AU Challenge / Challenge on Infinite Earths

Part 21: Parody of another fandom (I'm bad at parodies, so I simply put Emma and Regina into another fandom and used some of that fandom's tropes ... or hope I did. In this case: Mirandy)

Summary: Emma Swan is the assistant to Regina Mills, Editor-in-Chief of Catwalk, the premier fashion magazine in the world.

Emma Swan has learned quite a few things since she started to work for Regina Mills, Editor-in-Chief of Catwalk, the premier fashion magazine in the world.

One, she doesn't actually work for Catwalk, no matter what her contract says — she works for Regina Mills. Period. In fact, Emma would go as far as to say she serves at the pleasure of Regina Mills (yes, sometimes being a West Wing junkie will shine through and seriously, Regina acts like she's the president anyway, and Catwalk is probably way more important than the White House ever will be in her eyes).

Two, there are a few tricks to making sure Regina is happy (okay, happy might be exaggerating, it's more like less unhappy) and keeping herself and everyone else some semblance of sane. Or at least employed.

Emma learned most of these things on her first day:

Regina likes her coffee scalding hot, and you better have it ready and waiting before she knows she wants it.

Regina hates to be interrupted in meetings but if you manage to let her miss a call from her son she'll flay you alive.

You do not leave the phone ringing more than five seconds.

You do not leave your desk under any circumstances. (No, dying is not an excuse.)

You do not talk back.

You do not ask Regina anything (she really couldn't care less about the details of your incompetence).

And you do not, Emma sighs internally, throw world-famous models out of 17th floor windows. Probably. Regina might, though. (That's not an actual rule Emma has heard about yet but she's only been working at Catwalk for a year so there's time.)

Emma contemplates these things as she's standing in Regina's spacious office, notepad and pen in hand, ready to jot down the brilliant thoughts that flow from her boss's brain while she and her staff discuss next month's cover and central spread. But Regina isn't spouting fashion brilliance right now, she's talking to Ruby Lucas, the modeling sensation who is slated for her first Catwalk cover, on the coveted September issue no less.

Ruby Lucas who is shamelessly ogling Regina, unable to tear her eyes away from the lace that is peeking out through the low-cut blouse her boss is wearing. (Emma could describe the lace en detail because she's been staring at it for the better part of the morning but she knows how to be discreet. Mostly. Most of the time. Okay, Regina makes it really hard sometimes.)

And it's not just that Regina is actually talking to a model — a fact that has the rest of the team staring with their jaws dropped — no, she's downright flirting with her, voice all husky and low, aural sex nobody within a radius of 100 miles is immune to, not even the two very gay men in the room right now.

Emma most definitely isn't. Especially not today, not after the way her early morning went … Her brain grinds to a halt, her eyes fixed on the flirty gaze Regina is sending the long-legged model. Is that what's going on here? Is this some form of reaction?

Emma takes a deep breath to rein in her anger, and then another because it's not really working. And things only go downhill from there. With a look at Emma, raised eyebrow and all, Regina leans closer to Ruby, her breasts deliberately brushing against the model's arm, one hand running up and down the sleeveless gown Ruby is modeling for Regina and the team, tracing the seams, checking the stitching. (Or something like that … at least that would be the excuse Regina would come up with if asked. Not that anybody would dare ask her.) Ruby is blushing furiously under the attention while Regina is smirking evilly, knowing exactly the effect she has on people.

Emma has enough; anger and frustration making her thoughts cloudy and her hands clumsy. She growls low in her throat but apparently still loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear and turn to her, looking as horrified as if she's just eaten a bear claw in front of them. And Emma doesn't stop there. Now that she has everyone's attention, she takes a deep breath, ready to tell everyone to get the hell out of the room — especially Ruby and her flimsy gown — but no words come out. From the looks on the faces around her she can see that she has everyone a little concerned; she really needs to work on her poker face.

Everyone except for Regina, of course. The Evil Queen is cool as a cucumber, her hand resting on Ruby's barely covered hip, her eyes slowly tracking to Emma as if to see what kind of insignificant disturbance she's causing now.

Emma knows her face is like thunder when even Regina's eyes widen just a little after they share a good, long look. But then Regina decides to be her usual self as she turns to everyone and just raises a mocking eyebrow, completely disregarding Emma.

