Night Drive Chapter 21
Santana POV
"Am I special to you?" She asks. "Or is this just sex?"
"Come on Britt, let's not complicate this" I say and lean over to kiss her.
She turns away and grabs her clothes
"Britt?" I say uncertainty
"Why did you invite me here?" she asks bluntly
"To have dinner?"
"We didn't have dinner. You just called me to have sex." It's not question it's more of a statement
"Yes, but I thought you were ok with that."
She laughs "What the fuck? You think I would be ok with that? I'm not your little sex toy!" She yells
"I know you're not" I say
"Do you?"
"Yes" I affirm
"What is college do I go to?"
"AMDA?"
"Wrong. I go to Julliard Santana."
"I knew that."
"Do you? I just asked that and you got it wrong. I'm not your sex toy. I have feelings. And frankly, I don't want to be used anymore.
Wait what does that mean?
Do I have to spell it out? You are using me for sex! I have explained it to you, and every time I try and talk to you about it you brush it off. Well I'm sick of it. I'm out of here." She says and slams the door
End of Flashback
I wake up and Britt's holding me. I check the clock and it's 3:17 am. What did I do to her. I go up and get some coffee.
"Hey boy." I pat Rufus on the head as I start up the coffee maker.
While I'm waiting for it to brew I sit down on the couch. It's comfy, but not as comfy as Britt. Britt. What did I do to her?
"Hey buddy," I say. Rufus trots up to me and promptly rolls over. "I don't know anymore. I love Brittany with all my heart. But I don't even remember our years together. How did I hurt her. How could I use that beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous person for sex? Even in my dream I knew I was lying." I scratch his stomach as I'm saying this, and I get up to get my brewed coffee.
"I just can't lose her Rufus, and I'm afraid. Afraid if I find out that I hurt her, I just… I can't hurt her…" I trail off. I can't hurt her. I drink my coffee, but I am soon lulled to sleep petting Rufus.
Santana POV (subconscious)
"I'm still here." I say to the guard lady. She's not the creepy old lady anymore it's like a Sue Sylvester. I think she is Sue Sylvester. Old, creepy, -"No shit, sandbags"-Bad nicknames, everything that makes her Sue Sylvester
"I am Sue Sylvester lady. Well at least to your mind I am. And yes, you are still here."
"But I've made progress. She remembers that she loves Brittany. I thought I could go."
"Nope, not the case. See, if I let you go, then you will remember everything."
"Why is that such a problem."
"Well Lady Ta-Ta, see if you remember everything, then we'll have a problem. You have constantly forgotten past things in your life. You have repressed them. Gaining old memories and also repressed feelings, thoughts, and past actions will destroy you form the inside out. Either that, or you will open a wormhole that will remove those fake tits from my sight for good."
"These tits aren't fake."
"I know that, but if I am supposed to be Sue Sylvester in your mind, I will say and abuse you like she did."
"Well, can I ask you some questions then? Since you can read my mind, but I have no access to yours and your vast knowledge." I say with as much charm and sweetness as I can muster
"Cut the crap Lopez. You don't need the sweet shit. I will answer the questions though.
"Fine. Why won't I remember."
"The acute trauma to your head damaged some nerves. And as we said before if you would stop making fucking googly eyes at the TV you would see-" I am staring at Britt's tits on the screen "LOPEZ. Stop it" She snaps her fingers and the TV disappears.
"Anyway, you are here, and your memory will come back to you gradually instead of just a boom, which I told you this all earlier."
"Fine. Can I do anything besides being locked in here?"
"Yes. Come with me."
Awesome. I can sneak away "Don't even think about it" she says without even turning her head.
"I'm going to take you out on the walk down memory lane. You may remember some of this, some of this you won't remember. Even in your dreams you repressed memories."
We step out of a door I didn't even see, into a garden. There are flowers, wilted and fully grown. There is a pond and a 2 swans are entwined with each other. There is a monkey, a puma, a duck and a cat too.
"I don't understand. What is all this?"
"Well, let me get somebody else to explain this to you. She's your therapist in the real world, but here she's also your extraterrestrial spirit guide number 5."
