month later

Bucky's POV

He's been in prison for three weeks now. Even after Steve testified and begged them not to convict him, Bucky was 21 days into a 915 day sentence without bail. But if he even so much as touches another inmate, his time will double. And worst of all, they wouldn't let Steve see him. He has to go a minimum of two and a half years without seeing his Stevie.

And it didn't help his situation at all that-

"Hey James." Rumlow smirks as he walks up behind Bucky in his own orange jumpsuit, giving him a playful pat on the ass, "How're you holding up?"

"Fuck you." Bucky snarls, jerking away from him, "Neither of us would've been in here and your friend would still be alive if you just left me the fuck alone."

"Awww, but then I couldn't've seen your boy. You really did pick a good twink. Still got good taste." Brock says with a wink before leaning on the wall next to him, "Can't believe you got to hit that kid everyday. I still have a hard time thinking of you as a top though. You were a sweetass bottom."

Bucky grits his teeth and closes his hand into a fist. He tries to calm himself by taking a deep breath and glancing over at a nearby guard. Oh god it was so tempting to beat the shit out of Brock, but he couldn't afford that two extra years. He didn't want to get out closer to 40 than 30. And Brock knew that.

"Speaking of bottoms." He mutters with a grin, Bucky looking up at him with a glare, "C'mon, for old time's sake."

"You're the reason my life fell apart." He hisses, "Why the fuck would I ever want to hook up with you?"

"Because for the next two years I'm all you've got."

Steve's POV

Everything about his life was so different now. Everyone around him walked on eggshells. No one would even say Bucky's name. They were afraid it'd trigger some sort of PTSD. The only thing it triggered was how much he missed Bucky.

Steve was sitting in his dorm, alone, scrolling through all the commissions people had sent in since he was kidnapped. He wanted to draw. He really needed the money but, he just couldn't force himself to do it. He didn't really give the court ordered therapist much to work with either. All the shit he was going through was his and he didn't want to dump that on someone else, even if it was their job.

Since the semester had changed, Sam moved to a new dorm so he could be with Tony's friend Rhodey instead of alone. It made sense, but now it sucked because Steve couldn't figure out his new roommate's schedule. He was an African exchange student named T'Challa, he was nice enough from the couple short conversations they had through the days but, other than that, he didn't really know him. He seems like the judgemental type. Not that that was a bad thing.

After a couple more minutes he decides to plug in his earbuds and scroll through youtube. It was just easier to watch videos with earbuds in. He begins scrolling through his feed, not even knowing where to start. He decides to just go to the Ted X channel and try and find a couple good Ted Talks he could waste his time watching before having to go to his graphic design class. He scrolls through the channel, frowning a bit at his inability to find a good one, before his heart stops.

How loss builds strength

His mother was in the thumbnail. She did a Ted Talk? His hand starts to shake before he taps it and bites his lip as it starts up.

2 months earlier

Sarah's POV

"Don't worry Ms. Rogers. You're going to do amazing." Peggy encourages as Sarah takes a shaky breath and stares up at the empty stage. A person walks up and helps her put her microphone.

"You're on in one minute."

"I don't think I can do this." Sarah murmurs, putting her hand over the microphone so no one could hear. Peggy gives her a sad look and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Do you know all your lines?"

"Yes."

"Have you practiced this a thousand times?"

"Yes but-"

"Then there's nothing to worry about. We're all going to be right here supporting you." Peggy assures as Tony, Howard, Sam, and Nat all look up and nod.

"You're going to do great!"

"Go get 'em!"

Sarah smiles at them before looking back at Peggy and swallowing hard.

"What if I get too choked up?"

"Then take a deep breath and think about the time when Steve-"

"You're on." The same man from before states. Sarah freezes up before Peggy pushes her up.

"Break a leg!" She whisper yells as the room of around 500 people goes silent. Sarah takes a deep breath before taking the remote that changed the visuals and walking onto the stage. She looks around at all the people, then glances at the camera before speaking.

