Sorry that this update took quite a while. The next update will not be as long of a wait. This chapter is very big in more ways that one! I hope you enjoy it, please comment what you think, feedback always helps me :)
"What the hell are you doing here". A furious Rob shouted as he glared at Peter. Michelle stared at him too as she put her arm round Carla almost subconsciously to protect her. Carla was looking at the ground, her heart race was increasing as Peter was the last person she was expecting to see today.
"I want to speak to Carla". Peter forcefully said not looking at Rob, instead his eyes fixed onto Carla.
"She doesn't want to speak to you". Rob firmly replied. "Anyway how do you know where we were". Rob asked
"Tracy told me". Peter replied
"Tracy". Michelle shouted rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"Well she had no right. We were having a nice day until you showed up, so why don't you do everyone a favour and turn back around and go where you came from, you have no right to be here". Rob said annoyed.
"I didn't realise parks were a private place". Peter sarcastically said now looking at Rob.
"You what". Rob shouted as he shot over to him abruptly.
"Rob leave him". Michelle shouted quickly as she was scared he was about to do something stupid. Carla sensed something was wrong so she looked up to see."He is not worth it". Michelle added as Rob stopped in his steps, he was fairly close to Peter now but he managed to keep his cool.
"Your right, he isn't even worth the breath". Rob said almost spitting on Peter as he then turned round and sat back down next to his sister. Carla let out a sigh of relief.
"I don't want to cause any trouble I just want to speak to Carla that is all". Peter said as he put his arms up.
"Well like I said she don't want to speak to you". Rob said as he looked at his sister, who was now staring at the ground again. Rob could tell Peters presence has completely changed her attitude and this was something Rob hated.
"I think that should be down to her". Peter said now looking at Carla again desperate for her to engage eye contact with him.
"You can't ask her that". Rob said.
"Why she is a grown women, she can make her own decisions. Carla tell me to go and I will but please I just want a quiet word I am not here to upset you that I can promise". Peter said rather desperately, he really wanted to have a private word with Carla. All eyes were now on Carla who was started to feel slightly suffocated as although she knew they meant well both Michelle and Rob had there arm round Carla to protect her. She sat there for a moment staring at the ground gathering her thoughts, until she cleared her throat a little.
"Fine". Carla said almost a whisper.
"What do you mean fine". Rob asked as he pulled his arm away from Carla. Carla lifted her head and turned to look at Michelle. By that glance Michelle knew exactly what she meant.
"Oh Carla you don't have to do this you know, just say the word and he will go. You even said yourself you have nothing left to say to each other". Michelle said.
"He obviously doesn't think so". Carla replied focusing on Michelle rather than Peter or Rob. Although she heard a big sigh from both of them. Rob's sounded full of anger and Peter's sounded full of relief.
"Look right the last time you spoke to him you ended up running off and nearly refusing to go back to hospital, you know what the doctor said you could be out of there by this time next week do you really want to jeopardise that". Michelle said trying to be tough with her.
"It won't, I am just gonna listen to what he has got to say and then tell him to go". Carla replied.
"Carla". Michelle said in a tone of real pity.
"Please Michelle can you just give us some space and take Rob with you". Carla asked Michelle.
"No chance I am staying here". Rob said firmly as he shook his head.
"You heard what she said, just leave us alone hey". Peter said as he was getting fed up with the big brother routine, as far as he was concerned he has never cared about Carla so he doesn't buy the sudden care now. This comment riled Rob even further as he shot up from his feet. Michelle saw this and quickly reflexed up managing to stop him from doing anything that would get him in trouble.
"Rob you just said he is not worth it, come on hey I could do with stretching my legs anyway". Michelle said gently to Rob as she was gripping on to him.
"No I am not leaving her alone with him". Rob said far from impressed. The two men were glaring at each other. It was a few moments silence.
"Rob please". Carla said very quietly a real tone of desperation in her voice. Rob looked at her sister as Carla slightly smiled at her brother, he could tell that all this wasn't helping her at all so he decided to back down. His tense body relaxed a bit as Michelle let go of him as she felt he wasn't gonna do anything now.
