I have no excuses as to why its taken so long for this update. I've been a lazy mess with writing. I took this chapter and decided to chop it up into smaller chapters because the size of it was really starting to intimidate me. This chapter features no Jaubrey, so you won't need any barf bags. Hopefully with this part out of the way, the rest of the story will start to flow more easily. Let me know what you guys think!

Beca's hands shook slightly as she raised the cigarette to her lips. Breathing exercises and trying to distract herself hadn't worked to calm her nerves so she had turned to her old friends, Nicotine and Tobacco, to try and ease her nervousness. And it helped…a little. She no longer felt like laughing and screaming at the same time and her stomach wasn't doing as many flips and somersaults in her belly. Now, if only she could get her hands to quit shaking. Perhaps if she just kept smoking?

She was in full view of her brother, but for once, he said nothing about it. He hadn't even rolled his eyes when he watched her fish through the contents of her purse for the box of cigarettes. This performance would be different than playing for the citizens of Clear Valley, or performing in smoky little dive bars in neighboring towns. And everyone seemed to be feeling the pressure. Beca imagined that, if not for having to abstain from all things considered addictive-damn those pesky Twelve Steps-her brother might have asked to bum a smoke from her.

She glanced over at her brother to see him winding up a cord he had just finished unwinding ten minutes ago. He was just as nervous as she was. In fact, Beca cast her eyes over at Jake-who hadn't once stopped twirling his drumstick in the last hour-and Benji-who was pacing back and forth-she practically see the tension and nervous energy crackling in the air around her band mates. It didn't help that Jesse was running late. Beca pulled her phone out from her back pocket to check the time again.

6:08pm

They would be walking on stage in twelve minutes…

Bumper hadn't really given many details for this gig. Other than explaining that they would be performing out at the fairgrounds, he had conveniently failed to mention that they would be one of eighteen other bands playing throughout the day, while hundreds of people milled around. Apparently, there was some sort of Oklahoma Cultural Expo going on, a celebration of everything "Oklahoma". This included everything from calf roping to Native American Dance to Oklahoma Local Band performances.

Beca brought the cigarette to her lips again, inhaling deeply and relishing the burn in her throat. Her stomach was still somewhat queasy. After how much she had drank after her fight with Jesse, it wasn't surprising that she was still feeling ill. And one look over at Benji told her that he felt the same way. Of course, he had been her designated drinking buddy.

She'd already drank too much to go to work after her webcam visit with Chloe and so she had called in sick to her cleaning service clients. She had figured there would be plenty of time to sober up before her shift at Big D's. But then she had listened to Benji's advice to call Jesse to talk about their fight.

And Aubrey had answered his phone.

And it had gone downhill from there.

"Hello?"

"Oh, I...," Beca halted her slurred words to glance at the phone in her hand. "I'm sorry I think I called the wrong number."

"Are you calling for Jesse?"

"...yes," she whispered, dread filling her.

"You called the right number. Is this Beca?"

"Yes."

"He's a little...indisposed at the moment, Beca. I think he's cleaning himself up in the bathroom right now. He was pretty upset when I got here."

"He was?" Beca didn't know what else she could say.

"Yeah, but I think he feels a little better now. This is Aubrey, by the way. Should I tell him you-" Beca pushed the end button, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Becs? You okay?" She heard Benji's voice as though she were underwater.

"Benji...I need you to go and buy me the biggest bottle of Jameson the liquor store sells. Now."

Benji had, obligingly, bought her a 5th of Jameson and he and Beca had killed the bottle in one evening. Needless to say, she called in drunk to Donald, too inebriated to tell a plausible lie.

In fact, Beca wasn't even quite sure that she had been saying coherent sentences when she was on the phone with her boss, but he seemed to get the gist. And when Luke had shown up at her door just after midnight to check up on her, she and Benji had welcomed him in with open (drunk) arms-especially since he had come bearing a thirty pack of Miller High Life ("The champagne of beers!" Benji had crowed).

After spending the rest of the night watching Cops with the boys and making up a drinking game to it, she had awoken the next morning passed out on her living room floor, spooning her couch cushion. And when she had lifted her throbbing head she saw Benji, three feet away, asleep and spooning Luke. That had been the highlight of her day. She spent the next five hours with Benji, who promised not to leave her side, nursing a wicked hangover, and texting Chloe so that she could fill her in on what she could fuzzily recall of the night before. The shower she took before her shift at Big D's felt magical and she hadn't wanted to get out. But Benji wanted a shower as well and she didn't want to use up all of the hot water.

The four Ibuprofen she took had barely taken the edge off of her splitting headache and Beca drank so much water during her shift that she'd had to run to the bathroom almost every 45 minutes. Seeing Luke dragging about on his shift did little to ease the pain. But at least her headache and nausea kept her from thinking about Jesse. That is, until he walked into the restaurant and up to her bar.

Jesse, looking like he hadn't slept in two days sat down at the bar and waited for Beca to come take his order. "You've been ignoring my calls," he said quietly, his eyes searching hers. That was partly true. She had hit ignore the first three times he had called. But Benji had taken her phone and, turning it on silent, had hidden it from her while they kept drinking so that Beca would no longer try to throw her phone against the wall.

"We said all we needed to say Thursday morning," Beca had replied, hating that her voice sounded so drawn.

"Beca, please, I wanna talk. Can I come over after your shift?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Jesse's phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and Beca watched his cheeks flush red. It was Aubrey. She just knew it. Beca didn't know why she did it. Well, that was a lie. She knew why she did it, she just didn't know why she thought it was a good idea. Or, at least, considered the consequences of saying something so stupid.

"Sorry, I have plans after work. What do you want to drink?" she said curtly. Jesse pressed ignore on his phone and looked back up at her.

"You have plans? The day before the show?"

"Yes."

"What plans?"

"I'm going out."

"With who?"

"Luke." It was an outright lie.

"Luke?" His voice was incredulous, his mouth hanging open. Beca shrugged.

"We made up yesterday. A lot. I'm still sore today, actually." The words felt like poison in her mouth. But she knew it would hurt Jesse, and the lie fell so easily from her lips. And the look of shock and hurt on Jesse's face was plain to see. Beca suddenly found herself wishing she hadn't said anything at all.

"You can't be serious, Beca," Jesse had hissed.

"What does it matter to you anyways, Swanson. You seemed to have moved on quickly enough," she spat.

"What do you mean? Beca, I have been trying to get a hold of you for the last twenty four hours! Look, I need to talk to you. I need to tell you-"

"We don't allow loitering, Jesse," Beca cut him off, her voice cold. "Order something or leave." She watched his lips press together and his eyes bored into hers with something like frustration. His phone rang again and this time Jesse answered it, staring at her the entire time.

"Hey. Yeah, I can pick you up. No, I..." He stared at Beca before shaking his head. "I don't have anything going on right now. Yeah, I'll call you back in just a few minutes." He must be talking to Aubrey. Beca felt like someone had grabbed her heart and crushed it within her chest. And when Jesse turned and walked away from the bar, out of the restaurant, away from her, Beca found it harder and harder to pull breath into her lungs. What did I just do?

And now…the day of the show…Jesse was late. Beca inhaled deeply, breathing in the nicotine and tobacco. She glanced over her shoulder at the rest of her band, watching absently as her brother walked around the corner of their waiting area back stage and out of her sight. Jesse should have been here two hours ago. And Beca had a sinking feeling it was all her fault. Strike that…she knew that it was her fault.