Summary: Hawke and Fenris had a fling together, where Fenris pushes her away at the end for fear of endangering her, despite her trying to get back together with him. As a last-ditch effort to get back together with him, Hawke uses Anders as a attempt to get Fenris jealous. But this backfires because Fenris believes she actually likes Anders, and the two never talk about their romantic liaison ever again. Years later, Hawke and Anders' relationship have deteriorated to the point of no repair. Hawke finds out that Anders was using her all along for his apostate agenda, and breaks up with him. One night, Fenris declares to Hawke that despite them having taken other people to bed, he has never stopped caring about her and that he loves her. She has felt the same way about him, but because of her recent heartache, tells Fenris that they should take it slow if they want a relationship again. The following day, Hawke and Sebastian, and Champion of Kirkwall and Prince of Starkhaven respectively, attend a banquet together, and find that Fenris is also attending, under a disguise. Hawke and Fenris then share a beautiful night together but...

Chapter 21: REWIND

The night air was chilling, and she had to cross her arms to maintain what little warmth she had left in her petite figure. Of course, with all that had happened in the course of the past hour, one would think that Hawke was burning with intense fervor, especially after lashing out so fiercely at Aidan Reinhardt. However, even her boiling rage was not enough to keep her inner fire. In fact, she might have even felt relieved and glad, for she had now found an excuse to be outside, away from all the chatter. Now she could finally have some peace.

She found Fenris walking ahead of her, under the street lamp.

She had to apologize. It was her fault, after all. He had a good cover for himself at the party, and was perhaps even enjoying himself, but because of her notorious background, she had given him unwanted attention, something a Tevinter fugitive did not need. To top it off, once she was outside, Hawke was suddenly washed over with a sense of realization: Had she been flirting with Fenris all night? She definitely drank too much.

Especially too much for her to be daydreaming as he pulled her out of the party.

Especially when she had been daydreaming about... those kinds of things.

She stumbled to him, fixing her hair, which she was sure looked horrendous. How embarrassing! She didn't want Fenris thinking of her as a slob... or a completely mental aristocrat, like the rest of the people there. Oh, but who was she kidding? With the way she had been acting - flirting, egging him on to kiss her and whatnot that night, Fenris probably thought she was either extremely desperate, drunk – or both.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to turn into a mess. I know what I did was stupid, drawing even more attention to you than you wanted." She mumbled quickly, not looking at his eyes directly. "After all, you went through the trouble of coming out here where people would obviously take notice you. You even had to make up another identity just to be here – and I … I screwed it all up. But it's just that Aidan was really bothering me, and the Reinhardts really had no right t-"

"Shh, Hawke."

He stepped forward, his hands rose up to catch her face as it was busy blubbering out the explanation for her unorthodox behavior at the party, of which he could care less. His gaze fixated on hers with a soft, passionate fervor. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her so close against him while the other hand rose to hold her head lovingly. Her hands rested against his chest lightly, and her eyes, initially open in surprise, closed to enjoy the moment.

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Under the dimly-lit lamps, with a clear night skies where the stars showing, and the a light breeze passing through their hair as they stood there, both of them were perfectly content with each other.

"Thank you," He whispered softly into her ear, kissing her earlobe. "You didn't have to speak up for me, or make a scene to raise suspicion or attention to yourself – but you did."

"You aren't mad at me?" She looked up at him timidly.

"I would not have preferred the attention, but it couldn't be avoided." He said, smiling into her hair. "If you had not done what you did, I guarantee I would have had a punch or two coming Aidan's way regardless. And trust me when I say it would've made your slap across his face seem like an Orlesian boat ride near Lake Celestine." He told her.

"Don't turn this into a competition." She smirked, regaining her posture. She was glad that he was not mad. Hopefully, he wasn't just saying this because he was trying to be nice. "I don't think poor Aidan could take another hit from either of us."

"He did seem to be on the verge of tears." Fenris snickered. "Regardless, in all seriousness I am grateful for your support for... my kind. You didn't have to go to such lengths..."

