REPOST
A/N: So this chapter is going to have a warning. While the chapters before this haven't been all flowers and chocolates, I need to have this warning on here. This chapter will have slight non-con. It doesn't lead to sex, which is why I say slight, but the idea is non-con. Just a warning. If it's not your kind of thing, or you are triggered by it, please do not read.
Also, the scene idea was inspired by Sapphire Smoke's amazing fic Transgressions of the Heart in the Residing in the Grey series. Its BEAUTIFUL so go read!
Alright. That's about it.
I don't own Victorious. :)
No beta. Please excuse mistakes.
[X]
A timid knock on the front door confirmed my suspicions.
Empty.
Thank god.
I took the key to the lock out of my back pocket, fumbling around for a moment before I managed to put it in the door. I was still shaking and a bit nauseous from having to wake home after throwing up on the side of the road. On top of being mortified, I was so ashamed to what I had done. There was no way I could fix this, sleeping with Beck tearing a huge hole in my life.
Sleeping with Beck.
God, it made my chest tighten just from the thought of it.
How the hell did you manage to fuck up this badly?
I whipped my head around, frantically looking for a source of the voice. But Lucy was nowhere to be seen.
Fuck you if you don't think you'll lose everything you worked for because of this.
I pushed open the door, making my way inside and dropping the bag I had with me onto the nearest couch. "Fuck off." I spoke out loud, knowing no one could hear me anyways. "You don't think I don't know that?!"
Silence.
So much silence.
I trudged through the house, my stomach grumbling from the lack of food. To my knowledge, the fridge should've been empty, but I swung up the door to see it completely stocked with everything from lettuce to beer.
What the hell?
I shrugged and shut it, opting to check the cupboards for something easier.
But then something in the living room caught the corner of my eye, and I slowly waked towards it, scared to see what it was.
I almost got sick again.
It was a framed photo of me, my dad, and my mom.
Smiling, happy, normal.
Why is this here?
Why the hell would he put this out here?
I picked it up, examining it. I stared at it way longer than I wanted too, tears threatening to spill over.
Swiftly turning on my heel, I suddenly put my fist right through the wall.
It didn't hurt. I barely felt it, but the blood on my hand told otherwise.
"Damnit.."
I wiped it on my shirt, not caring what I was wearing or doing. I I looked at the picture one more time before throwing it angrily at the wall. "You fucking bastard!" I screamed as glass shattered. "You left me!" I felt the rage begin to bubble up through my entire body. Picking up the next valuable, I threw it at the door, watching everything I touched fall apart by my hands. There wasn't anything I didn't want to destroy. All of it reminded me of him, and it was infuriating. I couldn't think straight, see straight, walk straight as I starts smashing anything that he'd every given me or that he left behind. I kept muttering "You left me... you left me..." as I trashed the house.
By the end I was crying, and I knew I was bleeding from at least different places, but I couldn't muster up the strength do anything about it.
I deserve this.
I finally stilled, breathing heavily. I found feel the anger coursing through my veins. She'll leave me. She'll leave me, I chanted in my head, digging my fingernails so hard into my palms to draw blood, but I didn't care. I didn't fucking care. I needed to make her love me.
Jade...
I needed to make myself believe that I wasn't a horrible monster, that I loved her and I would do anything to have her love me back.
I'm not a monster.
I'm not a monster.
I grabbed my coat from the floor, stumbling to the front door.
Jade, what the hell are you doing?
I didn't stop as I said, "I'm going to see Tori."
[X]
"Answer your fucking door..."
I banged on it again. I knew she was home. Her bedroom light was on and I could here music coming from the inside. "Answer the goddamn-" I almost yelled just when the door flew open, revealing Tori. Her immediate reaction to seeing me was huge smile, which made me seethe. Before she could say anything, grabbed her shoulders and pushing her into the house. I swiftly slammed the door shut and spun u around, forcefully shoving her against the door.
She left out a surprised squeak, "Jade, what-" But I couldn't let her speak. I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle hearing her sweet voice after what I had done, so I covered her lips with mine in a bruising kiss. I could feel her hesitate, but I didn't care at that moment. Pressing closer, and swiftly moved my hands to under her shirt, demanding entrance into her mouth with my tongue.
Tori jerked at the feeling, still not fully returning the kiss. She tried to pull away, but I had her arms pinned against the door. I changed my focus, leaving her lips and trailing down her jaw to her neck, leaving dark marks as I went. It was a trick I don't remember learning, but it worked perfectly on her.
"Jade, stop..." she breathed, and I smirked against her skin. She wanted this. I knew she wanted this. Her attempts are pretending to not was pathetic. "Jade!" she gasped as I bit a particularly sensitive spot.
I could get used to hearing that.
I hastily moved my hands to the button on her jeans, about to undo them when I felt hands try and push me back. I stumbled slightly, but then quickly snatched both her hands into one of mine and held th4em above her head. "Don't fight me," I stated almost coldly, looking her deep in the eyes. I used my other hand to ghost over her waistline, and her eyes showed vulnerability and fear, but she involuntarily pushed her hips forward. Ha. I latched onto her pulse point again, but then her clouded senses must've cleared, because then she started to struggle. "J-Jade... Jade, stop." I could barely hear her over the blood rushing in my ears, but I lifted my head and stared her down again, eyes darkening.
"I take what I want."
Intimidation always worked with me. Everyone did what I want when I stared them in the eyes and made their blood run cold.
Everyone except Tori.
Maybe that's why I love her.
She continued to push, dodging kisses and moving so I couldn't hold her still. The fighting only urged me to continue. I knew that she'd been thinking about this too, and I desperately needed something to cover up the feeling of shame from what I did with Beck. But one final push sent me tumbling back. "Fucking-" I caught myself, my head clearing and anger fading as my face changed from possessive and intimidating to horrified. "Oh my god..."
Tori's face was streaked with tears, shoulders hunched and arms over her abdomen. She looked like she felt dirty, and it sickened me to know that I caused it. "How could you?" she mumbled almost incoherently, not looking at me. "Please... please get out," she said, her only movement coming from the fidgeting and shuffling of her feet.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
I picked myself up off the floor, not too quickly in fear of vomiting on her floor. I was tempted to say something, anything to fix what I've done, but nothing I could say would help. She doesn't know that I've hurt her already, and she's already disgusted with me. I violated her and scarred her in more ways than one.
With my head down, I checked out and left the house, leaving a crying Tori on her own.
I'll never be able to fix this.