Memories

Jacob came over and began rubbing my shoulders gently.

"What's your plan today son?" Billy asked. Jacob looked at me before answering.

"I was thinking a walk down memory lane if Nessie's up for it." he glanced over to see my reaction. I smiled widely.

"That sounds great." I said enthusiastically as we walked to the car. Jacob opened my door and I slid quickly into my seat. It seemed like forever since our time alone this morning and I was desperately wanting him to myself again. He took my hand as he started the car and took off. I wasn't sure where we were headed and I didn't really care as long as I was with him.

We headed towards the forest outside of town. Jacob parked the car and came around to open my door. I didn't ask any questions just took his hand and followed him. As we got to the edge of the forest he stopped and wrapped his arms around me.

"We're going a few miles in would you like to run?" he asked. We hadn't really run together in awhile and I'd missed it. A huge smile spread across my face.

"Lead the way." I answered. He took off and I followed right on his heals. It didn't take us long to get to a small clearing where he stopped. This was a new place to me, somewhere he'd never brought me before and I wondered what significance it held for him. He walked to the center of the clearing deep in thought and stopped. He turned around completely with a very sad look in his eyes, like he was remembering something unpleasant. I waited patiently just inside the tree line for him to speak.

"I made two very important yet drastically different choices in this clearing, Renesmee. This is where the pack meets to discuss problems and make decisions." he looked over and held his hand out to me. I walked swiftly to take his hand and he looked deep into my eyes. He held my gaze for the remainder of his story.

"The first choice I made was the day we got the news that Bella and Edward had returned from their honeymoon. I'd been waiting anxiously for that bit of information so we could attack them for breaking the treaty. I was so full of anger then Nessie. I hated her for choosing him and I hated him for being willing to change her into one of them." I could see the anger this memory brought him and it hurt me.

"Sam wouldn't hear of it though, there was no proof they'd broken the treaty and changed her. We all knew they would but the story was that she was sick. He wanted to wait for proof, I couldn't. I walked away from the pack because I'd made my choice. I was going to see for myself that she'd been changed then I would attack. I didn't care that I was alone and that I'd die, I just wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt me. " My heart broke at the pain in his eyes.

"When I got to the house I was beyond shocked by what I saw. She was so sick and so pregnant. When I finally left the pack was waiting for me and we met here again. By this time they'd all seen in my head what had happened. I was devastated. Sam went nuts at the news…not what I expected. They immediately began planning an attack with the only objective being to destroy Bella and the child she carried…you." A tear rolled down his cheek so I leaned up and kissed it away.

"Nobody knew what was inside of her and we were all afraid. I couldn't do it though, I still loved her. Sam ordered me to attack, knowing I wouldn't be able to disobey his command, something he'd never done before. I fought back with everything that was within me trying to resist but I couldn't, I was so angry with him." his voice was barely a whisper.

"Suddenly it was like a light bulb came on in my head, who was he to tell me what to do. I felt it building like a raging fire inside of me, the knowledge that I was never meant to take orders from him, he was meant to take orders from me. The second choice I made was to embrace the fire inside of me and protect the one I loved. I let the Alpha in me take over and I stood up to Sam. I walked away from the pack to save Bella…and you." he smiled at me and brushed the curls back from my face.

"Two life changing choices at opposite sides of the spectrum." he whispered as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips were slow and serious as his hand moved to the back of my neck and twisted into my hair. When he pulled away I fought the urge to hold on to him. He looked deeply into my eyes searching for something.

"I love you Renesmee and I want you to know every part of me, even the things I'm not proud of because they make up who I am." he spoke softly but it felt more like he was asking a question.

"I want to know everything about you Jacob so I can make you happy and nothing you say can ever change how much I love you." I assured him. He smiled in understanding as he took my hand and headed back toward the car.

"Shall we run again?" he asked eyeing me. I smiled and nodded and we took off. When we got back to the car he wrapped me in his arms again kissing me a little more passionately this time before opening the car door.

I took several deep breaths trying to calm my racing heart as Jake slid into the seat next to me. He looked at me curiously.

"What are you thinking about Nessie?" he asked. I laughed softly.

"Seriously?" I looked at him in bewilderment. "You kiss me like that and wonder what I'm thinking." I shook my head in disbelief. "I was actually trying to remember why I shouldn't throw myself at you and rip your clothes off right now." I smirked at him. He grinned widely and shook his head.

"Only you Nessie…only you." he mumbled still shaking his head. He held my hand as we drove out of town. I knew where we were going this time, we'd traveled this road many times. I couldn't help but wonder what I'd learn about him at the old house. We'd spent the first two years of my life there, I thought I knew everything about that place. I saw him watching me out of the corner of his eye and I grinned at him.