"Better me than you. I could deal with the attention." Hawke's hand ran along his back. He liked it when she did that. "But I don't want you getting into any more trouble than you have to."

He pulled away, looking at her with a sad expression.

"Being with me..." He started. "You will most undoubtedly be thrust into trouble often. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea." She shrugged, though her smile did not fade. "But who says I have to know whether everything is a good idea or not before doing it? I'm no more concerned about facing your dark past than you are concerned with facing mine."

She had a point.

His eyebrows rose. "Oh? And what deep, dark past are you harboring, Hawke?"

"It's a secret." She giggled.

Then, her eyes widened as she stared past his shoulder. She grabbed his arm, linking their arms together, and dragged him along.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed as she led him near a springing fountain.

It was three-tiered, with a gray stone statue of a nymph pouring a jar of water out from her slender hands. She wore little, with her breasts exposed and her privates covered with a sculpted sheet of cloth. Her hair was long and flowing down her back in the most elegant manner. The endless water poured out from her jug and down all three tiers of the fountain, with a few coins littered at the bottom.

There seemed to only be this one fountain outside of the main manor premise, and there was no one outside for the time being. Only a few bushes and trees surrounded them, and a guard or two looked over to see both Hawke and Fenris before it. None made any motions to bother them, however. From their distance, it most likely looked like a couple coming out of the main party so that they could enjoy some time alone. After all, no one would want to interrupt a couple amidst their romantic encounter.

It was strange how she found such simple things attractive. In Tevinter, magisters could conjure those extravagant illusions up like candy. That was how they normally seduced willing initiates. Fenris knew all too well – he had seen it happen time and time again. He himself had even been victim to such promises of wealth, power, and freedom. It was all an illusion, of course, until Fenris had taken his life in his own hands and ran away from that lifestyle.

Still, he looked over at Hawke, watching as she reached down her bust to pull out a small pouch, much to his surprise. Opening her tiny bag, she took out a single bronze coin, holding it tightly in her palm with her eyes squeezed shut.

"What are you doing?" He asked inquisitively.

"Making a wish." She explained.

With that, she tossed the coin in the water. It landed with a gentle 'plop' sound, and flowed to the bottom of the fountain with all the other coins.

"Is your wish a secret?" He asked.

"It is until it comes true." She winked.

Then she pressed a coin into his palm as well.

"Want to give it a try?"

He smirked, looking at her compassionately. He appreciated the gesture.

"Hawke," He reached up to twist one of the curls of her hair behind her ear. "I don't need to make a wish for what I want to come true."

And with that, he leaned over... and kissed her.

His lips were soft against hers, and their tremblings lips immediately warmed up, parting for each other to taste. Their tongues danced slowly against each other, enjoying the sweetness. Their breaths grew hot and heated, and Fenris only pulled her closer to him. Hawke's arms rose against his silky suit and slid around his neck as one of her legs rose up as if to personify the pure happiness she was experiencing at the moment.

When they finally pulled away, both their faces were flushed, and their breaths heavy.

"I suppose my wish just came true." She smiled at him.

"Was that all you wished for?" He looked at her inquisitively, smirking, and marveled at the arousing combination of strength, vulnerability and lust that he saw in her eyes.

She blushed immediately and turned away.

"Sorry about earlier." She said softly. "I've gotten my head cleared a little out here. I didn't mean to be so... well, you know."

Fenris looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Oh you know what I mean!" She huffed, her cheeks flushed. Did she really have to explain it to him? "I didn't mean to egg you on earlier... and to... I guess 'lead you on' would be the correct words to use! I didn't mean it."

Fenris frowned. "I thought you were being genuine, Hawke." His lips thinned. "You were joking this entire time?"

"No!" She said quickly. "I wasn't! That's not what I meant! I mean – I did mean it when I said I wanted you to be with me, but..."

But Fenris' frown did not subside. He just looked at her, hurt and confused. It literally made her heart melt and turn to mush. She couldn't bear see him look at her like that. He was like a lost puppy, and it made her want to hug him close.

