A/N: Sorry about the delay. I've been trying to get this updated for almost a week but haven't had much spare time. But it's longer than usual so hopefully that will sort of make up for it. =) Thanks for being patient!
/
Chapter 21
Lauren
Before I even opened my eyes, I felt the hot and steady cadence of her breath against my skin. The soft weight of her head as it rested atop my chest. The soothing heat of her body pressed into my side.
The unfamiliar sensations had set my heart racing until I realized what had happened, slowly opening my eyes to see Bo. We had fallen asleep at some point but I didn't remember when.
I had never woken up with someone in my bed before. It was strange, though not in a bad way. It was actually quite nice. Warm. But an abrupt restless feeling overshadowed that. I had to get up, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't want to wake her. Judging by the light coming into the room, it was still early morning, nearing the middle. Dyson and Maria wouldn't set out to train for at least another couple of hours and after last night, Bo definitely needed the rest. She needed to feed, too. Whatever she had done to calm me had taken a lot of her power. I had felt it, that rush of strength. We would have to talk about that, later. Right now, I needed to find the least disruptive way to extricate myself from her grasp.
It took a few minutes and some extremely calculated maneuvering, but I was finally off of the bed and my previous place in her arms now belonged to a pillow which she unconsciously hugged closer and adjusted herself around. She hadn't opened her eyes once. I wondered if she was always such a heavy sleeper or if she was simply that exhausted. Because I, myself, would usually have woken up at the smallest sound or shift of the bed. Of course, the environment I was accustomed to was that of a pirate ship, where anything could go wrong at any moment.
I looked down at myself. Since I had unknowingly drifted off, I was still fully dressed, except for my boots, and so was Bo. I stretched my back and shoulders- sleeping in stays was never comfortable. I needed to change clothes but decided to wait, not wanting to risk waking Bo up during the process.
Instead, I found a different and quiet way to occupy myself, walking over to the desk in the corner of the small room. I carefully eased the top drawer open, trying to make as little noise as possible, and pulled out the piece of parchment on which I'd written all the articles I had come up with so far. I'd left the other one at the Dal but since there wasn't much on it to begin with, I wouldn't need it to spark my memory. I sat down in the chair and went to pull open the bottom drawer that held the pen and inkwell. I placed the heavy writing utensil on the desk top- it was rare to find such a thing, but Blackwing clearly didn't need it anymore- and then took hold of the little bottle. Turning my head to the side as I straightened up, I took in the sight of the woman sleeping in my bed once more. The restlessness inside of me grew. I knew exactly what it was.
She looked so damned peaceful, lying there like that. And there was that innocence she always held in her features, but now it was more prominent, Unguarded. A shiver went through me as my mind immediately began to stray to thoughts about the not so innocent things she made me feel. I didn't stop it this time. Maybe it was because my head hadn't fully come out of the haze of sleep or maybe I felt more comfortable with it now that we had acknowledged where this was going and what we wanted. The restlessness, the ache, became even stronger as I thought about her kiss, her touch. The things I wanted to experience with her and only her. The things I would do if-
Bo rolled onto her back, a soft sigh escaping her lips. My muscles tensed as the arousal surged through me. But it wasn't my own- not all of it. She was still sleeping. Dreaming. And it was quite obvious what she was dreaming about. My mouth went dry. I couldn't know for sure, but maybe I had caused it. Or maybe my excitement was brought on by her own.
I saw the soft roll of her hips. I knew I should look away- possibly even leave the room- but I couldn't move, couldn't tear my eyes away even if I wanted to. And I didn't want to. Perhaps I should have felt guilty about it but the intensity of the ache inside me had glazed my mind over.
"Mmm… yes," she whispered, dragging out the word, her chin lifting and pressing her head harder into the pillow beneath it, exposing her neck. Her fingers lightly flexed against the mattress and my skin burned hotter as my eyes ran over her body. Holy hell…
I really did need to leave before this went any further. My imagination was running wild, thinking about what might be happening in this dream.
And then she moaned my name and- all at the same time- I heard the crunch of breaking glass, felt the bite of something sharp piercing the palm of my hand, and a slightly thick wetness coated my fingers. "Shit," I cursed, jumping up from the chair when I saw that the inkwell, which I'd somehow completely forgotten I was still holding, had shattered in my hand.
Then I froze, suddenly realizing the noise I had made. I reluctantly turned my head towards the bed just in time to see Bo getting up. She hurried over to me, taking my hand which was covered in the black ink, a shard of glass imbedded in the palm.
"What happened? Are you alright?" she asked in concern. Her worried and now alert eyes met mine.
My mouth opened but I couldn't think of anything to say, so I simply closed it and nodded, then focused on my hand as I started gradually easing the glass out of it. There was only a twinge of discomfort, but other than that, I didn't really feel the pain. The blood pooled around the rather deep cut, mixing with the ink. "I… I have to wash this out."