"Fine". He regretfully said.
"We won't be long ok". Michelle said looking back at Carla who just slightly smiled back at her. "Come on". Michelle added to Rob who had to force himself to turn away. Carla and Peter both watched them walk off until they were out of sight.
Peter took a sit down next to Carla who instantly moved further away from him, almost subconsciously, this was something Peter noticed and deep down this upset him.
"Thank you for not telling me to go away". A ever so appreciative Peter said. "It is great to see you out of hospital, I am so proud of you". Peter said
"Just tell me what you want and go". Carla said in quite a harsh tone as she was staring at the floor playing with her hands.
"What I want, I want you back where you belong with me". Peter said as he looked at Carla who let out a deep frustrated sigh.
"You know that can't happen". Carla said quite softly but firmly. Peter hung his head in shame he really wanted to get through to her, for her to believe him that he had changed but he didn't know how. Carla hated herself for it but she felt butterflies in her stomach just by the close proximity that she was near to Peter, they hadn't been this close to each other in months. There was silence for a few moments as Carla heard a loud laugh in the distance as she looked up. She was looking at a family which were in front of her across the park playing in the playground. There was a women and man both in their middle 30's with what looked like a 7-8 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. The women was pushing her daughter on the swing while laughing at her husbands childish behaviour, as he was chasing his son round the playground but he didn't seem to be able to catch him. The man then came up to his wife who was still laughing at him as he was out of breath. They started play fighting which lead into a passionate kiss. In that moment they only had eyes on themselves and no one else, they looked so in love.
"That used to be us". Carla said ever so quietly almost a whisper.
"What". Peter asked as he looked at who Carla was looking at.
"Obviously mean not with the kids, Simon's never really wanted me to be like a mother to him and could you imagine us two as someones parent". Carla slightly laughed at the thought. "What I mean is they look happy and so in love". She added as she felt a ache of sadness as she was reminded of exactly of what they used to be like.
"That can be us again". Peter said a real tone of plead.
"No no it can't". Carla quickly said shaking her head.
"Why not". Peter asked.
"Because I can't trust you". Carla replied.
"But you can learn to trust me again". Peter said as he moved closer to her but Carla shuffled further on the bench moving her body away as she now had her back towards him. She was desperate to stay strong and not fool for his words that she has heard over and over. "I still love you so much, in fact I think I love you right now more that I have ever have loved you and I didn't think that was possible". Peter sincerely said as Carla just rolled her eyes, desperately wanting to truly believe what he was saying but she couldn't. "And I know that you still love me too. I remember that day when you first declared your love for me, even though I didn't show it, deep down I was so flattered. I couldn't believe my luck. Someone so ambitious, strong, classy and insanely beautiful fell in love with someone like me. It just doesn't happen. I know I do not deserve you but I know that but for some daft reason you love me and what we had its too amazing to just throw it all away". Peter said talking to her back. Carla swung her body back round as something he said hit a nerve.
"You threw it all away Peter. You ruined it, not me". She forcefully said as her eyes were now filling with water, she was trying her best to keep her emotions in check. "You done that all on your own". She added almost a whisper as a few tears fell down her face as she quickly wiped them away. She looked down at the ground again trying to gain composure.
"I know and there is not a day that has gone past since you left me that I don't regret it. If I could turn back time I would. I would do anything in my power to change things, so all this would be just one big nightmare and didn't happen and we would be happy and enjoying married life by now". Peter said to which Carla didn't respond, she was trying her best to keep her remaining tears at bay. They both sat in silence for a while. Peter didn't know what else he could say to her, making her upset was the last thing he wanted. He looked up and saw the family again who were still in the playground. He sat there a moment just taking the sight all in.
"Them kids are so lucky". Peter said as Carla had a sign of confusion on her face, she slightly turned around to see that he was talking about the same family that she was talking about a moment ago. She was a little confused by what he meant.