"I had a little too much to drink." Hawke explained. "I wasn't in my right mind. I just... I didn't want to give you the wrong impression – I mean, I did want you to know that I was interested in you, of course, but that wasn't how I planned to do it... I mean, I meant what I said earlier in the balcony. I meant half of it at least – Oh crap, this is terrible! I can't even remember all the embarrassing things I said to you now! Oh Andraste's blood, I sound like some babbling idiot!"

The frown subsided from Fenris' face, and was suddenly replaced with a light smile. He looked amused at her flustered state, and crossed his arms, staring at her intently. Hawke stared at him and waited for him to say something, but he didn't. All he did was stand there, smiling at her as if he found her current disposition funny, or cute.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" She demanded, her cheeks flushed. "You're not even going to refute that I sound like a babbling idiot?"

Fenris shrugged, his mile growing wider. "Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Hawke. You are babbling. And none of this makes sense to me either."

"I was just trying to explain myself!" She stomped her foot. "I was trying to tell you that I didn't mean to be so forthcoming and outgoing towards you about... well, you know." She shifted uncomfortably.

Fenris chuckled, his hand under his chin. "I suppose I am to blame too. After all, you made it clear last time that you desired to take things slow. I should not have been so up-front and... touchy."

She blushed, aware that he was talking about when he had grabbed her ass while they were standing outside at the balcony. That was before Aidan had rushed in to ruin the night, of course. Still, Fenris was not to blame for the situation.

She shook her head.

"I initiated it. I mean, I gave you the 'go ahead' for it. I was being silly." She said, shifting uncomfortably again. "I just... I know what I said before, and I meant it. I'm just... I was just being stupid and... well, how do I explain this?" She sighed loudly, her eyes closed shut as she felt her head pulsate. It was as if she was about to explode.

Truthfully, there was no way she could explain anything without sounding like a complete idiot, or giving Fenris a wrong impression. After all, she had started to flirt with him, she had given him plenty of incentive that evening, knowing how he felt about her and his intentions. Furthermore, she had been the one who had asked Fenris to kiss her – which had happened, just as she had wished. But now that she thought of it – it probably was not a great idea.

He must have thought that she was such a indecisive fool. One moment she had told him that she needed time to recuperate, and to get over Anders – but another moment she was all over him, flirting and requesting kisses (and let's not mention that far-fetched daydream she had in her mind as they ran towards the garden!) What was the poor elf to do? Hawke was well aware of how foolish she had acted tonight, and how embarrassing it was for the both of them.

"Hawke."

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She opened her eyes to see the hem of his long black coat, and his shiny shoes. She looked up to meet his eyes, and immediately felt better.

He did not look irritated at her, and he didn't look at her as he thought her a fool. The smile was still present in his face, and it was very gentle. His hand rose to curl her hair behind her ear.

"You're cold." He said, pulling his had away as he scanned her face, as if looking for something.

"What?" She asked, confused. "I'm fine, really." Of course, being cold was the least of her worries at the moment. But now that he had brought it up, she suddenly became aware that it was indeed chilly out, and she had goosebumps.

Fenris took his coat off, peeling the long fabric off his long arms to pull over her head. He looked good in all white even. Without the coat, his white collared shirt was just as charming. It was... different.

"You don't have to do that." She told him, attempting to stop him. "I'm fine, really!"

"Then why are the hairs on your skin standing?" He asked, adjusting the coat over her shoulders and ignoring her protests. "Don't worry about me Hawke. I'm used to far worse that a little breeze."

She looked down at the ground, blushing, and pressed her lips together.

This almost felt... like something that would happen in a drama. It was like a fairytale, and she wasn't too sure if that was a bad thing. It was fantastical, in every sense. It was a side of Fenris she had never seen before – a Fenris that she suddenly seen in a different light.

Had he not been born an elf, would he be the same person he is now?

Somehow, she doubted it.

But still, she felt a strange love for the Tevinter fugitive.

This must be... This must be love. I love him so much that... I can accept anything about him, even his past. I can accept his faults, his flaws – his everything. I... I love him. So much.