"Here," Bo grabbed my forearm and led me to the bed, lightly pushing on my shoulder, "Sit." I complied, too dazed to do anything else. She went to the bedside table and picked up the canteen that was resting there before grabbing one of the rags that lay by it. Their actual purpose was for my arm, but I'd taken the stitches out a few days before- I had healed fast, as I always do- and now it was almost completely mended. Within days, it would simply be another scar to add to my already large collection.
She knelt down in front of me and tipped the canteen over my hand, using the rag to catch the water that dripped down. I watched as my skin returned to its normal color. Then she took my hand in hers once more and began to use the dry part of the rag to carefully pat the remaining water, blood and ink away. "What happened?" she asked again, her gaze momentarily flicking up to meet mine before returning to her task.
"I broke the inkwell."
"Well, I can see that. But how?"
I didn't know how to answer the question. I stayed silent, continuing to watch as she cleaned my hand. Why was it that her careful touch and the way she was taking care of my injury only served to further heighten my desire, which, despite all that had transpired in the last minute, had yet to diminish? I attempted to push it down and calm myself.
Only a moment later, her movements faltered then stopped altogether and she looked up at me, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh, God," she breathed. "You felt that, didn't you?"
I wanted to pretend I didn't know what she meant. But we both knew and my aura was a betrayal of that. Denying it would be useless. I nodded.
She ducked her head, her hair falling forward to shield her, but I didn't miss the color that rose from her neck into her face. "That's embarrassing," she muttered.
I bit my lips to hold back a laugh and shook my head even though she wasn't looking. "Don't be embarrassed. Frankly, I think it's quite flattering." My voice came out low and slightly rough. I almost didn't recognize it.
She raised her eyes to mine, a small smile forming on her lips. "Is it?"
I nodded again and then felt the flush return to my face. "I only hope I can live up to your… expectations."
"How do you know it was about you?" she challenged, arching an eyebrow.
"You weren't exactly quiet."
Her eyes widened again and her jaw dropped a little. "You're not serious, are you?"
I couldn't help grinning at her stunned expression. "That's not something I would lie about."
She gathered herself and a small spark of something I couldn't place ignited in her eyes. "You seem to have gotten quite the show," she whispered. "Why didn't you wake me?" Her thumb drew soft circles on the inside of my wrist as she said the words. The touch felt like it went through my entire being, and the shudder it caused forced the air out of my lungs. I hadn't noticed until now that our faces had slowly gotten closer. I wouldn't have to lean much further to close the distance.
"It was rather distracting," I told her right before she took the initiative and pressed her lips to mine in a hard kiss, her hand going to the side of my face. It slid against my skin before going to the back of my neck, her fingers lacing through my hair and gently gripping. She caught my bottom lip between her teeth and they slowly raked across it as she pulled away, but her hand remained where it was.
My whole body was aching and I opened my eyes, wondering why she had stopped so quickly. "Are you alright?"
She nodded. "I should be going. I have to get back to the inn before the others leave."
I knew that she still had plenty of time before they left. It was an excuse. I could see as well as sense her tension. "You need to feed."
"Lauren, we've already talked about this."
"That was before what happened last night. Whatever you did, it drained you. You can't starve yourself like this," I told her softly, not wanting to upset her.
She let go of me and her hand dropped to her lap. "Whenever we do this, I don't want it to be about that. I… I want it to be about us. Only us," she said. The intensity in her eyes and voice was hard to miss- so was the sorrow. Her stubbornness was just as clear. And I already knew how unwavering that could be.
"It will be," I assured her. "But you've fed from me before without us having sex. There's no reason you can't do it again. Let me help you."
She sighed and looked away, contemplating my offer for a moment. "If it comes down to that, then I will," she conceded, her gaze on me again. "But I don't need to right now."
"You promise you'll tell me when you do?"
She nodded. "I promise."
I searched her eyes and then nodded as well, a part of me wishing I hadn't told her about my lack of experience. That had to be why she was so adamant that we should wait. I didn't need to wait, though. I was ready. Dear God, I was more than ready. But I didn't want to press the issue. I pushed the thoughts away and focused on her. "Do you still want me to meet you when you come back from training?"
"Of course."
I smiled at the certainty in her answer. "Good. Then I'm going to take care of this-" I held up my injured hand, "and get dressed so I can walk you back. We'll get something to eat on the way. Is that alright?"
She leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek, soft and brief. "It's perfect."
/
Bo
We were almost to the Snake Eye, having stopped at the small market area by the harbor where the Lex Mare was anchored to buy some fruit, which we had eaten as we perused the stands, not buying anything, just simply observing the goods. But then we'd been approached by a gypsy woman, her hands old and gnarled and her deeply-tanned face covered in wrinkles. Despite the scorching sun, she had been swathed in colorful scarves while flashing a toothless grin and asking if we'd like our fortunes told. Lauren had given me a sideways glance before we had both declined in unison and quickly left the market. The future was something better left unknown, we now realized- even if it was simply an act for a piece-of-eight, it wasn't worth it.
