Tranquility
Santana was sure the day could somehow be more perfect, but realistically she didn't see how.
Sitting on her back porch in only a pair of grey sweatpants and a sports bra with a cigarette in one hand, a beer in the other and a post sex glow that made her feel like the winner of a trillion dollar lottery. Actually even that didn't cover it. The victory of being able to enjoy a cigarette only came with the fact that she had put her wife in a sex coma and was unlikely to wake for the next few hours.
Brittany had been rather diligent about her no sex in front of the baby policy even though it seemed to be killing her more than it was Santana and it had driven Santana up the damn wall. The ninth month of pregnancy came along and she had given up all hope. Until that morning during a meeting with one of her many lawyers and several hopeful young men and women all yearning to be the thing the Santana Lopez took an interest in next. One minute she had been sitting watching a man pitch the idea of a talk show hosted by a cartoon dog and the next she had a text that only contained the words: So horny right now –Britt-Britt.
Those words made her leap out of her seat, practically fly out of the restaurant she had been in and dive into her car. In her race home she was pretty sure a cop had spotted her but she was definitely going too fast to be caught and had arrived home at dangerous speeds, only applying her breaks at the last possible second. The moment she stepped in the door she started throwing her clothes off and by the time she made it to the top of the steps she was in nothing but panties.
Brittany had been in the bedroom at their mirror brushing her hair when Santana burst in and had jumped at her sudden intrusion but hadn't been allowed to say one word as Santana caught her mouth in a kiss meant to silence. She had been determined that she was not going to lose her opportunity to pregnancy hormones.
She had made the most of the moment and even now as she took another long satisfied drag of her cigarette she felt the urge to go upstairs and do it all again.
Somewhere off to her right her cell phone rang and only the sudden irrational hope that it was Brittany requesting more made her bother to grab it off the nearby table.
"Hello?"
"Santana? Are you home?" It was Quinn and she sounded agitated.
"Yes and why?"
"I tried calling Brittany like twenty times and it goes straight to voicemail, I'm at your place at the front door and I've been knocking and ringing the doorbell for a while now."
"Oh." she said glancing over her shoulder as if she could see Quinn from there, "I'm on the back porch and Britt is asleep, the door is open so come on in."
Quinn hung up the phone and did just that as she appeared a moment later with the tiny bundle that was Joseph resting peacefully in her arms.
Upon seeing him Santana couldn't help but smile and she quickly put out her cigarette to keep the smoke from drifting to his tiny frame. Quinn pulled a chair closer to Santana's lounger and sat back to observe the view the back yard allowed.
"Should I ask why your clothes are all over the floor by the front door?" Quinn asked shuffling Joseph's weight carefully.
"Not unless you want to hear the start of an awesome sex story."
"Pass. Figured it had something to do with that. I thought she wanted to protect the baby's impressionable mind."
"Covered her belly with a towel. I'm pretty sure she knew it wasn't going to block any sound but she was a little too distracted to really protest."
"That may be true but I'm sure she'll protest your smoking."
Santana gave Quinn a toothy grin, "She isn't getting up from that for a while."
The other woman observed her critically for a moment, "You are disturbingly like Puck sometimes."
She rolled her eyes, "Don't even. What did you stop by for anyway?"
"Well Brittany said she really wanted to spend some time with Joseph." Quinn said shrugging slightly.
Santana snorted, her grin becoming a smirk, "I'm sure she did, but that's bullshit, we see each other all the time. Admit it, you love hanging around us."
Quinn blanched and seemed almost offended by the accusation, but didn't deny it, "It isn't a crime to just come over is it?"
"Course not. Now let me see my godson." Santana said sitting up and holding out her arms.
Quinn moved closer and she carefully took the boy in her arms unable to keep from gushing at him as his eyes observed her in a sweeping barely focused way.
She held him wondering if this was it would feel like to hold her own baby, she hoped so.
Taking a seat in the other lounge chair Quinn asked, "So how long does she have left now? Two weeks?"
"One week and five days." Santana asked never taking her eyes off Joseph.
"Are you ready?"
Santana shrugged, "I don't know how to get ready, I mean besides buying diapers and cribs."
"I guess I mean are you more excited or nervous."
She sat back down giving a shaky laugh, "I'm excited, but nervous has to be the winner between the two. I've been calling my mom like daily for support."
Quinn frowned slightly, "And she isn't coming here?"