She heard herself take in a sharp inhale as she looked up at him once more.

"I'm sorry." She said once again. "For tonight."

"Not all of it was bad, Hawke." Fenris told her, his hands on her shoulders. "There's nothing better than kissing a beautiful woman."

"You're making me blush again." She protested, though she was grinning. "Besides, we're going off topic! I wanted to explain myself, remember? I don't want any misunderstanding..."

"You don't need to explain further." Fenris pulled her close. "I told you before that I would accept your decisions. I plan on keeping that promise. And all the others that come after."

She looked up at him, still wrapped around his arms.

"I just didn't want you to think that I wasn't interested in you." She told him. "Because I... I love you, Fenris. I don't want you thinking otherwise."

"I know, Hawke." He said softly. "I know."

They stayed like that for minutes...maybe even half an hour. Neither of them said anything more. They were just content with spending time with each other, staring at the evening stars and listening to the party music from a distance. If Sebastian or the Reinhardt family were looking for them that night, neither parties found the couple.

"Hey!"

The two immediately bolted back from one another, turning their heads to see a silver-plated, armed guard walking towards them, spear in hand. Fenris looked startled, but a second later, grabbed Hawke's hand, which surprised her, but she did not slip away from him.

"What are you two doing out here?" The guard asked in a rather loud voice.

"We were just taking a walk." Hawke replied, smiling. "Getting some fresh air, ser."

The guard hummed at them, frowning. "Guests should be in the courtyard or inside the mansion, enjoying the music and getting ready for the fireworks display. Who are you two anyway? Are you even guests?" He asked suspiciously, eyeing their linked hands with disdain. Hawke didn't care though, and neither (she hoped) should Fenris.

"I'm Eden Hawke, from Kirkwall." She introduced herself, extending her hand. "Champion of Kirkwall. And this is my bodyguard – erm, Selduzar." She managed to catch herself.

"Eden Hawke?" He looked at her, sneering and looking as though he was about to laugh because he thought she was lying. "And do you have any proof of your identity, sera Hawke?" He spoke in a mocking tone.

"I do, in fact."

The smirk on his face disappeared almost instantly as she took out her small pouch once more and pulled out a white invitation paper, proving who she was. The guard looked most dumbfounded, and started mumbling an apology.

"Then, might I ask you to head back into the mansion, sera Hawke?" He said, changing his voice to a rather polite tone. "Unless you and your bodyguard are ready to leave the premises?" He extended his arm out to point towards the orange carriages.

Hawke looked at Fenris for a split second, and then turned to the guard to nod.

She had had enough of this place anyways, and it was getting late. She could see fireworks wherever she wanted, and she doubted Fenris wanted to stay here another minute. They had better things to do, she smiled to herself.

"We were just on our way out." She told the guard. "Shall we, Selduzar?"

She motioned him closer and he nodded, walking up to her and extending out his arm, as any gentleman would. (How charming!) Of course, the guard seemed somewhat shocked that her bodyguard was a elf, but said nothing.

As she held Fenris' hand in hers, she looked down to admires a rare sight – his hands. Usually they were covered in his metallic claws of death, but now they were quite exposed, and for the first time in years she had gotten a glimpse of his palms again. His gloves were in the coat that she was now wearing over her shoulders.

His tanned skin was still etched with glowing lyrium of course, but she just couldn't stop staring, because she had been thinking about holding his hand for such a long time (such a petty thing, really), and it made her heart skip a beat. Veins protruded out from the back of his hand up his wrist... and disappeared under his sleeve. His white shirt contrasted nicely with his skin tone, and she could feel his warmth in her hands.

The orange carriages that were in the distance got bigger as they approached. The horses neighed and stomped the ground restlessly, eager to stretch their legs. As Fenris and Hawke neared, the valet kindly asked to see their invitation papers, as well as a small fee from them. Thankfully, Hawke's little coin purse had enough for their ride home.

After receiving his fee, the valet ran off to get them a carriage closer to the curb.

"You think Sebastian will be alright with a carriage to himself?" She asked as she slid her slender hand into his arm.