My hunger, which had nearly taken over while we were in Lauren's room, had lessened since, but it still persisted. Every time the back of her hand brushed mine as we walked, it flared a little. I was beginning to feel that weakness in my knees and that slight pounding in my head. The heat had almost started a few times behind my eyes and I'd had to fight it off. When someone appealing came into my sight, it was noticeable- though, fortunately, that didn't happen often. But when I looked at Lauren for too long, it became hard to ignore and I was forced to turn my eyes elsewhere. Her aura was burning, because of me. I did need to feed. Soon. I was trying my best to hide it, though. I'd done this before. I knew I could handle it.
"I have to ask," I began, interrupting the silence while we walked, needing some sort of conversation to distract me. Lauren looked over, her eyebrows raised. "Most pirates I've met barely have two coins to rub together, and if they do, it's usually spent within an hour. And, yet, you appear to be fairly well off… Was the Lex Mare really carrying that much when you took it?"
"Is this your way of asking how much money I have?" she asked with a lopsided smirk.
I rolled my eyes. "If I need money, I have ways of getting it. I was just wondering if piracy is truly as profitable as you and Dyson make it seem."
"Wait… What ways?"
"Same as Kenzi," I said, knowing she would understand what it meant.
"Ah, of course." She laughed softly and nodded. "Well, we were able to loot the Ivory and its men before it sank, so we got a good bit out of that. The Lex Mare honestly didn't have as much as we'd hoped, but the ship itself was prize enough, along with its provisions. And back in Port Royal, Blackwing's head and signet ring did catch a fair price in bounty."
"His head?"
"Aye," she answered. "You didn't notice the basket that was in the boat as we rowed to shore that day, but that's why Banks came with us. I reckoned you would rather be left uninformed about it."
"You were right," I said, shaking the visual from my mind. I quickly steered the conversation in a different direction. "You know, I still have the gold you gave us when we were in Port Royal. You can have it back."
"No need. It was a gift. Besides, you can leave it with Kenzi when we go. I'm sure she'll be able to put it to use. And since Maria is coming with us, maybe she can stay at the inn and help out there. If she wants to, that is."
Her words almost made me stop walking. I hadn't really thought about what Kenzi would do once I was gone. "I don't know if her staying here would be safe…"
"You'll have to speak with her about it," Lauren said, her voice soft. "If she wants to stay then I can make arrangements with Trick, make sure she's looked out for. And if she wants to leave, then perhaps we can take her before we set sail."
"But where else would she go?"
She shrugged. "I don't know her well enough to answer that."
We had reached the inn and had stopped to stand outside the door. My chest felt tight as worry flooded my body, pushing my hunger to the back of my mind.
I knew it was an unspoken rule between Kenzi and I that we wouldn't talk about me leaving. Not until she brought up the subject, at least. But still… How had I not considered any of this before? Of course, Kenzi had been acting strange- once I left, she would be completely alone in a place where staying alive meant being able to fend for yourself… and she hadn't been on her own since she was fifteen. Even then, it wasn't long before she met Bishop. Not to mention that Nassau usually had a large Fae population. They might have dispersed for now, but who was to say they wouldn't return? And with it being neutral territory, could that mean it would be caught in the middle of whatever would happen- the war we were trying to prevent?
"We'll figure it out, Bo. We will," Lauren said, in what I knew was an attempt to quell my sudden fear. It did, a little. I nodded. "Go on and get ready, then. I'll be back to meet you before sundown, alright?"
"Alright," I said, nodding again, though I was still somewhat distracted.
She gave a small smile. "Good luck."
/
Maria walked out of the door behind the counter just as I entered the inn. "Oh, you're back already?"
I gave her a confused look, not only because of the question but also because Maria was attractive and yet, my hunger seemed to have faded since Lauren had left. I watched as Maria set the basket she'd been carrying on top of the counter. The sight of it brought back to mind what Lauren had said about Blackwing's head. I tried to bury the thought. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I assumed you might be too preoccupied to go training today. So did Kenzi. She told me to tell you she's gone with Hale and Trevor to check the harbors around town for canons. Won't be back for a while, I'm afraid."
I wasn't sure how to feel about that. I hoped Kenzi wasn't avoiding me. Attempting to hide my apprehension, I simply asked, "Who's Trevor?"
"He's a new recruit," she answered, coming around the counter and leaning against it. "A damned lucky find, too. He's a Mouros."
"A Mouros?"
"You've clearly not been on many Fae ships before, have you?" she asked with a soft chuckle.
"I've not been on many ships at all, honestly."
She nodded and then reached into the basket, pulling out an apple. "Would you like one?"
"No, thank you. I've already eaten."
Again, she nodded and reached back into the basket, this time pulling out a knife. "A Mouros is very valuable on a ship- especially since the voyage will take a few months. Trevor can turn any kind of water into fresh water. Which means there will be plenty for drinking, cleaning and bathing- thank the gods. I don't know if I'd be able to stomach it, otherwise," she muttered the last part as she deftly used the knife to skin the fruit.
