She sat with her legs crossed, fidgeting uncontrollably as she stared down at the piece of paper. Her arms were crossed, and her eyes were overflowing with anxiety and troubled thoughts... but she was thankful that she was feeling something. When the sun arose to its peak in the afternoon sky directly above Konoha she was forced to kidnap her feelings, gagging them and cutting off their voices so they remained docile in her heart. She did this because she had an afternoon routine, which was once her joy but is now her burden that requires her to numb her emotions so that she could function in said routine. But in recent days, by reason of that bothersome note that sat atop the wooden desk in her room, she was forced to feel something other then the constant struggle of those feelings trying to burst forth from the fetters she kept them bound in. Yes... the anxiety felt quite nice. It didn't hold a candle to the refuge she found in her sleep, but it was still better then the alternative.
She suddenly put her fist to her chin, and turned away from the note. She glanced at the note for a moment, and then turned her entire body away from the note by shifting her position on the edge of the bed to the right of the writing desk. She looked down at her toes that peaked out of her footwear, wiggling them so she could have something interesting to look at... Toe wiggling turned out to be pretty uninteresting. She uncrossed her legs and stretched out her body over the bed. She stared up at the ceiling. It was vanilla-colored. She immediately sat up to stare at the note once more. She walked over to the note, and ran her eyes over the contents. Yep. Just as expected. It was every bit as pathetic and creepy as it was the last 59 times she read it. There was no way anyone would read this note outside of herself. She dropped the note back on the desk and paced back and forth in her room.
"Sweetie?" A full and light voice beckoned her from outside her room.
"Yeah, mom?" She called back as she paced on, demanding her voice not to reveal her bothered and anxious mood.
"You know I plan on taking the day off today, right?" The voice continued.
"I know..."
"Okay... While I'm here, is there anything you wanted to talk to me about?"
"No, nothing I can think of." She responded as she rolled her eyes over the note for the 61st time.
"...Tenten, are you sure?" She was usually able to keep the same tone when it came to matters such as this, but somehow that natural gift eluded her.
"I'm sure, mom." She dropped the note on her desk once more.
"...Alright then."
Seung stayed in her room for her entire day off.
Tenten walked over to her window, and stared out of it for a moment before she was reading the note again. It was a really silly note. She had no idea why she wrote it. She knew good and well that the only thing that could come of it was her looking really childish and stupid. She should have thrown it away along time ago. For the 62nd time, she didn't even quite put it down before she read it over again. Her face muscles took a plunge, and her lips curved to the bottom sides of her chin as she looked over the black scribbles she made on this piece of paper. She had folded it and unfolded it into different creases many times over. Everyday for the past week she had been folding the note to fit her pocket only to unfold it and place it back on her desk... She glanced up at her clock. She had to leave now or she'd be late. Training... it had now been an entire month since she stopped planning illogical and pointless battle tactics in their training... Yes... for 29 days she had enjoyed her new role as a weapon-tossing zombie.
She suddenly began to tear a large portion out of the note. She looked over the 1/3 of the note she held in her right hand. This was all she really needed. She crumbled up the larger slice of the paper in her left hand, and discarded it into a nearby waste basket. It was just a bunch of useless repetitions anyway... She now placed the 1/3 of the paper on the desk before walking over to the window. It looked pretty nice out today... that same gray cat keeps passing by the neighborhood. Where did it come from? She walked back to the desk and looked over the piece she held in her hand one last time... It still felt really foolish to do this, but it was better then the alternative... she delicately bunched up the piece of the note into a ball smaller then a pea. She suddenly tossed it as fast as she could. She gasped as it left a tiny crack in her wall... She judged that the distance between her and the wall wasn't great enough for the paper ball to pick up that much speed but apparently she had progressed more then she realized. She was lucky that impact didn't make too much of a sound... or her unusually quiet mother didn't hear it... What was with her recently, anyway?
She picked up the paper ball again, and this time threw it with much less force. It zoomed across the room and banged into the wall. Considerable amount of speed, but not deadly. Good. She picked up the paper ball, placed it inside her pants pocket, grabbed her usual weapon scrolls, and headed out of her room. She walked across the hall, and opened the door leading outside. She paused for a moment.
"... Well, here goes..."
"Mom! I'm going training now!"
"...Tenten?" Though her daughter did an excellent job of masking the hurt, she couldn't hide the slight change in her 'intentions' from her mom.
"Yeah?"
"You sound different..."
"Errr, I don't feel any different!... You've been different lately yourself... Are you okay, mom?"
"I'm fine... Anyway, have a good time."
----------------
The drowsy eye of Konoha was beginning to close under the heaviness of its eyelid, casting an ever darker shade of blue into the sky. In but a few hours the eyelid would shut completely, and the Village Hidden in Leaves would find itself once again hidden in darkness. The sun made its round for the day, and was ready to punch out. However, the morning star seemed to put in extra hours as it loomed in the purple sky. It certainly had a good reason to work overtime. It felt something coming. The clouds lacked the foresight to stay with the sun a little longer. They dispersed and left the evening sky clear. It was their loss. The sun knew better. Something was definitely brewing. Some unseen powers were moving knavishly about... conniving and plotting within the shadows of life. They were ready to make their move... The sun would tell the clouds all about what they missed with a blinding grin in the morning after.
