Another winter passed, this one seemed even longer than the previous. Marian had gotten very close to Lilly, but she was struggling without Anders' training. Bethany had trained many children in the circle and was doing her best, but Lilly's needs where so specific. Lilly was still sleeping in Marian's bed. As much for Marian's sake as for her own. Marian was getting worried as Lilly had begun to glow in the middle of the night the way Anders used to. Small, blue, cracks all over her body, but the fog coming from her was white instead of black as Anders' was. Marian took this as a good sign, but had no way of knowing for sure if it was.
Thedas was in chaos and had turned into a warzone. In Ferelden there was a fear of an exalted march because King Alistair had been accused of protecting mages from the chantry. On the other hand since this was happening all over Thedas and the templars had even turned on the Divine, it was doubtful that they would be able to control their forces. The advantage the mages had was that they all seemed to be following Grand Enchanter Fiona, but they needed more than one leader to pull through this. The war had only just started yet there were already heavy casualties, but what was even odder was, that according to Varric's latest letter, a lot of mages had gone missing. They seemed to have simply vanished. The other news was that Sebastian had finally returned to Stark Haven. It turned out that the army he had gathered for the retake of the City wasn't necessary. The usurper, his cousin, had been unable to control the situation after the mages started rebelling and a lot of the nobles had turned their allegiance to Sebastian out of fear. Sebastian's devotion to the chantry and view on mages seemed to be welcome among most of the nobles there.
Marian woke up because Lilly was thrashing and glowing brighter than ever. Tears were streaming down her face and she kept whispering "No" over and over. Marian gently tried to wake her by holding her hand and stroking her hair.
"Shhh... Lilly, wake up. I'm right here. Nothing can harm you."
Lilly opened her eyes and a chill ran through Marian's spine. Lilly's eyes where glowing blue and Marian had to remind herself that this was not Justice.
"Empathy?"
"Yes... I'm sorry that I scared you. I will not react as you have seen Justice do." The little voice said.
"Why are you taking over Lilly?"
"I have done something and Lilly is heartbroken because of it."
Marian was afraid and angry at the same time. What was this spirit doing with this little girl? But before she could ask Empathy started speaking again, knowing everything Marian felt.
"You know that Lilly has been struggling without Anders. Bethany has a very kind heart, but she doesn't have what Lilly needs."
"I know... But what can I do? If I knew how to find him I would." Marian sighed.
"That's why I have contacted the wardens."
"You? How?"
"I contacted the warden-commander like I did with Justice and Anders. Through the fade."
"Then Anders coming home?" A spark of hope showed in Marian's face, but vanished as she saw Empathy's expression was sad and remorseful.
"No... What Anders is doing at the moment is too vital. The warden-commander will come for Lilly."
"Why did you contact her and not Anders or Justice?"
"Because they love you too much too take more from you."
"When?" Marian asked as calmly as she could.
"Tomorrow." Empathy looked very apologetic. Marian wanted to scream, but she knew Empathy was right. Anders could give Lilly something that no one else could. She needed him more than she did Marian. She felt as if she was losing everything. The memory of her fathers, Carvers and Leandras death haunted her and now she had not only lost her husband, but the only child she would possibly ever have. Empathy retreated and left was a frightened and sad little girl. Marian took her into her arms and kissed her hair over and over.
"I don't want to leave you."
"I know, but you will be with father. You miss him and I am sure he will be happy to see you."
"I will miss you."
"And I you."
-OOO-
Bethany spent the morning packing Lilly's things, as well as Anders', giving Marian time to say probably goodbye (if there was such a thing) to Lilly. Fenris was calm about the whole thing seeing as Lilly did need the prober training and as much as he hated to admit it, Anders was the only one who could provide it. Bethany was heartbroken. It felt as if she was losing her entire family again. Even Barkley was going around the house whining knowing that something was up. When midday came the knock on the door they had feared finally came. Had it not been for her grief Marian would have twisted the woman neck. There in the door was Anna Amell.
"I am sorry, to impose on you, but I fear I must..."
"Rob me of another person I love." Marian replied in a spiteful tone. Anna couldn't hide the look of surprise on her face, but quickly regained her composure.
"I know you must see it that way, cousin, but that has never been my intention."
