Katniss'POV
When I finally stand up not only are my legs stiff from sitting in one spot for tOo long but I have an excruciating pain from where I hit my bottom on the blanket box. I can hear Peeta making his way over and I can't even look at him, I suppose this is what it feels like to be heart broken.
"We will be expected to be at breakfast." He sounds cold and that brings on a fresh wave of tears. I hold my breath and bite my lip in an attempt to conceal them.
"Ok" it's all I can manage without letting him hear I'm crying.
"There is no Avox coming… so er….are you going to get out of that dress." His voice sounds strained. Oh god this is so awkward.
"I can't" my voice is soft but I know he heard me because he has been hesitating behind me.
"Oh" Peeta comes a few steps closer "how do I?" I lift my braid as the dress starts high up my neck.
"Buttons under the roses." My voice is hoarse and you can tell I've been crying but I don't care what else had he thought I was doing in here. He starts on the buttons and I can feel the warmth of his skin wherever he touches me. I want him to put his arms around me, to kiss me and tell me he loves me, make all my hurt and heart ache go away. Will he ever hold me again? Right now it doesn't seem like it and as this realisation hits me I feel a fresh pang of hurt washing over me.
As I accept the fresh wave of pain another round of the same questions come over me. Why is this happening? What has Snow said or done to Peeta? Why does Peeta not believe I love him? That's the one that gets me the most. Why does he not see how in love with him I am? I know I hadn't always loved him as I do now and it was wrong to lead him on in the arena but it was to save our lives.
I thought he knew me so well however if that was the case he would know I would not fake a toasting. If Peeta knew me as well as I had imagined he did we would not be in this situation now. He would know that I love him.
What if I don't know Peeta as well I think I do? We talk so much I feel I know every little detail about him but I can't for the life of me figure out what has caused him to turn on me. I do know I will get to the bottom of it and somehow I am going to get my Peeta back.
He is almost half way down my back when I feel the top part of the dress come loose, with my decision to win Peeta back fresh in my mind I rise my arms and instead of holding the dress up I allow it to fall down knowing I have an unbelievable sexy white corset on that makes my breasts look two sizes bigger and hugs me tight to my waist. Two more buttons and it falls to the floor to reveal the oh so tiny underwear with stockings that are held up by suspenders.
I am satisfied when I hear him gasp as takes it all in; well at least I know it's not a physical repulsion. I can work with that.
For the first time I turn to face him, despite himself he can't help looking down at my breasts and I wonder if he is feeling the stiffness grow in his pants. Feeling he may never look up I try to get some answers. "Peeta I… I…" I want to say so much but I don't know where to start. "I don't understand?"
His eyes grow cold as they meet mine. "Come on Katniss, you know what you've been doing and now I know too, so it's best now that we both accept that this is not real." I reach out to touch his cheek but he moves back quickly. The rejection stings and I know it is not going to be easy to get Peeta back. I've hurt him too somehow.
He looks like he may cry but it's me who had the tears running down my face, I am not used to Peeta discarding me like this. "Let's get ready for breakfast." My mouth opens and closes like I am a fish. I have no idea what he means but he looks so sure I am certain I must have done something wrong but what?
Peeta leaves me and I get dressed. My dress is a light breezy pink sun dress, it's not half as sexy as the clothes I wore for this year's games but it fits me well. I might talk to Cinna about bringing back the sexy outfits, I need all the help I can get. As I am just finishing my braid, Peeta appears in the doorway and it's time to go. He looks breathtakingly handsome in his fresh cream linen suit. The blue shirt he is wearing under the jacket is a perfect match to his amazing blue eyes.
As soon as we leave the room Peeta takes my hand, I stop and look at him, confusion written all over my face. With a swift movement he leans me against the wall and whispers to me as he pretends to kiss my neck. "No matter what Snow doesn't win."
I'm not sure if it's having him so close after all we had been through during the night but as the scent of him reaches my nose I am overcome with desire for him. Realising what he had whispered to me my tired mind contemplates Snow may not have anything to do with this but then who else would want Peeta and I apart?
Switching our positions I push him into the wall and kiss him as deeply as I can. At least he doesn't push me away nonetheless he does nothing to encourage me. This is not the way Peeta normally kisses me, it's cold and empty. The lack of feeling in this kiss is somehow worse than if he has pushed me away. I place my lips close to his ear "look at us, he already has." I take his hand again and head for breakfast.
-0-
Surveying our miss mash table of friends and family I feel a glimmer of hope, all of them look happy for us. Sure my mother looks a little concerned but not unhappy. No, I don't believe anyone at this table would willingly help sabotage Peeta and I.
As if reading my thoughts Prim jumps to her feet and hugs Peeta. "Now we are officially Family." He squeezes her tight and I take solace that his diversion is only with me, I couldn't bear it if he cut Prim off too. "Come sit with me I want to catch up properly." He rises his eyebrows at me as if for permission to abandon me for Prim.
When I give him the nod I smile at him with as much approval as I can muster. Peeta's love of Prim is one of the many things I find irresistible about him. "How could I say no, little sister?" His voice is sweet and full of love and I find myself slightly jealous of my little sister. Not that I am worried that she will steel my husband it's just Peeta still loves her.