Santana shook her head as she gently stroked Joseph's cheek, "Not until the birth, Ohio's only a few hours by plane. I told Brittany she was coming and it turned into this whole thing about how I was trying to pawn her off on my mother because of her weight etcetera, etcetera. Mom understood what was going on though so she said she'd wait until the last minute."
Chuckling, Quinn sat back and looked out at the open yard, "Mood swings are not something I am going to miss."
"Same here."
"Hmmm, I wonder how you'll be when it's your turn." She said airily.
It was a lucky thing Santana had such a firm hold on the baby because the comment stunned her, "Scuse me?"
"Brittany did mention she wanted both of you to give birth."
She had totally forgotten about that detail, "She did, but I don't think I will be."
"Why not?"
"Why?"
Quinn stared at her for a moment, "She seems pretty set on it, don't you think you should tell her?"
"I didn't know she was still thinking about it."
"She is."
Giving the infant a light kiss she handed him back to his mother as he began to squirm restlessly and returned to her beer, "I'll talk to her about it but not now, not unless I want to share a room with my mom."
"Very true."
"Have you given any thought to Brittany's suggestion?" Santana asked knowing full well she was being obvious about her topic change.
"Which suggestion?"
"About starting your own firm."
Quinn rocked Joseph slightly as his unrest became more vocal and soon he was soothed to silence, "I have. It would be a lot of work especially with an infant on my hands, but I would like to try."
"You do know to call us if you need us right? I know about a billion lawyers and most of them are looking for something new, if you need anything from money and connections to a babysitter we're here."
"Yeah." She replied with a smile.
Heavy footfalls reached their hearing and before Quinn could turn to see who it was Santana had leapt up throwing her beer and the cigarette, ashtray and all, into the small nearby trashcan.
Moments later Brittany stepped onto the porch looking still half asleep, "San the baby keeps kicking, I don't think the towel worked." She said looking worriedly at her belly.
Seeing the concern in her face Santana stood and felt her stomach, almost immediately a kick met her palm, "Don't worry, the baby is probably just wondering why everything was shaking around that's all." Santana said knowingly.
"I suppose." She said still staring looking only partially convinced.
"Hi Brittany." Quinn said.
Having just realized she was there the taller blonde jumped a little, "Oh hi Quinn!" Brittany said suddenly wide awake and trying to straighten her hair to try and hide the evidence of previous events.
"You look nice today, what's the special occasion?"
It wasn't really true, she was wearing a nightgown that was wrinkled from having spent so much time on the floor and her hair was a mess despite the effort to fix it, but Quinn understood that Brittany needed every word of praise she could get. Or rather Santana needed Brittany to get every word of praise she could.
"Nothing I was just looking for Santana." She said blushing slightly as she gestured towards the brunette, "I was sleeping really hard but then the baby woke me up."
She seemed to be under the impression she could hide what she had really been up to from Quinn and both of the other women were content to let her think that.
"Do you want me to make you lunch?"
She nodded yawning slightly, "I think so, I'm sort of battling between hungry and being too sleepy to eat."
"I know that feeling." Quinn said.
Noticing Joseph for the first time Brittany moved to see him making Quinn stand to prevent her from having to try and bend over, "Hello handsome." She cooed.
The infant gurgled in response making Brittany grin.
"Have you two come up with names for your baby yet?" Quinn asked.
"Nope, Britt wants to wait until after the delivery." Santana normally wouldn't agree with that, but she didn't want to push Violet or Purple as a name and couldn't quite figure what had made the other Brittany come to that one. Obviously it hadn't been planned.
"Okay." Quinn sounded as dubious as Santana felt. "Well at the very least you're ready to have a new member of the household right?"
Santana stood and took the long way around the chair not wanting to give Brittany more chances to pick up the scent of cigarette smoke than she already had, "I am the epitome of readiness." She said arrogantly before strutting inside.
Santana was sleeping peacefully when she felt someone shaking her. One bleary eye cracked open, but when nothing caught her attention she allowed it to drift shut again and return to sleep. It wasn't long before it happened again but this time with a bit more force.
It was her intention to say 'Yes what do you want?' it came out a low grumble punctuated with a whine at her displeasure at being disturbed.
"Santana wake up." Came Brittany's voice.
Only the note of worry she heard made her push herself up on weak arms and turn to face the other woman, "What is it Britt?" she grumble and was impressed that she had managed to be intelligible.
"I think I wet the bed." She said quietly.
This was a sobering statement that had Santana sitting up though one eye was more open than the other, "You what?"
"I'm sorry I didn't even feel like I had to go to the bathroom."