Of course, he paid no mind of the unseen powers that move in the shadows of life. To him, it was either they were not in control at all, or they could only take him so far before he broke their cords asunder. Fate laid no claim on him... Yet in still, that feeling that he was running away from 'something' was undeniable. It definitely explained the haste in his movements as he made his way through the bare backstreets of the Konoha marketplace. His anxiousness and anticipation, much like the two buildings that couched him in the tiny alleyway, enclosed around him as he continued his escape from that "something"... But what was it? He hated the lack of clarity, and was frustrated because the lack of clarity was further empowered by the knowledge that the "something", which he felt as chilled fear on the back of his neck, possibly had many faces. He first assumed he was running from both his good sense and better judgment, which oftentimes kept him anchored in the midst of storms of mischief that cast his unwise peers into a sea of great folly. Yeah, that was likely what he felt. He knew what he was doing was quite foolish and dangerous... of course, he could be running from his uncle.. or rather, running from the responsibility and dedication of the ideals that were housed in his uncle's eyes. He was hardly the type to complain about the weight on his shoulders being too heavy, so it would stand to reason that he now ran from those weights in secret rather then pick them and up and drop them in the open... Perhaps he was escaping perfection. Perhaps all these faces of the "something" were the same thing.
Despite the dread that tore at him from behind him, He made his way through the backstreets of Konoha with a look that almost passed for actual 'control' and 'assurance'. Though a dark hand dipped in the chill of fear certainly clawed at his back... an unfamiliar hand painted in soft unfamiliar colors, with nails deeply embedded in unfamiliar regions of his being, had hooked him... and this note, rolled up into a ball smaller then a pea, was the bait.
He un-crinkled the crinkled paper for the 5th time today, and looked it over to remind himself why he was escaping. His eyes went over the scribbled-down directions of where he was escaping to. He exited the suffocating alleyway and stepped out into the marketplace. The crowd of the marketplace was understandably much thinner in the evening. It was 7PM, which was a transitional hour for the shopping area. This was when the owners of the stores and stands return to their abodes, and the revelers came out of their holes with booze-drenched blushes and toothless grins. Most of the 'debauchees' of Konoha made sure they were thoroughly intoxicated before night actually came just to save time. Neji activated his Byakugan for a moment to look behind without turning around. He wanted to make sure that the enemy that was chasing hard after him was just as invisible as he expected... His excited veins soon sunk back into his clouded head. There was nothing pursing him that was external. The Hyuuga was so deep in worry and wracked with deadly curiosity that he didn't need to work hard to ignore the drunken jeers of the folk on every side of him. He moved through the scattered patches of the crowd like they didn't come into his line of vision.
The Hyuuga walked on and made his way to the nether parts of the marketplace. He stopped his advancement right before the small blacksmith's shop that was but a few blocks south of the Ramen stand. Unlike the others shops, the blacksmith's place was neither to the left or the right of the walkway. Because the store was the exact end of the marketplace, it sat right in the middle of the road, ending the walkway. He took note of the soot-laced footprints that were left beneath the heavy boots of the smithy on his departure from a hard day of work.
"This is the meeting place..."
Honestly, apart of him didn't want to stop walking at all. Neji knew that if he stopped walking that he would face his invisible foes. He knew he would feel the cold hand gripping his neck and dragging him back from whence he came. He took a seat on the small steps that led to the blacksmith's door with his back facing the shop. His head sunk low and his eyelids covered the half of his lavender's. For once, he was trying not to think about what he was doing as he awaited her arrival. He knew that his thoughts would only weaken his resistance of the cold hand that felt a lot like reality.
He waited and waited and waited some more. She told him to come here and she wasn't even here. Maybe she allowed her good sense and better judgment to drag her back home... He would be proud of her if she did, but more then likely she was just running late due to hesitation. He was beginning to feel the bitter breeze in the evening air. Not thinking was proving to be a challenge for him, considering focus and contemplation were a huge part of his life. It was a challenge he wasn't up for. The thoughts that he had been holding back since he took a seat some 20 minutes ago had suddenly burst forth from their enclosure like a powerful stream burst forth from the incomplete dam of a beaver. The flood of thoughts washed over his mind all in one huge wave.
"Why am I entertaining this? ... I'm only fooling myself... Not only that, I'm giving her false hope. I should just go home... Despite my intentions, this can't end good. You can't play with fire and not expect to get burnt. I should have ended this in the afternoon."
