All Might stood at the entrance to UA the sun beating down on him and Midoriya through a break in the clouds. It's warmth made Toshinori thankful, for even though there was sun there was still a chill in the air, the first day that really felt like autumn this year. The boy stood beside him, looking his best. Occasionally he would reach up and try to control his mess of curls before giving up and refocusing on the gate.
The night before All Might had given Midoriya the good news and they had sat together as Midoriya phoned his mother. All Might could tell from her voice that she hadn't been sleeping, and she even began to cry with relief at the good news. Inko was so desperate to see her son that Nedzu had agreed that she would be allowed a special visit when the lock down officially ended.
All Might checked his phone. The time clicked over to one and several deep booms signalled the unlocking of the watched anxiously as it began to lower.
"I hope my mom's not mad..."
All Might shivered, "Me too young Midoriya." He had worn his best suit today, desperate to make a good impression on Izuku's mother. He was on permanent thin ice with that woman.
As the final feet of the gate lowered into the ground Mrs. Midoriya practically climbed over and ran to her son."Oh my goodness Izuku! I've been so worried! Are you ok?" She looked him over and pinched his cheek, "Have you been eating?"
"I was perfectly safe Mom," said Midoriya giving his mother a hug, "And yes they feed us very well here, you know that."
Inko teared up again before clutching her son tightly, "I'm so thankful you're safe." She sniffed before looking up at All Might, "Thank you, for protecting him."
All Might bowed modestly, "I promised you I would Mrs. Midoriya. Until the day I die."
"Don't talk like that," she said sternly while she tried to fix Izuku's hair, "When can you come home for a visit?"
"Winter vacation Mom. But I'll keep video calling you everyday until you feel better."
"Oh Izuku," Inko threw her arms around her son again and hugged him tightly. All Might chuckled as the boy attempted to free an arm to rub her back comfortingly.
"Iiiiiiiiizzzzzuuuuuukkkkuuuuu"
A voice came from up the hill, a voice that got substantially louder as it got closer. Just as Midoriya managed to free himself from his mother, another set of arms jumped on him and he was sent tumbling to the ground. All Might and Inko cried out in alarm before they realised he had been accosted by another student. All Might panicked when he saw it was Shioto.
"Izuku kun! You must be so happy! No ones out to get you anymore! Well except Bakugo but like I said before I'll protect you from that overblown cherry bomb."Izuku blushed and attempted to push Shioto off but she only hugged him tighter, "And now you can stop worrying at night. I mean those feelings of yours were SO dark. I was so sad for you!" She pinched his cheeks as he attempted to protest, "Don't be sad anymore Young Midoriya! I won't allow it!" she said in a deep voice.
All Might wasn't sure, but he got the feeling she was doing an impression of him.
"Umm Izuku darling? Who is your...energetic friend?" Inko was peeking down at her son and All Might could sense she was very close to removing the girl by force.
"Shioto! Would you please have some form of manners!"
Sakurai had appeared on scene now, slightly out of breath from trying to catch up with her daughter. She looked severely displeased and Shioto quickly untangled herself from Midoriya and pulled the boy up by his jacket.
"Sorry Midoriya! There's just so much joy in the air! I've been running on all cylinders!"
All Might was relieved to see Shioto with her glasses on. He hadn't had any time to think about the Sakurai situation and now was not the time for her daughter to find out what he was thinking.
Sakurai threw a disappointed glance at her daughter before turning and bowing to Inko, "I'm so sorry for my daughters enthusiasm."
Midoriya laughed and attempted to peel Shioto off of him, as she had wrapped him in another hug, "Shioto can see other people's feelings mom. Unfortunately she can be easily affected by then and since the announcement the lock down was going to end she's been super happy."
Shioto jumped up and flashed a peace sign at the adults, "Izuku Kun is correct!"
Sakurai caught All Might's eye for a moment before she averted her gaze. He turned away. He needed time, time to figure things out.
"Its very nice to meet you, I'm Inko Midoriya, Izuku's mother," Inko bowed to Sakurai.
Sakurai bowed lower in respect, "It is lovely to meet you Inko, I am Kenko Sakurai. You're son, he is a very lovely boy,"
Inko blushed, "He makes me worry so much."
"They certainly don't make it easy to sleep at night do they?"
"Ms. Sakurai is the woman I told you about mom,"Midoriya said with pride in his voice "The one who saved All Might."