"You know when you're a little kid, and you always dreamed about your future? And you always imagined marrying the person of your dreams, living in a big house with a yard, and your few little kids running around with your purebred golden? As a little kid, you never anticipate reality. You never anticipate the loss and grief that you will inevitably experience." She glances at Peggy, who smiles and gives her a thumbs up, "I am 41 years old, and I've lost both my parents, my husband, and my son."

She looks around the crowd and notices a couple people put their hands over their mouths.

"I had ambitious dreams when I was a little girl. I am an Irish-American immigrant who would never have even dreamed of leaving the country. I absolutely loved it there. My plan in life was to move to Dublin, become a news anchor, then marry the man of my dreams in a large, extravagant wedding ceremony, then move into a large house in the suburbs." She takes another deep breath before pressing a button and a slightly grainy picture of two little kids, one boy and one girl, sitting in a field eating a picnic together, "This was taken two days after I was forced to kiss this kid in a game of spin the bottle." She switches the slide again, now showing a very awkward yearbook picture of the boy, the entire crowd chuckling. "If you had told me then I was going to marry Joey Rogers, I would have punched you in the face."

She looks up at the picture and takes a shaky breath before continuing;

"But after that dumb little picnic date where both of our parents were only sitting a couple feet away, we became best friends. Jarah, kids gave us a couple name before couple names were even a thing." She flips through a couple more pictures, each with them becoming progressively older, until she stops at their 8th grade graduation.

"Then in the summer of 1990, we went from best friends to dating, which really wasn't that big of a transition. Instead of platonically holding hands we began kissing. Then from kissing to… well I think you can all guess." She laughs, before glancing at Peggy again, who smiles and nods, giving her a thumbs up.

"Everything was going fantastic, until our junior year in high school when Joseph's father's work transferred him from Limerick to New York City." She takes a deep breath, thinking back on how heartbroken she was on the day he left. "I was absolutely destroyed when he left. He was my whole world, my rock, my protector, the man I had already told myself I was going to marry and the man I had predestined to be the father of my children." She clears her throat a bit. "We had kept in touch a bit, but not as much as either of us had liked. He finished up high school and went to business school for two years in the US and I stayed in Ireland and worked on a degree in journalistic writing, I wanted to be a correspondent for CNN, ambitious, I know."

Peggy mouths something along the lines of 'you're rambling a bit' and Sarah instantly starts to feel pressure again.

"Th-Then, excuse me, then my university gave me the opportunity to study abroad and gain an internship at NBC, in New York City. It meant I got to see Joe again and I was head over heels excited. So, at 20 years old, I waved my parents and their dog behind and got onto a plane to New York and never looked back. And seeing him again… Meeting Joseph at the airport… it felt like a fantasy. He scooped me up in his arms and we hugged so tight neither of us could breathe. Unfortunately, while we were apart he never… He never mentioned in his letters how he became an alcoholic. Instead of the extravagant wedding I dreamed of, we had a green card wedding because my visa was about to expire and I didn't want to go back. Then, without my knowledge, when we consummated our marriage he… he cut a hole in the condom." She mutters, clenching her jaw tightly, "I was only 21. I wasn't ready to be a mother. But soon enough, 8 months later, I had Steven." She clicks another button and a couple of Steve's baby pictures appear, earning a couple of 'awww's from the audience.

"During Steve's first couple years Joseph and I were still technically married, but separated. He would take Steve every other weekend and I would work my ass off to put food on the table. Another dream I realized wasn't going to happen were my suburban utopia and job, so I took a janitorial job at a nearby hospital and became a marginally better paid nurse. Steve was about two at this time so I dropped him off at the nursery everyday and he played with the other toddlers. It was brutal because I knew Joseph was still living in his parents' nice apartment and eating their food while all the income he made went directly into his pocket. He was the one that took our son around, boasted him to the girls that would flirt with him in line at the store, bought him gifts, took him to nice restaurants. He truly was a good father, just… the times he didn't have to raise his son, he was an entitled, and god rest his soul he knows this, douche."