The thoughts shot out from his mind like so many senbon, the words piercing through the unfamiliar regions within and attempting to stimulate every sensible part of his being. And, as he expected, the hand of dread caught up with him once more. However... as the chill-dipped fingers of that dark hand penetrated through him... he came to realize that it was quite comfortable. The dread was right... the "something" was only trying to save them both from the heartache that awaited this little meeting. It turned out Neji's first guess was right... he was trying to run from his good sense and better judgment, but he couldn't. He would return to the dark cords that bound him once again... Though the cords were like a leash about his neck, there was no shame in wearing a leash if it meant someone you cared about didn't get bitten. The Hyuuga slowly stood to his feet and set his mind on heading home before the hand of unfamiliarity had an opportunity to take hold of his heart once more.
"Neji..."
Where some invisible hand of alluring curiosity failed, a high pitched voice coming from the left side of him succeeded on all levels. His heart almost felt cleansed and his spirit rejoiced when he heard that motivation behind her voice like he hadn't heard it in a month. However... despite the momentary loss of control, Neji's good sense was still holding the reins. He would talk to her, but only to put an end to any foolish ideas she might be getting. He had to remind her of the agreement.
"Tente-"
Had his Byakugan been activated, he would have noticed it... But he didn't. She was quick. As Neji turned to his left he beheld his love reaching into his hair and around his head! His heart paid its homage to every fiber of her beauty, grace, and boldness by skipping a beat at her sudden approach. Of course, Neji himself looked only half-stunned. He didn't know what she was doing, but he didn't stop her... Good sense and better judgment failed.
Tenten didn't look into his eyes as she continued to fiddle her fingers beneath his magnificent hair. She looked exactly like Neji felt as he made his way down here. She was anxious and scared. Judging by her frantic hand movements and her body language, it appeared that she was currently operating on nervous energy. She was much better at casting her good sense and better judgment aside then her logic-minded sweetheart.
"Tenten!?!?"
Neji exclaimed in more shock then anger as her intentions were made clear. She was now beginning to run away with Neji's forehead protector in her hand. Now this girl had confused him plenty of times before, but this absolutely took the title of the MOST confusing thing she ever did.
"Just follow me!"
She responded simply before using the momentum of her initial sprint to rocket up to a nearby rooftop. Soon, she had hopped to another rooftop.
Neji's naked forehead was in pain as the cold wind rushed against it whilst he hopped from rooftop-to-rooftop. The skin of his forehead was extremely sensitive because Neji NEVER took off that forehead protector for anything apart from bathing. Though the curse seal just above his lavender eyes no longer meant a thing to him because of his freedom from fate, it was still something he would rather conceal. To Neji, it wasn't exactly fashionable to walk around with that symbol exposed... And Tenten knew this. The Hyuuga was understandably angry, but would allow the girl to explain herself whenever they reached their destination. As speedy as Tenten had become, Neji could simply run her down right now and take back his forehead protector if he so willed. But... his curiosity had to be satisfied and final resolutions had to be made.
She was only a rooftop apart from him with every leap. His focus on what needed to be resolved became diluted as he took in the river-smooth flow of her body... he noted that her movements had that 'spunk' that she was lacking since the agreement. She was so gorgeous... He noted the jounin that were patrolling on the rooftops as they passed them by... Tenten could have had any one of those guys if she wanted them... In fact, had she chosen any of them, she would be happy right now.. she wouldn't have to 'wait' for them... he almost smirked when he thought of how unfortunate they all were that she hadn't chose them. Neji later caught a glimpse of his forehead protector held tightly in her grasp, the fabric swaying in the wind as she ran. This snapped him out of his rose-scented thoughts and he then resolved to holdfast his focus and anger.
Tenten continued her roof hopping with a rejuvenated look on her face. She was experiencing a rainbow of emotions as she felt that wind hit her skin and toss about her bangs. She was relieved he had decided to come, nervous and unsure of how exactly to say what she had to say, happy that she was about to actually talk to him after what seemed like an eternity, and deeply sad that it might be another eternity before she would have this opportunity again... in the end, an awkward smile decorated her face.
They were finally there. Tenten slipped down the space between two buildings back in the marketplace, and landed gently on the ground. Neji followed soon after. The Hyuuga followed the Weapon Master through the space between the two buildings, and walked across the dusty road to her mom's fish stand. The two walked behind the fish stand, and stopped in front of a white backdoor. Tenten's eyes went over the area a few times until she was confident that no one was watching them. Neji wanted to take his forehead protector back right then, but he continued to wait for the girl to get settled. Eventually, Tenten pulled out a key from her pants pocket, forced it into the semi-broken lock of the backdoor, wiggled it a few times, and unlocked it. She entered the darkness and flicked a switch within the stand that revealed a tiny storage room filled with barrels of ice and fish.
"Please come in..."
She spoke while standing beside the open doorway, looking rightfully guilty and shamefaced.
Neji walked into the storage room with his eyes stern and unforgiving. As he was about to pass her by, she held out his forehead protector to him.
"...I only took it to make sure you would follow me all the way here. I didn't want you to change your mind and go home."
Neji snatched the forehead protector without a word, and fully walked into the room. Tenten shut the door behind him... As Neji made his way to the parcel of wall that wasn't blockaded from him by the barrels, Tenten looked lost for a split second. She looked around the claustrophobic closet of a storage room hawkishly and made her perch atop an enclosed barrel of fish to the right side of the door. Neji, only a few feet from her at a diagonal from her position, leaned against the wall with his forehead protector in his grasp and his arms folded.
