"I meant what I said in the letter, Spence. You don't have to tell anyone. I don't care."
"I know. But I do, I care... you are so wonderful and I want to tell people about you..."
"Well, of course you want to tell everyone - I am the bees knees."
Spencer laughs and closes her eyes, loving the sound of Ashley right before she goes to sleep. Since her father's request of 'no more calls to California for a while', Ashley has taken it upon herself to call every other night - no matter the hour, no matter the cost.
And Spencer loves the girl all the more for it.
"I read an interview with the lads today."
"Ooh, anything good?"
"No, not at all."
"Ash..."
The girl laughs and Spencer grins to herself. Of all the things they have shared - their family stories, their hopes and dreams, all the thoughts of their ever-changing youth - they always bring up the topic that sort of brought them together.
The Beatles.
"They'll be doing a tour of the States later this year."
"Really?"
"Yep. I am sure Kyla will drag me to one of their shows, which will be so boring."
"I'd trade places with you any day!"
"I know... I must really love you to put up with all this Beatles-talk..."
"Yea, you must..."
And they are silent. And it is perfect. And they both know it.
"I'd go if I were with you, though."
"Gosh, that would be grand, wouldn't it?"
"We could meet up... if you want... if you could, you know..."
And Spencer wants to jump at the chance, wants to more than anything - more than even seeing The Beatles at all. But she can't see how to make it happen. Her parents would never go for it. And she doesn't have a car. Or money.
She sighs and Ashley says her name so sweetly, dragging her attention back to the present.
"Maybe one day... right?" Spencer whispers.
"Definitely, Spence. Definitely."
/ / /
Spencer Carlin thinks, for a moment, that she can split all her young life between not knowing Ashley Davies and then knowing Ashley Davies - of not knowing the sound of Ashley's voice over the phone-line to hearing that same voice all the time, ringing in her ears the way crickets sing all night... Of not knowing the words from a girl's heart, all the way from California... to knowing every single sentence and every single declaration, ink pressed deep into paper...
Before Ashley Davies, Spencer was content to just live quietly - to do well in school, to obey every rule at home, to run with the other girls at camp and pray at night... And she would have done all those things, too.
She would have simply gone from bright to dull, slowly and surely, getting older without a second of really living.
After Ashley Davies, though... well, she cannot imagine a world without Ashley in it - a world without that laugh, throaty and full... or without that whisper, sweet and warm... Spencer cannot go back to that old world, not anymore, not now that she has tasted the freedom that comes from falling in love.
And with that taste comes the craving for more, always for more.
/ / /
Elvis is shaking his hips on the screen and, if it were just last year, Spencer would have felt the need to be shy about such things. But that was before talking to Ashley and sneaking out of the house with Glen and listening to all the music that her mother held such disdain for.
Before, Spencer felt like a child. Now, she feels older. More experienced.
And seeing some man do... what Elvis is doing... well, it's not that shocking, is it?
Still, she stifles a giggle anyway and pops a Banana Split into her mouth. And Glen sort of elbows her, palm up-turned and waiting. She rolls her eyes in the dark.
"It's rude not to at least ask, Glen."
"And it's rude to not at least offer first, Squirt."
But she hands him one and he barely takes the time to remove the wax wrapper, shoving it into his mouth as his eyes never leave the screen.
And Spencer turns back to the movie, knowing that eventually the girl will fall for Elvis and he will fall for her and a happily ever after is just around the corner.
And there it is again, bubbling up in her body like water on the stove-top, the urge to speak of her heart and how it feels.
To tell someone about Ashley. To tell someone about how good it is. To tell someone about this love that is taking me over.
She darts a look over to Glen - her brother, her protector... sometimes a real pain in the you know what, too... and she wonders for the millionth time if she can say the words, if she can just turn to him and say it.
But she is scared, terribly so. So scared of what he might say or might do... worried that her parents would... I don't even know what they would do, but I can't imagine it would be good...
And still, in this movie theater and the lights finally going up and the shuffling of feet behind the two of them and Glen grinning at her... Spencer thinks that, just maybe, it wouldn't go as bad as she fears.
Maybe it'll be alright.
And so she just keeps picturing Ashley's face - smiling and still, as pretty as a summer day - and as Glen walks beside her, Spencer works up her nerve.
They didn't have the car tonight. They cross the various streets, with Glen humming some of the tunes from the movie and Spencer decides to take her chance while she can manage it.
"Glen..."
"What?"
"Are you... in love with Lori?"
He shoves his hands in his coat pockets, the letterman jacket from last year - the one he cherishes and won't let anyone else even touch, and shakes his head.
"Geez, Spence, you see one dopey Elvis flick and it's love-birds for you."
"No, Glen, I--"
"Besides, you're too young to understand such things, Squirt."
Spencer stops all movement and it takes a full minute for Glen to notice, to spin around with an eyebrow raised.
"Hey, c'mon, we gotta get home."
"I am not some little girl, Glen. Stop treating me like one."
"Yea, okay, Spence--"
"No, I mean it... I 'understand' things, Glen. I am not a child."
They face each other on the sidewalk, with only a few cars going by - probably leaving the theater like them, heading home after a night of entertainment - not even seeing two siblings as they stand motionless.
"Spencer... are you dating some guy?" Glen asks in a firm voice.
