Ladies and gentlemen, I finally know what to do with my life, career wise, with the rest I haven't got a fucking clue. If this writing stint doesn't fly, which is 80% likely, I'll open a burlesque house, first confusing it with a brothel and spending two hours researching laws and loopholes, and if that doesn't work out I'll be a runner on some series, preferably something with nakedness and or blood, but if I either fuck up or can't get in I'll just have to spend the rest of my life at the stables.
Ooh, we're getting closer to the end! You might think that I'm coming along with the sequel, on my fifth or sixth chapter, but no cause it's me. I've just started chapter two and already I'm a bit 'uhhh... what now?' I need a bit of help actually. I'm trying to think of a body type, the word is on the tip of my tongue but I just can't think what the fuck it is. It's something akin to burly but that's not the word. A great reference is Jorah Mormont, or Iain Glen to others. It's been driving me insane for about two days now, so please someone give me the word.
XxX
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I span around and spat out.
"That's no way to greet a long lost friend." Kate tilted her head and took a step towards me. She looked like she hadn't aged a day. The same pale blonde hair hung passed her tits, the ends curled, and a side fringe covering one of her dark eyebrows. Her lithe body wrapped up in a little black dress, and black heels made her a couple inches taller than me.
"Fuck long lost friend. What are you doing here?"
"I'm someone's plus one." Her eyes ran down me then back up, her lips curling in a leer. "You've grown up well. Still on cigarettes?"
"None of your goddamn business."
"I'll take that as a yes. Smoking anything... extra?" She sat down on the built in bench and crossed her long legs. I kept my eyes on her like she was carrying a gun.
"No." I gritted out.
"I suppose that means you're not a friend of the White Powder anymore. Shame. I remember us having fun times with them." She picked off a piece of lint from her dress and glanced at me. "How has life treated you, моя игрушка?" She smiled pleasantly.
"I'm not letting you play around with me. I am not ruining Rose and Emmett's special day."
"How very considerate of you; not like you at all."
"What do you want?"
"What makes you think I want anything from you? All I want to know is how you are, I haven't seen you in... how many years, five?"
"Too fucking short if you ask me."
"You always did have an enjoyment for cursing. How are your relationships, been stringing a fool along? What was that girl's name in high school... Janice?"
"Alice."
"Ah yes, Alice Brandon. My sister has been singing her praises since she met her."
"Sister... Tanya?" I felt the sink's edges cut into my palms as I tightened my grip. "Oh my god, you-" The bathroom door opened and a heel clicked on the tiled floor. "Get out." I barked without taking my eyes off Kate. The door clicked shut. "You planned all this. You made Tanya go out with Alice to get to me."
Kate laughed. "How paranoid and self centred of you. You give me far too much credit. But could you imagine my delight when I saw who my little sister's new girlfriend was?" She stood up and walked over to me. She ran her nails up one of my tense arms.
I grabbed her hand, feeling a bit of blood rub off, and pushed it back. "Don't fucking touch me."
"Ooh, you've become feistier over the years."
"Go, before I end up killing you."
"Why would I want to leave, we're having so much fun," She rubbed my blood into her skin and sat back down on the bench. "Tell me, do your friends know about our relationship, really know about it? Do they know you were a naïve, little druggie who opened her legs for me whenever I pleased?"
I kept silent, clenching my jaw and feeling the muscle in my neck twitching.
"No? Interesting." She stood up and straightened her dress. "I should return to the reception and spread the joy. It has been lovely meeting you again, моя игрушка. Call me if you ever want to relive old times." She smiled and slipped a card in my front pocket, heading for the door. She gave me a wink before the door closed. I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose as far as I could. It took everything in me not to punch a wall or the mirror.
I threw open the door and made a bee line to Tanya.
"Hey, Russian." I grabbed her shoulder and turned her around.
"Bella!" Alice stood up and tried to push me away. I ignored her.
"You tell your bitch of a sister to stay away from me. You know what, you fuck off with her, I don't want to see another member of your family in my eyesight ever again. And you," I let go of Tanya and turned to Alice who, by the way, looked ready to kill me. "Stay away from her," I pointed to the Russian.