The two of them breathed in the comfort of being alone with each other for a moment, despite the differing feelings flying about between the both of them. Yes, despite their moods, the powerful comfort and silent joy of just being around the other without walking on eggshells was something to be savored. It was enough to make either of them tear... After taking in the freedom of each other's company, Tenten just stared at the Hyuuga with hurt and tired eyes, complete with a decrepit smile. Neji couldn't keep a stern look under the pressure. He allowed his focus to slip for a moment and stared right back at her with painfully truthful eyes, displaying that the last month was certainly no picnic for him either. They allowed themselves to take in the burdens and hurt that came with the agreement, attempting to alleviate the pain for but a moment... They weren't very successful, but at least they now knew that they were both suffering, and there is always strength to be found when you know that you are not alone.
Soon, some force had entered the room with them, impeding on their alone time... intruding on their 'moment'... this 'force' caused Neji to shift his attitude before her very eyes, and to take on a look of impatient expectancy. It was a cold, bitter look... a look that harshly reminded Tenten of the "old days", before the chuunin exams. Not wanting to believe what she was receiving, or receive what she knew she just saw, the empty words began to pour out as an introduction to their long-awaited dialogue.
"I hope you don't mind the cold in here too much... or the lack of room... or the smell!" Tenten said with a pitiful snicker.
"The note that you tossed at me this afternoon said that you HAD to talk to me in private. I'm here, Tenten. So talk."
He was especially impatient with her because he knew exactly where this talk was going. He didn't want to re-live those painful steps of establishing the 3-year agreement again, and she was about to force him to do it anyway... he was also impatient because he knew that looking into those illuminated brown eyes for too long might as well have been the same thing as consuming alcohol... he would soon be stumbling about in this room like the bums outside in the marketplace streets... he would soon be intoxicated with desire.
Tenten dropped her eyes for a moment and lifted them up once more to stare into his grimace eyes and face his harsh words with another broken smile.
"... It's so good to see you, again..." She spoke, more referring to the Neji who held pain and longing in his eyes then the sour-looking one who stood before her.
"... We've seen each other every afternoon for years now."
"You know what I mean..." Tenten commented with dry suggestiveness... had her comment just a little more 'water', it would have passed off for being sensual.
And, of course, Neji knew exactly what she meant. The hell that was called 'training' this past month could in no way, shape, or form count as them "seeing each other" at all. The Hyuuga sighed so lowly that Tenten didn't hear it..
"It's good to see you too..."
Slight reparations to Tenten's broken smile were made right then and there, her lips curving upward a bit further. Damn... There went that annoying tendency to 'care' again. It was as a nagging voice that whispered in the pit of his heart... and right now, it was a hindrance to his intentions.
Tenten breathed deeply for her next words.
"... I missed you a lot."
"Tenten... I know this isn't easy... but you are dancing around what you really have to tell me..."
Concern proceeded the Hyuuga's voice, but his iron-clad desire to end this quickly came right after it. Tenten's mouth was open, but the words were painfully lodged in her throat.
"Tenten..."
Though she was still smiling, she looked like she was about to cry.
"...Why did you ask me to meet you tonight?"
The kunoinchi somehow envisioned a long and romantic dialogue between the two of them before it came to this... but Neji clearly hadn't envisioned the same thing. Slowly, the look of impending tears outweighed the smile.
"I-... I don't think I can do this any longer, Neji."
With that, she turned away from her love like she was turning away from strength and fell into the arms of weakness, bringing her knees to her chin by placing both feet on the top of the barrel that she was perched on. She didn't want Neji to see her face.
Laying 'care' aside, Neji stared at his comrade with not so much as a thread of pity, which is what Neji suspected she was fishing for. He wasn't buying this at all.
"Not only do I know you can do this... but I think you know you can do this too."
Tenten lifted her head from her knees. As far as Neji was concerned, the redness of her eyes failed to make her look any more helpless then it did to make her look any less beautiful. Even with the glassy eyes he wasn't sold.
"... Neji, its so hard!"
"There isn't much in life worth doing that isn't hard."
"But... But I'm TRYING so hard!"
"The only thing you are 'trying hard' to do right now is to convince me that you have reached your limit!" Neji spoke like thunder. "Well, I have seen your limit, Tenten... and it does not end here. You're stronger then this."
Damn him... He wouldn't even allow her to quit. This was just like him. Their entire relationship as official boyfriend and girlfriend could be defined as him placing her in a choke hold and allowing just enough oxygen to enter in so that she could live to feel the pain. If he was going to hurt her, why couldn't he just let her die? Why didn't he just leave her heart broken the first time she asked him for a walk? Why did he have to come running down that province area, calling out to her? Why did he have to raise her up and drop her again? What was the point?... Why couldn't he just let her quit... Why couldn't he just let her be weak... Damn him... Damn her for ever falling for him.
