Is there anyone else who doesn't really know what to do with their lives now Clone Wars has finished till autumn?

Chapter 21

Ahsoka stared out her window, her arms wrapped around her thin – too thin – legs. She lay down her chin to rest on her knees, a brief sigh escaping her mouth, conveying all of her trouble in one concise breath. Her eyes were fixed on the twinkling stars, those little lights that shone out in the vast darkness, like little sparks of hope. Although, to her, there was no hope, she had ruined everything. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Even her own Master didn't want to be around her.

Things were bad. She felt so groggy and weighed down, like the life had been zapped right out of her, it felt like everything she did took more effort than it should. She was just so tired. But did she dare sleep? She was frightened of the nightmares that would, no doubt, plague her tonight; her stressful day promised her a troubled night.

She should've been more careful. She should've sensed him, she shouldn't have taken his absence for granted, she should've known it wouldn't be that simple…it never was.

She was a pitiful excuse for a Jedi, she didn't deserve to have such a good Master.

She debated with herself about calling him.

She could ask him to come back and they could hash it out; like they used to do. They'd shout at each other for a while – throw all their issues with the other out in the open – they'd argue and scream and shout and throw tantrums, and it would last for hours, sometimes days. There would be glares thrown, dirty looks, and huffy demeanours; it was all quite amusing to spectators.

Sometimes their conflicts would break out publicly, Ahsoka remembered on time when they were both made at the other so, when they had bumped into each other in the main cafeteria, things had easily escalated into a full-blown argument. They'd both insult the other as much as they could, and would names all the little quirks and habits that irritated them, the ball would be passed back and forth; just like in boloball.

But eventually they would run out of steam; they'd run out of things to argue about - the issues they had with the other would seem trivial and easily resolvable. The acceptance came first, they'd both realise that they couldn't expect the other to be perfect, they'd realise that some leeway had to be allocated. Then came the shame; all the things they had said and done, harsh words spoken through anger, none of it was intended to hurt but it did and the shame would flood them.

Then came the apologetic stage, where the pair would get over their egos – swallow their pride – and would fess up to everything they had done, they would talk – in a civilised manner this time – and they'd figure a way past the fight. Then they'd be all smiles and hugs and apologies, and then it would be like nothing had ever happened between them – they'd be close again and they both would've taken something out of the argument with them, something they could do to make life a little easier for the other.

That was the most extreme their conflicts would get. Most of the time, they would just argue a little – shout and stomp about - before both storming off to their respective rooms and going to bed. The next day, everything would be forgotten, it was like they'd never disagreed in the first place, they'd be taunting and teasing; neither could stay made at the other for long.

Ahsoka wished they could go back to that

She felt her head droop to the side, of its own accord, too tired to remain held up, exhaustion had crept up upon her and had consumed her entire being, drowning her in its grasp. She tried so desperately to stay afloat, even going as far as digging her nails into the back of her hand, hoping the small pain would keep her awake, but it was useless and soon she succumbed to its slumbering depths.

Black walls trapped her, surrounding her like a prison, looking as if they would treacherously close in on her and squash her. It gave her a feeling of claustrophobia. A wash of vertigo hit her mercilessly, sending her stumbling into one of the unfriendly walls, her hand flying out to grip onto something but it found nothing, flailing and flapping, it only met the air. Leaving her to fall.

And she didn't stop. She just kept falling and falling, never hitting the floor she expected to be there.

Was this it? Ahsoka pondered, was this how she was to die, falling through the choking darkness. The teenager shut her eyes instinctively when she saw something below her, a floor that would bring about her death. She was right, this was it, how she would die.

Everything happened at once then; her plunging body felt like it had stopped moving, her fearful mind stopped worrying and everything stopped. She wasn't falling anymore.

She opened her eyes.

The plush patterned carpet underneath her told her that she wasn't falling and was, in fact, firmly on the ground. Never had she been so gratefully to be out of the air; it was usually a thrilling experience for her, but what had once been her freedom had become her fear.