"Excuse me?" She puffed up to her full height, putting her hands on her hips. "I don't know who you think you are but no one has told me who I can and cannot date since I was 16. Did outside have any effect on you, did any of it sink into that thick skull? You promised!" She hit my shoulder on the last one.
"You don't know this family-"
"And you do?"
"Intimately."
"Ugh, I could kill you!" She walked away, dragging Tanya with her.
I heard a chuckle behind me. "I can still get under your skin so easily." I clenched my hands and turned around, fist aimed at Kate's face. She took a step back smiling, easily missing the hit. "And you're still very predictable." She walked away laughing.
"Bella, did I see you try to hit that woman?!" Jasper appeared at my side, sounding alarmed. I nodded, trying to find the blonde she devil in the crowd. "Why... I don't even know how to react. Why would you want to hit that wo- wait a minute. She looked familiar."
"Kate Sokolov."
"Ooh... Why did you try to punch her though?"
"I have my reasons, and it'd be best if you didn't question them." I took out my cigarettes from the jacket that hung on the back of the chair and stormed outside. I groaned slumping on the bench and covered my face with my hands, making sure the cigarette poked through between them. Why, fucking why, has that bitch strutted back into my life? I leaned back against the railing and glared at the sky.
"You having fun fucking with me up there?" I sighed and spent most of the time outside smoking my body weight and slowly freezing my ass off. Jasper came out awhile later, probably an hour later, and sat next to me.
"Em and Rosalie are plannin' to leave soon, think you'll come in to see them off?" Jasper gave me my jacket.
"Sure, even though I can see them from where I'm sitting." I dropped my cigarette and stomped on it then followed him inside. I kept away from Kate, Tanya, and Alice, mostly staying around Jasper or Peter. The happy couple left ten minutes later. The party was winding down so I took three bottles of unopened champagne and headed home with Jasper, Peter, Toby, Alice, and Tanya all wedged in Em's car. Em told me to keep the car keys and take the apartment keys.
I dropped off Tanya in Chelsea, then Toby in The Village, Peter getting off there as well, muttering about needing to talk to someone, then drove me, Jasper, and Alice to Hudson Square. I gave Jasper the house keys and told him I'd come back later. He gave me a look but kept quiet and got out.
"Bella, what are you doing?" Alice leaned over.
"I've driving you home and then you're going to invite me in."
"Excuse me?"
"We just got back on good terms and I'm not letting that go so easy."
"You burned that bridge after you manhandled my girlfriend and told me what to do." My hands tightened around the steering wheel.
"Yes, and I'm sorry 'bout that but... I saw someone and I didn't react the best." I turned at the end of the street and braked at the lights. "What's your address?"
"33 King Street."
"Oh yea. How do you like my apartment?" I turned in my seat.
She shrugged. "Its a good apartment." She looked out the window and ignored me the rest of the drive. I turned left on King Street and parked a couple cars away from the apartment. I walked her to the door and waited for her to open it. "You seriously think I'm letting you in?"
"Yea and if you don't, I'm staying on this step all night."
"I'm not letting you-"
"Okay," I sat down on the step, leaning my back against the brick railing.
"Bella, go home. You're not staying on the stairs."
"You know how stubborn I am, Alice, I'll stay on this step til the sun rises." I pulled out my last cigarette. I got two puffs in before Alice yanked it out of my mouth and broke it in half. "That was my last cigarette."
"Good. I'm sick of seeing you killing yourself." She sighed and opened the door. "You're allowed in, but only for half an hour."
"Thanks," I squeezed her hip as I passed and walked up the stairs. Why doesn't this fucking apartment block have an elevator?
"I'll be back in a minute." Alice closed her bedroom door and I laid across the couch waiting for her. She came out barefooted, her face washed of all make up and a pair of boy shorts poking out from under a Greenwich village sweatshirt. "Feet off the couch." I sat up and turned around as she went behind me to the kitchen, and I heard a kettle hiss. "You have under thirty minutes; use it wisely."
"I'm sorry I manhandled Tanya but..." I hesitated. Tell her the truth or tell her I'm insane or bipolar? She'd probably believe the bipolarity insanity. "I'm bipolar."