For a second Emma is tempted to stomp her foot but she quickly decides that childish behavior really wouldn't be advisable right now. She deliberately places her pen and notepad in the middle of Regina's large desk — if deliberately were defined as dropping stuff with as much clatter as possible — and assumes her battle stance, feet spread shoulder wide, fists on her hips, shoulder straight and back. Ruby instinctively takes a step back while Regina licks her lips. Oh yes, Regina likes her that way, confident and assertive, which is why Emma walks and talks the way she does around her most of the time.

And with her battle stance comes her voice. "Everyone, would you excuse Regina and me for a few?" she not-really-asks, her eyes never leaving Regina's.

Regina glares at her, ignoring everyone's shocked inhales. "No, no," she says softly, so softly. "Stay where you are. It looks as if my soon to be ex-assistant has something to say." The words are harsh but the voice is soft, and still every person in the room knows to stay put.

Oh, hell no. Emma shakes her head as Regina's words sink in. So this was the reason … Of course. Emma growls again before she can stop herself, and now more than one person takes a step back.

Regina doesn't. Regina flushes a shade darker.

"Out." It's only one word but Emma's tone can be as convincing as Regina's when she wants it to be, and right now her focus is on Regina and the fact that they need to have a conversation. Now.

The four other people in the room look between Emma and Regina unsure what to do. Finally Regina gives the minutest of nods, and four pairs of feet beat a hasty retreat to the safety of the hallway outside. One even has the presence of mind to close the door behind them. David, the darling. Emma is going to buy him a drink if she survives the day.

"Your soon to be ex-assistant?" Emma repeats as soon as they're alone. "Is that what this is about? That relentless flirting with some airhead model?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Regina scoffs before smirking again, and Emma knows she's being toyed with but she has no idea why. All she knows is that she doesn't know whether to slap or kiss the superior look off Regina's face, so she guesses Regina's tactics are working. Damn.

"You were the one who decided to leave me, were you not?" Regina continues. As quiet as her voice is, Emma can also clearly detect the anger in it. And is that … hurt?

"We talked about that," Emma defends. "I need to lea—"

"Yes, yes," Regina interrupts, shooing Emma away with her hands. "You need to spread your wings, need to not be some lowly assistant. Which is why I called you my soon to be ex-assistant, so I fail to see why you're making such a scene about that."

"I'm not making …" Emma stops and growls. "You were the one making a scene!"

Regina blushes. "Enough!" she snarls. "You want to leave me, so leave."

Emma opens her mouth, then closes it again as her mind snags on Regina's word choice. Leave me. She's said it twice now. "Oh my God," she breathes when she realizes what this is really about.

"Praying now, dear?"

"I'm leaving Catwalk, not you!" Emma says softly. When she's certain she has Regina's full attention, she continues. "Never you, Regina."

"Well," Regina sighs. "I remember quite clearly that you said you were quitting, so I thought …"

"Thought what? You're going to show me what I'll be missing by not seeing you every minute of every day?" Emma runs her hand through her hair in frustration. "Believe me, I know. But we talked about this … We agreed this morning that I can't possibly stay."

"You could," Regina insists. "If we stopped whatever is happening—"

"Stop right there," Emma commands, and her voice is as serious as Regina has ever heard her. "You think you could replace me with some bimbo model? Is that what you meant when you said you love me? Well then … I guess that makes leaving a little easier for me." She has no intention of leaving Regina, not if she can help it, but she wants to see what Regina is going to do.

Regina is quiet. She had whispered the words to her sleeping assistant … well, lover actually, or so she thought. "You heard that?" is all she can think to say. "You weren't supposed to—"

"I know." Emma's voice is the gentlest she can make it. "You don't trust me. Or my feelings. Whichever."

"No, that's—"

"It's true," Emma stops her mid-denial. "But you robbed yourself of the chance to hear me saying it back."

Regina gasps softly.

Emma rolls her eyes. "Come on, you didn't know?" she asks. "How could you not know? That's why I need to leave. Catwalk, not you. Because I can't work with you if all I want to do is kiss you all day long. That's kinda disruptive, you know."

"Well, I … you …."

It's the first time ever that Emma hears Regina Mills lost for something to say, and she enjoys the moment whole-heartedly for about a second. Then the slightly lost look in Regina's eyes registers with her, and her feet take her to right in front of her lover without a conscious thought. She cups Regina's face in her hands, brushing her thumbs across the beautiful cheekbones.