The walls seemed to run along forever, beige and boring, extending as far as the eye could see, and continuing on, even after that.

Ahsoka wandered along the hallway, her mind as lost as her person, where was she? She definitely didn't recognise this place, how did she even get here. She couldn't quite remember. Her mind drew up a blank as she searched through it, looking for answers, what was happening? She didn't know.

She frowned at a door that was set in the wall, intricately designed, standing proud with beauty and honour. It was like a door of olden times, before the automatic ones had been invented, it even had a – what was the word? – Door turner…no….doorknob. That was it.

Ahsoka frowned a little as she thought about the door. She could've sworn that wasn't there a second ago. Her curiosity was piqued and mind was set, she was beyond inquisitive about that door. She wanted to go through it.

Ahsoka frowned; the door was right in her face now. She looked down; her hand was touching the old fashioned door knob, coiled around it as if she were about to open it. That was odd, she didn't remember moving, she only decided she would go through the door but then the next second she was touching it.

Well, today was certainly turning out to be most entertaining.

She went through the door, putting her hand up to shield her from the bright light that assaulted her eyes, white hot and sterile, seeming more harsh and cruel than light and gentle. For the first time, she felt the light was against her, attacking her instead of aiding her.

Then it stopped.

The light dimmed down until it became bearable, light streaming from the warm sun, although, Ahsoka couldn't help but feel cold, she did shiver in the light, it still felt like it was against her.

The blue-green hexagonal crystals gleamed beautiful in the light, sparkling like precious diamonds and twinkling at her mischievously. She knew this planet. It was Christophsis, of course it was, she'd recognise this planet anywhere, it was the place where she'd first met her Master. It was sacred, special, to her.

Of course it was different than what she remembered it, so many of its renowned crystals – those pillars of beauty – had collapsed and decayed, lying helplessly on the ground, forgotten and uncared for; left to die from neglect. The stone structures and pillars had a layer of brown-green growth covering them, hiding the dirty grey stone with leech-like tentacles.

She walked forwards slightly, mindful of the pieces of collapsed crystals, stepping over anything that threatening to send her crashing to the ground.

What had happened here? It was so…dead. It once seemed to dance with life, even the crystals did, they moved with rhythm and beauty and life. But everything was gone now, it all felt dead, lifeless and immobile. The planet felt like it had retreated within itself, hiding away its life and treasures from all, for fear of harm.

Had they done this? Was their battle on Christophsis more destructive than she realised? Had she been too caught up in her own success and triumphs to notice what they were doing to a once beautiful city?

"Ahsoka."

"Master." Ahsoka breathed out a sigh of relief as her Master stepped out from behind a shattered crystal pillar.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, I just came here…through a door." Ahsoka attempted to explain, gesturing towards the door but to her surprise it was no longer there.

"You aren't wanted here."

"Well, I don't know how to get back; I mean I could still help. I know that I'm in trouble but I could help." Ahsoka shrugged a little.

"We don't want you here."

"What do you mean?" Ahsoka frowned, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

More figures stepped out from their hiding places, each covered in shadows and hidden by their hoods. Tall, menacing figures stood in the cold sunlight.

"Who are you?" Ahsoka took several fearful steps back. "What do you want?"

"You destroyed everything." Anakin stepped towards her, his eyes turning from bright blue to a hideous yellow. "It's your fault that everything's ruined, you're pathetic, a waste of time."

"Master-"

"I don't know what Yoda ever saw in you." Anakin's face began to become paler. "You will never be worthy to be my Padawan."

Ahsoka's face became horrified as her Master contorted into something dark and fearful, his once tan skin was pale and scarred, sickening to behold. His long wavy gave was gone completely, giving way to more paleness and more scars. She bit back a horrified scream, it wasn't her Master, she told herself, it couldn't be…but deep down, she knew it was.

"It's all your fault." He screamed at her, his voice raspy and destroyed.