"He's a prince." Fenris grunted. "I highly doubt he's incapable of getting his own carriage. Honestly Hawke, don't you have better things to worry about?"

She shook her head at him rolling her eyes as they walked towards the carriages.

"Be careful now," She advised, raising her hands to the back of her head to make two little horns with her fingers. "I see the little green monster is emerging from your eyes again."

He smirked at her adorable gesture and ushered her towards the sidewalk.

"There is no green monster." He assured her.

"Liar." She said under her breath, and then turned to explain to him: "I didn't bring a bag or anything, and I thought it might be more convenient to just do what my mother always told me. Besides, no one would think to reach towards my chest to rob me. Genius, isn't it?"

"Unless the one robbing you goes by the name of Aidan Reinhardt." Fenris said in a low voice.

"Are you still brooding about that ass?" Hawke said in a disapproving manner. "Just let it go, why don't you? I assure you we won't be seeing him again anyways. Why not just enjoy the ride home with me?" She asked.

He turned to look at her once more, a smile once again lighting up. He took her hand and massaged it gently.

When the valet returned with a carriage slowly approaching them, Hawke beamed in excitement. Fenris watched as she stuffed her purse back into her prominent bosom, and when she caught him looking at her chest, she gave him a playful slap.

"Stop staring!" She hissed. "You're making me feel uncomfortable!"

"I've just never seen any woman carry her purse... there." He explained as they entered the rich carriage. He sat beside her. "It must be a normal thing from where you're from."

"Do women not do that in Tevinter?" She asked, somewhat hesitantly. Her voice was lowered so that only Fenris could hear her, but she was still afraid – not because someone might figure out that he was a Tevinter fugitive, but because she didn't want to be delving into a matter of his past that he was not yet ready to discuss with her.

"The women in Tevinter mostly wore robes like all the other magisters, and hid their belongings under their long sleeves." Fenris explained as he closed the carriage door. "Some of the other women would even give their trinkets to their slaves to hold."

"Really? From what I've heard, they treated slaves horribly. I can't imagine them willingly giving their own slaves their valuables?"

"The slaves they knew were completely under their control, yes." Fenris replied. His tone was no longer gentle, but it was not angry either. "The slaves were marked by order. Those who were more controlled, or 'loyal' as the magisters called it, were given better priviledges."

"Like you?"

"Occasionally Danarius and Hadrianna would take me to their social events and make me carry their belongings, yes. But they always did it out of ridicule and spite more than anything else."

"Danarius kept you close to him, then." Hawke muttered. "Even though you said that slaves with those kinds of privileges were the ones most loyal to their masters."

"I used to be... quite loyal, actually." Fenris sighed as the carriage started moving. He looked down at his lap and shook his head. "But I just didn't know any better back then."

"But you are here now." She reached over to take his hand. "And I will always be here."

Fenris smirked, squeezing her hand with his own. "If you become Viscount of Kirkwall, I can only imagine that you'll be here for quite some time."

She looked down solemnly. "I … I don't think I want that."

"You are revered in high regard in Kirkwall as Champion." Fenris told her. "The people think of you almost on the same plane as the Grand Cleric now. They say the Champion is one of the few level-headed figures in Kirkwall."

"Don't remind me." She groaned. "I don't think I would become a great leader of a city. I can barely manage a party on my own. Besides, I'm getting awfully tired of playing leader, you know..."

"Then what do you want to do?" He asked. "If I may ask, pertaining to your future?"

She looked over to him and smiled. "I don't know, honestly. I just want to have a family of my own, and to settle down soon. I think mother would have been happy if I did that. She always told me that I was getting old..."

Fenris smiled back to her, his hand not lifting from hers, and said nothing.

"Does..." She stopped, swallowing. "Does that idea... make you nervous?"

"A little." He answered simply.

"I'm sorry." She looked down. "I didn't mean to put more pressure on you. It was just an idea, and I wasn't being totally serious."

"You're making it hard for me to stop thinking about that night... years ago." Fenris sighed.

