Same disclaimers as the last nineteen parts...
Please don't sue me; Sam and Brooke are college kids; feedback makes me very happy; thoughts
Chapter 20
Sam was watching Brooke. Again. She couldn't help it. She didn't know how it was possible that everyone in the room wasn't watching Brooke. Brooke was just so...watch-able.
Specifically, Sam was watching Brooke dance. It was only the third time since the thing with Charlie that Brooke had been convinced to go out to a club. But it seemed like it was the first time that Brooke was actually allowing herself to relax and have some fun.
And a relaxed, dancing Brooke is very much a sexy Brooke.
Sam knew that Brooke probably hadn't had much, if any, alcohol -- if Brooke found herself in any more unwanted situations, she didn't want her senses or her reactions or her judgment to be dulled -- but unlike Sam, Brooke didn't need any liquid confidence to get her onto the dance floor.
A few guys had come up to Brooke, trying to dance with her, but she easily brushed them off. Alexis and Katie were there too, the three of them dancing in a group, along with Jason and his boyfriend Seth. Sam had been with them, but had recently escaped for a bit, as the urge to reach out and kiss Brooke grew to be too overwhelming.
Their relationship had been feeling even more complicated lately, if that were possible. Sam had attempted a few more bits of subtle flirting, and she had been shocked when Brooke started to actually flirt back. Somehow, Sam had never really expected that Brooke might actually flirt back.
Sam now understood why Brooke had freaked out the first time Sam said anything suggestive. Because now that Brooke was flirting too, Sam was finding it to be absolutely terrifying.
It wasn't anything major. Sam still felt like she sucked at flirting. But Brooke, on the other hand... Brooke was VERY good at flirting. A light touch here, a dazzling smile there. Maybe a small flirtatious comment. That was all it took to make Sam's insides feel like mush. She usually managed to keep it cool on the outside, but she really felt like a nervous wreck.
So now she simply stood at the edge of the room, away from the crowd, allowing herself to watch Brooke's every move. She idly noticed Katie walk away from the group, but she didn't really pay her much attention.
Because her eyes remained on Brooke, Sam didn't see that Katie was headed in her direction.
"Oh my god...now you're doing it too?!"
Sam turned in surprise, finding that Katie was right beside her, staring at her in shock.
"Who, me?" Sam questioned. "Doing what too?"
"Holy shit, this is SO Spring Break déjà vu! The two of you just switched places."
Sam just looked at Katie in confusion, as Katie stared back with a big grin on her face.
What the hell is Katie talking about? She's not making any sense. I don't even know what I could possibly say in response to that.
Katie continued, "Okay, I'm too not-sober to deal with you and deal with all this craziness right now. But you need to talk to Brooke. Like, seriously. Promise me that you'll talk to Brooke!"
"Huh? Talk to Brooke about what?"
Katie rolled her eyes. "If you don't know, then maybe you're not as smart as I thought you were. Figure it out."
And with that, Katie turned and walked away, still smiling and chuckling to herself.
Okay, what was that all about?? Did she catch me watching Brooke? Is that what that was? If so, why was she so happy about it? What does she know that I don't? Did she mean that I'm supposed to tell Brooke how I feel? Does Katie know how I feel about Brooke? Does she know how Brooke feels about me? I'm so confused.
Sam turned to look back towards Brooke. The blonde was still dancing, but was now staring right back at Sam. Brooke smiled, before biting down on her lower lip and raising one finger to beckon Sam.
Damn, that may just be the sexiest thing, like, ever.
It was a classic "come hither" gesture, and Sam really had no choice but to obey.
She walked toward Brooke, neither one breaking eye contact. The closer Sam got, the faster it felt like her heart was beating.
Out of the corner of her eye, she vaguely noticed Katie again, this time grabbing Alex's and Jason's hands, and unceremoniously pulling them off the dance floor. "I'm, um, tired. Yeah. So come keep me company. Let's go...away...over there, somewhere," Katie mumbled hurriedly.
Sam finally stood in front of Brooke, who had turned to curiously watch the exit of their friends, before turning to look back at Sam.
Brooke smirked, but Sam could see a definite nervousness in Brooke's eyes as well. It made her feel better, somehow, knowing that Brooke wasn't quite as calm and as she appeared on the surface. That maybe Sam wasn't the only one who was a nervous wreck.
"Well, looks like it's just you and me, Sammy. Wanna dance?"
Sam exhaled audibly, practically breathing out the one-word response, "Yes," as she stepped forward into Brooke's personal space.