Sakurai blushed and attempted to dodge the compliment but Inko looked at her in awe, "Oh you're her? Thank you so much for what you did! Midoriya cares for All Might so much!"
All Might shifted uncomfortably as the two woman spoke about him.
Inko rubbed her head sheepishly, "My quirk is silly really, I can only float small objects toward myself. It's not really that useful..."
Sakurai looked at her in awe, "Are you kidding! I misplace stuff all the time! As a mother that must be the most useful quirk!"
Inko looked thrilled at the compliment and soon they were chatting happily about motherhood while the other three stood off to the side awkwardly. All Might wondered how many more people Sakurai would charm in his life. Probably all of them.
"Well Izuku," said Inko focusing on her son again, "I'm so glad you've got all these people around to look after you. I have to admit, it makes me feel so much better."
Midoriya hugged his mother, "I'm glad. I don't want to make you worry Mom."
"Well I have to get back to work." said Inko rubbing some dirt of Midoriya's face, "They let me take an extended lunch break but I'm pushing it now." She dried her eyes before straightening Midoriya's tie as well, "Please. I need another break before the next emergency okay?"
"Okay Mom. I love you."
"I love you too Izuku." Inko turned to All Might, "Thank you for watching over him," she bowed to Sakurai and Shioto next, "Please, If it's not to much to ask, look after my son will you?"
"As a mother, I promise to look after him as if he were my own." Sakurai bowed low and Inko returned it, "It was very nice to meet you Mrs. Midoriya."
"You as well Ms. Sakurai. And you too Shioto."
Shioto laugh at how formal everyone was being, "Thanks! I promise to look after Izuku too! He'll be like my little brother!"
"But I'm older than you Shioto-chan." Midoriya said exasperated.
"Still little," said Shioto grinning.
After Midoriya had left with Shioto back to class and they had said their final goodbyes to Inko, Toshinori and Sakurai made their way to the faculty building.
"Inko is so lovely," Sakurai gushed, "I shall have to see if we can meet for coffee or something now that the lock down is over."
"She's a good mother," he agreed.
The conversation lulled, both unsure for they should bring up the festival. Toshinori was turbulent inside. They could not be together, it was just not a possibility. By the slim chance she let the festival night slip away without mentioning it...then maybe they could stay like this. Be together as friends, coworkers. But if she said anything else...Well he wasn't sure what to do.
"I have to leave for awhile Mr. Yagi..."said Sakurai softly.
Toshinori stopped and looked at Sakuria surprised. That wasn't what he had been expecting.
"My aunt, the one in Okinawa. Apparently she came down with pneumonia and the doctors won't let her go back home unless someone is there to help her. She didn't bother calling though until after the lock down ended. Typical of her...but I'll be gone for a week. Just until she gets her strength back."
This was great. This meant Toshinori could get himself back together, figure out a plan, "I hope your aunt is okay."
"Oh the lady is has ridiculous endurance." Sakurai pushed her hair behind her ear and Toshinori saw her hesitation.
"What is it Sakurai?"
"Would...I was wondering if you would see me off at the train station tomorrow...the train goes right to the airport but I'm catching a red eye flight and I don't want to wait in the train station alone that late."
"Yes of course."
Shit. He shouldn't have agreed to that so quickly.
She smiled shyly, "Thank you Mr. Yagi, I'm sorry to impose on you like this."
"It's no trouble."
God damn it.
That night, Toshinori only managed a restless sleep, his dreams constantly morphing in into nightmares.
He stood in a dim room with no windows or doors, covered in white tile from ceiling to him was a table, the only thing in the otherwise empty room, concealed by a white sheet. Toshinori didn't want to know what was underneath, but in the dream he had no control. His hand reached forward as whispers filled the stale air around him.
"If you had just done what I said..."
His fingers closed around the cold cloth.
"If you had only listened..."
He ripped off the sheet and almost vomited.
It was him, skin pale and deathly, blood seeping from his mouth and abdomen. He panicked and looked down at his hands, covered in blood. But he knew this blood wasn't his own. He backed into something and turned. Nighteye was there staring at him, his face a mix of blood and tears "A hero is supposed to protect people Toshinori."
"If you had listened maybe you'd be alive, Maybe I'd be alive."
