Chapter 21
Waking up in the morning, Sam felt like a freight train just rolled through her mind. Gripping her head in pain from a body crippling headache, Sam looked at her surroundings while adjusting her eyes. Letting out a deep breath that she had been holding, she was thankful that she was back in her room at Sonny's house. She was a little disappointed to see that she was alone. 'Where is Jason?' She thought to herself. Even thinking gave her a mind numbing pain. Looking over at the night stand, Sam noticed two pain pills and a bottle of water. Quickly taking them, she allowed herself to close her eyes and lay her head back down on the pillow. After a few moments of feeling the therapeutic effects of the pills, she decided to brave it out and make her way down stairs grabbing her robe and putting her arms through it on her way. She hesitated when she reached the bottom steps noticing the thick tension in the room. Sonny was seated as his desk looking through paperwork and Jason was sitting on the couch with a coffee mug in hand. 'Now that is exactly what I need.' She thought as she made her towards him.
Hearing Sam walk towards him, he held out his mug to her. "Here." He said as he handed it to her, eyeing her carefully as she took the mug and placed it to her lips. He took a moment to look her over, making sure that she was ok, that she wasn't hurt. "Are you ok?" He asked with his voice soft and full of concern for her.
"Mmhmm." She hummed taking another long gulp of the delicious concoction as she sank down on the couch next to him. "Just a headache." She added placing the mug back on the table to start rubbing her temples with the tips of her fingers.
"I was so worried about you." Jason said taking her hands in his.
"But I'm fine Jason…"
"No!" He suddenly stood up and released her hands. "You are not fine Sam. You were drugged and who knows what kind of side effects you could get."
"Look, It's ok, I'll most likely just have a headache for the rest of the day, but I'll be…"
"Don't say your fine. Dammit Sam, you could have been hurt or worse killed and if you hadn't gotten out of there on time, God knows what that son of a bitch would have done to you."
Sighing heavily, she stood up to face him. "Jason please, I can't do this with you." She didn't want to get into an argument, especially one where she has had millions of times with him before concerning her limits and her safety.
"Then when Sam, when are you going to learn that you are not invincible."
"I never said I was."
"No, but you always seem to act like it, you always seem to jump head on in these types of situations. What the hell Sam? I don't want to see you get hurt, I can't lose you."
"This isn't about you Jason, I can take care of myself. I got out of that situation all by myself, didn't I?"
"You were drugged and you almost fell of the fire escape!" He started to raise his voice, he was getting sick and tired of her putting herself in danger.
"But I didn't!" She shouted back despite the raging headache that was pulsating.
"When are you going to learn…" He started to say but was immediately cut off.
"Learn? Learn what Jason? Learn not to do things on my own, learn not to put myself in danger? Dammit when are you going to learn this is who I am, when are you going to learn to accept me, all of me and not just the parts that you like."
"I do accept you…"
"No you don't, you say you do, but then something like this happens and you want me to sit on the sidelines and let you do everything on your own, no matter what danger you are in. What if I hadn't shown up, huh Jason, what where you going to do, bust in their guns blazing? I don't need you to babysit me, I don't need your protection. I am not Elizabeth!" She ended getting fed up of being treated like a damsel in distress. Suddenly there was a silence in the room and neither of them noticed Sonny sitting there at his desk listening in to the entire conversation.
Normally Sonny would be worried for his two friends, but for some reason he was slightly smiling inside. 'Trouble in paradise.' He thought to himself. He shook his head listening to Sam's latest ranting. No, she wasn't Elizabeth, she has proved it over and over plenty of times. Elizabeth was nowhere near the same boat as Sam, Hell, she couldn't even be in the same continent. Sam was everything that Sonny has ever wanted in a woman and to this day he could never figure out what Jason ever saw in Elizabeth in the first place. Right now, he chose to stay quiet and enjoy the scenery.
"I never said you were." Jason softy whispered. He never meant for the conversation to end up here, he didn't want to fight with her. He especially never wanted her to feel like he compared her to Elizabeth. "I don't want you to be like her, I love you for who you are Sam. You are the only person that has accepted me for me and I accept you for you." He started to walk towards her only to feel a sharp pain in his heart when he saw her walk back and away from him.
"Do you? Do you accept me Jason, all of me? Or do you just accept me because Elizabeth couldn't accept you?" She had to take a deep breath to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "What if Elizabeth had accepted you? Would you choose her? Would you want to be with the housewife who sits at home with your…. kids, accepting you that you work for Sonny that you are a lethal mob enforcer? Would you still choose me?" She said with the tears finally falling down her cheeks.
