A/N: Wow, so many milestones! 120 reviews, over 100 followers, and over 50 favorites! Y'all, I feel so very special. This has exceeded my wildest expectations for my very first fic! Seriously, y'all are wonderful. Thank you!

A special shout-out to squaredplanet for pointing out an error I made back in Ch 15…I had Morgana refer to Arthur as her brother…oops! It has been edited accordingly. Morgana thinks of Arthur like a brother but does not know that they are, in fact, siblings. So thanks for catching that! :) A digital cupcake for you in the flavor of your choice! :D

Thank you as well to the reviewers over the past week who can't receive PMs…I really appreciate you taking the time to review! :)

As promised, beginnings of Mergana in this long chapter to make up for the sadness of the past several chapters…

Chapter 21: Magic and Musings

Morgana had been a wreck all day. Waking up screaming because you Saw your friend die takes 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed' to a whole new level, she thought in frustration as she sat across from Uther at supper. The chamber felt conspicuously empty without Arthur there. He'd be absent before, certainly, for a hunting trip or an extended patrol, but never before had he been a taboo subject. The forbidden topic hung in the air like smoke; it was slowly suffocating Morgana. To sit here like nothing's wrong, like Arthur and Merlin aren't possibly fighting for their lives...and he just sits there and stuffs himself!

Her anger was simmering within her. She could feel her magic roiling beneath her skin, wild and instinctual. She clenched her fists in her lap so that Uther couldn't see and mentally counted to ten to calm herself. An outburst of magic at supper was definitely not on her to-do list.

You're no help to Arthur and Merlin if you get yourself condemned for sorcery, she scolded herself.

She needed to talk to Gaius. Maybe he could help her control the way her magic flared along with her emotions. Tensions would continue to run high until Arthur was safely restored to Camelot.

I'm going to need help to keep my head attached to my shoulders until then, she thought.

Her somber thoughts were interrupted.

"You've hardly touched your supper. Are you unwell?" Uther asked, in either real or feigned concern, Morgana couldn't tell.

Either way, this was her chance to escape this dreadful dinner ritual.

"My lord," she affected a pained smile, "I am afraid I'm feeling a bit ill. I've got a terrible headache. Would you excuse me for the night?"

"Of course," her guardian replied. "I'm sure Gaius can give you something to help."

"Thank you, my lord. I'll go see him immediately."

Two birds with one stone, Morgana smiled to herself when she was safely out of Uther's sight. Free of that oppressive meal and free to spend the evening with Gaius!

"Ah, Morgana!" Gaius exclaimed as she entered his chambers. "What can I do for you, my lady?"

Assuring herself they were alone, Morgana shut the door and turned to face Gaius.

"Uther believes I'm here for something for my headaches."

"But that's not exactly true, is it, my lady?" Gaius smiled knowingly.

"Can you help me?" Morgana blurted out, crossing to sit on the bench across the table from the elderly physician.

"I'll do my best," he replied sincerely. "What exactly do you need?"

"I want to learn to control my magic. Every time I get upset or scared or angry, it flares out of control," Morgana explained. "I can't risk that happening in front of Uther." And I don't particularly want to have to replace my curtains regularly because I can't help but set them on fire…

"Ah, I think I have just the thing," Gaius smiled and stood, scanning his extensive bookshelves. At last, he seemed to settle on the volume he was looking for, because he climbed the rickety staircase arching up the wall to the upper shelves and returned moments later with a thin leather-bound book.

To call it a book was perhaps too generous, Morgana mused. It was practically a pamphlet, so narrow it could fit between larger volumes practically unnoticed. There were no identifying marks on the binding or covers. Gaius handed it to her gently.

Filled with curiosity, she opened it to the first page. Immediately she could feel the magic emanating from it. Surprised, she dropped it on the table and the cover flipped closed. The magical sensation vanished.

"What was that?" she asked in shock.