"I remember going to the Park with my parents me and Susan must have only been about 4 that was one of my first ever memory's. My mum was pushing Susan on the swings while my dad was watching me while I was going on the slide. That was the first and last memory of going to the park as a family. I suppose there not lucky really are they, that should be how it is, I bet it is a weekly occurrence in their house". Peter said a hint of vulnerability in his voice as he talked about his mum. His position changed as he hunched his body a little as he sat there with his head near his hands. Carla just sat there still looking at the ground listening to him. She was unsure where this was going.
"That is one of the only memories I have of my mum, sometimes I sit there and try my hardest to remember what she was like but I can't really I just remember she had a really loud laugh, a lovely smile and she used to always put Susan's hair in plaits everyday...its funny the things you remember". Peter said as he smiled faintly thinking back to the small memoires he had. "I don't really remember the day she died, I know that sounds bad, I remember the night me and Susan got taken to our grandparents though, it must have been not long after she passed away. At the time we didn't understand what was going on, I mean what 5 year old would, Susan kept asking when are we going home, when are we going to see dad and mum. Even though we knew that she was in heaven but again we didn't understand what that meant". Peter said as tears started to slowly fill his eyes. Carla just sat there in silence taking it all in, Peter had never spoken about his childhood and his mums death with her properly before so she was listening carefully although she had a little wonder in her mind why he was telling her all this now. Peter took a deep breath in.
"What I do remember clearly, was one night in particular at my Nan's and granddads, we must of only been living there a couple of weeks I reckon. They sat us both down and spoke to us properly about everything trying there best to explain to two 5 years old where both they parents had gone. I remember nan saying that our mum was in heaven but she was watching us and that are dad has brought us here as it was for the best, like that meant something to us though. That night I cried myself to sleep. I remember it clearly, I was so upset I then realised that I would be living with my grandparents and that I thought I would never see both my parents again, my life that I knew it before would all be different. That night was probably my clearest childhood memory". Peter said almost talking to himself trolling off in his own thoughts, he quickly wiped a way a few tears as they quickly feel down his face. He was unaware if Carla was listening or not. Carla who had her back slightly to him had tears in her eyes, she felt so sorry for Peter, she just wanted to take his pain away although she knew she couldn't and that this still doesn't excuse what he did to her.
"As I got older I started to blame myself, I know I couldn't of done anything about my mums death that was just a awful accident but my dad why did he leave us, I kept thinking it was because of me, maybe I wasn't a very good son, maybe I done something wrong". Peter said as his voice rose a little.
"Peter of course you didn't do anything wrong". Carla spoke up. She couldn't just sit there and let him blame himself. As she turned her body to face him her heart sank as she looked at how upset he was.
"Why did he leave us then, why leave two 5 year old's who had just lost their mum, by him going it meant that they lost there dad too...I just don't get. I know he's explained it to me but it still doesn't make sense". Peter said a tone of anger in his voice. He didn't look at Carla as he felt quite weak for getting upset. He wiped another few tears which were strolling down his face.
"Whatever his reasons where it was nothing to do with you or Susan, it was neither of your faults". Carla firmly said feeling quite emotional herself.
"I remember as I grew up I used to always want Susan with me, in case one day she wasn't with me and she would go too, sounds silly I bet but I was scared that she would leave me. I was right though she did leave me, didn't she, it wasn't until we were much older and all grown up but it didn't hurt any less". Peter sadly said as a few stray tears fell down Carla's face she quickly wiped them away as she wanted to stay strong for Peter.
"All the relationships I have ever had, I mess them up one way or another, it is always me doing something stupid that ruins it. Everyone I ever loved let me down so that's what I do I don't mean to but it just happens. Thinking about it my adulthood has been just a horrible viscous circle. I would get in a relationship usually get married and then mess it up by cheating or some other way and then I would be left with no one again. I would be upset for a while but I suppose I just soon moved on, got on with it". Carla's heart started to race increasingly as she hung her head down no longer being able to look at Peter, more tears started to fill her eyes as the realisation of the conversation hit her. He was trying to give her a explanation of why he had cheated on her, something she had been asking him for, for months.