"What?" She turned around with the classic 'what the hell' look.
"I'm insane."
"You're wasting your time, Bella." She turned around and poured herself a cup of coffee.
I got up and sat at the small kitchen table. "What happened to your sense of humour?"
"I'm not in the laughing mood." She sat opposite me.
"You're telling me," I sighed and slouched deeper into my chair. "Okay, okay. Do you remember Kate Sokolov, my first girlfriend, the college student?"
"This better not be a boast of all your conquests, but yes, I do."
"Kate was at the wedding, and she got me... tense."
"That doesn't excuse your behaviour towards Tanya."
"Apparently Tanya and Kate are sisters. Betcha didn't know that about your little girlfriend." She glared at me. "Look, if Tanya is even an ounce like Kate, I don't want you anywhere fucking near her. Who do you think got me smoking, drinking?"
"That's the only reason I should stop seeing Tanya? Because her sister started your habits, which you could've stopped on your own."
"I know but Kate's..." Evil, vicious, taunting. "A bitch. Please believe me this one time, and stay away from Tanya. Break up with her, say you want a break, you prefer men now, just please don't let her fuck you up like her sister did me."
"No. You've given me no real reason apart from two bad habits."
"I can't give you the real reason! I wish I could but I've spent the last five years blocking out that part of my life; I'm not opening that door just yet." I laid my forehead on the table and closed my eyes.
"I knew you during those five years and three years before that, what happened?"
"Remember those two weeks I went to Colorado to visit Renee? They connect with the real reason."
"Did you and Kate do something that made you wanted by police?"
"No, I wish though. Those two weeks were..." I sighed and raised my head. "Do you have anything stronger than coffee to drink?"
"I might have a beer in the fridge." I got up and searched the fridge, finding a bottle in the back. We spent the next five minutes in silence, me staring at my bottle and Alice staring and waiting for me to talk.
"What do you see in me?" I think that was the million dollar question. I tapped my thumbs on the neck of the bottle, waiting. "Cause I see this... flawed as fuck, lowlife who will probably never achieve anything great, not to mention being a drunk." I saw her eyebrows raise in surprise. "What, you thought I didn't realize or notice? I know I've got a problem, I'm just used to it."
"I see this woman who, yes has flaws, but is also loyal to the people she cares about, stands for the things she believes in, has humour and has her moments of using logic and reason."
"Are you sure we're talking about the same person? I'm talking about me, who the crap are you describing?"
Alice smiled and took her mug to the sink. "Yes, we're talking about the same person. I admit you haven't been all these things lately but you do have these traits. And the occasional rounds of honesty."
"Occasional honesty, huh? Let's turn that into an uncommon." I tapped my thumbs against the bottle's neck, nervous taking over. Bastard, traitor emotions. "Okay," I got up and did a walk around the living room, ending by the window. Alice sat in the green armchair and looked at me. "The... How's ugly naked guy doing?"
"He's lost weight. He's surprisingly cute." I nodded and swallowed.
"Okay... The reason I reacted so bad to Kate, and almost hitting her," Alice opened her mouth but I made some weird noise and cut her off. "And if you interrupt once, I'll lose my nerve and not tell you and leave." I sat down on the built in bench and leaned my head back on the cold window.
"The reason I reacted badly to Kate was cause when I was with her I had a run in with drugs." Silence. I didn't look Alice's way, I didn't want to see her face. Her opinion of me was only slightly rising. With this, it was probably back down to the ground, hell, kicked down to the underworld and sitting in Satan's inbox on his desk. "She was my first girlfriend; a college student. She was new, exciting, experienced, and I let that drag me in and blind side me. It's no excuse, I know. I remember when it started, roughly. It was a frat house party thing, and booze was there, one keg stand in each room, and someone was passing a joint around. I didn't think, I just did it. I mean, it's weed, what's the worst that could happen? The coke came in a bit later, at a random person's house party, someone was doing lines on the edge of the bath, Kate was there and she offered and I took.