"Master, what happened to you?" Came Ahsoka's horrified query.

"This is all because of you, because you can't control yourself…can't stop rushing into danger." Anakin snarled. "Well, look at me. LOOK AT ME. Are you happy now Ahsoka? You've ruined everything."

"I'm sorry." She whimpered with tears in her eyes, backing away from whatever her Master had become.

"You are not worthy to be a Jedi." A hood fell, revealing Master Kenobi, or what she thought was him. He looked withered and decayed, his once ginger hair had long since faded into a dull grey, and his once blue-gray eyes were only gray now, hopeless and lifeless. "Not ever, I don't know why he kept you all this time."

"No-" Ahsoka shook her head dejectedly. "Not you too."

"You are a failure and an embarrassment to the order." He told her angrily. "You only ever prove that time and time again."

"I can do better." Ahsoka pleaded, the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks as the harsh words cut her deep.

"No you can't." Another cloaked figure came forwards, shrugging off their cloak.

Ahsoka screamed.

Master Windu stood, crippling and destroyed, his skin burnt horrifically and one of his arms was no longer there, leaving a cauterized, yet still horrendous, wound. His eyes narrowed in on her, judging her with only a look.

"I said it, you aren't good enough." He spat at her. "You'll never be good enough, if you were good enough I would survive but you're a disgrace and it's your fault I die."

One by one the hoods fell, revealing friends and people she considered family: Barriss, Master Secura, Master Luminara, Master Plo, Yoda, Padme, even Alex. Each one was contorted and destroyed, their skin withered and destroyed, and each had unique wounds but all were repulsive and disgusting to behold. Their words cut her deep, their rejection and hatred, directed only at her; they all blamed her for their eventual deaths.

Each word, each curse, each declaration of their hatred for her, sent Ahsoka spiralling further and further into a cocoon of self-hatred and depression. They were right. She worthless and more, why was she here? Why didn't the force get rid of her already if she was such a burden?

"You see, we don't want you." Padme stepped forwards, linking hands with her Master. "We're all happy without you; you should've never been born, no wonder you're parents gave you to the order, they wanted rid of you, they knew you were worthless from the start."

"Why don't you just go?" Alex told her. "Leave us all it peace, we don't want you here."

"We don't want you." Anakin agreed. He nodded his pale bald head in testament to Alex' statement, glaring at her hatefully. "You're nothing but trouble, always putting us in danger. Just look what you did to me, I want you to watch and see everything you've done."

The entire vision span; it warped and twisted and turned with no visible exits. All the colours of the world mixed in together until they were a harsh solid black – cold and uncaring – as dark as death. The blackness permeated her, it seemed to hiss at her – it whispered all the doubts she'd ever had into her ear. It told her of her failures; it reminded her of all the live lost because of her. It reminded her that she was alone, unwanted, unloved.

But she already knew that. She knew she was alone – all on her own – it was all she had ever known.

She shut her eyes instinctively; hoping that if she couldn't see it then she could hide from it – pretend it wasn't there. Maybe it would go away if she ignored it….

…hopefully.

Then she could feel the force rippling in anticipation, her eyes were close but she could tell that the entire scene was changing. She could feel something new, and it felt cold – it felt lonely and horrible – she felt the force flinch slightly. Somehow, she felt she wouldn't like what she would see here. The force brewed around her – swirling like a storm – as if prepared the vision. Behind her eyelids she could see bright orange and red; blending into each other like leaves in autumn.

Then she felt the searing heat; it scorched her skin – it was so real that she almost forgot this was a simple vision. She felt her heart begin to race. Deep down, she knew where she was – she knew what her Master was making her see – but she didn't want to believe it. Force, not again. Please not again. When she opened her eyes, her heart sank to the pits of her stomach.

Her suspicions were right.

This was Mustafar.