"I love you, Regina," she whispers and leans in for a kiss.

Their lips meet softly, almost hesitantly, until it's Regina who wraps her hands in Emma's hair and pulls her just that bit closer and tilts her head just so, deepening the kiss for long, delicious moments.

When they part, their breathing is slightly labored, the looks in both their eyes slightly wild, and Emma rues the fact that Regina's office is too dangerous a place for them to indulge in anything more because right now she wants to show Regina exactly what she's feeling for her. "I wish …" she murmurs against Regina's lips.

To her pleasure the older woman chuckles lightly. "I know," she rasps. "So do I." Another quick kiss that turns into a languid exploration, then she withdraws from Emma. Her eyes are very dark when she gives Emma the once-over, then shakes her head in clear disappointment. "Alas, I have lunch with—"

"Karl … I know." Emma sighs. "I booked the restaurant." She checks her watch. "I guess you need to get ready, huh?"

"I do," Regina confirms, and she actually sounds regretful. "I wish …"

"You wish?"

"No, no more wishes." Regina looks at her, and Emma can see the decision being made behind those dark eyes. "Call HR and find a new assistant for me — a capable one. Ask David for a reference, which he will provide gladly."

Emma's mouth opens but before she can ask anything, Regina continues. "Book a table for two for tomorrow night at that restaurant you mentioned that time."

Emma swallows. "Does that mean—"

"You didn't think I was going to keep you as a dirty secret on the side, did you?" Regina smirks, knowing exactly how sexy that is. A second later, however, she's biting her lips uncertainly. "Unless of course you wouldn't want to be seen in public—"

Emma stops her with a kiss that robs them both of breath and presence of mind and destroys the last of their lipstick. "I love you," Emma breathes when she can get herself to pull away (and it's only because not even Regina can leave Lagerfeld waiting too long). "I'll be honored to be seen with you."

Regina nods, looking pleased. "Good." She pats Emma's chest with her hand before finally stepping away from temptation. "Will you bring the book tonight? One last time?"

Emma nods. "One last time." She ignores the way her voice cracks at that thought.

Regina walks to her desk to pick up a folder, then heads for the door. Before she opens it, she turns her head. "Oh, and Emma? It would be perfectly all right if you brought an overnight bag as well."

With that she's gone, and Emma only reacts after she hears Regina's command of "Coat! Bag!" and the staccato of her heels heading for the elevator. She has trouble wrestling the smile off her face as she whispers "Yes, Regina," as she heads back to her desk to take care of her final set of orders.

David is waiting by her desk, failing miserably to look innocent. "Sooooo," he whispers. "Are you fired?"

"I am." Emma laughs in sheer, unadulterated happiness.

"That's a good thing?" David sounds as confused as he looks.

"It is," Emma confirms. "A very good thing." She looks around to make sure they're alone. "You need to help me find the perfect dress for tomorrow night. For dinner at Evangelico's."

David gives her a long look, puts two and two together and beams a bright smile at her. "I have just the thing," he declares.

"Great. Nothing too over the top, though. Something … me." Impulsively, Emma hugs him. "I owe you drinks."

"You owe me details over drinks, you mean."

"The amount of detail depends on the greatness of your reference for me," Emma counters.

David doesn't even look surprised at that, knowing his boss' mind better than almost anyone. "All the details then."

"You're not even a little bit surprised, are you?"

"Nope." David turns to leave. "You may want to reapply your lipstick, darling. Like Regina did on the way to the elevator …"

Then he's gone and Emma is left to sit at her desk, smiling brightly, not even stopping when Mal, the first assistant returns to her desk.

"What do you have to smile about after that scene you made earlier?" Mal snarls, her disdain for Emma clear as day.

"Regina fired me."

For a moment, Mal is stunned but then the smile on her face matches the one on Emma's. "That is something to smile about. Good riddance."

Emma chuckles but doesn't reveal her thoughts. Wait till you see why on Page Six.

Two weeks later, the Post has a photo of Emma and Regina walking hand in hand towards Regina's townhouse, and one of them kissing in front of Nobu, complete with an article filled with half-truths and speculation, which means their secret is finally out.

Emma imagines she can hear Mal's shriek all the way up Madison Ave to her new desk at the New Yorker.

David really did deserve a lot of details.

The End