Her heart skipped a beat. They had never really talked about that night, not formally at least. She had always wanted to straighten things out, and now her chance had come – maybe.

"You are still worried?" She asked, hesitant.

Fenris wasn't thinking of leaving her again, was he?

There was nothing to leave, really. After all, He had not even gone all the way with Hawke tonight. Only a kiss was initiated, and nothing more (except that which she had imagined). Yet, they were practically 'dating' now, as one would call it.

"I'm not worried," Fenris corrected her. "I just... I have never given the future much though. Other than running away and dealing with Danarius, there is little else I ever considered."

"I'm not trying to tie me down." She quickly told him. "The future is always hazy, and we never know what might happen. It was just an idea, though I might as well take everything as we go."

Fenris shook his head.

"I've thought about it before, Hawke. Years ago, when we were together... I has a vision of us, in the future. I had a vision that we would be together, as a family, and that I would finally be able to have some consistency, some sense of permanence, in this world. You were there in my thoughts. I've just never told you about it." He frowned, his other hand raised up to his forehead as if he had a migraine. "But then... that night, those flashes came into my mind... visions of the past, and I got scared."

"What did you see?" She asked timidly. "If you don't mind me asking..."

"I'm not sure." He said. "I saw a memory of myself, before I was branded with these cursed markings. I was so close to the truth, to my history before Danarius, before magic. But then in one moment, it all slipped away. To have been that close and not been able to grasp that which I desperately wanted to knowledge of... I couldn't stand it."

"I understand." She told him tenderly. "I know a little of that feeling."

"I ran away from you because I didn't want it to happen again. I was frustrated with myself, with you, and I was depressed. I went straight home to drink. I didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Being with you... it was the best thing that ever happened, but also the worst."

Somehow, his words made her heart heavy with fear and sadness. It was as if she carried a weight in her chest, and she could not get rid of it. Was he regretting being with her, again?

"What can I do to help?" She asked softly. "There is not much I can do to help you, Fenris. I'm sorry. I don't even know how to get back your memories..."

"If I were to meet Danarius again, perhaps I would know a little more." Fenris explained. "I could interrogate him before I crushed hi to a powdery pile of dust. But then again... I'm not sure if I want to know." His voice fluctuated with anger.

"They say the past is best left where it is." Hawke told him. "But if you want to solve the mystery of your past, you could always pursue it. I will be there with you when you need it."

"I can't let you do that." He said. "I can't put you in that kind of danger."

"I can handle myself." She pouted. "You know that."

"I do know that," He smiled weakly. "But Danarius has various methods of dealing with me. He has ways of getting to me that you would not even think of. He is a stubborn fool who will do anything to get what he wants, even these markings on my skin. He would not hesitate to use you to lure me out, especially if he finds how much you mean to me."

"You were afraid of endangering me?" She asked. "Back then... when you told me we could not be together..."

"I meant what I said." He told her firmly. "I told you that being with me would endanger you. It was true. Danarius has unlimited sources for information. Who is to say that he doesn't already know how much you and I are involved? I don't care about my well-being, Hawke, but I couldn't bear to see you hurt because of me."

At that moment, he looked away, his eyes alert and surprised, as if he had just realized something that he hadn't before, and then a smile crept up on his face.

"I... I never dreamed of meeting someone like you, Hawke. I never dreamed of being with someone like you, let alone... let alone losing them." He said quietly.

At that moment, Hawke was renewed with the thoughts of how much it had pained Fenris when she had started dating Anders. She suddenly realized that he had not been the only one hurting because of their break-up. He had never been able to get her out of his head, just as she had not been able to forget about him. There was a certain attraction they had felt towards each other, and now she knew for certain that it was not one-sided after all.

"You will not lose me." She assured him. "Trust me, Fenris. Please."

"I've never dreamed of being with such a beautiful, strong-willed woman." He told her as he stroked her cheek. "The thought of losing someone hurt me, for the first time. It was a new feeling for me, and I was a coward who ran away from that because I felt responsibility burdening."