"I had been worrying about that as well," I agreed with a smile that she returned. With my mind still on Kenzi, I figured now would be as good of a time as any to speak with Maria about what Lauren had suggested. "What do you plan to do with the inn? While we're away, I mean."
She ate a piece of apple and then gestured around the room. "It's not as though business is coming in these days and I don't expect it will turn around. I'm quite certain I'll be closing it, so you won't have to worry about Kenzi. It'll only be her and Gwen here."
My confusion returned. "You've spoken to Kenzi about it?"
"Of course. I've claimed her, after all. Can't simply leave her- well, I'll have to unclaim her and let Gwen do it…" she trailed off as she looked at me. I knew my face must've shown my complete and utter shock.
"You… you've claimed Kenzi?" I asked, my throat clenching like a fist and making the words come out ragged.
"She hasn't mentioned anything about this to you, has she?" Her voice clearly conveyed her pity as she observed me with a frown.
I shook my head. "No… No, she never said anything," I whispered, looking away. "When did you do it?" I felt a sense of betrayal, but it was almost swallowed whole by the guilt and nausea that squeezed my insides at the thought. Why hadn't she told me?
"I've actually done it twice, now. The first time… It was that day we went to the Dal while you were sleeping off the effects of Tamsin's attack," Maria said softly. "It was too dangerous for her to go in without being claimed, and she asked me to do it so that she'd be there when you woke up. Of course, once we'd left, I unclaimed her." She paused and seemed to consider her next words carefully, as I'd seen her do on a few occasions. She was a very thoughtful person- well, Fae. And very kind. I could tell she was trying to soften the blow. "She asked me to do it again when we were returning on Anvus' ship. You remember how he was about humans, I'm sure."
I nodded, absently, trying to process the information. I couldn't believe it, though. How had I missed all of this? What else hadn't Kenzi told me? "Who is Gwen? Is she nice? Will… will she look after her?"
"She's a close friend of mine who helps around the inn sometimes. She's become quite fond of Kenzi." Maria walked over to me, resting a hand on my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know she'll look out for her. I can promise you that, Bo. And Kenzi… she's strong. And she can wield a pistol better than most," she added with a small smile. "She'll be fine."
Without me, I thought, finishing what I knew was the rest of the sentence. It hurt. A lot. But that's what I wanted, wasn't it? For her to be safe? This was a good thing. I sighed and nodded again, collecting myself as best I could. "You're right. She will be."
Before anything more could be said, the door to the inn opened behind me. Maria let me go and I turned to see Dyson standing there. "Are you ready to go?" he asked me. "Seems like it's just you and me today."
I was thankful for the interruption. Focusing on my training might help with the pain I was feeling in that moment. If anything, it would distract me for a while. "I need to change first," I told him, glad to hear my voice remained steady, and headed for the stairs. "I won't be long."
"Aye. Take your time."
/
Lauren
The weight in my chest was heavier than usual as I walked towards the Dal. I had managed to catch Dyson on his way to the Snake Eye. He had asked if I'd wanted to go with him to train Bo, had told me Kenzi wouldn't be coming- she was with Hale. But I'd had to turn him down. There was something I needed to do. It couldn't wait.
My mindset had been disjointed lately, of that I was well aware. It wasn't Bo's fault. It was simply that I needed to start concentrating on the mission again. And there was a loose end that needed to be dealt with. I'd had to make a tough decision, putting this mission before my heart- before what I knew was right. But these were times of war, as Dyson kept reminding me. And it wasn't the first such decision I'd made- keeping my relationship with Bo a secret was. And I knew it had hurt her. This might, too- if things didn't work out. And, for me, they rarely did.
Bruce let me into the back room. He always greeted me with an easy smile. It was hard to think of him as Dark Fae. He seemed to be too gentle to have such a fealty, though I knew that decision was usually influenced more by the Fae's clan than their disposition. And he did appear to be intimidating… until he opened his mouth.
I greeted him quickly in return and went on my way, towards the steps that led down to Trick's quarters, ignoring Vex who was seated at the bar and drinking liquor he wasn't supposed to touch. The main room was empty, so I went to the door of Tamsin's room and knocked.
Almost immediately, it was opened to me and she stood there with a look of shock that then turned to what seemed to be defeat. "Have you come to tell me I'm out of the crew?" she asked, her tone practically timid.
"I don't know, yet," I answered and pushed my way into her room and then turned to face her. "Close the door." I waited until she did as I said and then turned back to me, wordlessly. I took a deep breath. I had to keep my emotions controlled, to shut them out, before we started this conversation. It used to be so much easier to do that. But that was before I met Bo. Now, I felt everything. My near-constant inner numbness was a thing of the past. In some respects, I was glad for it. But, at times like these, I needed that edge, those walls, to do what needed to be done. "Where does your loyalty lie, Tamsin?"
She stared at me for a moment and then answered, "With you, Lauren. You have to know that. I'm sorry about-"
I raised a hand to halt her words. "I didn't come for your apologies or your excuses. If your loyalty is mine, then I need you to do something for me. Actually, I need you to do two things," I stated firmly.