When we got to the house he parked in front of the porch and helped me out of the car. I followed him around to the porch and we sat on the stairs. He was quiet for a long time staring down at the stairs.

"Nessie I didn't bring you here to talk about the past." he hesitated before continuing.

"You already know everything about what I went through with Bella's pregnancy. I want to talk about us now, our future." My breath caught at his words and my heart began to race. If he noticed he didn't hesitate just continued talking. "I've been thinking a lot about our earlier talk in South America." he turned and looked me in the eye. "I have to be honest with you Renesmee, I'm terrified at the thought of losing you. That being said, I've talked with Billy, done some soul searching and the thought of seeing you carrying our child sends a thrill through me that is indescribable. The future I saw in your dream last night excites me beyond anything I've ever felt before. I don't know if this is right or not but if you're willing, I'd like us to try to have a child…after we're married of course." he grinned sheepishly. I was completely speechless. Jacob had just told me he wanted us to have a baby. I couldn't even make a coherent sentence before he spoke again.

"There is a condition though…as I said I can't stand the thought of losing you. So you have to agree to let Carlisle be in charge of everything connected with the pregnancy and delivery. You also have to agree that if at any point during the pregnancy or delivery your life is in danger our main focus will be saving you not the child. I will not sacrifice your life for anything. Do you understand that and can you live with that?" he looked at me very seriously. Could I agree to those terms? Could I sacrifice our child for my own life? Bella couldn't, I wouldn't be here if she had. I wasn't ready to make this decision, I needed to talk to my mom. I took a deep breath before speaking.

"I don't know what to say Jake. On one hand I'm ecstatic because you're giving me something I desperately want but on the other I'm not sure if I can agree to your terms." I paused and looked deeply into his eyes searching for an answer I knew I would have to find on my own. Jacob looked confused.

"I don't understand what would make you hesitate Nessie. Surely you don't object to letting Carlisle handle the medical stuff…So it's agreeing not to sacrifice your own life for an unknown life that's making you hesitate?" he asked in confusion.

"Think about what you're asking me to agree to. What if Bella had agreed not to sacrifice her life for an unknown? I'm only here because she was willing to fight for me Jake." a tear slid unbidden down my cheek. "I love you with all my being Jacob Black and I want to marry you and I want to spend my eternity with you and I even want to have your child and because of all that I don't know what to say right now. I need some time to think this through, figure out exactly what I'm willing to give up and what I'm not willing to give up. I'm sorry." I finished in a whisper. He reached up and wiped the tears off my cheek and put his arm around me.

"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I've never seen Bella's choice from that perspective, I always thought she was foolish for risking her life the way she did. It doesn't change the fact that I don't want to lose you Renesmee. I guess this is something we both need to think about a little more, weigh all of the benefits and the risks. Would you forgive me for hurting you Nessie, I didn't mean to?" his voice broke at the end. I looked up into his eyes and saw his pain and sorrow. I leaned over and kissed his neck gently moving up to his ear and whispered.

"You silly boy I could never stay mad at you. Of course you're forgiven." and I kissed his ear once more before resting my head on his shoulder.

We sat there for a long time, each of us lost in our own thoughts, trying to sort through our future. Finally Jacob spoke.

"So what do we do about this situation? It seems like we are going to need input from a few other people, see what the risks are and weigh them, before we make any decisions. Should we wait for another week until we get home or do we go home early?" he asked curiously. I thought for a moment before I spoke.

"We do have a third option." I said. "Alice and Jasper are coming tomorrow, we could just ask Carlisle, Edward and Bella to come also. This is a big decision and I don't think we should put it off, I'm not sure how much longer I can resist you." I grinned mischievously at him. "I also know it's not time for us to leave yet. I guess we should also decide what we want to do about the wedding. If we decide against having children we can leave the date set as is, leaving us time to decide how we're going to prevent that. If we decide to try to have a child are we going to want to wait another six weeks to get married? If we do move the wedding up we're going to need everyone's help to pull it off. I mean we haven't even talked about a honeymoon location yet let alone all of the other arrangements that need to be made." I said exasperatedly. I could see Jacob considering what I'd said so I waited patiently for him to speak.

"I think maybe we should get the house ready." he grinned at me.

"I don't want to wait to marry you no matter what we decide." he whispered in my ear and began moving his lips slowly down my neck. My toes tingled and I tossed my head back in ecstasy giving him full access to my throat which he took full advantage of.

I sighed as he pulled away but I knew we had things to do. He slid the cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to me while he went to unlock the house.

I made the call requesting the whole family join Alice and Jasper on this trip with only the explanation that Jake and I needed them. They were very confused especially since I assured them there was nothing wrong but they agreed to come anyway. Jake and I spent the afternoon getting the house freshened up, ready for the Cullens' return.