Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or KHR.
21. House Elf Interlude
Since the founding of Hogwarts, the elves who served the castle have been the foremost authority on Hogwarts gossip. Sadly, not many people recognized this and fewer got a clear understanding of the gossip a House Elf could pass along due to the broken English all elves speak. However, if you were one of the lucky few to converse with an elf in its native Elvish – which does in fact exist – or simply well versed in translating butchered grammar you would learn more about the castle than you thought possible. Truly, The Elvish History of Hogwarts is more comprehensive than Hogwarts: A History; Student Edition could hope to be. On one particularly cold day near the end of November, the elves of Hogwarts were discussing recent history and legends in the making. The following discussions are translated from the innate language of the Elvin Race:
"These new First Years are something else," Mipsy remarked, shaking her head and causing her ears to flap slightly. Her brother Tipsy laughed.
"And the recipes that Fresh Life From Fire Black gave us?" he asked before trailing off meaningfully.
"I know," Mopsy sighed. "Those pastries... They're so unique and... just... I've never made food like that before. It... its nice."
"Young Master Black is unlike any student who has come through the Halls of Learning in our lifetime," Mipsy finally decided.
"It's so rare to find a Wanded willing to speak to us like equals," Mandy, the oldest She-Elf there commented. A wave of agreement washed through the kitchens where the elves had gathered.
"Though... most of the Sett of Hogwarts are friendly," Jipps commented.
"Only the Pit and the Eerie don't visit us outside of a few notable students," Tipps agreed. "The Den is almost tied with the Sett on that."
"Still. Fresh Life From Fire came to personally thank us for something as simple as food from his home and a small favor. Combine that with the Horrors that Antony Gold Cup summon and Jason Cowl's disasters..." Mandy pointed out. The whole crowd shuddered as one.
"The Three Wanded of Chaos are ones to watch," Hobbs declared.
"Agreed!" his brethren rumbled.
"They bring such joy to these cold halls. With the war not long past, it is good to see the children laughing once more," Gypsy remarked. Once more a rumble of agreement washed through the room.
"Viper of the Pit is... concerning," Brandy said slowly.
"How so?" his grandmother, Mandy, asked.
"She's been plotting how to exploit the Three Wanded of Chaos and their antics," Brandy revealed. "Not only that, but she seems to be of Slytherin's Brood. I have yet to hear her speak Serpent but her behavior... She upholds his ideals of discretion and ambition far more than her peers. Not only that but is seems Viper has seen Horrors in Human skin."
/*/
It was at this point, while the elves were silent in contemplation of this knowledge, that two young wizards climbed out of their Common Room and walked down the corridor to the still life of a fruit bowl. "What do you think we should get this time? Biscuits, cake, or one of Phoenix's dishes?" Antony asked.
"Biscuits. Definitely biscuits," Jason answered, reaching up to tickle the pear.
"What kind? I kind of want snickerdoodles," Antony offered.
"Oow~! That sounds good!" Jason agreed as the door to the kitchens was revealed. "Let's see if the elves have any snickerdoodles." Antony nodded and stepped into the warmth of the kitchens, watching his feet as he did so. Neither boy noticed how all the elves were frozen and almost shocked, which the elves silently thanked the Maker for.
"Good evening, my good elves!" Antony greeted with a warm smile. "My friends and I are having a study session and were wondering if we might have some snickerdoodles?"
"If you haven't made any, we'll take..." Jason didn't get the rest of his sentence out before there was a rush of elves. "O... kay then." The befuddled wizards shrugged at each other before sitting down to watch the organized chaos that was the Hogwarts kitchens. Within fifteen minutes, they had a large serving plate full of steaming, mouthwatering, biscuits.
"Thank you!" Antony chirped from behind the mound. Jason chuckled then snapped his fingers in realization.
"We forgot the... !" Once again, before he could complete his thought, a tray of mugs filled with tea was placed in front of him. "You lot are amazing," he said in awe. Laughter rippled through the crowd of elves.
"Is yous studying or plotting?" one of the younger elves asked as the pair of wizards were preparing to exit the kitchens with their bounty. Meaningful looks were exchanged, a full conversation passing between the two mostly sane members of their trio.
"And if we're plotting?" Jason finally asked.
"Wes be helping Master Black," the young elf said firmly. Again, a full conversation passed silently between the wizards. "Masters Cowl and Gold?"
"He'd be delighted for the help. We'll keep you posted," Antony said.
"Pleasure doing business with you wonderful ladies and gents. Let us know if there's anything you'd like us to do for you," Jason added with a grin. With rough approximations of bows, the two took their leave of the House Elves and turned back to the Hufflepuff Common Room.
"Do you think they're on to us?" Antony asked, referring to their plans of filling a balloon with a form of powder and rigging it to hit their DADA Professor in the face later that week.
"Dunno Ant, but if they are, and they really want to get in on it... we might be able to get flour or cocoa powder. It'd even be possible to get a mixture of flour and cinnamon, which would smell nice and give the powder a nice shade of brown," Jason answered.
"Don't call me Ant," Antony snapped automatically. "I like the idea of cocoa powder. Oh! If the elves really are on our side, we could hit the Professors at meal times! Potions or seasonings directly into their food and drink!"
"But what if they object to tainting their creations?"
"That's when we make a pastie and ask them to add it to the Professor's plate. Can't object if it's not your creation, right?"
"You have a terrifying mind, Antony Goldstein."
/*/
After the banter had faded the elves once again convened. "Gipps! Why did you... ?"
"We were just saying how the Wanded needed the laughter and chaos those three bring, right?" Gipps said quickly, stalling her brother. "Well, this way we can get a heads up and be better prepared to handle the mess their pranks cause. Yes, I know they are amazingly good about cleaning up after themselves, like all Badgers are, but what about the clothes? It'd also help to have the cleaning supplies ready and waiting for them when their done." The older elves retreated slightly to think this over.
"You are correct. Very well. We shall freely offer aid to Fresh Life From Fire Black and his friends. With any luck, this will keep Hogwarts intact and still release the tension left over from the war," Mandy declared. Several of the younger elves cheered at this, delighted with the thought of pranking the human inhabitants of the castle.
"I wonder if we could give them targets?" Hobbs wondered aloud. Those that heard froze and turned to him with mingled awe and horror.
"You would unleash their chaos upon one of the Masters?" Jipps asked.
"Sometimes... yes," Hobbs said. "I'd set them after bullies or people who are over-stressed. Professors who need to lighten up," he paused and his face darkened, "or those who hurt the young Masters and Mistresses." Once again, the mood in the room plummeted as the elves thought this proposal over.
"All in favor of identifying targets for the Wanded of Chaos based on those criteria?" Mandy finally asked. The results were so clear she didn't bother calling for those opposed. "Very well. Keep an eye out for such targets. Was there anything else to be discussed? No? Right then. Morning Shift, begin prepping for breakfast!"
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A/N: And there's the House Elves! Sorry if you don't like the whole 'natural language of the elves' thing, I just couldn't pull off a whole chapter in the broken English Rowling wrote them using.
So... Normally I post on Sundays but... I feel a little guilty over taking a god three weeks to get chapter 20 out that I'm posting this as soon as it's done. Happy Thursday!
Question of the Chapter! What would the name of the circus Phoenix grew up in be? I'm accepting suggestions! You have about two more chapters to send in your options!