It occurred to her that Brooke might have simply meant dancing in the same vicinity, not dancing TOGETHER, but Sam didn't care. She reached out, gingerly placing her right hand on Brooke's hip. She was relieved when Brooke draped her arms around Sam's neck without any hesitation.
The last time we danced like this...I woke up the next day, naked and in Brooke's bed. What craziness might tomorrow bring?
There was a definite charge in the atmosphere between them. Neither one felt any need to talk, but their eyes stayed focused on each other. The music was fast, but they quickly settled into a rhythm together.
Externally, Sam was doing her absolute best to keep from falling apart. Internally was quite a different matter, though. She was overjoyed. Overwhelmed. Terrified. Turned on. In shock. In love.
In love?? Yeah, I think that's what this is. I think I'm in love with Brooke. Holy shit, I'm in love with Brooke. Or at least in the process of falling.
When a slower song came on, Sam reluctantly released her hold on Brooke, figuring that their dancing was over. Brooke didn't let go, though. She only wrapped her arms tighter around Sam, keeping her close.
Sam looked at Brooke in happy surprise. Smiling softly, she returned her hands to Brooke's body, wrapping her arms around Brooke's waist. Sam could feel Brooke's body melded perfectly against her own. She closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of Brooke. There were still tons of other people around them, but Sam only felt Brooke. Her head was swimming with the sensation of Brooke.
Suddenly, though, Brooke seemed to stiffen and took a step away from Sam. Sam tried not to look hurt.
Great. She's finally come to her senses, and has realized that she doesn't want to be here. I knew this seemed too good to be true.
Sam then heard someone behind her, clearing their throat. Sam looked over her shoulder, and saw a very guilty-looking Katie.
Wait, so Brooke probably only stepped away because she saw Katie coming. It wasn't because she didn't want to be dancing with me! Yes!
"I'm really really really sorry, guys," Katie stammered. "I didn't want to, you know, um, interrupt or anything. But...well, Alexis has had a bit too much to drink. She just puked in the bathroom. So yeah, we're gonna take her home. You don't have to come with us, though. You should totally feel free to stay here and...yeah..." The end of Katie's sentence trailed off.
"Is she okay?" Brooke asked worriedly. "We should probably go with all of you. Seth shouldn't have to deal with this, so Jason gets off the hook too, and you shouldn't have to take care of her on your own. Is that okay, Sam?"
It took a moment for Sam to realize that Brooke was talking to her. She had been too busy trying to get her heart to slow down. "Huh? Oh yeah, that's fine, let's go. Where's Alex? Poor thing, that really sucks."
What also really sucks is that I'm no longer dancing with Brooke.
The three girls went to rejoin the rest of the group, and then the suitemates split from Seth and Jason, catching a cab back to their dorm.
"Sorry I made everyone leave. I didn't mean to get this drunk. I don't usually get this drunk. Just sorta happened." Alexis was sitting between Sam and Brooke, with Katie in the front seat of the cab.
Sam chuckled. "Hey, don't worry about it. It's happened to the best of us," she replied. "Plus, your speech is remarkably non-slurred, for someone who's trashed. Impressive."
"By the way," Alex continued, looking back and forth between Sam and Brooke, "you two were really hot out there."
"Alexis!" Katie turned around sharply, staring reproachfully at the girl.
"What? It's true! I'm just stating a fact. You can't tell me that they weren't hot out there. Well, you CAN, technically...I just won't believe you if you do."
Sam laughed embarrassedly, hiding her face in her hands. She snuck a look over to Brooke, who was blushing profusely.
Fuck. They were all watching us? I didn't even think about that.
The cab lapsed once again into silence, as Alexis snuggled contentedly against Brooke.
Back at the dorm, they all easily got Alexis to bed. Katie soon disappeared into her own room as well.
"And then there were two..." Sam commented idly. Now that they were in the glaring light of the hallway, Sam was nervous again. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and rocked back and forth from the balls of her feet to her heels. "You tired?"
"Yeah, kind of. Bed?"
When Sam nodded, Brooke grabbed one of Sam's hands out of her pocket and pulled her down the hall, to her room. She stopped suddenly, and Sam almost crashed into her. Turning around, Brooke added, "I forgot. You need pajamas." She released Sam's hand and gently pushed her towards the opposite end of the suite. "And brush your teeth and whatever. Then come back."
When Sam re-entered Brooke's room, the light was off, and Brooke was already in bed, waiting for her.
Sam slipped between the sheets, lying on her side. Brooke was also on her side, facing Sam. Watching her. Sam draped her arm over Brooke's waist. Her thumb quickly found a small patch of bare skin at the edge of Brooke's shirt. She moved her thumb back and forth, slowly stroking the smooth skin. It took a minute for Sam's eyes to adjust to the darkness, but then she could clearly see Brooke's face. Brooke's eyes were intently searching Sam's.