Tenten's broken smile morphed into a brazen stare. She allowed both of her legs to drop back down so they dangled off of the barrel. There were no tears... Tenten wondered if she would ever cry again after what she had been through. She directed her eyes into Neji's lavenders... if he wanted to see strength, she would not deny him.
"Okay then... let me rephrase it for you... I don't WANT to do this any longer."
Unlike the times before, this wasn't just a 'hint' of an attitude... This attitude was full-blown. Some hurt from Tenten's poignant expression showed up on the genius's stern face, but he remained silent.
"Yes... I said it... I don't want to wait for you a day longer, Neji Hyuuga." Though the words themselves could be counted as romantic, the way she said those words were anything but romantic. "And... with every passing day... I'm beginning to realize more and more that not only should I not have to wait... but that I do not have to wait."
Neji, for the first time ever on account of Tenten, looked genuinely scared. This sounded an awful lot like a break-up... which even the very thought was enough to do severe damage to the heart of the nervous Hyuuga.
"So... please refresh my memory." Her voice was gradually making the transition from witty anger to confused sadness. "Why am I waiting 3 years to kiss you when I want to kiss you now?"
Silence overtook the night.
"Why do we, who have already sacrificed so much of our time and our energy to becoming stronger, must sacrifice even more?"
"... Because we have so much more to sacrifice." Neji spoke calmly, trying to bring Tenten back to herself through explanation. He also spoke calmly from the relief that it didn't seem she was going to leave him. "Because we are still young... Because we can still become so much stronger."
"But can't we have both? Strength and love? Why do we have to choose?"
"Because strength and love are both two heavy to be held at the same time... if we attempt it, both will fall out of our hands."
"But other people-"
"We have aspirations that go higher then other people... So we have to give up more then other people. You know this, Tenten."
"But... its so damn unfair!"
"Life isn't-"
"Damn you, Neji! Do you have to have an answer for everything!?!?" Tenten exclaimed in frustration, yelling louder at the Hyuuga then she ever dreamed she would actually do.
Neji was a little taken... he knew that this meeting was going to be hard on both of them, but he was hardly prepared for the way things were going at the moment. He closed his eyes and spoke in a way he would consider "harsh, but truthful".
"If you do not want answers then maybe you should stop asking questions... I'm trying to help you, Tenten... I would do everything in my power to make this easier for you, but it doesn't seem like you want it to be easier... It doesn't look like you want real help. You want someone to tell you its alright to be wrong, which I will not do."
Tenten turned her eyes from the Hyuuga.
"...Maybe what would help me is to hear your answers for a change instead of hearing his answers repeated to me... Maybe I need to speak to a man, and not a parrot."
Neji unfolded his arms and pushed himself off of the wall. He narrowed his eyes. It appeared she wasn't going to be satisfied unless they were both screaming at each other in an argument... If that is what she wanted, he wouldn't deny her.
"What was that?" He heard every word. "Do not speak out of the side of your mouth, Tenten. You obviously have something on your mind, so I suggest you speak plainly if you want to be heard!"
"Oh? You want me to make it plain!?!?" Tenten allowed her voice to boom, magnified by her bottled-up anger and the momentum of Neji's provocation. "You let your uncle decide the future of our relationship for us! Was THAT plain enough for you?!?"
"Oh really?" Neji responded with an air of condescension and ridicule. "Is that what happened?"
"That's exactly what happened!"
"So it was all his fault then, right? He is the villain in our story, right?!?" Neji continued to mock the girl's comments in rage-fueled amusement. "You speak foolishly and presumptuously... and you have no idea what you're talking about."
"Well, should I have an idea?!? I mean, its not like I was there when he decided that we should wait! Its not like I was even told about the decision until the last minute! In fact, considering how much of the decision-making I was kept out of, I would say I have a pretty DAMN good idea of what I'm talking about! But please, enlighten me Neji. Exactly what part am I getting wrong?"
"Did you even listen to me? I already told what part you got wrong on that very day!!"
"Well, tell me again!"
"I was the one who made the decision!"
Tenten's fury and her momentum was cut at that moment... but Neji's was not.
"Hm. So NOW you are quiet? Well, just to make sure there isn't a doubt in your mind, I was the one who decided to get his approval, I was the one who listened to his suggestions, I was the one who agreed to his proposition, so I was the one who decided we should wait 3 years!"
"... Wrong" Tenten said simply and with confidence. "You didn't decide this for us..."
"Hmph... and you would know what I decided?" Neji mocked once more in a lowered voice, trying to allow the fierce presence of the atmosphere to die out.
"That's right. I know what you decided... I know what we decided." The flames in her brown eyes were abated and lit afresh by her passion. "The night just before you allowed your uncle to change your decision... we chose each other."
Neji breathed out through his nose and released the hold he had on his narrow eyes... He covered his chest with crossed arms again when he realized his armor was soon to be compromised. He rolled his eyes when he saw that she was trying to entrap him with hers. Tenten snickered at his immature defenses.
"It was like we were in another world... like a completely new life for us was about to begin... I remember the exact moment you chose me... do know which moment I'm talking about?"