"Each time though I promised myself that that time would be different, that I wouldn't stray and that was my happy ever after...But deep down I think I was scared, scared that they realised that I was not good enough for them and that they could do so much better so they would go and leave me. What I am trying to say is I think I am the way I am because of my childhood, I know it is no excuse but you wanted a explanation and here it is. I don't think I realised until now that, that is why I do it...the two people that are meant to unconditionally love you and be there for you always weren't there, I know my mum it was out of her control and I know me and my dad are ok now, he's explained his reasons to me but that still doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt and effect me". Peter said with a raw tone in his voice. He was now wiping his tears off his face.
"I would of never of left you". Carla sincerely said almost a whisper as she was now fighting back the tears. Peter lifted his head up and was a little taken back by how emotional she was. They looked into each others eyes. Peter twisted his body round slightly so he was facing Carla as he moved closer to her, he was pleased that she didn't nudge back.
"I know that now, of course I do. I just wish I believed in myself then. But with you Carla your not like them, my other relationships you are different...because I haven't moved on like all the other times. I can't. It has been 6 months and I haven't even looked at another women because you are it, you are the only women for me, and I realise that now". Peter said truthfully as he was looking at a clearly upset Carla. She felt a mixture of emotions. Tears were falling down her face, he couldn't bear seeing her upset any longer so he gently placed his hand on her cheek to wipe away her tears. He felt a breakthrough when she didn't flinch or move his hand away. At the touch Carla's heart started to race even faster as a million thoughts were going in her mind.
"You are everything and more than I could ever wish for. I know now that you wouldn't leave me and for some daft reason that you love me as much as I love you". Peter sincerely said as his voice was breaking a little as emotion got the better of him. There eyes gazed together taking the moment in as he slowly moved forward so there heads were practically touching, Carla's tears were falling onto his cheek and her hair was going in his face, but he didn't mind he was just longing to be with her. Butterflies fluttered inside Carla's tummy as even with just there heads touching it made her realise even more just how much she loved him. There eyes gazed at each other for a moment until Peter leaned in a little closer as they lips met, there eyes closed as they kissed. It was quite short but was full of passion. They pulled away from each other slightly as Carla looked into Peter's eyes, there was a moments silence both digesting what just happened.
"I have learnt my lesson, you have made me understand myself". Peter said as he placed one hand on top of Carla's as he used his other hand to wipe the hair out of her face. "Ohhh Carla I love you so much. I would never let you down or hurt you again". Peter said ever so sincerely. Peter waited for her response those few seconds felt like a lifetime to him, he just wanted her to say something, anything.
"I believe you". Carla said ever so quietly, it took a lot for her to say them words, but after hearing what he had to say about him being the way he was because of his childhood made her think that they had that in common as she believes some of the ways that she is is down to her childhood too. As the words came out of Carla's mouth Peter took a loud sigh of relief as a grin approached his face and tears filled his eyes".
"So does this mean...". Peter asked as Carla simply nodded as she wiped a few more tears that were flowing down her face."Oh Carla thank you". Peter added as he stroked her hair.
"But you have to remember I am still ill and I am not the same person I was". Carla said being truthful with him.
"I know". Peter replied as he nodded sadly, reminding himself of how much he hurt her and it was his fault that she was in hospital in the first place.
"You have to be patient with me, things that were so simple when we were together, now might be harder for me. You might not love the person I am now". Carla said as she looked down at the ground.
"Carla I will always love you, no matter what. I am in love with you and nothing will change that". Peter said as he place his hand on Carla's chin to lift her head up so she would look into his eyes again to show her that he honestly meant what he was saying.
"Ok". She simply said as she let out a big deep breath. "But we need to take it slow". Carla firmly added.
"Yep fine". Peter agreed.
"I mean it when I get out of hospital I am gonna go back to underworld and you can stay working at the bookies and as for living together for now I am gonna stay living at Michelle's old flat". Carla ordered she desperately needed to be the one in control.
"Carla you don't need...". Peter said thinking that she was being over precarious.
"Peter please, if were gonna try again we need to do it my way". Carla firmly said.