I turn back to the table; Haymitch is sitting with my mom and actually they are both looking a little concerned. I smile weakly at them. I can't face my mom right now so I look further down the table for a seat. Gale and Madge are next looking far to loved up for me at the moment. Prim has settled next to my mom and Peeta on the other side of her that leaves Peeta next to Finnick and me between Finnick and Johanna. Before I lower into my seat I realise this is just my family where is Peeta's "Peeta where are your Parents?"
It's Johanna that answers me however. "They had to go home last night. What a fun lot they were." Her face tells me she is being sarcastic but even without the obvious facial expression I know only too well how fun Mrs. Mellark is not. "They said something about bread to get ready."
I sit down a little too hard for my sore backside and almost jump straight back up when the pain shots up my spine. This earns me a sideway look from almost everyone at the table and for Finnick to laugh and slap Peeta on the back. I was unsure of what was with everyone when Johanna being as subtle as ever helped me out.
"Wow you weren't kidding, Blondie here is really packing some superior equipment!" it takes me a moment then I blush when I grasp that not only Jo but everyone at the table had assumed I was hurting after my first night with Peeta.
I'm so red now and I have no idea what to say. I look to Peeta he always knows what to say. I can only see a little of his face over the steady shake of Finnick's shoulders as he tries to contain his amusement in my circumstances. Peeta is not as red as me and also looks a little amused himself and by the glint in his eye I know he is not coming to my rescue.
"So brainless, you're all set for the honeymoon then?" I know she was joking but I took my opportunity to change the subject.
"Actually no I am not, I have to go see Cinna about my wardrobe." I wanted to tell them all I just fell and hurt my back but this would not help the situation any so I just ignored them.
"But surly Cinna will have it ready by now?" I felt like shouting at Johanna to just shut up but I know she didn't know I had another reason for the trip.
"I want him to show me some things; I have never been to the beach before. I don't want to get it wrong." This was also true and a lot better than saying I want to make sure they are as sexy as could possibly be so I can seduce my husband back in love with me.
"Really, I love the beach. I go any chance I get; Finnick here is a great host. Are you home this week Finnick?" finally attention is off me and I can relax some. I'm so tired I could sleep for a year. I vaguely hear Finnick confirm he would be home this week and after several obvious hints from Johanna to ask her to come visit him this week too.
"You don't mind do you Kat? We can have some fun and it won't interfere with your private time." I shake my head and smile letting her know I don't mind one bit. I do like Johanna and maybe she can help me too. She appears to think herself a bit of an expert when it comes to men.
-0-
I am so happy I went to see Cinna before we left; he had my previous complaint about the sexy outfits to heart and had me packed like a good, pure little housewife. Johanna actually laughed at some of them. Which in its self, helped Cinna change some of the outfits before I even asked for sexier attire. My new honeymoon collection was set to turn heads even if it was just one person I wanted looking at me.
We set off for Four that evening on the usual slow train so we would be sleeping on board. After a lively dinner with Finnick and Johanna we couldn't avoid going to bed. I was secretly dreading this, I hadn't been alone with Peeta since this morning and had no idea how he would act when we were alone.
As anticipated, Peeta dropped my hand as soon as the door was closed behind us. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore, I didn't know a lot about being sexy but I was sure a dripping nose was a big turn off. I sigh and head for the shower room. I had showered just before we got on the train, in fact my braid was still damp but I needed time to pull myself together.
When I emerged from my hiding place rapped only in a towel I am rewarded when Peeta can't help but look a little uncomfortable. So when I take out the barely there nighty Cinna added after my request for lacy I could literally see his jaw drop. It was white lace, only the way it was made it was completely see through except for a couple of statically placed flowers. It only slightly covered the cheeks of my bottom so I put on some undies too. I am not sure if it was designed for this but I felt too on show without them.
Peeta hadn't taken his eyes off me and I could feel him strain to see through the little flowers but as if someone flipped a switch as soon as we made eye contact his beautiful blues turned back to ice.
"Can we talk?" I wasn't sure he heard my request he was taking so long to answer but when he did I wished I hadn't heard the cold tint to his voice.
"Not tonight, I have had enough for one day," with that he rolled over and drew the covers up to his shoulders. I crawled in to bed beside him, not allowing myself to touch off Peeta. Yes, I wanted him to be mine again but this rejection stung and I would not come across as pathetic. I soon fell asleep but a peaceful slumber would allude me.
I can't remember what was so awful about this dream or what horror had me screaming out for Peeta but I know when I woke I could feel his big strong arms around me and the heat of his chest on my cheek, his chin resting on my head like it had so many other nights. I don't know why I woke up crying but I do know why I am crying now. I have lost Peeta, this perfect man loved me and somehow I have lost it. As I struggle to control my sobs I feel Peeta hold me tighter and lay a soft kiss on my hair.
He kissed me! No I haven't lost him, not yet. "I love you Peeta" he didn't answer and I hadn't expected him too I just needed to tell him. I soon fell back asleep.