"I am not blaming you." She told him truthfully. "You are not used to freedom, and taking your time to experience it is entirely understandable."

"I told myself that I was being a fool." He admitted. "I told myself that it was a one-time thing, and that it would not happened again. I didn't want to become a burden, and I didn't want to hurt you. I knew I had to stay away from you, because I would only bring you in harm's way. But... it's strange what desire can make foolish people do." He smiled a sad smile.

"You are no fool." She told him, squeezing his hand once more.

"I told you that I would hurt you, Hawke. I told you that you would be endangers, and that I would break your heart." He told her. "But... But I can't stay away from you, Hawke. You must know that by now. I've... I've never experienced anything like this. I'm afraid of losing you, just as much as I'm afraid... that I'm falling in love with you."

Tears started to formed along the ridges of her eyes.

This was the reason she didn't want to go too far with Fenris yet.

This was the reason she knew she wasn't ready yet.

This was why her decision to take things slow was the correct decision.

"I told you that I would only break your heart." Anders had said the same thing.

And it had become the truth.

That mage had broken her heart – he had left her crushed and devastated.

Anders had been right; he had left her a mess. She was alone, trying to pick up the pieces. She could not even believe, to this day, that he had ended it in such a manner. She had not even given him the time of day to speak to her, both because she was angry at him, and because she was heartbroken.

How long had it been? A week? Maybe even more than that. She had long lost sense of time in her days of wallowing in misery and loss. Throwing away all of Anders' belongings which he had left at her place, and all the things he did not bother to bring with him... each and every item had a meaning deep in her heart, and brought back memories of when they were together – of happier times.

She remembered, while digging out one of his manifestos from her trunk, that there was this one time, late in the afternoon when he had been sitting at her home in the library, that she had snuck up on him, placed her arms around his neck, feeling the feathers from his clothes, smelling the lavender from his clinic, and snuggled her cheek against his scruffy, unshaven skin. It felt kind of like sandpaper, and she had learned to like it. From there on, Anders had recited yet another revision of his manifesto to her as she laid her head in his lap.

Memories like these made her cry. Even the slightest mention of something that was reminiscent of Anders made her heart ache. She didn't know how to deal with it, and she wasn't even sure if she could ever get over the apostate.

There was a time during the beginning of their break-up where Hawke had told herself that she never loved him, when she was still fuming with irritation because he had used her and lied to her. That was when she told herself that her feelings had been a illusion to begin with – she never loved Anders the way she wanted. She never felt so passionately and over the top, head over heels, in love with him. That was not something that she had experienced with Anders before.

But there was no denying that she felt some kind of love towards Anders.

In their time spent together, she had grown fond of him.

She liked his knowledge and sense of intelligence the most. His ideas and his philosophy – his ability to think outside of the box, and his naivety at times – She liked all of that about Anders. Even his fondness of kittens, which she found adorable. There was plenty that she had found captivating about him, but all of this had not been realized until it was too late.

You never realized how important someone is to you until you lose them.

A/N: TROLLFACE.

Okay, seriously - that was what my A/N was supposed to be IF I had posted this chapter a week after my last one. Which I didn't. So now I have to actually write a long-ass response for HUGE time lapse between chapters.

So... I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I've hit writer's block and my enthusiasm meter for this story went down a little bit. I blame Dungeons & Dragons, anime, and my artwork for bothering me. Seriously though, I AM very sorry for the delay!
The next chapter will come sooner, I promise!

SOOOO...I had two ideas for how this chapter goes based on your reactions to the previous one. And the reason for this is because I was waiting for someone to think, "Wow, Hawke and Fenris got back together way too fast! I mean, isn't she still depressed because she just got out of a year-long relationship with whats-his-face?" Which I did. Thanks to NoMadKa for pointing it out. I was waiting for someone to say that because if they did, I could go ahead with my plan (this chapter's huge troll), OR... I could make Fenris/Hawke's get-together cannon from last chapter.

I don't know if any of that made sense, but I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter (despite it's rehashed length), and I would really appreciate Reviews, because despite what you may think, audience opinions help mold the story too~