"That, my dear, is a clever way to keep banned volumes from attracting attention. The cover is enchanted to dampen the magical aura of the book's contents," Gaius explained as he sat down again and picked up the object in question. He handed it back to her.

"Go ahead, open it again."

Morgana did as she was instructed. The magical aura rushed out, and she felt her own magic call to it. She looked at the first page, then looked up at Gaius in surprise.

"What language is this? I've never seen it before."

"The language of the Old Religion, the language of the Magic itself," Gaius spoke reverently.

"Can you read it?"

"Yes, and I'm going to teach you," Gaius smiled mischievously, suddenly reminding her of Merlin when he was about to say something sarcastic. "I'm afraid your 'headaches' are a chronic condition that will require extended daily treatment for some time."

She understood immediately. "Thank you!" she cried, leaping to her feet and hurrying to fling her arms around the elderly man.

He patted her back kindly. "It is my pleasure," he replied. "I can help you with magical control, but I'm afraid I'll have to defer to Kilgarrah for assistance developing your abilities as a Seer."

As Morgana returned to her seat on the opposite bench, a question seemed to suddenly occur to Gaius.

"No more messages from Emrys, I take it?" he asked eagerly.

"No, nothing at all," she said dejectedly. "Oh Gaius, I'm so worried! How can you be so calm?"

"I worry, too, my dear," he said wearily, suddenly looking his age. "I just don't show it. I've unfortunately had years of practice."

He sighed. "However, Emrys is watching out for them, so try to focus on that."

Morgana nodded. Gaius gestured to the book Morgana still held.

"Now let's get started on your first magic lesson, shall we? It will help to pass the time."

Morgana made her way back to her chambers about an hour later, tired but content. She hadn't felt like she'd made much progress, but Gaius seemed to think otherwise. He had praised her efforts and promised that she'd soon be able to see the results for herself.

She smiled, thinking how much her life had changed in the past three days. She wasn't alone anymore. She had four new confidantes and she was actually learning to use her magic. I wish Merlin were still here, she thought. She stopped suddenly in the middle of the hallway. Where did that come from?

Realizing she'd stopped awkwardly, she resumed walking towards her chambers, grateful no one else had been in the corridor. Yes, Merlin knew about her magic, but wasn't it better that she had Gaius now? He could actually help her.

But Merlin helped, too. He was the first one to care, she thought.

Why did that matter so much to her? Merlin was just a servant.

Wasn't he?

Then why did she notice his absence so acutely the past two days? Was it because she was worried about Arthur and the two were practically inseparable?

No, she reluctantly admitted as she reached her chambers. It was more than that.

But she didn't have a chance to ponder that further. As she reached to open her chamber door, the door flew open and she nearly ran into a flustered Gwen, who came rushing out.

"Oh, excuse me, milady!" Gwen exclaimed. "I heard in the kitchens that you were unwell and had gone to see Gaius, but...well...you were gone so long I was just coming to look for you. It's not serious, I hope?"

"Headaches again, I'm afraid," Morgana said loudly enough for any potential eavesdroppers.

She quickly ushered Gwen into her chambers and shut the door. Leaning back against it, she explained with a cheeky grin that would have made a certain servant proud, "Gaius is teaching me how to control my magic so I don't set anything else on fire."

"And the headaches are just an excuse," Gwen returned the smile.

"Precisely."

Gwen's smile faltered as she appeared to remember something.

"No word from Emrys?"

Morgana sighed. "Nothing yet. It's hard to know if he's even received my message yet."

Gwen put on a brave smile. "Don't worry, my lady. I'm sure Emrys will take care of them."

Gwen's words triggered the memory of Merlin's parting words: It's okay. I'll take care of him.

Merlin does take care of Arthur, even if Arthur would never admit it, Morgana thought. Emrys said he would take care of Arthur...but will Emrys take care of Merlin, too?

Morgana found herself praying to whoever would listen that Emrys would do exactly that.

A/N: So what do y'all think? How do you feel about Morgana and her many musings? :)