Neji shot a look at her just so he could prove to himself; her, and to the overwhelming pressure that was on his heart; that he could do so without falling in love again. Tenten paid his look no mind, and that pressure on his heart didn't waver. He turned away from her again in defeat. As he turned away, Tenten allowed her legs to swing while smiling crookedly at the ground.
"I think you do! It was when you were right in front of my house... When I was ready to go back into the real world that was waiting for me inside my room... when you looked at my hands... THAT'S when you chose me."
The atmosphere about the fish storage room became lighter atop the wings of her memories. The Hyuuga became all the more angry with the dead-on accuracy of her comments and the trenchant impact that it had on him. It was useless to try to resist her. Nothing could throw off his love's aim if she kept her eyes on the target...the problem was she was aiming for the wrong thing...He realized that the reason she found the agreement so hard to keep up with was because her eyes were still focused on the 'now'. He had to keep her eyes off the 'now'...
Tenten's crooked smile fell into a sour frown.
"I just wish I knew what he said to you that made none of what we experienced that day matter..."
Luckily, she was still very hot-headed and frustrated with him... it would be easier for Neji to keep her eyes clouded, re-focus her aim on the 'future' instead of the 'now', and eventually watch her hit the desired target for him... Neji turned toward her to respond.
"He told me the truth..."
"And what is his version of the truth?!? That if you kiss a girl you won't be able to throw a shuriken anymore?"
Neji half-smirked at Tenten's surprising humor.
"Consider the fact that our progress has been phenomenal in the last month... Consider how quickly you were able to pass this note to me without anyone noticing it... obviously my uncle's methods are not as comical as you would have me believe."
Tenten stared wide-eyed at the boy in disbelief. He had lost his mind. She opened her arms out to their surroundings to remind Neji that they were hiding inside a fish room in order to talk to each other.
"But look at what it has done to us!!! Can't you see how much we have suffered?!?!"
"That's what sacrifice is!!!"
"...I can't believe how stubborn you are..." Tenten said quietly while shaking her head. "You KNOW how ridiculous this all is, and you're just going to stand there and act like its 'supposed' to be this way?... I don't understand... I don't understand how he could make you act like this."
"I NEVER asked you to understand!" Neji bellowed with curved eyebrows, demanding the respect that Tenten had forbore to give him since the argument began. " Believe me, you wouldn't understand my relationship with my uncle even if I felt inclined to explain it to you! This is why I never asked you to understand it... all I asked you to do was accept it."
Tenten held her peace.
"But you know what I don't understand, Tenten?"
"What?!?"
"I don't understand how you can go on and on about how much you love me and want to be with me, and yet you can't. even. wait." Neji shot out in boldness. "If you felt even half of what you love to 'say' you feel for me, wouldn't you be able endure a little hardship for it?!?"
"We went over this! It's not that I 'can not'. It's that I 'should not' !!"
"Well, would you not be able to do what you should not have to do?"
"ARRRGH! Will you stop trying to switch this around on me!" Tenten shouted, banging a fist against the barrel she sat on. "You keep trying to take my focus off how... stupid this all is!"
"So now its 'stupid'..."
"It ALWAYS was stupid!"
"Hmph. Such a refined vocabulary you possess..."
"Well SORRY for not reading a dictionary before I came here, but there's only so many ways I can call something stupid!"
"If it was so stupid, then why did you agree to it?"
"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
The frost in the air within the room made the breath that carried those heavy words visible and white like a spirit ascending to heaven.
"And don't you DARE turn away from me."
Neji heard her cool and anger-swelled voice at the side of his face as he sucked his teeth and attempted to divert his eyes from her 'love talk' once more... He felt that callous hand take hold of his cheek and violently yank his face in her direction. It wasn't much ground to cover in the room, so Neji wasn't surprised she managed to get so close to him so quickly... he was more surprised that she was able to stare so blankly at him. He was surprised because he never saw the face she was now wearing. There was the cheesy face, the fighting face, the newly-added seductive face... but what was this? Her eyes looked weathered and red, like they belonged to a much older women. Her lips weren't quite frowning... they seemed suspended between a smile and frown in a perfect straight line. The force that he felt from her gaze was powerful and weak at the same time... as though the lines of "opposites" had been blurred. From the intent Tenten was breathing out so harshly, it was not clear to Neji if she was about to break down into his arms or if she was about to 'break him down' with a right hook to his jaw... it was like she was begging to be comforted, but would soon chop off any caressing hand that reached out for her. She continued to inhale and exhale shallowly in the Hyuuga's face for a moment. She would make sure he wouldn't soon forget this look she had on her face... Though he couldn't say that the look was a 'turn-on', Neji was somehow deeply energized by it. It made him want her severely... Neji, left cheek sloshed into his face by Tenten's lingering grasp, would soon come to know that face quite well.
"You are going to look me in the eyes until I am done saying everything that I have to say to you because I don't want you to EVER doubt that I am in love with you again..."
Tenten released her hold on Neji's face just as quickly and violently as she applied it. She would have no doubt scratched him if her nails were fully grown.