She nodded, her face taking on a solemn expression. "Whatever you want, I'll do it."
I studied her, hoping that her words were as true as they seemed. Dessa said that Tamsin's loyalty was with me above all others. She hadn't necessarily disproved that. Not yet. But now I would have to keep a close eye on her. There was too much at risk. "First, you will swear to me that you'll not speak a bloody word to Bo about what you've done. And don't mistake this as me forgiving you, because I'm not. I'm only doing this because I know that you are an asset and I'd rather you fight with us than against us. But if you do not uphold your word on this, then we are done. Understand?"
I watched as she swallowed, her eyes having gone to the floor as I spoke with a sharpness to my words I'd not used in a while. She looked up. "I understand. You have my word. I'll not say a thing."
"Good. Now, I need you to tell me everything you know about Vivian."
Her brow furrowed. "Why?"
"Because she knows about our mission and she is being rather persistent about joining us, which will not happen. Therefore, I need to know if she's a threat and precisely how much she knows of our plans."
"I don't know her well. She came over from Port Royal with us, but paid Benson for passage. Other than that, I don't know anything about her. If I did, I would tell you."
"Then I need you to find out. She said she'd be coming by again today. If I'm not here when she arrives, you will do whatever is necessary to determine her reasons and motives. Have the others help you if need be. If she turns on us then all of our lives are at stake."
"I understand," she said again, nodding. "And if we do suspect her to be a threat?"
"You know what has to be done," I told her.
"Aye, Captain. I'll handle it."
/
I had left Tamsin's room after that- without a word, only a nod- and headed back up the stairs and into the tavern. Slipping behind the bar, I walked in front of where Vex was sitting and snatched the bottle off the counter, making quick work of closing it.
"Oy! Bloody hell! I was drinking that!" he called out as I put the liquor back where it was supposed to be.
I grabbed two bottles of rum- what we were allowed to take- and set one in front of him. "Trick told you not to drink any of those," I said flatly, gesturing to the shelves that held the rare and high-priced drinks.
"Well, Trick's not here, is he?"
I glared at him. "No, but I am. Do you want the rum or not?"
"Suppose it'll have to do," he mumbled before opening the bottle and taking a swig. I did the same with my own.
It had been over a week since I'd had any alcohol. The familiar burn in my throat calmed me, though. "Where's Thomas?" I asked Vex reluctantly, since he was the only one around.
"Don't know. Said he was going somewhere." He set the bottle down hard and looked at me. "Don't know how much more of this I can take. Being stuck in here. I'm going bloody mad."
"You'll have to get used to it. We won't be leaving for a while," I told him without pity.
"Bloody fucking Aife," he snarled. "That bitch is madder than a bloody syphilis-ridden whore. Wouldn't be surprised if that's what she's got, frankly."
"That's unlikely. She's a Succubus. Sex heals them," I said before taking another long swig.
He raised his eyebrows and his bottle at me. "You would know, wouldn't ya?"
I nearly choked on my drink, but quickly regained my composure. "What'd you just say?"
He grinned. "That happen last night?" he asked, pointing to my bandaged hand. "Sounded like a little lovers' quarrel. You fucking 'em both, now?"
"I'm not fucking anyone."
He made an odd face and nodded. "Maybe that's your problem."
"You'd be wise to hold your bloody tongue before I slice it out of you," I threatened through gritted teeth. The words angered me because they actually had some truth to them. Of course, I was certain he had no way of knowing it. The tension in my muscles wasn't solely due to that, but some of it was. Though, I didn't know if it was because of Bo's hunger or if it was just me.
"Easy, Law. We're on the same side, now, remember? Just think you need to relax a bit."
"It's Captain to you. And we will never be on the same side," I told him harshly before walking away.
Luckily, in the next moment, I heard the door to the backroom open and Hale's voice as he greeted Bruce. I made my way over to meet him as he walked in with Trevor, one of the new recruits and an old friend of his. I was surprised to see Kenzi trailing behind, even though Dyson had already told me she was with them. It had slipped my mind.
"Any luck?" I asked, my eyes on Hale.
He shook his head. "We still have more to visit but decided to take a break. It's not looking good, Law."
"I'll go with you to see the others, then."
He nodded. "What happened to your hand?"
I looked down, then shook my head. "Oh, it… It's just a cut." I quickly went back over to where the rum was and grabbed another two bottles, then set them in front of Hale and Kenzi. Trevor didn't drink- well, he couldn't, actually. I wasn't completely sure why, but it had something to do with his abilities.
Kenzi said a soft, "My thanks," before opening and taking a drink of hers. I nodded. There was a definite stiffness between us and I focused on my own drink until I heard her ask, "Captain, may I speak to you… alone?" Her voice was uncertain.