And her Master and Obi-Wan were battling again. Their lightsabers clashing like thunder and hissing like a ferocious beast. Once upon a time, the hum of a lightsaber brought her comfort but now it was almost like a funeral march – a torturing sound that rang in her head unbearably.

They were fighting, and all the while she stood helpless to stop it; knowing what would happen but being incapable of preventing it…this was her punishment; for messing with things that ought not be messed with. For betrayed the Jedi.

"Watch." Ahsoka didn't dare turn around to look at her Masters mutilated body. "Watch what you do to me." He told her angrily, pointing at the fighting pair.

"I can't." Obi-Wan had just jumped onto the bank, proclaimed that he 'had the higher ground.' Ahsoka turned her head away and looked at the floor.

"Look." Anakin snarled, grabbing her head and forcing it up; forcing her to watch the scene play.

Ahsoka watched in transfixed horror as her mentor leapt into the air; tucking up as he somersaulted over his former teacher, having no idea what was to come. Leaping boldly in his arrogance, overestimating his abilities.

Anakin and Ahsoka both cried out at the same time.

"No!" Ahsoka reached out for her teacher; forgetting it was merely a glimpse of what was to come. "No. Master. No."

He scrambled on the ground – writhing in absolute agony. His heart-wrenching moans of pain rang through the girl's head, constantly on replay, and they kept going and going; torturing her, already unstable, mind.

"Help him." She shouted to Obi-Wan; who was stood higher up on the bank. "Please…please. Help him."

Her hoarse screams and pleas fell on deaf ears; no-one eve knew she was hear. She was nothing but a ghost to them. She wasn't real – she wasn't there. She could do nothing.

"See what you've done." Anakin told her, his eerie voice startling her.

Ahsoka span around, accusation shining in her eyes like small flames. She shook her head in horror, trying to dispel the images from her head, trying to forgot what she had just seen happen. It couldn't happen; it couldn't. Obi-Wan didn't do that – she was seeing things…she had to be!

Ahsoka hunched over. Sure, she had seen this before but last time she had been able to turn able, she hadn't seen Obi-Wan lightsaber slice through his flesh, she hadn't heard the hiss as it seared through the skin, muscle and bones. She hadn't seen the act. And she wished she hadn't; it made everything so much worse.

"I'm sorry." Ahsoka told her Master quietly, a fragile voice that was almost broken. "I'm so very sorry."

"That means nothing to me. You're pathetic; certainly not good enough to be my Padawan" Anakin sneered at her, his face like something out of a nightmare.

He gave her one last hate-filled glare before disappearing completely; leaving her with the tortured screams of the burning Anakin Skywalker. Leaving her to watch him set on fire.

It was all too much. Ahsoka felt her head, and heart, would explode in a ball of burning flames – just like her Master. She feared she would break out into tears of extraordinary hurt and, once she started, she would forget how to stop.

Then something moved, a slight shift in the shadows that Ahsoka's highly tuned senses picked up within a second. Her heart stopped. Her head turned. And she faced him.

It was him. She was sure of it, it was the man who was causing her anguish, the man who had brought her safe life to a standstill. The boss. He seemed to meld into the shadows; she wasn't quite sure where he started and the shadows began.

But…but…but. How was he here? He wasn't just part of the dream, she could tell he wasn't something conjured up by her imagination. No, he was actually here – or at least his mental presence was.

Ahsoka felt her head spin; so many questions attacked her. How was he here? It took special abilities to enter someone's head - their dreams – it took more than anyone of those gangsters could ever posses Her Master had only recently learned how to do it and he was the most powerful Jedi ever. No way – the boss couldn't possibly do that. But then, how was he here?

Then it hit her. Maybe – just maybe – he wasn't quite as normal as he let on. What if he wasn't quite as normal as Ahsoka had assumed – what if he had a little extra? What if he had a few more midichlorians than she had thought…

Oh force…

Then she really did have a problem here.

Then he noticed her staring, and the nightmare ended.

AN: Some plot development here for you guys to ponder on whilst I write the next chapter