I wonder what she's looking for.
She was starting to grow uncomfortable under Brooke's obvious scrutiny. She felt the need to break the growing silence.
"I...I had fun tonight," she whispered, smiling shyly.
"Me too."
And before she could stop herself, Sam leaned forward, bringing her lips to Brooke's.
She kissed Brooke lightly, then pulled back in surprise. She hadn't been planning on doing that. Brooke was looking at her, her eyes wide.
Well, she hasn't slapped me, or run away screaming. That's good.
Before she could lose her nerve, Sam closed her eyes and leaned back in. As their lips connected, Sam brought her hand up to Brooke's face, cupping her cheek.
While Brooke wasn't reacting badly, though, she wasn't reacting...at all. She hadn't moved a single muscle. Sam was about to pull back again, figuring that it was all a huge mistake, when suddenly, Brooke was kissing her back.
Brooke McQueen! Is kissing me! Willingly! Enthusiastically, even!
Sam reveled in the feel of Brooke's lips against her own. She deepened the kiss, as Brooke's hand came to rest on her hip, gripping tightly.
Kissing Brooke McQueen was truly an amazing thing. The yielding softness of Brooke's lips was like...like...Sam's brain was too far gone to come up with any coherent similes.
And when Brooke's tongue pushed its way between Sam's lips, Sam couldn't help but moan out loud.
The sound seemed to break into Brooke's haze, though, and she jerked backwards.
"I...I...You..." Brooke blinked rapidly, but was unable to come even close to forming a complete sentence.
Sam was mortified. She had gone from heaven to hell in the span of about ten seconds. She quickly sat up, moving to one end of the bed. Brooke mirrored her actions, moving opposite Sam.
"Oh god. Brooke, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have...I just had to. I've been holding back. But then tonight...I thought that you wanted it too. But I was obviously wrong. I'm really so sorry."
Brooke's panicked expression softened, as she reached out toward Sam again. Her hand wavered about an inch from Sam's cheek, before being pulled back.
"No, Sam. That's not it. You weren't wrong. I did want this. I DO want it. I've wanted it...well, for a while now." Brooke closed her eyes, visibly trying to pull herself together. "It's just...you remember that crazy night a while ago?"
Sam couldn't help but laugh softly. "Which one? We've had a lot of crazy nights over the years. The night Mac was born? Junior prom? The thing with Charlie?"
"No, no. Not those. The other one. Freshman year.
"Oh. Right. That one."
"Yeah. Back then...I didn't know what I wanted. But the main thing that freaked me out wasn't so much that you were a girl. I think a lot of it was just how quickly everything happened. But it was obvious what you didn't want. For a while, you didn't want anything to do with me. That hurt, Sam. A lot. I can't go through that again. I don't know what I'd do if I woke up tomorrow and looked into your eyes, and I saw that disgust again. So...I really want this. But I don't know if I can."
Okay. She doesn't actually hate me. It's going to work out. It has to work out.
Sam opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to work out what to say.
"Brooke, I...I understand. But I didn't know what I wanted back then either. I'm not confused anymore, though. I know what I want."
She paused, taking a deep breath. There could be no going back after this. "You, Brooke. You're everything I could possibly want. I wouldn't regret this in the morning. Even now, I don't really regret kissing you. I just can't regret something that felt so right. If you want this too...then don't deny it. This can work. I have to believe that we can make this work."
Brooke had shut her eyes tightly while Sam spoke. One tear escaped from between her eyelids and fell down her cheek. Sam ached, wanting to reach out and brush it away. But she held back, afraid to touch the blonde. Afraid that it would do more harm than good, at this point.
She took in a large breath before opening her eyes. Her voice, quivering, was barely above a whisper as she replied, "I don't know, Sam. I just don't know what to do. I want to believe you. But...I just don't know."
"Look, you don't need to decide right now. Pressuring you into something is the last thing that I want. So let's just go to sleep, and see what happens, okay? I should probably go. Do you want me to go?"
"No. I'm sorry if this is selfish of me, but...please stay. If you stay...if you don't run from me...it'll be the first step in convincing me that you really mean this."
Sam looked directly into Brooke's eyes, internally jumping for joy at this small offering of hope. "I'm not running."
I have to make her trust me. I WILL make her trust me.
A/N: Well, we're getting closer and closer to the end... As always, I want to thank my (now two) faithful reviewers, Raheema and Slickchick84, as well as those of you who have recently reviewed for the first time. If there are others out there, I'd really appreciate hearing what you think of the story!