What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
Happy kept thinking about her, the blonde that lived inside his head, never leaving his mind. He kept wondering who she'd choose, if it'd be him. He hoped she would choose him. For two years now, he couldn't get her out of his mind. He didn't do this; he didn't get feelings for females. He fucked them and moved on but somehow Hanna Winston got under his skin, she was stained all over him.
He didn't know how she did it but she did and now that was nothing left to do about it. He loved her and he knew he always would. No matter what she said or did, forget her childish behavior… he knew how to deal with her-how to handle her. He didn't baby her or spoil her, he didn't put up with her whining, spoiled brat attitude.
Hanna pulled her phone out of her back pocket to check the time. 11:58 pm. She felt the butterflies in her stomach as she got in her car and started driving down the road. The phone's alarm started to blare as the clock stuck midnight.
Hanna felt her stomach drop as the alarm rang. She pulled into the dark driveway and stared at the house in front of her. There was only one light on in the house. Hanna made her decision and now it was time to face the rest of her problems... hopefully with the help of the man she chose to be with.
Hanna got out of her car, grabbing her phone and purse in the process. She shrugged her shoulders as she walked up the path. She knocked on the front door and waited for it to be opened.
When it finally opened, she shrugged her shoulders at the person staring back at her. He moved out of her way to let her in, she walked past him and walked straight toward the couch. Hanna sat down and pulled her phone out of her purse. Checking the time, it said 12:27 am. She had two missed calls, both from Donna. She overlooked them, setting her phone down beside her.
She heard some noises coming from the kitchen and walked in there. "Guess we should talk, huh?" Hanna spoke softly. The man turned to look at the blonde beauty and nodded his head.
"Yeah I guess so." The raspy voice came to life.
Happy walked closer to her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry you're in this position… just tell me who you chose. Give it to me straight."
Hanna pulled herself out of Happy's arms and pulled her hair out of the ponytail it was in. Fluffing her hair a little bit, she gave the tattooed man before her a smile.
"You'll never settle down, you really don't want to and that's ok… I was never the only woman you were with in San Fran… There were other women and I know it. But it's ok because we weren't actually in a relationship or anything. I didn't have your crow or anything, I don't have anyone's crow and I'm so glad I didn't get one back then. The young, naïve Hanna would've gotten that crow in a heartbeat but this one, this scared little girl won't take a step toward that commitment until she knows for sure what's really going on." Hanna sat down at the table, watching Happy closely.
Hanna took a deep breath before speaking. "You're curious about who I chose, when really… That's not the big picture. The bigger picture is who's old lady I'll be, who's crow is gonna be inked on me, who's gonna own me. I don't want to be owned, Hap. I want to be loved and I know both of you love me but you're both crazy as hell. You kill anything that looks at the club the wrong way; you almost broke a guy's neck in San Francisco for touching me. He loses his shit every time I'm with another guy… Across the room from him or not, he hates me around other guys, like I'd do something with them any of them anyway. There are only two guys in this whole damn thing that I'd ever be with and we all know who they are."
"Where are you going with all this, Hanna?" Happy spoke up, trying to sound as calm as he could.
Knowing the SAMCRO assassin was close to losing his temper with her, she tried to get to the point. "What would do if I told you I don't have an answer, Hap? What would you say?"
"You want me to hit you, to throw you around?" Happy took a step toward the blonde beauty. "Huh? Is that what you want?" He got closer to her, picking her up by her arms as soon as he could touch her. He backed her into the corner of the kitchen. "You want me to be rough with you, girl?"
Hanna felt Happy's hand roam over her body slowly, while his other hand had her pinned to the wall by her hip. He reached the waistband on her leggings and stopped. He looked up to her for any words, she just shook her head.
"You came to say goodbye, didn't you?" Happy backed away from her, trying not to make eye contact with her. "You chose him, didn't you?" He finally looked up and saw tears rolling down her face. "Tell me. Speak up, Hanna…" His raspy voice was slowly dying.