She chuckles, before going solemn as she prepares to move to the next part of her speech, clicking the remote to a new slide with her and presumably her parents.

"2001 was an emotionally straining year to say the least. My parents never really had much money either, but at that point they were finally able to afford to visit New York and meet their grandson for the very first time. U-Unfortunately they never even made it to the airport… Their cab was in a traffic accident and both them and the driver were killed…" She takes a moment before continuing. "That was the first profound loss I ever experienced. And it was hell because I blamed myself, it was because of me they were in that cab to begin with. Then my clinical depression emerged and I have been struggling with it since. B-But their deaths made me realize just how strong a parental connection truly is. I wasn't a neglectful mother by a long shot, but I made a point of taking more breaks, even if it meant missing lunch, to go play with Steve in the daycare, just so he would know how much I care, even as a toddler who could barely walk." She clicks another button and a picture of the World Trade Center appears.

"Then, a few months after my parents, the September 11 attacks occurred… and Joe worked in the North Tower as an office temp. It was in that moment, that crucial moment of looking up at the television and thinking my son may not grow up with a father chilled me to my core. And... " She pauses for a moment to try and find the right words. "I realized just how much I needed him and how much I would miss him if he didn't make it out."

She clicks to the next, which was a 2001 Christmas card of the three of them.

"Fortunately, he did. He was on a low enough floor where he was able to escape relatively quickly, and we were able to take that picture. A few months pass and he then decided to enlist in the military like many brave men and women that were rightfully horrified by what had happened and wanted to help. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I respected what he wanted and over the next nine years, things calmed down, we were happily married, Steve was growing up in a loving and supportive home, and Joe was just six weeks from finally retiring from active duty and coming home for good."

Sarah's teeth start to chatter and tears form in her eyes.

"Th-Then…" She chokes, glancing at Peggy for support, who gives her a sad smile, "H-His off duty commanding officer, wh-who was also a personal friend came up to me at my work and just hugged me completely off guard and whispered 'I'm sorry' into my ear." She chews on her lip and clears her throat a bit, "A-And that's when I knew he was gone… He was six weeks away from civilian life. Six weeks away from going to Steve's art galleries. S-Six weeks away from the prospect of having another child… All taken away by two shots point blank to the head." She takes a shaky breath and looks down, noticing her hands were trembling as well.

"That was undoubtedly the hardest thing I had ever had to experience. The plan was for us to grow old together, get sick together, then die together. He was only 35, I was only 34. I had to help our 12 year old son grieve when I could barely handle it myself. But just as Joe was my rock when he was alive… Steve remained the most resilient, kind hearted, and supportive young man I could have possibly hoped for. When I had to take off work he went online and sold his artwork to bring in extra money. He is just that kind of person." She gushes, before gulping as she approaches the part of her speech she had been dreading the most.

"I-I always dreaded the day I died because I saw how much his father's death affected him and I knew how much it hurt, I never wanted him to feel that way… J-Just never i-in a million years did I ever-" A small whimper escapes her throat and she tries to muscle through, "e-ever imagine I would see the police at my door, and have them tell me…" Her voice begins to crack, "Th-That my precious little boy, wh-who I promised I w-would protect from any-thi-ng," she strains, "w-went missing without a trace. H-He's still unfound. Presumed dead. A-And I-"

Steve's POV

Steve turns off his phone and sets it aside, tears streaming down his face as he buries it in his hands. He fucking hated himself. Why the fuck was he such an ass to his mom? He nearly slaps himself for being such a thick headed idiot. How had it not once occurred to him that he-

"Shit." He mumbles softly into his hands, pulling his head up and staring at the opposite wall. There was no way he could take back the vile shit that he had said to her. What the fuck was he saying when he said she didn't care about him? What the actual fuck?! He needed to figure out a way to make it up to her, to everyone in his life he isolated. Bucky wasn't his whole world anymore.