"Ok". Peter sighed. "Come here". He added as he moved his arm around her shoulders for a comforting hug. As they embraced they stayed in silence as they both where taking everything all in. Many thoughts were buzzing around in both their heads. Peter was a little taken back as he felt her prominent spine and bony arms and it made him more aware that she was still ill, this made him feel a pang of guilt. Part from that he was feeling euphoric he couldn't believe his luck, he didn't fully understand what made her change her mind but wasn't concerned about asking her today. He has been wanting a moment like this since that day she stormed out of the flat and now he finally has her back in his arms again where she belonged. Carla was feeling quite drained from today's events. She had a little niggle in the back of her head whether she done the right thing or not but she couldn't help but feel soothed and relaxed in his arms. It was something about his grip them arms making her feel safe and secure and right now she just wanted to stay there for ever.
Round the corner of the park Michelle and Rob were now walking back to where they left Carla and Peter.
"She was like the old old Carla today". Michelle said.
"Old old what do you mean". Rob asked slightly confused.
"When I first met her, yeah I know she, well both of you didn't have the best childhood but thinking about it she was the most relaxed back then". Michelle replied.
"Poor cow". Rob muttered.
"It's easy to forget how much she has been through but for her its reality. Since she's been living here its just been one thing after another after another it's like a viscous circle. And I know things like Paul's death and the factory fire effected her more than she let on". Michelle said sadly as she thought back to her best friends traumatic life.
"I should have been there for her". Rob said feeling guilty about not being the brother that he should have been.
"Well your there for her now that's what counts doesn't it. I can tell it means a lot to her you supporting her and I can also tell that you love getting along with her too". Michelle said as she smiled softly at Rob.
"Well yeah but don't tell her I said that". Rob replied. "But what annoys me about her is that I just don't get her sometimes I really don't, I mean why does she always let that scum back in". Rob said referring to Peter as his tone of his voice changed into a more aggressive tone.
"She just said she was gonna listen to what he has to say and then tell him to go". Michelle said.
"And do you believe her". Rob asked.
"I don't know". Michelle quietly said as she looked down at her feet.
"Exactly". Rob sighed as Michelle looked like she had something she needed to get off her chest.
"Look Rob say she does take him back, I am not saying she will but if it does happen, you will still stick by her won't you, because remember she may be getting better but she is still ill and she needs all the love and support that she can get". Michelle said as she knew Rob and she had a feeling that he would ruin their relationship again because of Peter.
"I don't know if I can Michelle, I just don't know". Rob truthfully said as Michelle sighed. Rob's head turned as he saw Carla and Peter in sight. He sighed angrily as his pace fastened, rage took over his body at the sight of them two cuddling on the bench. Michelle looked on sympathetically as she felt sorry for Carla feeling like she needed him. Carla glanced up and saw them approaching, as she quickly moved out of their embrace this confused Peter but he soon realised why as he saw who was coming.
"Oh don't move on my account". Rob snottily said.
"Look Rob". Carla said as she suddenly felt increasingly awkward as she had both Rob and Michelle glaring at her and Peter.
"Don't bother explaining yourself to me I know what I saw". Rob said moodily as he just looked at Peter in disgust. Carla turned her body round a little to Peter.
"Peter I think you should go, I need to speak to Rob and Michelle on my own". Carla said.
"But I wanted to take you back to hospital". Peter replied unhappy with what she was asking.
"Its ok you don't need to. Come up tomorrow If you want". She quickly said as she slightly smiled at him.
"Are you sure you want me to go". Peter asked as he looked up at Rob and saw that he was in one of his rages, he wasn't happy about leaving her with him.
"Please". Carla pleaded.
"Ok". Peter unhappily said. As he went to lean in for a kiss Carla slightly turned away a little looking at Rob. Peter knew her reasoning's behind the snub and didn't take it personal. "I'll see you tomorrow then". He said as she just nodded and smiled at him. He walked off before turning round one more time to glance at the love of his life in disbelief that he has managed to get her back. Rob was pacing up and down a little obliviously clearly angry at what has just happened. Michelle just stood there arms folded, Carla could sense from her expression that it was half anger and half pity.
"Please Rob will you just calm down". Carla said as it was making her nervous just watching him like that.
"So you've taken him back then". Rob stated as he stood on the spot.
