- We've got literally nothing to eat... - muttered the roitelet, examining the fridge.
- Close it, you're going to get cold. - the boglodite growled at him silently from the window.
It was sunny, the freshly-cleaned kitchen shined like a magical unicorn. No freaking wonder everyone decided to leave home - just some were going for a walk in the park, and the others for a dark and cold hideout. He stared out of the window until his binoculars were burning, and then turned back sharply.
- Open the top shelf. We'll cook the mushroom soup.
They both looked at the cold pack.
"Want to have a healthy meal in just 15 minutes? Then you're holding the right product! It consists of just champignons, some onions and potatoes. Here's what you'll need to do..."...and then the instruction followed, taking the rest of the pack.
- 15 minues, my ass... - hissed the alien angrily before turning back to look at the oven. - Fine.
First, they found out that there's no potatoes, just a dark mess with some onion pieces, all frozen into a gigantic ice brick.
Then, as the ice melted, they found that the potatoes were just colored just like mushrooms.
Then, that their blender is broken.
- Have you tried turning it off and on?
- I did.
- Zapping it?
- I did.
- Closing the lid?
- I DID.
- Fuck, let me look.
While the swearing boglodite was working on fixing the thing, the roitelet looked at the hot and mushy mess and asked:
- What if they've meant another type of blender? The one you put straight into the pan, rather than putting the soup into it?
The boglodite stopped swearing and looked at the kinglet.
- We don't have that one. You can try with the usual mixer, though.
...that was a very bad idea. The drips from the pan reached the ceiling, and the roitelet looked like a snow leopard that just escaped a group of poachers.
Soon the blender was fixed, and what was left of the champignon mess was going round and round inside. It was almost hypnotic, but when the blender stopped and they were going to put the future soup back into the pan the boglodite thought of something:
- You know, it looks too liquid. What about adding something like, I don't know, flour?
- Good idea. - the roitelet grumpily observed the cocktail-styled grey liquid.
- You know it thickens, right? - the creature was just passing by from one portal to another, but stopped to take a look.
Both "chiefs" turned to it sharply.
The mess was already thick enough when they were putting it into the pan, and they definitely didn't think about it thickening any more...
Before they could process the fact that the Creature disappeared and the portals have closed, they smelled something burning.
- FUCK.
Finally, after a few more minutes of swearing and constant stirring, one broken spoon and two litres of milk the soup was done.
It was a grey thick mess that smelled of burnt mushrooms. Actually, it was tasty, but looked like something from Michelin star critic's nightmares.
- Beautiful, my dude. We cooked glue. - the roitelet was trying to put some of it on his plate, but ended up breaking yet another spoon.
- It looks like something from my chidhood...Since there weren't many resources most of the time we were given something like this with all the vitamins we needed. Brrr. - he shook the memories off and got a bigger spoon.
The phone vibrates, interrupting the Lastman theme.
- Yes. Yes, put the tomatoes in first. Yes, after that add the meat. Mhm.
What do you mean there aren't any potatoes? This soup should have them, they are the key part.
Oh, okay. Yes, use these then.
The comlog vibrates, making the symbiont inside the wrist growl silently.
- What? Potatoes? Maria, I am two dimensions away from the nearest shop. The only thing I could get at the moment is the Valley equivalent of them. - he poked the roitelet - By the way, what is the equivalent of potatoes here?
The phone vibrates and almost falls off the desk, stopped by a black clawed hand.
- Yazz, I found them. Just...They smell so good, I already ate two slices... Yes, I know, that's not good.
Yeah...Shall I put all of the other vegetables in too? No? Okay... They smelll just so good uhhhhhh... Yes, yes, I know...
They smell like that meal from Heaven Julia once got us... Yes, I know...
The comlog vibrates again and falls from the tree on its owner's head.
- What do you mean you found potatoes? Oh, these potatoes... Yes, I remember the glue soup. You told me you liked it. Okay, we'll still bring them, unless we'll have to fight that upcoming guard with them. Oh ya, we stole a bunch. ...Yes, like, a big bunch.
- How's the soup? - she asked, looking them in the eyes, like it wasn't her who just almost burnt the kitchen down trying to melt the cheese.
Since she didn't have a lighter, but had fire powers instead she thought it'd be a good idea... Apparently it wasn't.
- Pretty darn fine, thank you. - the roitelet looked at the bigger alien, who immideately licked the drop of melted cheese off his nose. The roitelet shivered, as he still couldn't get used to the fact that his alien friends had tongues up to forty centimetres.
They heard the door opening, and Maria and the Creature immideately hurried there.
The arcanian sighed. They carried the stolen valley-potatoes through three dimensions just to home home to their kitchen full of smoke and burnt cheese, and the "meal from Heaven" gone into Creature's belly as the smoke was hiding it from being seen as it was commiting the crime.
At least Maria seemed happy...