I nodded again, this time with slight hesitation, before I walked out from behind the bar. She made her way to the other side of the room and I followed, noticing that Tamsin and Ketchel had come up into the tavern at some point during the past few minutes. They were sitting at the far end of the counter, away from the others, and whispering amongst themselves. I hoped they were simply discussing Vivian, but there was no way to be sure. Where was Dyson with his damned wolf-hearing when I needed him?
I pulled my attention away from them and set it back on Kenzi when she stopped and turned to face me. "I would like to apologize for yesterday. I was out of line. It won't happen again," she spoke quietly, her eyes downcast.
I was caught off guard but tried not to show it. "It's alright. There's no need for you to apologize."
"No. There is need for it." She looked up. "I'm sorry that I said those things now that I've seen how hard it is for you to control whatever… that was last night. I… I thought you broke the bond on purpose. To hurt her. And it hurt me, too, because I trusted you not to do that. And when I thought you had…" she trailed off, shaking her head. "You're the only reason that I haven't lost hope of seeing her again after this is all over. You've already saved our lives so many times and I am grateful for that. But I'm counting on you to get her through this, too."
The weight became even heavier in my chest, seeing the earnestness in her features. And a shame settled there as well because I knew, deep down, something in me that day had broken the bond deliberately. But, after all was said and done, it had only served to strengthen it. I couldn't deny that it had needed to happen. I had to lose it in order to understand what it truly was that I had lost. "Kenzi, I can't make any promises," I whispered.
"You can promise me that you'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe."
Her words brought to mind a dream I'd had a few nights ago. It was a memory of Bo and I, back when I knew her as Izzy. She had told me she didn't like when I answered with 'aye' instead of 'yes', because it didn't sound sincere. And when you meant something- truly meant it- then you had to be sincere. Of course, she'd had to explain what the word 'sincere' meant, but it was something that had stood out to me.
"Yes," I finally answered. "You have my word. Whatever it takes."
The corner of her mouth quirked up faintly and her figure seemed to relax. "Thank you." She began to walk back to the others but I said her name and she stopped to look at me again. "Aye?"
I didn't know if it'd be crossing a line to ask the question, but it was something that I'd been wondering about and I reckoned that I might as well try. "What did Dessa say to you?"
She bit her lips and looked away for a moment before meeting my eyes. "We all have our roles to play."
The words brought confusion with them, but before I could ask her to explain, she turned and started walking away again, signaling that that was all she was going to reveal. The way she said it, though, seemed to be rather final. I didn't know what to make of that. Unfortunately, it was the only answer I was going to get. And I supposed I would just have to accept it, along with the worrying feeling that formed in the pit of my stomach. Not that that was anything new, these days.
/
Bo
I had relaxed my shoulders. Well, I'd tried to, at least. And I'd almost hit the target on the fourth shot. But, instead of making the bottle explode, the bullet had cut clean through the rope that held it.
"It's an improvement. To be honest, I've never seen anyone do that before. The rope is a smaller target to hit. If the bottle was a man's chest, you would've taken his bloody head off," Dyson offered with a laugh. He was trying to be encouraging. "Shall we move on to swordplay?"
I shrugged. "There's not another option, is there?" I was still on edge from my conversation with Maria and I didn't want to take it out on him, but I wasn't in the mood to train. I had thought it would ease my nerves but, so far, it hadn't worked out that way at all. It had only frustrated me more.
"Actually, there is," he said. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night."
"What about it?"
He sighed and bent down to pick up the bottle before going over to where the satchel sat, putting it inside with the others. I supposed he'd thought I might actually need more than one. He had more faith in me than I did. "What did you do to stop Lauren?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. It was also something that was on my mind, though it remained in the background to my thoughts of Kenzi.
"Did it have to do with the bond? Did you influence her?"
I shook my head. "I think it was the bond… but, no, I didn't influence her, I swear."
"I'm not upset about it," he said quickly. "I was wondering if you'd be able to do it again."
I raised my eyebrows at him as he walked over and held his hand out for the pistol. I gave it to him. "I'm not sure. I guess I could."
"It was different than before, though, wasn't it? You were there the first time it happened," he pressed and then softly added, "And we were both there the day that she broke the bond."
I thought about it for a moment. I already knew he was right. "It was different. She was fighting against it instead of it just… happening. And there was no blood."
"There wasn't?" he asked and I shook my head. "Then that means she's starting to learn to control it. Dessa told her that the blood was a result of her denying her power."
"But isn't fighting it the same as denying it?"
"No. I think what she was doing was an act of control. When I found her, she was on the edge, Bo. She was about to lose it, but once she saw me and Maria, she seemed to be able to hold back. But then you came and you did something to help her stop it entirely," he explained. "If we can help her learn to control whatever is inside her, then we can find out her true capabilities. She won't have to be afraid of it anymore. And if she can use those abilities at will, I'm certain she'd be damn near unstoppable."
"You want to purposely put her on that edge?" I asked, unable to hide my disbelief. "You know she would never allow that, especially if I'm there. She already treats me like I'm made of glass, Dyson."
"And you know why she does that. She cares about you."
"I know. I know she does. But it can be frustrating," I admitted, looking at the ground.
