CHAPTER 20: KIMBERLY'S STORY

~NEAL'S POV~

"So how did you end up playing hockey?" I ask after few moments of silence. She looks at me and smiles a bit: "You expect a story how hockey saved my life? Sorry to disappoint you, but it was other way around. Hockey basically destroyed my life, yet I still play it."
"I've heard of stories when hockey saved someone, but not the other way around. What happened?"

Her eyes seem to water slightly: "We never had financial problems, but we couldn't buy things left and right.. I never told you, but I was second of three kids. My older brother Richard was seven years older than me…"
"Sorry, was?"
"Yeah. Allow me to finish? I will tell you in a bit."
She sounds slightly annoyed, so I keep quiet and let her finish. She looks at the wall and continues: "Well… he was the one to play hockey in our family, but joined military as soon as he was old enough. He would be 27 now, actually would turn 28 on the same day we play against Minnesota. He…remember in 1976 when two American solders were killed by North Koreans?"
I quietly nod, but starting to get a feeling of what may had happened to her brother. She quickly wipes a tear and continues in slightly broken voice: "He was one of the soldiers sent there three days later. What no one ever told is that few of them were killed during the operation. And my brother was one of them. They showed us pictures…"

I put my hand around her waist and pull her closer. She leans her head on my shoulder and lets tears spill out. Not knowing what to say or do, I rock back and forth, holding her close and give her needed time.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to."

I feel her shake her head: "No, I-I…you should know."

She takes a deep breath: "I remember playing pond hockey with him every winter. Richard was my first coach and he taught me more than anyone. He taught me how to skate, how to pass, how to stop… if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't be playing hockey. Don't get me wrong, I love the game, but I never wanted to play. But when my brother passed…"
"You wanted to honor his memory by playing the game he grew up playing?"

"Yes. I practiced hard to get a scholarship. I spent more than twelve hours four days a week on the ice and three days a week working out. Sit-ups, push-ups, jumping jacks, everything you can think of.
"Where did you apply to?"
"Brown. But I wanted to get a scholarship. No such luck. We were not really poor, but we didn't have too much either. As long as my brother was alive, yes, we had no problems, but with his passing…"

"So you had to pay to attend?"
"Yes. And ironically, the person who got the scholarship I was supposed to get is my best friend."
"But what does hockey have to do with all this?"
"My parents paid for every tournament, every game I wanted to attend. And that includes new gear, jerseys, sticks. My parents were never alcoholics, they both worked as police officers. But when hockey started to take its tool, mom started to drink and soon lost her job. I know I probably told you a whole mess, but…"

"No, it's okay, don't worry," I pull her closer to me and rub her hair. She takes a deep breath and looks up at me, smiling a bit. However, there are still traces of tears on her cheeks and that takes me back to the first time I have seen her cry. Months ago when she thought she didn't make the team.

"Thank you for listening to my whining."
I kiss her cheek lightly, tasting salty tears on her cheeks and soon I feel how her muscles tighten as she smiles.

"Don't worry. I am honored you trust me."

Her smile grows a bit wider when she turns to me completely, her hands resting on my hips. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. Her grey eyes meet mine and in a next second she leans in. Grip on my hips tightens as she smiles into a kiss and pulls me a bit closer to her.

Before I know what are we doing, I tackle her on her bed carefully and deepen the kiss. Soft quiet whine escapes her lips and I pull away. Her eyes are closed and I see she has slightly swollen lips. I pull my hands away from her and nervously ruffle my hair: "Did I hurt you? I am sorry, I didn't mean it…"
She laughs light-heartedly, tangling her fingers into my hair and pulling me closer to her. When our faces are close enough for her breath to tickle my skin, she whispers to my ear and I hear a slight chuckle in her voice: "You are the most innocent one, aren't ya?"

With blush creeping up my cheeks, I shake my head. She chuckles again before pressing her lips against mine, her hands slipping to the hem of my T-shirt. It seems like I have no control over my actions as I dig my fingertips into soft skin on her hips. She yelps quietly and after that, a quiet moan rolls off her tongue. Her usually gentle hands forcefully yank up my T-shirt and her fingers slip beneath the fabric of it, touching my skin gently and making me shiver at the sensation. Her kisses grow deeper and more passionate, quiet groans now escaping both of us. I feel her teeth gently dig into my lower lip. In that split moment I realize things have nearly gotten out of control. I put hands on her shoulder and gently break the kiss. After doing so, she looks at me with widely-opened eyes. Her hands, which were on my chest only seconds ago, slip from beneath the shirt and to her as she fixes her shirt.

"Kim…"
She shakes her head and mumbles quietly: "What's wrong? Why are you afraid of getting intimate?"
"I am not, it doesn't feel right. We have not know each other for long enough and we have not been together for more than three months."
"So what? C'mon, Neal, why are you making a scene out of it?"

I take a deep breath and look at her. I know I hurt her by rejecting her, but…: "I don't want to hurt you. We are teammates, I care for you more than I have ever cared for anyone."
Her voice breaks: "Do you even find me attractive?"
"What?"
"You heard me. Do you find me attractive? Do I attract you?"

Now she in the verge of tears again and she wipes her cheeks with back of her hand. I take a careful step closer to her and gently hug her when close enough. Her head rests on my shoulder as I quietly whisper in her ear: "Of course you attract me. But I don't want to hurt you. I lo… I love you, Kim."

She breaks the embrace I have been holding her in and takes a step back, her eyes wide open and her skin pale from shock.
"W-What did you say?" her voice sounds broken, but she still musters enough concentration to ask again. I look down and repeat quietly, my cheeks turning red again.

"I said I love you."

After hearing that, her face lights up, bringing the brightest smile I have ever seen on her face: "I think feelings are mutual, Neal."
"I would still like to hear that from you."
"You are such an ass," she grins and wipes the remaining traces of tears from her face before looking right into my eyes. I watch her carefully, observe every slightest move she does when she smiles: "I love you too, Neal."
"See, it wasn't that hard, now was it?"
Shaking her head no, she chuckles quietly and wraps my arms around her waist. She rests her head on my chest while I play with the ends of her hair. Seconds or maybe minutes pass before we pull apart.
"Are you feeling better?"
"I do. Thank you so much for listening."

"Anytime," I rub her back before pecking her cheek goodnight. Just as I am about to walk out of her room, she quietly calls my name. I turn around and my heart melts when I see her standing next to her bed, looking vulnerable like never before.

"Are you sure you are okay?"
"I don't think so. Neal…I have never spoken about my brother with anyone."

She looks broken and it's obvious she misses her brother. And talking about him may helped her a bit, but after all those years it seems the wound is still not healed.

"Will you be okay?"
She shakes her head gently and looks down before looking back up at me: "Can you please stay here?"

I sigh and ruffle my hair. Word 'No' is on the edge of my tongue, especially after that moment we shared. What could have happened if I stay the whole night in her room? But once again, I fall for her puppy eyes.

"Okay, I will stay here with you."
With a small smile on her cheeks, she slips into a bed and looks at me.

"Scoot over a bit," I playfully shoo her away. With a tiny pout, she moves closer to the wall, making more space for me. I slip under the duvet next to her and face her. I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer, squishing her against my chest. She lets out a quiet sigh as she nuzzles her nose in the crook of my neck. After few seconds of silence, her breathing slows down and when I glance down at her, she is fast asleep. Strands of her dark hair fall on her pillow or are covering skin on her neck. Sleeping like that she seems like she has no worries in the world. No worries of getting cut from the team, no worries about her family and her brother…nothing. I smile at myself and push a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning down and kissing her cheek.