"... If I have to face the fact that I'm in love with you, Neji, you are going to face it too..." Neji was a little confused by her words, but he let her talk on. "In the beginning of all this, I thought it was just a crush. I liked you since the first day I saw you... I thought you were just some guy I thought was really cute and perfect in every way. But you're not... it's more then that. I have found myself wishing it wasn't, but it is..."
She narrowed her eyes into his aloof face, slowly shaking her head, to answer the question she was about to pose to Neji herself.
"...Do you think I want this, Neji?"
Drunken laughter could be heard behind the white door in place of the absolute silence that would have been the response to her question.
"Do you think I want to be in love with you? Do you think I like obsessing over you? Do you!?... I mean, do you have any idea how many times of the day you pop into my head and how many times I just told myself "get a grip, he's just a guy"?"
She let out a twisted and bitter laugh as she turned away and began pacing back and forth.
"I mean, look at me! I have never felt this weak, tired, broken and vulnerable in my life, but you know what? At this very moment... I'm actually happy!...and I know the only reason I am happy is because I'm with y-you."
The last word of the sentence almost broke under its frailty. Tenten put her hand over her face and let out a few sobs, her breathing becoming more shallow. Neji immediately went over to comfort her, but she soon took a deep breath and removed the hand from her face so she could continue talking through her parched throat. Neji halted his advance, and stood a few feet from her pacing space.
"... I get depressed when I think about what happened... but then I encourage myself when I think about what it will be like in 3 years... and then I get depressed all over again because I'm angry that I can't be with you now! And to make matters worse, I have to see you EVERYDAY! I can't tell anyone, not even my mom, how I feel because no one would understand... and you, the one person who should understand, doesn't even really want to hear what I have to say."
The drunken laughter outside the door ceased, and the quiet somehow made Neji's sudden feeling of guilt all the more bitter to his heart. Tenten stopped her pacing and stood a few feet away from him.
"Neji... My life has been like a terrible dream I keep having over and over again since I made that decision..I never knew a month could feel so long... but I made that decision because I love you... I stuck with that decision without a word of complaint for this long because I love you..."
Neji remained quiet until he was sure she was done speaking.
"... Tenten... all I can do is repeat myself... I know you really don't want to hear this, and I know its easier said then done... but you have to endure longer."
"Hah! I don't believe this..." Tenten immediately laughed and put her tired head into her hand before Neji was quite done with the statement. She rubbed her thumb and middle finger into her temple to appease her frustration while Neji stared at her.
"What is so funny?" he asked quietly.
"The thing that I warned you about that day is coming true, and you can't even see it! Don't you remember what I told you would happen if training and getting stronger took priority above everything else?"
She took her hands off of her face, and stared at him... hoping desperately that he at least remembered.
Neji closed his eyes... such a foolish question. He would never forget those words as long as he lived.
"If all you do is train... if all you do is focus on the mission at hand... if nothing else matters to you in life, then you will become "unfamiliar" with the very things you seek to protect as a ninja."
Neji opened his eyes and revealed a half-smirk to the tanned kunoichi, knowing that she was probably hoping he forgot so she could continue to bicker with him.
"So you DO remember." Tenten's voice remained hostile and hurt, despite Neji's memory. "...Then how did you still let it happen?"
Neji's entire face lost the muscle tension it takes to maintain a rock-hard gaze. Her question pierced through his folded arms like they weren't even there. His chest was all but sliced in twain, and his heart bore fresh wounds from the cut. Tenten moved so she was standing only a few inches from Neji. She attempted to glare into his eyes... but found that she couldn't keep eye contact. Her eyes found their resting place around his legs. She spoke as though she was ashamed the words were coming out of her mouth.
"... I have become 'unfamiliar' to you."
A smile came to her face, as she was strangely tickled by the horror of this situation. She felt something slither in her chest... as though her own heart was unwilling to accept the words that came from her mouth.
"I always thought that you were suffering just as much as I was... I used that thought to comfort myself... As long as I knew I wasn't going through this alone, I could hold on..."
"...Tenten..." Neji spoke.
"But now I can see I was just hoping against hope. You have become numb to me, Neji... you have become numb to your feelings for me... You can't even see what this is doing to me, can you? Its like I've been talking to a brick wall since we've got here..."
Neji uttered not a word. Having no use for them to cover his chest any longer, Neji unfolded his arms and let them drop to his sides gradually. Tenten, who clearly had become far less timid and predictable within the past month, slipped her arms between the space in his arms. She raised her arms within the space between the sides of his chest and his arms so that they were a few inches below his armpits. She wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. She slowly rested her head against his chest, ruffling her bangs against the tough material of his shirt... He didn't complete the embrace. Neji didn't move an inch... it was the stillest he ever stood in his life. He simply closed his eye and breathed deeply, exercising his improvement in self-control. Tenten didn't seem hurt or shocked at all at her sweetheart's sudden stiffness. She was satisfied enough to be holding him, her bright smile being cleansed of its corruption. She turned her face so that she rested her right ear against his heart. She needed to confirm that it was still beating... She began to speak close to it his chest in hopes that her words would get through to that heart without going through his thick head.
