Dear Editor,

In the Enchanted Forest, I was a fisherman. I spent long days out at sea catching fish to bring to market. The work was hard, the hours long, and, though I appreciated the quiet solitude of my life because it meant I didn't have to deal with the strange goings on of The Forest, I can't say I was always fine with being alone most of the time. After all, there's only so much comfort a man can find at sea, if you know what I mean?

In Storybrooke, I'm a fisherman. I spend long days out at sea catching fish to bring to market. The work is hard, the hours long, and, though I appreciate the quiet solitude of my life because it means I don't have to deal with the strange goings on of the town, I can't say I'm always fine with being alone most of the time. After all, there's only so much comfort a man can find at sea, if you know what I mean?

Back in The Forest, I used to visit my favorite tavern girl whenever I wanted to scratch that particular itch, but I can't do that here, and I'm a little angry with the fact this land has deprived me of my favorite tavern girl. I understand there are places in this land, such a one called Reno, in which a man can still find a nicely priced wench to bed down with for the night, and I don't understand why we can't do that here.

Before you go off and start blabbing about how offensive I'm being, I'm going to tell you to stop it before you start it. Back home, there were plenty of women who went into the trade voluntarily because they made good money and they liked it. I'm not saying they all were like that because I ran across more than a few that weren't, but what I'm saying is, if a woman wants to do something like that, then why not let her? There're plenty of my friends that I know, both men and women, who would be happy to pay what the service is worth.

Besides, all the laws preventing me from paying a little to get a little are all based on the morals of this land, and we're not from this land. No one from The Forest would ever look down their nose at a woman or a man trying to make a living, and I just don't understand why we all've decided to follow a bunch of moral codes that come from a religion most of us don't even follow.

There's a lot we got from the curse that I'm happy for, like electricity and plumbing, but some of this other stuff is enough to make a man want to punch a wall or two. All these regulations on who and when and where you can get a good drink or a good woman (or man if that's what you want) doesn't make any sense for our town. We're not from here, so why should we have to follow morality codes from here?

You know what I think? I don't think we should, is what. The world outside of our town doesn't even know we exist, so why shouldn't we get rid of some of the laws they force their people to follow out there, or, better yet, why not take in a few from places where how we lived back in The Forest is how they live there, like that Reno place?

I'm all for having something a little more civil at that tavern than what used to be because, when I get back to port, the last thing I want to do is claw my way out of a fist fight with a bunch of drunken, smelly, sailors. What I want is to be doing something else entirely, but I can't because my favorite wench is now a waitress at Granny's and the laws of this land make it illegal for her to do something that she tells me, every single time I see her, she misses doing.

I don't think anyone can say I'm being too demanding here, and I know some of you are probably going to tell me to call City Hall or some nonsense like that, but everybody knows City Hall isn't going to do nothing about something like this. I talked to that short brunette woman that works there. Ran into her a couple of nights ago at Granny's when I first got back into town. I told her what I thought about all of this, and she told me something like, "You know, they make toys for your particular situation now, or, better yet, you could just ask Nanci out on a date. The cost of dinner and a movie would be about what you'd pay for her in the Enchanted Forest anyway."

She's missing the point, which is that I don't want no date. I just want to let off a little steam, and Nanci don't want no date. She just wants to do what she wants to do and then go about her business, which is what I told that short brunette woman. She told me, "Well then, I suggest you invest in some toys and some decent lube because there is no way I'm going to suggest to Mayor Mills what you're asking. I have lines."

She's lucky this isn't The Forest because I had half a mind to show her what I thought about her attitude, but that's a different letter. Anyhow, what I'm saying isn't anything the rest of us aren't thinking. We shouldn't have to put up with moral codes from a land we never asked to be a part of and can't get away from. There's nothing wrong with going back to how some of the old ways were, now is there?

Frustrated seaman,

Harold Bacchus

You know, the more of these I do, the more geared toward 'adult themes' they get. Anyone else notice this?