Seeing the tears fall was Jason's kryptonite, only seeing Sam's pain affected him this way. He never meant to hurt her, he even promised that he would never hurt her again. And now, he did just that and in the worst way. He questioned her, he questioned her choices, her persona, her individuality, he question what made Sam, Sam. Reaching out to her so that he could hold her, so that he could comfort her, Sam took more steps backwards heading towards the stairs. "Sam…"
"Don't Jason." She stopped him by putting her hands up. "Don't say anything, just think about it. I'm going to go upstairs, take a shower and take a long nap, you think about what I said." She bolting up the stairs but then stopped in the middle of the staircase to turn back to him. "Would you still want me if she accepted you?" She wiped her tears away then ran up to her room.
Standing there in shock with all that just transpired, Jason looked up the staircase getting ready to go after her but was stopped at Sonny's words. "Jason, don't, leave her be." Sonny told him hoping to stop him from going up to Sam. Sonny knew that Sam needed to be alone right now, she didn't need another argument with Jason. She needed a shower and a nap. Thinking about Sam in the shower, naked, Sonny tucked his shaking hands underneath the desk on his lap so that Jason wouldn't see. "Maybe you should just take some time to think about what she said?"
"There is nothing to think about Sonny!" Jason growled facing Sonny. He was just about to tell him how he felt when he was interrupted by his cell phone. "Morgan." He answered picking up. "Yeah, ok, I'll be right there." He said then shut it off then looked back to see Sonny's questioning glare. "That was Spinelli, he says that Sandoval is on his way here and that he had some information for me."
"This is bad Jason, this is really bad."
"You don't think I know that Sonny. They know what she looks like and if they come here to see you, they might see her. How do I get protection on her, she just accused me accepting her choices?"
"First you need to make right with Sam." Sonny paused wondering where this sudden concern for their relationship was coming from. "Then you need to find a way to protect her. Just be honest with her Jason, don't put guards on her without her knowing, just tell her the truth, get her to compromise." He realized that Sam's safety was more important than his jealousy towards Jason.
"I'll see what I can do." Jason said shaking his head walking towards the door. "I'm going to go see Spinelli then I'll be back to talk to Sam after she naps. Will you just tell her I'll be back? And that I love her."
"Sure." Sonny said nodding his head. "Let's just try to handle this situation with little trouble as possible. We can't afford to go to war, too many lives are on the line."
With that said, Jason gave him a quick nod, looked up the stairs one final time then walked out the door. He would come back later to talk to Sam, to make her see that he loved her and that he would always choose her over Elizabeth or anyone else. Sam was the only woman that could handle his lifestyle and truth be told, he would always get turned on seeing her hold her 9mm. The one thing that made him smile more than anything was to know that Sam was his partner in every way and she was and always will be his best back up.
After her long hot shower, Sam descended down the staircase to see Sonny standing over by the bar pouring himself a drink alone. Jason was gone. She couldn't help the pain that shot through her heart knowing that Jason had left, left and didn't fight with her, for her. She knew she was being ridiculous at questioning Jason's lover for her. She knew that he loved her with all his heart, the same she felt for him. But love wasn't enough for her, she wouldn't settle for anything less, she wanted his loyalty and his acceptance. But her being the independent woman she was, she would no longer need it. Want it, yes, but she would never make Jason her center of the universe any longer, they would be each other's center together.
"Jason's gone?" She asked trying to hide her disappointment making her way towards the couch.
"Yeah." He nodded turning towards her. "He had to go talk to Spinelli and then he's coming back?"
Feeling slightly better at hearing that Jason will be back, she slowly sank down on the couch, trying to prevent from making sudden movements so that her head wouldn't protest. She still had a headache and the only thing would make it go away was sleep. "Did he say anything else?"
Sonny sat his drink on the coffee table and sat next to Sam. Being that close to her made his hands tremble slightly just thinking about being near her, close enough to touch her, to hold her. What should he say right now, should he lie and say that Jason never mentioned her? That for sure would make her upset and maybe that could be a way in for Sonny to make his move. But no matter what he felt for her, he couldn't see her hurt, he didn't want to hurt her. "Yeah, he said that he loves you and that when he comes back he's going to tell you. He will always choose you Sam, no matter what, Jason loves you. He was just really worried about you and with good reason. When he brought you in here, you looked like death, you were so pale. I was even worried."
"Oh, I forgot." She said placing the flash drive and the papers that she found in Sandoval's safe. "Here."
"Thank you. Good work."
Sam simply nodded and then put her fingers to her temples to hopefully rub the headache away. She rolled her stiff neck and her shoulders to release some of the tension.