Santana sat up now wide awake and pulled the sheets back, the bed was totally soaked underneath the pregnant woman, "Britt, your water broke." She said her mind not quite processing the words.
"I know that's what I said."
Shaking her head she felt her pulse escalate as she understood more and more what that meant, "No it means the baby is coming and it's time to go to the hospital, like now." She said it calmly though she knew the panic would hit her momentarily.
There was a brief moment where they just stared at each other and Brittany began to calmly shuffle out of the bed, "Okay so I didn't wet the bed? It was the baby? Wow, she had a lot of pee…"
"HOLY SHIT!" and there was the panic.
Santana scrambled out of the bed and hit the floor running for the overnight bag that was in the closet and threw it out the bedroom door where it cleared the balcony and landed by the front door.
Brittany clapped a little, "Good throw."
Not listening Santana undressed and pulled on a t-shirt that was inside out and backwards and a pair of Brittany's maternity sweatpants that were way too big. She tied the waistband so it would fit her resulting in her looking like a kid playing dress-up. Desperate, she grabbed one of the many gowns in the drawer and had Brittany changed out of her wet sleep clothes before the blonde could inform her wife that she could very well do it herself.
Santana half dragged half carried Brittany down the stairs and into the car where she jumped in, and then jumped right back out as she remembered the bag still sitting at the door.
Brittany watched her in mild amusement, Santana had packed an emergency overnight bag that was in the trunk, but it seemed almost cruel to tell her that as she shoved the bag into the back seat of the car.
Once the Latina had thrown herself back in the front seat Brittany turned and gave her a kiss, "You can calm down, I'm alright."
Santana took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves "Yeah okay, don't want to get pulled over for speeding or something-" she was cut off as Brittany clutched at the car door as the first contraction hit her, the car was on and racing down the road before the wave of pain had even fully hit.
They arrived at the hospital in record time with Santana being reprimanded for her driving the whole way but the brunette couldn't have cared less as she would rather have Brittany upset with her than have her child be born in a car. However once they were situated the doctor informed her that the baby wasn't totally ready to make an exit from the womb just yet.
The news allowed Santana to calm slightly and get her head on straight only then realizing that she had left her cell phone on the nightstand at home. Grudgingly she used the hospital phone to call Puck to ask him to bring it to her and to explain the situation. Luckily he was already up since little Joseph didn't believe in letting his parents sleep and was over in a matter of minutes walking up to her looking like he hadn't slept in days.
"Here." He said handing her the phone, "Mind if I hang out here for a moment? I think this is the first time there isn't someone demanding my immediate attention."
"I was kind of hoping you would." She said glancing back down the hall at Brittany's room.
"Cool." He said and curled up in one of the waiting room chairs and fell straight to sleep.
"Puck!" she snapped and he jolted awake.
"It's your turn to feed him." He replied then realizing that wasn't the appropriate response turned his unfocused eyes on Santana, "What?"
"I kind of wanted you for moral support."
"Go team?" he offered.
"I don't know what to do here!" she whined wanting to go back to Brittany's side but not knowing what to do once there.
"You don't have to do anything besides be there for Brittany. Look, Joseph took about nine hours to pack and move out and since this is her first baby it'll probably take a similar amount of time. Just go in there and relax." He said repositioning himself to lie across four chairs before drifting back to sleep.
Flipping her phone open she walked back towards Brittany's room while dialing Carla's number, the phone went to voicemail before she hung up and dialed again finally rousing her mother.
"Hello? Santana?" Carla said groggily.
"Mom the baby's coming." She said nervous joy evident in her voice.
Those words perked the older woman right up, "She went into labor?"
"About an hour ago, the doctor said it'll be a while though."
"I'm on my way." She said abruptly.
"Okay, but wait mom!" she called out hoping the other woman wouldn't hang up first.
"Yes?"
"What should I do? I mean until the baby comes?" she asked hoping for something more detailed than Puck's advice of sticking around.
"Stay by her side and be strong. That's all you can do at the moment."
Santana glared at her phone, that couldn't really be it, or maybe it was. She had read countless books on the subject, but not one word of it was coming to mind. What she needed was note cards or someone to tell her what to do but her mother had given her more useless advice and Puck was already snoring loudly. Deciding that the best person to know Brittany's needs was the woman herself she raced back to her room suddenly desperate to see the blonde again.
Brittany sat looking dubiously at her hospital clothes, "This doesn't seem very warm."