"I'm just glad that it didn't get so bad that I was whoring myself or selling my stuff to pay for it. I noticed it was going to get to that point when I woke up one day and saw myself in the mirror. It sounds cliché and film like, I know. I was pale as hell, paler than this, I looked like I hadn't slept in weeks, I just looked sick overall. I went down to Renee's a week later and more or less locked myself in my bedroom for two weeks to detox myself. Thank god there was a flu going around, it didn't look so weird." I sighed and almost felt a weight slip off; I've been holding onto that bastard for five years. "I know it sounds like I'm trying to make it sound worst than it is, drugs aren't a big issue anymore, it's not like I killed someone, but I hate that I gave in. It's like... like I fell at the first hurdle in life."
I glanced at my watch and stood up. "My half an hour is up; I should get going." I walked passed the couch, keeping my eyes away from Alice. I passed the table when I felt a body hit my back and arms wrap around my stomach. "Of all the reactions, I didn't expect this. Unless you're trying to choke me and just can't reach my neck."
"How can you make a joke now?"
"I wouldn't call it a joke, more a fact." She squeezed my stomach painfully. "Guess I can never get a short comment passed you. Look, as much as I'm enjoying this, I should go so you can decide if I'm lying."
"Bella, even you wouldn't make up drugs as an excuse." Alice turned me around and led me to the couch. "I'll extend your time to an hour. How did we not know?" She sat down on the couch while I sat on the edge of the coffee table. I shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess I was better at hiding stuff than I realized. Could you not tell Jasper this? You're the first person who knows anything about all this."
"Of course. Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you, we would've helped you."
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to see me weak. Besides, I think I did alright on my own; kicked it, well replaced the habit with smoking, and only got a bitch of an ex and short term memory as the consequences." I smiled and slouched more. Does past drug use fuck up your posture? "Bet this makes you love me less."
"No, I still love you for some absurd reason." She glanced at me before lowering her eyes to my knees. "Do you find it odd that this fact is known but nothing is being made of it?"
"What are we suppose to do? You're in a relationship and even if you were single, would you want to be with someone who didn't love you? We like each other, there's obviously sexual attraction, so the formula is there for me to love you. It's just..." I stopped, not sure how to end the sentence.
"You don't feel the same," Alice nodded and crossed her legs Indian style. "I understand."
"Maybe soon though, you never know." I smiled.
"Maybe, but know that I won't finish my relationship with Tanya because you clicked your fingers."
"I know; you have too much respect for that. I've said what I wanted to say, I should really go." I stood up and kissed Alice's head. "Goodnight, Ali cat."
I drove to Rose and Em's apartment, where me and Jasper would be looking after it while they go fucking in the Tennessee wilderness. Getting buzzed in, I wasn't allowed a key for some reason, I was pulled into the apartment and pushed into the couch with an eager Jasper in front of me.
"I'm feelin' down, as I rightly should, so tell me what happened so I can laugh and feel happy for the rest of the night."
"It's nice that my pathetic little life brings you joy, but nothing happened. You can call up Alice but she'll say the same thing. I think I'm going to bed." I pushed Jasper back and headed for the main bedroom.
"It's not even eight, and you're not sleepin' in the big bedroom."
"Why the hell not? I've slept on the couch for three fucking months, I'm pretty sure there's a dip in my spine that shouldn't be there. I think I deserve a little comfort."
"Sleep in the guest bedroom."
"That closet with a mattress? Fine, sleep in the bed soaked in Em's cum."
"Good try, but I changed the sheets today. Goodnight, Bella," I went into the spare bedroom, and I wasn't fucking about; it really was just a single mattress and a wardrobe. I got rid of most of my clothes and slipped into bed. This is probably the earliest I've gone to sleep since I had no tits. I heard Jasper talking quietly as he moved around the apartment, and awhile later, his phone snapped shut.
"I told you she'd tell you nothing." I rolled over and tried to sleep. I should probably tell Jasper about Kate. Does Hallmark have a 'sorry I didn't tell you about my druggie past' card?
XxX
I really hope you like Kate, cause I do and I'm a bit sorry she doesn't play a bigger role.
So... whatcha think? Myself, I'm a bit on the fence about it.