"Hey sweet cheeks." A blonde with a smooth voice steps up
"Who are you?"
"I'm Holly Holiday. And no I'm not a stripper. I am the equivalent of a sue, except not Satan incarnate. You haven't met me in person, you have, but you haven't."
"This doesn't make any sense"
"Nothing makes sense my dear child. If things did make sense then what would we do with our nonsensical sense, would that be nonsense? Or would it be sense? See nothing makes absolute sense, it just appeals to our brain. Brilliant right?" She says and looks at me
"I guess. But why did you take over this part?"
"Because Sue isn't built to deal with your feelings. Only one person is. But no one can recreate that person, except the person in question."
"Brittany."
"Bingo. But she's not here. I'm here instead. I'm chill and nice, so your body chose me to be the replacement spirit guide for emotions."
"Nice, so basically I'm rediscovering myself while my body is wasting away in a hollow shell"
"Yes indeed. I'm glad you've caught on." Holly says with a smile
I just give a little laugh. I'm fucking crazy.
I walk along the path in the garden. It's gavel and I kick the stones around. I stop at the first pot of wilted flowers and look at the plaque next to them, but they are all burnt and toasted. I look down the path and there are about 20 pots full of empty, charred or wilted flowers.
"What are these?"
"These are relationships. Some platonic, but most not, because we're fucking hot."
We high five to that. That's what being hot is about ladies.
"But these are dead and broken, never to be reopened again."
I keep walking, I go up to the pond and see the swans "Who are they?"
"You know the answer to that." She says and walks away
The swan is Brittany, and I am entwined with her. She is the swan. She is my everything
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a crumbling grey wall
"What is this?" I ask.
This is your self doubt, Britt is crumbling the walls you built up about your past, and it scares you, but it's good, which is why the wall is grey"
"I'm confused isn't a grey wall bad?"
"No, a white wall is perfection, black is evil, but grey is a combo of the two. You are getting better though, see it's equal. Before it was a dark grey, but when Brittany is here it gets lighter every day."
"Philosophical. What are the other animals for?"
"Those are your spirit animals."
"I get the puma, and the monkey, but the duck and cat?"
She chuckles at that. "What's so funny" I ask her
"You really don't get it? You are everything, you are the duck and cat because of brittany, you are the swan because of brittany, as you said before she is your everything. I know you are going to ask this next so I'll beat you to it. Do you see that giant tree in the center o the lawn?" I look and nod
"Do you see how gorgeous it is, how everything is in harmony with eachother?" I nod again
"That, that is your relationship with Brittany. Always flourishing and one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."
I wish I could see her and hold her again. I love her. I miss her. Even though I am with her. I am not fully with her.
Please remember more. Please, let me out of this prison inside my mind.
Brittany POV
I couldn't sleep after I heard Santana get up. I can't sleep fully without her. I stand in the hallway before the kitchen. And I listen. I listen to her talking to herself. My heart swells when she says she loves me, but it plummets when she remembers the fight we had. She tried to convince me that it was just sex. It wasn't though. Nothing is just anything for Santana and I. I wait until she falls asleep before I walk in.
I kneel down and stroke her cheek. She's so beautiful when she sleeps.
"If only you knew how much I love you back. I would give you everything. I plan to one day. I am going to marry you."
I pick her up gently and carry her into our room. I set her down on the bed and she stirs
"Britt..?"
"shh honey go back to sleep"
She lets out a little grunt and snuggles into the pillow. I think I just died of cuteness inside.
Shit it's already 5:52. My alarm goes off in 8 minutes. I'll call in sick forever just to sleep with Santana.
I turn off my alarm and drift off to sleep, snuggling into my Santana.
"I love you.." I whisper as I fall into the depths of sleep
A/N This is super short, sorry, but I've had zero inspiration, so this chapter is a shitload of combinations. I think it works, but whenever I throw in a subconscious, it turns to shit. But I like it. Anyways I'll try to update soon, but with the whole crackdown and whatnot I'm just all frazzled. Anyways yea.