"Just tell me if we'd have a future together. Tell me you could settle down with me. I just need some of my own answers, Happy. I didn't ever give up that baby because of my love for Jax. It had nothing to do with Jax… It had everything to do with you!" Hanna wiped her tears away from her face and walked into the living room. Happy was hot on her heels as she walked toward the couch.
"What about me?" He grabbed her by her arms again, holding her a little tighter than before.
"You honestly believe you could raise a kid when you're the club's assassin? Always on call, always on the road? The kid would never see you, how the fuck am I suppose to explain that to a kid? 'Oh you're dad's out killing someone, we might see him tomorrow. Go do your homework.' Come on, Hap… what the fuck." Hanna tried to pull herself out of Happy's tight grip but it only made him tighten his grip.
"We would've found a way to explain it. I could've been around, fuck Hanna, I would've been around... Every chance I got! I wouldn't have left you to deal with that by yourself." Happy sighed, still holding onto her. "You're right, Hanna, you're right. I couldn't ever settle down, there wouldn't be a future here. I won't ever get married… I definitely won't have kids. You deserve shit like that, the husband and the kids. You deserve the giant house and big backyard with the dog to go with it."
This one comes and this one goes
So here we are across the road
In whispers, in whispers
You say let it go, let it go home
Taking all our time we rode
Through the town where we grew old
Our stories and pictures
Oh, we let them go, let them go home
Oh, I have seen your beauty grow
Where all this fades, you shine in gold
Our love will be legend
If we let it go, let it go home.
Jax paced the living room, checking the time every 10 minutes. When the clock struck 1:00 am, he stopped pacing. He turned toward the front door and just stared at it. A couple minutes passed and he just hung his head. Walking to the back of the house, to his bedroom, he slammed the door shut when he got in there.
He wasn't angry; he was more hurt than anything else. He knew she made her decision; she just didn't have the guts to let him know right away.
He picked up his pre-pay and started to dial her number when he heard a knock at the front door. He stood up and walked out of the bedroom to the front door. Jax opened the door and saw the blonde beauty, tears staining their way onto her delicate features.
"Hi." Her soft voice came to life. Jax raised an eyebrow at her.
"Who is it?" Who knew those three words could hurt someone so much, Jax watched the fresh tears stream down Hanna's face.
Hanna could feel the pain in his voice, she could feel the confusion and hurt. "I'm so sorry this all happened, Jax. I think we both just wanted someone to sleep next to at night."
Jax sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It's not me, is it?" Jax looked at her, watching her try to make the tears stop. She matched his stare and nodded.
"We were stuck in the past, trying to recapture the feelings from four and five years ago. That's not healthy and it's definitely not going to make a good relationship." She tried her hardest to sound calm.
"Guess you're right… I'm sorry I didn't take my chance when you offered it up back then. He better treat you right, ya know." Jax tried to smile. "Just because he's the club's killer doesn't mean I won't kill him if he breaks your heart. Same rule will always apply… just like when you were younger."
"I'll always care about you, you'll always be my best friend, Jax… Nothing and no one can change that. I'll still kick your ass in pool if need be." Hanna forced a smile onto her face and she moved to hug him. Jax wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, not wanting to let her go.
He didn't want this to be real… he just wanted to go back to before she left and make her stay or go with her. He couldn't do this, he couldn't do anything without her. Sure, she said they'll still be friends but that's never going to work. Especially if Happy is as smart as everyone thinks he is. But Jax knew that it had to be different between them, he knew that Happy didn't get jealous, he trusted Hanna. Then it hit him, that's where it all went wrong. They never tried to renew their love, begin new things… He didn't ever trust Hanna and she hated the distance between them.
He unwound his arms from Hanna. He kissed her forehead and she gave him a smile. "Make me a promise, Jax…" Hanna spoke softly and waited for him to respond. He nodded his head, looking into her ocean blue eyes. "Take care of yourself and don't shun him out. You still love him, he's still one of your best friends… He made a mistake just like the rest of us- he's human, ya know, he's entitled to make a few every now and then. He still loves you and he will still happily kill anyone for you and the club, especially for you. You guys are still close, still brothers. Don't hate him because of my mistakes, ok?"