Lilly came forward in the door. Anna smiled and kneeled in front of her.
"It this the girl, Lilly was it?"
"Yes, my lady." Lilly answered politely.
"I am here to bring you to your mentor."
"My mentor?"
"She means your father, dearest." Marian tried to smile as she stroked her hair.
"Father? I didn't know Anders had a daughter." Anna looked at Marian with a look of confusion.
"When Lilly's parents died we... Anders adopted her." Marian explained.
"Of course he did... Lilly will you go get your things we should be leaving soon?"
Lilly looked at Marian who nodded and she went after her bags. Anna tried to break the awkward silence with some polite conversation. She felt as if she was a templar robbing a family of their child, the irony was not lost on her.
"I'm glad Alistair managed to provide this house for you. I was heartbroken when I thought Anders had died... and Justice. They were... are the most caring friends I have ever had."
"And yet you take them away from everything that matters to them... I'm sorry... We are grateful for all you have done, but..."
"You love and miss Anders. I understand..."
Lilly came back with her things and gave Bethany are tearing hug goodbye. Fenris lifted her up into his arms and whispered something in Tevinter. She scratched Barkley's belly and then picked up Spotty and started crying. Seeing the child in distress Anna kneeled down and immediately understood what the problem was.
"Anders... your father gave you that cat didn't he?"
"Yes... This is Spotty." Lilly sniffled.
"Of course it is... I'm guessing Anders helped you with that name. You know where we are going we could always use a good mouser. You can bring her if you like." Anna replied with a gentle smile and little laugh.
"Can I?" Lilly asked Marian.
"Of course."
Marian then kneeled down and hugged Lilly tightly. The Maker seemed determined to break her heart at least once every few years. Lilly took in everything, Marian's vanilla scent, the kind green eyes, the warmth of her arms and the calmness of hearing her breathing. The little girl almost started to cry, but Empathy calmed her. Marian in return stroked the blonde hair and starred into the golden eyes, which were so uncertain that it broke Marian's heart.
"I love you so much, dearest. Remember that you can always come to me, when you are old enough to go places on your own. Be careful. Tell father that I love him."
"I love you too." The little girl sobbed.
Marian was relieved when she saw that Anna had come in a carriage so Lilly didn't have to walk. Anna told Lilly to get herself, the kitten and her bags inside. Fenris helped her. Anna said her goodbyes and turned around.
"Why?" Marian asked and Anna knew exactly what the question was.
"Because Thedas is changing and the best people are needed for the task."
"Why can't I come too?" It almost became a desperate plea.
"Because it is warden business and I promised Anders that I wouldn't let you join the order. I am truly sorry. I hope that one day he can return to you. Believe it or not, seeing his heart so broken is very painful for me."
"What do you know of his pain?" Marian spat and then immediately scolded herself when she thought of Alistair. Anna had been separated from the man she loved for almost a decade. No one would know his pain better.
"I'm sorry... that was unfair of me. Of course you know what it is like."
Anna gave her a painful look and then held Marian by her shoulders.
"Your husband has forced Thedas to change and we will fight to our last breath to make sure that no templar can ever tear mages from their loved ones ever again! And our sacrifices will not be forgotten."
As Anna and Lilly left in the carriage, Anders' words at the Gallows rang in the back of her mind. "Ten years... A hundred years from now someone like me will love someone like you and there will be no templars to tear them apart". And Marian would make sure that they didn't. Standing there Bethany and Fenris came up behind her.
"You are leaving aren't you?" Bethany asked.
"I'm sorry Beth... I need to make this world right so no one will have to go through anything that you, Anders, Lilly or I did ever again. I can't do that here. I need to fight this war. I want too."
"I know, sister. Fenris and I will leave soon as well. We are planning on going to Highever. It's close to the sea so we can easily contact Varric if needed and there is more work for Fenris. It is also where most of the mage activity is now."
Fenris grunted. He knew Bethany would keep helping the mages, but she had promised him not to go on any further dangerous missions. It still didn't make him happy, but that's what happens when you fall in love with a apostate... or any Hawke apparently.
Marian left that night planning on going to Orlais and start helping the mages there. For the first time she was completely alone, but the strength and determination of the Champion of Kirkwall had been reborn.