"Is this about having to keep your relationship from the crew?"
"She told you about that?"
He nodded. "Aye. This morning. But there is good reason for that. You've seen how fast things can get out of hand on a ship. We were lucky to be close to land when we lost the Carmine. Believe me when I say it doesn't always work out that way."
I closed my eyes, hanging my head. I knew all of this. But it didn't make it any easier, knowing that what Lauren and I had could potentially put us both in danger. I hated the Fae and their politics and their pride. I hated that I wasn't aligned and yet they still had that control over my life. Thinking about it for too long made me so unbelievably angry and sad at the same time. Opening my eyes, I decided to change the subject. "Do you know what made her so upset last night? She wouldn't tell me because she was afraid it'd set her off again."
"She and Tamsin got into an argument. But you should let her tell you about it when she's ready. I don't want to get in the middle of it."
"Was it about me?"
"I shouldn't answer that," he said apologetically, even though his reply did answer the question, and I was certain he knew it, too. "Do you want keep training or head back?"
I pulled out my sword, now willing to fight since the thought of Tamsin had put me in an even worse mood. But I had to ask him one more thing before we started. "Can you wait to speak to Lauren about helping her? I want to talk to her, first."
He nodded, unsheathing his own blade. "I can do that. Just don't put it off too long."
"I won't."
/
It was already sundown when Lauren knocked on the door to my room at the Snake Eye. I'd been lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling for at least an hour, trying to sort through everything going on in my head. I could feel her worry, though. I hoped it wasn't anything serious.
"You're late," I told her with a soft smile when I opened the door, my hunger returning as soon as I saw her standing there, her aura seeming even brighter than it had been this morning.
"I know, I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I was checking the harbors with Hale and it took longer than I expected. I'm sorry," she apologized again.
"It's alright, I don't mind," I assured her and I felt the worry ease a little. "Was Kenzi with you?"
She nodded. "Aye, she was. Maria just told me about what happened. I didn't know she'd claimed her, Bo. I would've told you."
I could hear a slight desperation in her voice. Was that why she was worried? She thought I would be upset with her? "It's fine. I didn't think you did. But, either way, I don't see why you would've brought it up, since I'm supposed to be her best friend and already know those kinds of things," I muttered the last part bitterly and then shook my head. I didn't want to ruin our time together by dwelling on it. "Do you know where she is now?"
"She went with Hale and Dyson to some tavern or other. She told me she won't be back 'till late."
"She spoke to you?" I was a little shocked. I had thought Kenzi would've avoided Lauren- like she seemed to be doing to me.
Lauren nodded again and looked down. "She apologized to me for the way she acted yesterday. I don't think she hates me anymore."
"Well, that makes one of us," I said, the bitterness returning. I had to swallow it down again as she raised her eyebrows at me in confusion. "I'm sorry, I just feel like I have no idea what's going on with her these days."
"She doesn't hate you, Bo. I'm sure she'll come around. Everyone deals with things in their own way." She gave a weak smile.
"You're probably right." I could tell that my attitude was making her uncomfortable. I decided to push Kenzi from my mind and focus on the woman standing before me, the one who actually wanted to be around me. "Do you have to be at the Dal soon?"
She shook her head. "Not tonight. We're leaving in a few days to careen and Dyson's going to be looking for men to help at the taverns, so I was hoping you'd want to go somewhere with me."
"Where?"
"Is that a yes?" she asked, avoiding the question with a sly look.
I laughed. "As long as I can do this," I said before giving her a kiss. I couldn't hold back from doing it any longer, my eyes had been drawn to her lips since I opened the door. But I had to stop myself from deepening it, feeling the irritating flare of my hunger once more.
"Aye. You can most certainly do that," she whispered with a grin once I pulled away. The smile faded as she stared at me with a soft sadness. "I've missed you."
I couldn't tell if she meant today or the past week we'd been apart, but the words sent the tingling beneath my skin to an all-time high. "Me, too," I answered and then had to pull myself out of the moment before the longing in her eyes got to me. "So, where are we going?" I asked again, forcing a light tone.
"You'll see. Come on." She took my hand in hers and I closed the door behind me.
Once we were down stairs, she had told me to wait and then disappeared through the door behind the counter. She returned, minutes later, with a basket and a blanket over her shoulder.
Looking inside the basket, I saw bread and other items covered in cloth, but what caught my eye almost immediately was the bottle. I raised my eyebrows and pointed at it. "What's that?"
"That," she began, picking it out of the basket and holding it up so I could get a closer look, "is red wine. Maria makes her own." She put the bottle back and looked at me, again.
"Are you trying to get me drunk so you can have your way with me, Captain?" I asked with a smirk.
"I can't honestly say that thought hasn't crossed my mind," she returned in jest, before adding seriously, "But I can promise my intentions are honorable."
"I don't think I can make that promise." My voice was barely above a whisper and I smiled when her aura deepened and she swallowed, looking away.
"We should go. Now."