Toshinori fell to his knees and retreated from the apparition, "Please I'm sorry please I should have listened..."Another whisper came from behind him,
He woke with a start. His body covered in sweat, tears running down his face.
Shit.
He curled his arms around his knees and wept.
He was such a fool.
Such a damn fool.
His chest heaved as he tried to calm himself.
"I'm sorry. Please I'm so sorry..."
Sakurai ran around her apartment, double checking that she had everything she needed. She hated last minute trips. She always forgot something and she preferred to have time to make lists. But this was necessary and she would just have to buy anything she forgot.
"Call me if you need anything okay?" she said to Shioto who was sitting on the kitchen counter.
Shioto raised an eyebrow as her mother flitted around frantically, "Mom it's a dorm system. I'm not even really supposed to be in here."
"Right right I'm sorry, call me anyway though." She pushed her suitcase lid down and zipped it closed.
Shioto hopped off the counter and wrapped her mom in a hug, "I should really get back. It's after curfew and I don't wanna get caught."
"I'm sorry Shioto," said Sakurai returning the hug, "Careful going back. I'll see you in about a week."
"God mom stop worrying."
As Shioto snuck off to the dorms Sakurai knocked softly on Toshinori's door. She hadn't seen him all day. When she had gone to meet him for their session in the morning, he had already left. She had texted him, double checking that he could still take her to the train station and he had agreed. Other than that she hadn't spoken to him. It worried her.
"Mr. Yagi?" she called softly, knocking again.
The door opened suddenly and Toshinori bent down to move through the doorway his eyes never meeting hers, "We'd better hurry or you are going to be late."
He walked down the hall without waiting and Sakurai hesitated. She could tell there was something very wrong. Biting her lip she followed after him.
"Thank you for agreeing to walk with me Toshinori. I'd be scared if I was all by myself," She was almost having to job to keep up with him. It was as if he was marching.
Toshinori grunted, "I'm not much protection. You should have asked Cementoss or even Present Mic."
Sakurai was taken aback by his self deprecation, "Did something happen? You arn't usually like this..."
"It's nothing," he said, ending the conversation with his sharp tone.
They walked through the dark streets silently. Toshinori pulling her luggage as she held her work notebook against her chest. She was hopeful she could get some work done while she was away. She glanced at Toshinori out of the corner of her eye. His face was tight and she could feel anxious energy flowing off of him. With her free hand she reached out and grazed the back of his hand with her fingers, using her quirk. She was shocked when he snatched his had away.
He looked scared himself, lowering his gaze in embarrassment."I'm sorry, you just startled me."
Something was terribly wrong, "Is something bothering you Mr. Yagi?"
"I just...I didn't sleep well last night," he muttered as he resumed walking.
She caught up with him again, "You must be excited, now that Midoriya's in the clear."
He grunted again, "He was safe this time. But the boy needs to stop relying on me so much. He needs to learn how to handle himself."
Sakurai frowned at his odd statement. He must be feeling inadequate that he was unable to protect Midoriya himself.
"He will always need you Mr. Yagi..." Sakurai went to touch his hand again, but drew back, unsure, "Even when he becomes a hero, I think he will always look to be with you. He cares about you and he respects you."
Toshinori didn't answer and she continued, "Even now I call my aunt sometimes if I'm having a problem. Sometimes advice from someone you trust can help you see a way through..."
"Then he needs to find someone else. He views me as some sort of god. It's not healthy," Toshinori had a harshness to his tone that Sakurai had never heard before. She bit on her tongue to keep from chastising him. Whatever he was going through, he wasn't letting her in and nagging him would only make things worse.
The station was eerily empty and, except for the muffled sounds of the city overheard, quiet.
"I'll only be gone for a week so try not to miss me too much," she spoke with too much enthusiasm, attempting to lift the mood.
Standing on the yellow line, Sakurai fidgeted with her suitcase handle, while Toshinori bored a hole into the wall with his stare.
"Before I go Toshinori... there is something I wanted to say...to tell you"
Toshinori raised an eyebrow. His guard had gone up automatically.
"You don't have to say anything now , but I think since I'm leaving... I think it will give you time to think about it."
She wasn't. She couldn't possibly be..."It's about how I feel... Toshinori..."
Stop Sakurai. Please don't make me..."I... I'm sorry, I'm having trouble wording it for some reason..."
"Stop!" He held his hand up gritting his teeth, his eyes screwed shut in denial.