"... You know what really hurts? Even if I did kiss you right now... I know you wouldn't feel it..."
Neji was now clenching his fists within her grasp, though she didn't notice. His heart was hot with unsaid words, but he knew giving into her sentimental talk was just as deadly as giving in to this hug.
"But don't worry..." The Hyuuga could hear the cynical attitude finding its place within her calmed voice once more. "... I can throw a kunai faster then last month... so I guess you got what you wanted."
Suddenly... surprisingly... Neji's lips bent upward in a smirk as his love worked tirelessly to bend the last straw. In fact... yes. She had bent it enough with her concluding statements. It would probably only make things more difficult, but it was time for Neji to really say what he had to say. Though he remained still like a prey trying to hide from a predator who could only detect movement, his strength proceeded his next words...
"Fool..."
Tenten quickly lifted her head to Neji, not breaking the embrace. His eyes remained closed, but seemed to shake beneath his eyelids.
"You couldn't be anymore wrong."
Neji suddenly opened his eyes to reveal the pain that Tenten saw initially... only now his eyebrows were curved in anger. Tenten tightened the embrace without thinking about it. Neji looked pretty cute when he was mad... and yet the stare commanded some healthy fear from her, as though the wrath of heaven would fall on her if she interrupted.
"You say that I have become 'numb', but the truth is it is the exact opposite... NEVER have I felt things so strongly since I made that decision... sadness, anger, impatience, regret... I cycle through these feelings on a daily basis without end... and believe me... I wish I was numb to any of them."
A blank and dead stare was his girlfriend's answer, as though she got lost somewhere behind his eyes.
"I don't take any breaks from 'feeling' something anymore. I walk around everyday with a heaviness in my heart that I never even knew existed... I feel as though I lost my certainty that I can even make it through the day without breaking down in tears... Tenten... I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that with every step I take you alone are on my mind... my meditation has become thoughts of 'what is she doing?', and 'is she thinking about me?'. I have become weak and sentimental... I feel powerless... it's disgusting... but all of this is okay... because I lost control of myself so I could have you."
Neji's deep voice filled to the brim with a bitter stream of truth, though the Hyuuga made it his business to keep it from overflowing and causing his voice to crack. Tenten's eyes began to swell with tears.
"Now tell me... do you think that what I just told you is going to make this any easier on us? Do you think wallowing in weakness and self-pity is somehow going to help? Impossible... weakness and weakness leaves only weakness."
"I-I know that, its ju-"
"Or does it make you feel good to know that you have so much power over me?!?!"
Honestly the kunoichi wasn't sure how to answer that. She would be lying if she said she wasn't happy that she had such an effect on a boy who once barely realized she was alive. Still, it didn't feel any more truthful to claim that she got pleasure out of Neji's pain. She left the question unanswered in embarrassment. Neji began speaking again.
"My point is that self-pity is deceitful. It appears to help us through our problems, but it only provides a momentary covering for our own weakness... what you thought was 'numbness' was me fighting against self-pity. Maybe you take weakness lying down, but I will not."
Though he tried to be stern with her, Neji sighed as Tenten plopped her head against his chest once more, rubbing some tears into his shirt. She was still upset, but the atmosphere filled with hard-feelings and violent anger had vacated. The entire fish storage room felt much 'clearer', as did Tenten's soul.
"... I'm not as strong as you." Tenten spoke, resting against his chest.
"Yes, you are." Neji still refused to complete the embrace.
"No, I'm not... I still want you to wrap your arms around me... I want you to hold me... I still want you to have me, Neji."
And Neji felt it once more... that bittersweet feeling shooting all over his body... he felt 'lust' banging on the door, demanding to be let in... or, more accurately, to be let out. His heavy shorts once again kept the desire down as his body began to respond to the streams of dangerous pleasure coursing though his veins. In a moment of weakness the 'pleasure flow' pumped into his brains, and caused him to utter something he shouldn't have.
"... I want to, Tenten... I want to have you more then you realize."
"...Then what is stopping you?"
Tenten blurted out suggestively, her own desire rising within her like yeast. Soon, her body was swollen with it. She ran her cold hands up and down his back slowly, wondering how going through a very heated argument with her Hyuuga had left her so... 'excited'. Like before, there was a part of her that was ashamed of her behavior and really wanted to get a handle of the self-control that Neji mastered... and like before, the 'enchantress' in her just didn't care. Unlike before... this time... though she wouldn't admit it, she desperately wanted the 'enchantress' to win.
Though the two couldn't tell from the windowless storage room, the sun was finally beginning to sink down into the night. It was a shame... It was getting late, so he had to miss the action after all... It was shaping up to be some show... He took note of the unseen powers in the shadows of life... the sun recognized what they were setting up before he departed... The sun could hear them laughing already.
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a/n- ... pretty long, eh? I'm working on the conclusion of their little meeting right now. Expect an update soon! And I would REALLY appreciate some feedback on this chappie in particular.