Seeing her uncomfortable, Sonny placed his trembling hands on her shoulders to massage them. He was sad at first to feel slightly tense up but then a smile spread on his face when he felt her relax underneath him. 'That is where she belonged.' He thought, underneath him. "Did you get a chance to take a nap?"
"No." She said slowly trying to pull away from Sonny's grasp on her shoulders. She felt a little uncomfortable with him massaging her, but she brushed if off as something friendly. But it seemed, the more she tried to pull away, the stronger his grasp got. "I had too much on my mind." She said then stood up only to see Sonny's hands shaking as he set them back down to his sides. "Sonny, are you ok?"
Standing up suddenly, Sonny walked over to his desk putting his hands in his pockets to conceal them. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why don't you go and get some rest? Just rest easy knowing that Jason loves you and that he will be back tonight." He said sitting at his desk, busying himself with the paperwork that she had stolen for him.
Accepting his suggestion for a nap, she turned to head up the stairs. "You sure you're ok?" She asked one final time. Receiving nothing but a nod, she accepted his answer and headed up the stairs to her room. She still felt uneasy, but now it had nothing to do with Jason, it had to do with Sonny. Lately Sonny has been acting a little different than usual and now to top it off, his hands were trembling. 'And what was with that massage?' She thought as she took her pants off to sleep in only a t-shirt, she laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes.
Later that night, Sonny noticed that Sam still hadn't come back down. He was starting to get really worried about her. Jason had called and said that he was going to be late and he asked Sonny to make sure that Sam was safe. So Sonny took it upon himself to go upstairs to talk to Sam. Walking towards her room softly, Sonny started to get a little anxious and… nervous. Why would he be nervous? He was only going to check on Sam, to her bedroom, to the place where she sleeps in her bed, preferably naked. Those thoughts didn't help his anxiety much, if anything they started to make his hands shake a little more now. His body was betraying and now the hard on that he was getting just thinking about Sam sleeping naked didn't help either.
Reaching her door, he felt a little smile spread across his lips when he noticed that it was slightly open. It was only open by an inch, but it was enough to hear her softly breathing. Opening the door a little wider, he slowly walked into the room and the sight before him totally took his breath away. Sam, his wife no matter what Jason said, was sleeping on her side facing away him. Her silky dark hair was fanned on her pillow, her full pouty lips luscious begging to be kissed. She was wearing a small black t-shirt that rode high enough for him to see her black laced panties and nothing else covering her long sexy toned legs. Shifting uncomfortable due to the erection that became too painful for him, Sonny just stared at her but almost came when she murmured something close to an 'I love you' and then licked her luscious lips. When she stirred slightly, Sonny chose to take that as a sign to leave, he didn't want to wake her, she needed her sleep. Walking out the door, Sonny took one last look at Sam then turned only to come face to face with his deadly enforcer.
"Sonny, what the hell are you doing?" Jason asked seeing his boss walk out of the bedroom where his fiancé was sleeping.
Oh Fuck Sonny thought to himself, how was he going to talk his way out of this. "I uh, I thought I heard something from in here, so I came up to check it out." He said walking away from the door to let Jason pass by. "Everything seems to be ok."
"Thanks." Jason said as he watched his boss walk away. 'What the hell?' Jason couldn't help but feel really uneasy about seeing Sonny walk out of Sam's bedroom. Shaking his head, he chose to let it go, right now he had more important things to do. Sam.
Laying down next to her after he stripped off his clothes but his boxers, Jason took a moment to look at the beautiful woman sleeping next to him. How could he not love her? How could he not choose her? She was everything to him and he needed to tell her that. Smiling when she curled up into his side, Jason wrapped his arms around her. "I love you Sam, only you."
"I love you too Jason."
"And I accept you…" He started to say but she tried to cut him off. "Let me finish." He said placing a finger to her lips. He continued when he saw her nod. "I love you and I will always choose you, there was nothing to think about Sam. You are the only woman I have truly loved with all of my heart and my soul, just the way you are. I was just so worried about you, I hate feeling helpless and I hate seeing you in dangerous situations."
"It's not like we've never been in a dangerous situation before Jason, I mean look at the hospital fire and the biotoxins…"
"Your right, but I was by your side. I was with you, I was there. I know that this is who you are and I accept that Sam just like the way you accept me, but I can't sit back and watch you walk into danger alone. I want to be by your side all the time, every time for the rest of my life."
"Partners?" She said letting out a yawn.
"Partners." He said leaning down and placing a soft sweet kiss to her lips before they both let the sleep over take them. It had been a rough couple of days and they had gotten through it together.