End of "Triggerfinger" to "18 Miles Out"
Yes, I was being tongue-in-cheek with the T-Dog segment. You know it's true he's never there.
Maggie told me she loved me, right before Rick and I left to find Herschel. I can't wrap my head around it. I've never had that happen to me before, except for Mom and my sisters. Rick told me that Maggie understands what she said to me because I thought she was a little blind to the matter. We haven't been together that long, and most of the time, I'm helping Rick and the others, or Carl with his homework, or chores with T and Carol. I'm not all that sure romantic love is such a good idea in this world; it could make you weak, or you could lose it before it begins. Those three words haven't touched my brain. I remember hearing women usually say it way before men do. We're slow, and very careful. Not to say women aren't that way, but I wish they could understand it takes longer for us to process things. I've always been a patient guy, and Mom taught me that good things come to those who wait.
But… waiting is almost an extinct word now, isn't it? At least when it comes to relationships in general. You're waiting to get bitten, waiting to be surprised… waiting to die.
Geez, I hate when I do that. I've been doing it more, too. It's even harder to deal when a pretty farmer's daughter races into your arms upon your return. She passed by her dad like he was a tree. I couldn't bring myself to return her bear hug; I just gave her a light hug, and she knew something was wrong. Observant, sweet Maggie.
The farm didn't care for us to bringing Randall home at all; they detested it, especially Shane, and if I knew I could handle an argument with someone, I would voice my opinion, but my time has passed. I should have kicked Randall out the door and said he fell out of the truck. But I just can't do that to Rick, and I'm having a hard time understanding why I feel this way as it is.
There was much debate over the matter with nothing really resolved by the end of the meeting. Shane was told by Herschel to keep his mouth shut, and Shane promptly left. That was the sign for everyone to disperse and go back to what they were doing before, and now with another problem weighing heavily on their minds. Maggie caught up with me before I could walk out of the house. I unleashed on her. Everything I wrote in here. I didn't hold back. She was confused and in pain, her whole face falling as every stupid, heartfelt word dropped out of my mouth.
"They were counting on me, and all I could think about was you."
I left her side, feeling as heartbroken as she was. I needed a little space to clear my head.
Randall was awake when we got up this morning. Carol and Patricia fed him some soup, and I've mostly avoided the house in general. Maggie has given me space, and I haven't really seen her around the porch or walking around the yard.
Carol said Randall is scared out of his mind and hopes he doesn't tick off the "Chinese kid" again.
"I told him you were Korean and that he should probably just be quiet for the time being," she said while hanging up the clothes. I gave her a hand with them.
"He runs his mouth too much," I grumbled and dropped someone's underwear in the dirt. "Oh, shit. Sorry, Carol." I held it up to her.
She dusted it off and put it back on the line. "It's Shane's anyways," she said with a cute smirk, and we had a chuckle just before Shane passed by us and threw a harsh look in our direction.
When he was out of sight, I cleared my throat and handed Carol the next piece of clothing. "So, uh, Carol…" I paused, fumbling with Carl's gray shirt, "how do you make up with a woman? I mean, if you were a man? If you know what I mean? Do I make sense? I don't think I do. I—I have troubles keeping up with my brain. Sorry." I picked up the empty laundry basket and walked away, but her tiny, motherly voice called for me.
"Just say you're sorry."
I looked back at her, and her smile was reassuring. "That's all, Glenn. That's enough." She turned back to the laundry on the line, dusted them off, and headed back to her tent.
Okay, I'll try that. I might screw it up, but I'll try.
Three days now. I suck at communicating and any form of socialization. I'm so scared of seeing Maggie's sad face again. It worries me I can nearly kill a man by pushing him out of a moving truck than facing my girlfriend. Maggie would forgive me; can I forgive myself?
Carl left his math book open and I got curious if I could answer the questions. It took me an hour to answer the first one, and he had a whole five pages full of notes and equations, and he worked on it for maybe three-four hours that day. I'm not a quitter! I cracked my brain figuring out all twenty questions and by nightfall, I got it done.
I had started at noon.
Today is the day I'll confront Maggie. I saw her flittering around the horses' stable and down to the barn. I love the way she walks, a little bounce to her step and swag from her boots. I dreamed last night we shipwrecked on an island and lived off coconuts and peaches, and we refused to be rescued and made sweet love on the beach every night and eventually we had a bazillion kids because we couldn't keep our hands off each other, but I never saw the kids, just knew that we had them. She still looked so sexy, from birthing kids to building a house to stalking an animal for dinner. Jungle Girl Maggie. I'm not worthy to be her Tarzan yet! Ooga ooga me Glenn need to stop being rock brain and ooga ooga with jungle maiden.