"Yeah I have". Carla quietly said as she was playing with her hands.
"Why, what changed your mind". Michelle asked.
"Its complicated...it's just the things he said". Carla replied.
"You do know what ever he said is probably 99% lies don't you". Rob sniggered.
"He means what he says I can just tell". Carla exclaimed firmly.
"He will let you down again I know he will its just a matter of time and what happens then you gonna let him of the hook again and again and again". Rob shouted getting louder.
"No there won't be another chance if he does let me down then that will be it". Carla said trying to remain calm, really hoping that Rob was listening to her.
"Well do you know what if he does I don't want to know, I can't just sit and watch him breaking your heart and letting you down again. So from now on what you and him do I don't wanna know" Rob spitefully said as he stormed off.
"Rob". Carla shouted as tears filled her eyes.
"I mean it Carla".Rob shouted not even turning round. Carla watched on as her brother continued storming off. She sighed as she looked down at her hands as she bite her lip to try and help her keep her emotions in check.
"Just leave him, he'll calm down and then when he does he'll realise he does'nt mean what he has just said". Michelle said as she walked closer to the bench.
"Are you gonna storm off and all". Carla asked.
"No". Michelle replied as she sat down next to Carla.
"I wouldn't blame you". Carla said as she looked into Michelle's eyes.
"Well I am not". Michelle told her.
"But your not happy though are you". Carla asked
"Well of course I am not". Michelle sighed. "For months I have watched my best friend become a shadow of her former self I have never seen you so unhappy and that was all down to him and now you are finally making progress and getting your life back on track you let him swan right in again. I don't want him to let you down again". Michelle said truthfully.
"He won't". Carla quietly replied as she was playing with her hands.
"Carla I am frightened because he has this kind of hold over you. I don't know what it is but there's something about him that you can't live without and it scares me". Michelle honestly told her.
"I love him Michelle, he is the love of my life. I can't function properly without him, that can make me weak or a coward or whatever but its true". Carla said as tears were now strongly forming in her eyes.
"And you have forgiven him, I mean really forgiven him, and your trust him?". Michelle asked.
"We both need to move on from that and get our lives together back on track". Carla replied not really answering the question.
"But do you trust him". Michelle asked again.
"Yeah...I'll learn to fully trust him again". Carla quietly said.
"I don't want to see you get hurt again that is all. I don't want this to affect your recovery. You being with Peter again it might make you more self aware and conscious and...". Michelle exclaimed.
"It won't". Carla firmly said stopping before she could finish her sentence. "That won't effect anything. I know I have still a long way to go and I know if I get out of hospital next week, I know I am not better that I have to work on it and I will. I will do everything in my power to make sure that I never make myself ill like that again". Carla truthfully said ever so sincerely desperately hoping that Michelle believed her.
"Good". Michelle simply said as she slightly smiled as she placed her hand on top of Carla's.
"But what about Rob though, I need him. I might not admit it to his face but I do love having him around and being like a proper brother and sister should be". Carla said as Michelle just slightly laughed. "What". Carla added confused by her response.
"Nothing...Like I said he will come round". Michelle said as she smiled at Carla.
"I hope so because I may need Peter but I need you and him as well. I might not always show it I know I can be a hard-faced cow that acts that she don't need nothing or no one but I do, I really do... and I have realised today that Peter needs me just as much as I need him". Carla said emotionally as a few stray tears fell down her face. Michelle was unsure of what Carla meant by that last comment but she could tell that today's events had took it out of her so she didn't want to question her. Michelle moved her arm round Carla's shoulder to give her a comforting hug, she might not be happy with her decision but she wasn't gonna storm off and let Carla down. Carla appreciated the hug as she was relieved that she didn't hate her. She just wished that Rob would be as understanding but she knew that this was her life and nothing was ever simple so of course he didn't understand. As she sat there being comforted by Michelle she thought about what she wanted in her life, all she wanted was the three people she loved most in the world to get on, she wanted to get herself out of hospital and fully healthy again and she wanted her relationship to be just how her and Peter were before this mess began. She would do everything in her power for that to happen.