"There are tons of blankets so you'll be fine." Santana said helpfully before helping Brittany into her gown.
As soon as the blonde was dressed and under the thin covers she looked pleadingly at Santana, "It really is cold in here can you see if I can get some more covers?"
Santana pressed the call button for the nurse, but swiftly decided the response time wasn't good enough and dutifully ventured out to the nurse's station to acquire them. After a few minutes she was given the requested blankets and returned to Brittany's room, swiftly shook them out and placed them over her. Only to have them flung clean across the room and onto the floor.
"What are you doing it's burning up in here!" she snapped in exasperation.
Frowning, Santana tried to think back and find if the fault lay with her memory, she could swear Brittany had said she was too cold…
"Sorry." She said still dumbfounded.
Moving to Brittany's side she pushed her hair out of her face as she watched the other woman focus fiercely on the wall across from her, "Contractions?" Seeing her nod quickly made Santana slip onto the bed next to her hold her comfortingly, "Puck's here, he's dead asleep but he's here. I think Quinn and Joseph will be by later if for no other reason than to drag him home."
She had hoped to distract her with the weak attempt at humor, but Brittany seemed more irritated than anything.
Having spent roughly six months with that look as a precursor to sleeping alone on a couch Santana became immediately concerned, "Uh, is there something I can get you to make you more comfortable-"
"Epidural." Brittany replied instantly.
She was surprised by the swift intensity of the answer, "It's a little early for that don't you think? The doctor said it would be a few hours. I was thinking more along the lines of an extra pillow."
"Why did you ask if you weren't going to help?" she snapped shortly and before Santana could even react had pulled her close, "Sorry." The apology was almost panted out as it was clear Brittany was in pain again.
"No it's okay I'll go see if we can find someone to give you one."
She found a nurse that was actually able to help and made the request, what she hadn't known was that the pain medication was administered through a sinister looking needle into the spine. Which seemed totally counterproductive and ominously indicative of the pain Brittany was in if that was the preferable option.
What Santana didn't know was the difference between a break in contractions and cease to pain entirely which was how she was lured into an immediate sense of security that was quite false. For the most part the pain seemed manageable and they were both in a pretty positive mood, which was why Santana was so ill prepared for the change.
It happened just outside of her view. She had left to go get a can of juice from the vending machine and to check and see if Puck was where she had left him, which he was, and when she returned Brittany looked to be in a great deal of pain.
Concerned she rushed to her side murmuring words of comfort that were met with a sharp, "Shut up!"
Taken aback she gaped at Brittany who sat gripping the hospital bed fiercely, her breathing quick and erratic.
"Babe what's wrong? Isn't the medication working?"
"Jesus I ask you to shut up and you keep talking! Is it opposite day or am I just confused!"
Santana just stared back not daring to reply, even in her rages about being called fat, Brittany had never been so brutally hostile, it had usually just been accusations followed by a door slam.
Suddenly Brittany gasped in pain making Santana hold her close not caring what sort of reaction would be had but thankfully by the time she made her move the pain had receded and calm returned to the pale face.
"This hurts a lot more than I thought it would." She mumbled resting her head back on the pillow. "I hope the baby doesn't take much longer because this sucks."
Silence filled the room until Brittany spoke again.
"Did you call my parents?"
Santana just stood unwilling to say anything that would upset her further, however that upset her further.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
Cautiously Santana spoke, "You told me not to. I haven't called your parents yet but I will, I already called my mom and she said she'd be here in a few hours which was a few hours ago so that could be anytime now, it isn't a long flight. I'll call Faith and Richard right now-"
As she spoke Brittany's face contorted in pain and she forcefully shoved Santana back from her bed yelling, "Close your mouth!"
Miffed she moved back to her original position determined to be a comfort somehow, "But-"
She always knew Brittany was strong, her active lifestyle and the demanding physical needs of her job left her well muscled. But it wasn't the lithe toned dancer that grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, it was the spirit of a prize winning wrestler who specialized in tight, circulation cutting holds. Santana found that breathing was no longer an automatic function as all access to her lungs had been cut off by the vice grip Brittany had on her shirt that was twisted in her hand.
The pregnant woman pulled her impossibly close and hissed, "If you don't shut your fucking mouth and get out of my sight I may actually kill you."