T-dog finished drawing a comic about all of this mess, and I looked like a giraffe with a serious need to poop. I have no idea what Rick was supposed to be; Daryl and Shane were these walking beef brick houses; Carl and Lori were cats… I think; Carol was a squirrel, Andrea a goat, and Dale looked the same. T said Dale reminded him of the old guy from Jurassic Park so the comic had walking dead dinosaurs. The T-rex looked like a dog with a tank rammed down its throat.
"Say, where are you?" I pointed out, skimming over the panels of Constipated Giraffe Me fighting off a ship of undead pirates, or jelly beans with eye patches, I think.
"I haven't written me in yet. It's too much fun writing about all of you!" He went back to scribbling in Carl's notebook with these huge stars in his eyes. I didn't want to disturb him anymore, or ask him to put Pierre the Porcupine in there for Andrea. There was already enough chaos in it.
Randall was crammed in the trunk of the car with headphones in his ears and a shield over his eyes. Rick and Shane are driving him eighteen miles out and cutting him loose. My grandpa used to do that with his dogs.
I found Maggie in the house with Beth, who isn't recovering too well from her shock. Maggie didn't even hear me walk in the room. She did this kind of gasp when she finally turned and saw me. I guess she had that feeling when someone is standing behind you. Beth was sitting up in the bed, looking into the far distance out the window. She didn't even blink.
"How-how is she?" My eyes fell to the ground for a moment.
Maggie nodded, gently stroking Beth's arm. "I don't know. Still a little shook up. She'll make it." She peered back at her sister and took a deep breath. "What about you? I haven't seen you out in the yard very much."
"No, I've just been, uh—helping with chores and on guard mostly. I – I didn't mean to just disappear. I just needed to—"
"You wanna go for a walk?" she blurted, staring a kind hole through me. She smiled for the first time in a while.
"You wanna walk with me, even after how I treated you?"
She scoffed and leaned over to give a Beth a kiss on the forehead. Maggie was standing in front of me before I could finish swallowing a tight lump in my throat. "You get a free pass, geek rat. I can't stay mad at you for long," and planted a quick kiss on my lips. The angels were singing and I followed her out the door like a puppy. I almost plowed through the screen door.
There was something a little different about Maggie as we walked along the fence to the front gate. We actually didn't do a lot of talking. I know that when I open my mouth, words don't form, just a wave of ignorance, hence the nickname 'Babo'. I should tell her about that nickname instead of her crying walker bait. I don't know. Maybe not. Walker Bait makes me think of Maggie. It's very her. Babo belongs to my mom and the old life. It's essential to move forward in life, especially this one, and not dwell on it.
"Did you want to try the barn again?" she teased, brushing across my arm and shining a cheeky grin, bright enough to see through the sun's coarse rays. God, so cute.
"I – I guess. Really?"
"Why would I ask you if I didn't want to?"
I dug my hands in my pockets and shrugged. "So, we've made up, right? No more awkward silence and frowns?"
She chuckled, snaking her arm through mine and leaning her head into the crook of my neck. I absolutely love the way she feels against me. "Is it so hard for you to accept that I like you? Couples will fight sometimes. That's why God invented make-up sex."
We laughed so loud, we scared the birds out of a nearby tree and alarmed a horse in the distance. I liked it that she didn't push the 'love' conversation on me although I wanted to clumsily bring it up. I'm glad I didn't. What we have between us is pretty special.
I'll catch up with her someday.
A woman's voice crowed behind us, and when we turned to check it out, Lori was trying to catch up to us. She was out of breath and pleaded with Maggie to follow her back to the house.
Ohhhh, things are so shit right now (when did it ever stop?). Beth had cut herself with pieces of a mirror in Andrea's care, and Maggie refused to let Andrea back in the house. I don't really know what's going on. I wanted to go to the house, but T-Dog and Carol thought it best if I stayed put and let them handle their family affairs.
Rick and Shane returned with fresh cuts and bruises all over their faces, and immediately they went their separate ways, obviously fuming and glaring at each other; more so Rick than Shane.
And they dragged a sobbing Randall out of the trunk. What in the hell went wrong?