Sakurai was taken aback, "Toshinori..."
"I said stop!" Toshinori snapped, but it didn't matter. The final barrier had been broken. There was no helping it now.
"Please..." He said as the cold wind came through the the tunnel, "Don't come back to UA after your trip."
Toshinori had to force each word out. He said them out of necessity not out of want. This was anything but what he had wanted.
When she replied her voice was small, "...What?"
"I am no longer your concern," he said flatly.
"But I don't understand..." she shook her head, "at the festival..."
"The festival was a mistake," he took a deep breath, trying to find the resolve to continue, "Trust me, it's best for both of us if you aren't around me anymore."
He stole a glance at Sakurai. Rage and confusion had contorted her features so she was almost unrecognizable.
"So that's it. You suddenly have the power to decided what I should or should not be concerned about?"
"That's not it-"
"Then what!" she screamed at him, "Tell me!"
"I'm going to die Kenko!" Toshinori shouted back. He took a few heaving breaths, "I'm going to die, and it's going to be soon. Nighteye saw it years ago and he was never wrong." Placing his head in his hand he ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to compose himself, "I'm going to fight as hard as I can, but I can't promise I'll survive."
She was quiet for a moment her gaze steely before it softened, "I know all about that...Naomasa told me."
Toshinori glowered. He would have to speak with Tsukauchi about this later.
He looked back to her, his eyes angry and hostile, "So you know why you can't stay. I can't risk hurting anyone else, especially you. Not after you lost Ushio. You're better off leaving. Forgetting about me."
Sakurai was looking at the ground now, clutching her notebook to her chest the other balled into a fist.
"...you coward..." she muttered as her whole body trembled.
Toshinori's face twitched in disbelief, "What did you say?"
"You coward!" she bellowed, throwing her files at him.
She hit him hard in the chest and the carefully complied notes exploded in a hail of papers, only to float slowly to the ground.
Sakurai stood before him passionate, teeth bared and eyes wild,"You say you're going to fight?! You say you're going to live?! You're a liar! You've given into the fear of dying! You've just accepted it! And now you're just putting on a good show so that when you finally do die everyone can mourn and say how noble you were. But you're not! You act like a man who's already dead! You want to fight Toshinori? Then live! Put down as many roots as possible! Love as many people as you can! So that when death comes you can look it in the face and say 'I will not leave! I have all these things , all these people who hold me here and I will not die!'"
The train arrived behind her its doors opening to bathe them in its sick yellow light. Toshinori ignored her onslaught and loaded her bag onto the train. He motioned for her to get on and she stepped on angrily before turning around again.
"And if you do die Toshinori? Of course everyone will hurt, that's life. If we have to avoid pain then I should have never married Ushio. Ushio left me broken and all alone at twenty one with a baby! A baby who would never know who her father was! A baby who would never have her father hold her or tell her he loved her." She wiped her tears away, "But I would go through it all again just have Ushio for as long as I did. So fight Toshinori. Even if you die, you damn fool, at least it was a life well lived, not one thrown away. Everyone you touch will be better for having known you!" Sakurai's nose was running now and she did he best to wipe it with her sleeve, "You don't even have to want me, I don't care because this isn't about that. You've fallen Toshinori and your scared, but it's time to get back up, to be that hero you always have been. It's time for you to get your life back!"
She stood before him panting, while Toshinori could barely breathe as weight of her words came crashing down around them. Sakurai gasped and covered her mouth, hot tears streaming down her face while Toshinori stood motionless unable to speak or take his eyes off her.
"Oh god Toshinori...I'm sorry..." she said as the train doors closed. She pressed her hand to the glass as it whisked her away into the night.
Sakurai wept. Her soul was breaking. She had meant every word she had said, but the look on Toshinori's face after she finished was breaking her heart. He looked so small and fragile. She clutched her chest and her wails began anew as she attempted to believe her own words, that knowing him was worth all this pain, all of this heartache.
Back on the platform, Toshinori was left alone, the papers scattered around his feet like bodies.Coward?He had never been called that before. Is that what had happened to him? Is that what he had become? He thought about Midoriya. How the boys selflessness had relit his fire. Had he really let it fade so quickly?
On a warm night, in a lonely train station, an old hero sat on a bench and contemplated whether he would die.
Or if if he would live.
I just want to say thank you to the people who've taken the time to read my story :)