"...What?"
"Lori mentioned it and I told her that was nuts... but are you? Is that who you are calling all the time?"
Spencer feels her stomach kind of heave, from fear and from anticipation, and she clenches her fists to stop her legs from trembling. And she is once again torn between blurting it all out and wanting to run away, run back home and pretend this conversation never even occurred.
"No, I'm not calling a boy." Spencer says softly. And it seems as though her brother allows a sigh of relief, his over-protective nature calming down.
"Good. I can't go knocking the lights out of another one."
And Glen winks at her, smiling once more, waving her forward.
And Spencer feels, more than anything, as if the weight of her unspoken love has gotten heavier.
/ / /
June 1st, 1965
Dear Ashley, I almost told Glen about you... about us. But I chickened out.
I know you said you don't care if I ever tell anyone. And yet, I feel strange. As if I am lying to everyone all the time. I don't like it. But I am not sure what to do. I don't want to lose you and I don't want to anger my family either.
Why must this be so impossible?
Ashley... is it really... I mean, can we actually meet one day? I want that more than anything. It's like every day that goes by finds me wanting to see you more and more.
When we are not talking, I am thinking about you constantly.
I suppose this is why they call it being smitten.
I love you, Ashley. Write back soon.
Love,
Spencer
/ / /
Ashley Davies thinks, for a moment, that she can split all her young life between not knowing Spencer Carlin and then knowing Spencer Carlin - of not knowing the dulcet tones of Spencer's voice over the phone-line to that same voice being all Ashley desires to hear, the finest strain of a gorgeous melody... Of not knowing the language of girl's heart, all the way from Ohio... to knowing every single secret and every single tender admission, sealed in a blue envelope...
Before Spencer Carlin, Ashley was content to just get by - ready to play in a world of make-believe, ready to live a life of no love at all... It would have been more random boyfriends, with their hands inching around her waist and drive-ins with fogged up windows.
Ashley would have drifted for years and years, waking up one day with nothing to show for herself - just dreams left to rot, just longings left in the dark.
After Spencer Carlin, though... well, she cannot imagine this world without Spencer in it. Ashley cannot imagine her own life without that spark of affection - spilling out from a blonde-haired beauty hundreds and hundreds of miles away - and the way it makes her head spin in happiness.
And surely Ashley is spinning too fast, but it is worth it... Spencer Carlin is always worth it.
/ / /
Aiden and Kyla are making eyes at each other. And if Ashley wasn't so consumed with her own thoughts, she'd probably make a show of gagging - just to bug them both. But as Aiden shares his milkshake and Kyla blushes while talking non-stop, Ashley is plotting.
Spencer's letter sits in her bedroom, on top of her nightstand, and if anyone were to ask what was upon that piece of stationary... I could recite it, line for line.
The usual internal chastisement kicks up in Ashley's mind, with terms like 'sap' and 'moony-eyed dope' popping up, but she ignores them. She has bigger fish to fry.
And it will require help.
"I'm thinking of selling my car." Ashley pipes up, earning a shocked look from the two people sharing this booth with her.
"But you love that car." Aiden states with his brow furrowed in confusion.
"You love it more than me, Ash... why would you want to sell it?" Kyla asks, looking more suspicious than concerned. Ashley just rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her Coke.
"It's just a car, Ky. I don't want it anymore. So, Aiden... know anyone who might be interested?"
"Sure, Ash. It's a pretty ace ride. Lots of guys would love to have it."
"Great. Spread the word."
She smiles at her sister and her best friend, sipping on her soda some more. But Kyla keeps looking at her, like she is searching for the deeper meaning to Ashley's actions.
Of course, she's not wrong, is she? I do have something up my sleeve...
"Aiden, would you get me another shake? I'd love a chocolate one."
"But we've not even finished this one..."
"Please?"
Ashley doesn't hold back from gagging this time and Aiden has the good grace to flush a little bit at the fact that he'll go get anything Kyla wants. Kyla just smiles sweetly until the boy is up and gone from the table, then those dark eyes are on Ashley in a flash.
"What's going on, Ashley? You told me that you'd never let that car go."
"...Some things are more important, Ky."
"Like what?"
And Ashley pictures Spencer's face, caught in time like the photograph she loves to stare at at night, and the smile is soft on her lips.
Kyla sighs heavily in response.
"Is this about her?"
And Ashley doesn't want to deny it, so she just nods her head in the affirmative.
"Why?"
"Because she wants to see me."
"Excuse me? Wait, are you saying--"
"I've got this really good plan and I need some money."
"Ashley... selling your car? Just to go see some girl?"
"You don't get it, Kyla."
"I don't get what? That you've lost it?"
"Spencer is... she's more important than four-wheels. And I don't want to wait any longer. I don't think I can."
But she can see that Kyla does not understand it at all. Aiden is getting closer, weaving his way through all the other kids their age, quietly singing along to the juke-box as it plays Petula Clark's 'I Know A Place'.
And Ashley sings along, too.
'...I know a place where the music is fine and the lights are always low... I know a place where we can go...'
"What exactly are you going to do?" Kyla hisses out quickly. And Ashley grins, her mind already imagining the moment that she and Spencer actually meet... and how wonderful it will be.
"We are going to see The Beatles."
/ / /
TBC