Jax pulled Hanna to him again, nodding his head. "Ok, Hanna… I promise. Just promise me something, too." Jax felt Hanna nod her head as he spoke. "You'll tell me if he hurts you… In any way." Hanna pulled away from Jax and nodded.
"I promise, you already know I'll come running to you and Opie both. I better get going… I kind of left him on the line. I wanted to get here and talk to you before I say anything else." Hanna kissed Jax's cheek and walked out of the door.
Jax walked Hanna get in her car and pull out of the driveway. His eyes followed the car until he couldn't see it anymore. He wiped the tears off his cheeks as he closed the front door and locked it. He walked to his bedroom and laid on his side of the bed. He looked at the picture on his nightstand and felt fresh tears work their way down his face. It was a picture of him and Hanna when she graduated high school, he was holding her in the air and they were staring at each other. It was her favorite picture of them from that night so she told him to put it on his nightstand.
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
Hanna got back to Happy's just in time to see him getting on his bike to leave. She threw the car in park and got out. "Where are you going?"
Happy stalled as he felt her hands on his hips, pulling him toward her. "Gotta go to Tacoma, club shit… Why are you back out here?" Happy turned to face the blonde.
"I'm where I'm supposed to be, Hap… This is what I chose. You're what I chose." Hanna dropped her hands to her side.
"Then why'd you leave?" Happy stepped closer toward her.
"It was better to talk to him in person about it… I told him I chose you but I left you here because I felt like I should've told him first that he wasn't getting chosen."
"Why'd you choose me? You told me earlier that there's no future here." Happy walked toward her, watching her back away from him until the back of her legs hit her car.
"No… I told you to tell me we had a future, there's a future here, Hap. I don't need the big house, big backyard bullshit… Don't want it either. I just want you." Hanna put her hands on his chest, whispering, "You… I just want you."
"What are you going to do about that?" His rough voice rang through her ears as he picked her up and set her on the hood of her car.
"I don't know, Hap…" Hanna spoke softly as Happy's lips found her neck, nipping and kissing it as her hands moved under his shirt, moving over his hard abs. Hanna's tiny hands finally settled on his chest.
One hand moved to her ass while the other made its way under her shirt up to her breasts. "Why don't you figure that out while I'm gone?"
Hanna moaned a little as she felt Happy start to massage her breast. "Stay here and help me figure it out." Her voice was a whisper in his ears as she tried to gain some composure.
"Can't… Gotta go, I'll be back tomorrow night. Will you be here?" Happy removed his hand from under her shirt and back away from the blonde beauty.
Hanna watched Happy fix himself and she rolled her eyes. "Do that ever again and I will kill you." Hanna fixed her clothes and hopped off the hood of the car. "If you want me to be here, then I'll be here."
Happy laughed and nodded his head as he walked back toward her. He bent down to be eye level with her. "Is that a threat, girl?" He pressed his lips to hers as soon as he finished his sentence.
Hanna pulled out of the kiss and smirked. "No, it's a challenge… I'll be here. Hurry up and go so you can get back." Hanna's lips found his.
AN: Ok ok... So I'm sure I'm a little hated right now & that's going to sadden me if I lose some readers for this chapter but I'm sorry...
This is definitely how I wanted it to be. After reading some reviews, I reassured myself that I was sticking with this decision. I'll be honest here, this was a little tough, haha. Almost felt like I, myself, was having to choose between the two men, hahaha. It's just a difficult thing to do, I don't recommend it to anyone.
I seriously hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you guys think of this new one!
I would respond to each reviewer that reviewed in the author's note but you're all going to get the same response.
Thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback, you all are so amazing and I hope I delivered a good chapter for you all. You all seriously make my day! I appreciate the love and support you give the story, it means so much! I'm really happy to know you guys have enjoyed it this far and have stuck with me this far.
The lyrics that were listed above are from :
All of Me - John Legend
Whispers - Dave Baxter