/
It didn't take long for me to figure out where we were going, having come here before with Dyson. But I waited until we arrived at the beach to ask, "Are you sure you want to be here? After what happened with Tamsin?" My eyes went to the area of the beach where I was quite certain Tamsin had nearly died that night almost two weeks ago. We were walking further down the shore from it, though.
Lauren gave a soft smile and nodded. "No one can ruin this place for me. Especially not her."
"And what is this place, exactly?" I pressed. I'd already thought it had to have some significance to her because Dyson had known immediately where she was that night.
"Allie and I used to come here. It's close to where we grew up." She kept her gaze on the water while she said the words but I felt the soft ache of sadness in my chest and knew that it was something she hadn't shared with many people.
"The inn where your mother worked is around here?"
She turned her head to me. "My mother…" she trailed off, confusion clear on her face before I saw the realization in her eyes. "You remember me telling you that?"
"Well, I've been having dreams about us back then. I can't say I remembered it before, but I do now."
"I've had them, too."
"Really?" I asked and she nodded, stopping and setting the basket down. We weren't far from the water, but still not close enough to risk getting wet if the tide should rise. She took the blanket off her shoulder, then laid it down. I waited until she had straightened out the fabric and sat down before taking the spot next to her. "When did yours start?"
"After… after the bond was broken."
"So did mine. That's odd, isn't it? Both of us having those dreams?" I couldn't understand why, but the questions seemed to be making her uneasy.
She shrugged, not looking at me and instead focusing on the blanket while she picked at a loose thread. "Considering the connection we have, it's not unimaginable that we might be able to influence each other's dreams, right?"
"I guess not," I said with uncertainty as I continued to watch her closely. The silence stretched on and I finally asked, "Is something wrong?"
"No. Everything's fine," she said with what was obviously a forced smile as she quickly glanced in my direction. Her attention went to the basket and she reached over and grabbed it before setting it in front of us. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? You should try the cheese. It's quite good."
I rested my fingers lightly on her wrist when she went to reach into the basket, causing her to pause and turn her head towards me hesitantly. "Tell me what's going on," I whispered, my eyes fixed on hers.
She took her hand away and hung her head. "I'm sorry, I… Well, what you were saying about the dreams makes me think I may have been responsible for what happened this morning," she said softly.
"What do you- Oh… that." I had to stop myself from laughing. I didn't want to make her even more uncomfortable. "I have those kinds of dreams all the time," I said, smiling in an effort to ease her. But then she looked at me, her eyebrows raised, and I realized how it sounded. "Not- not about you," I added quickly, then shook my head because that sounded even worse. "Wait, I didn't mean… They have all been about you since we met… again. But I had them before that… about other… people…" I buried my face in my hands, laughing at my failed attempt to remedy my words and heard her soft chuckling as well. "I'm sorry," I muttered when I'd finally composed myself.
She tilted her head, her expression still amused. "It's alright. It's good to know I'm not the only one."
I bit my lower lip against the shiver that went through me at her quiet confession. I didn't want my hunger to cloud my mind once more- it was just beginning to subside. "Is that all that was bothering you?" I asked after a few moments. Despite the now lightened mood between us, I still felt like something wasn't completely right.
She sighed, her gaze leaving mine as she shook her head slightly. "The ship needs canons and we haven't been able to find any."
"What does that mean?"
"We'll have to go to Tortuga to get them. Well, I have to go. Dyson and the other Light Fae can't because it's-"
"Dark territory," I finished and she turned her head towards me and nodded. I could feel that pain in my chest again. It was stronger. I now understood why she had wanted to come here tonight. "Have you been back there since…?" I didn't bother to complete the sentence. There wasn't any need to.
"No… I've tried to avoid it. But it's our best option. After all the expenses this voyage will cost us in labor and provisions, it's more likely to cost less to get the canons there. And it's just plain easier."
"Then I'm going with you," I told her and then cut her off when she opened her mouth, "Don't say it's too dangerous. I'm a part of the crew and I'm unaligned. I'm going."
She stared at me. I figured she was thinking it over in her head, possibly trying to come up with an argument for me to stay behind. Instead, she leaned over and gave me a soft, lingering kiss before pulling back and whispering, "Thank you."
The action and her words left me slightly taken aback. I knew she wasn't one to ask for help, but I realized, in that second, that my reply was exactly what she needed. She needed me to be there. She needed me.
I swallowed as my fingers lightly traced down the side of her cheek. Her eyes were burning into mine, but it wasn't simply longing that stared back at me, now. It was something deeper. It made my breathing stutter for a moment. Then her hand came up to take mine.
"Bo, there are… things I should tell you… about me. But not tonight. Can we just be here? Like this?" she asked, her voice small. She seemed scared of whatever these things were. That didn't settle well with me, but I could tell she was trying to make this work. I couldn't expect everything to simply fall into place. It would take time. And if I pushed her too fast, I could lose her, again.
I inhaled deeply and nodded. "You will tell me, though, right?"
"Yes, I will… Soon."