She released the smaller girl with a shove that had her stumbling back towards the door, wounded Santana left feeling like the worst kind of shit. All she had to do was stay by her side and instead managed to get herself kicked out of the room. Leaving defeated she occupied her time by calling the Pierce's and relaying the news with as much joy in her voice as she could stand to stuff into it in light of her current situation. To try and curb the feeling of dejection she called Hailey told her the news, the younger girl was quite overjoyed at the news and eager to talk allowing Santana to maintain a longer than necessary conversation before hanging up and waiting next to a comatose Puck.
In the long minutes that passed she didn't dare reenter the room but did mercilessly grill every nurse that set foot in the room about Brittany's progress. However it wasn't long before Santana found herself drifting off next to Puck when the sound of her name roused her. Worried something had happened she shot up out of her chair only to find it was Carla moving swiftly towards her. Grateful to have a conscious rational adult to share the moment with she hugged her mother almost bursting into tears with joy and stress.
"How is she?" Carla asked immediately.
"I don't know the nurses haven't been in recently." She said glancing furtively at the door.
"Well how do you think she's doing?" Her mother laughed.
"Don't know. Haven't been in there since she kicked me out a half hour ago."
Carla's mouth fell open, "You left her alone in there?"
"She said she'd kill me if I didn't get out!" Santana exclaimed defensively.
"Of course she did! The poor girl has a human being trying to use her vagina as a slip and slide, of course she threatened to kill you, and your job as her wife is to let her."
Santana was genuinely confused, "What?"
"When I had you I promised to castrate your father every thirty seconds or so, but he stayed by my side and despite all my threats that was exactly where I wanted him."
She was unconvinced, "Mom I really think she wants to be alone."
"Of course she doesn't. Don't be an idiot and get in there." Carla said shoving her out of the waiting room.
Reluctantly she guided her mother to Brittany's room and once again peeked inside only to find herself shoved in by Carla. At the sound her wife looked up and a relieved expression crossed her features.
"Santana!" she exclaimed holding her arms out for her and the brunette went to her without hesitation, glad that she had been forgiven for the crime of talking, "I thought you had left."
"No way would I leave you right now." She said quietly not sure if talking was indeed safe.
"Why didn't you come back?" Brittany almost sobbed into her shirt.
"Uh, cause you told me to get out…" she said slowly not sure how this was news.
Brittany looked up in confusion, "I did?"
"Yes. Under threat of death."
Hugging Santana closer she nuzzled into her shirt, "I didn't mean it, don't leave me again."
Looking back at her mother who was wearing her trademark knowing smirk she smiled, thankful for once that her mother was a know-it-all.
Gently she pushed the hair back from Brittany's face feeling so very bad for having not been there for so long, "I won't. I'll stay right here okay?" when the blonde nodded she gave her a kiss on the top of the head, "I called your parents they. Faith said they would book a flight as soon as Richard could get a week off work." Another nod, but as she did so she squeezed Santana a little tighter.
"Do you need me to-" this time she was cut off by the sound of her mother softly clearing her throat, turning to look she saw the older woman giving her head a barely noticeable shake and Santana understood that to mean 'be silent'.
It was with that careful tutelage that Santana managed to not get kicked out again in the time it took for a goofy smile to take over her face from the relief of the epidural. From that moment on it was smooth sailing.
Brittany spoke blissfully of all her favorite moments in the Harry Potter movies before going on a rant about how Luna Lovegood wasn't weird just a good old fashioned stoner. The contrast to the person who had just been in the birthing room, and the passion with which she made her case, made Santana laugh a little. However after a while she began to wonder if their daughter had any plans of ever coming out, which was the thought that preceded the nurse coming in and checking the baby's progress to find it was time for the delivery. And then after all her impatience and excitement suddenly Santana was anything but ready because as always her brain flooded her with doubts at the last possible second. She panicked about everything from the baby having some sort of lifelong illness that neither of them were equipped to handle to the possibility of being such a horrible parent her child grew up to hate her. She even thought of the horrifying chance of losing the baby or Brittany during the birth or worse yet both. However that fear seemed unnecessary when Brittany was humming a jaunty tune in between requests to push.
Santana couldn't help but be a little worried that her wife was a little too care free, but then there was the sudden surprising cry of their baby. It made Brittany smile widely and Santana's mouth open in awe at the almost alien sight of her newborn daughter.
Television had led her to believe newborns were a bit more appealing and less… discolored but even so she knew from the moment she saw the squalling infant that she loved her as much as humanly possible. Santana was allowed to cut the umbilical cord and in a daze she held the baby for a brief moment before handing her to Brittany.
When the blonde took her and looked over the small bundle in her arms a bemused smile crossed over her face, "San, our baby's purple." She laughed.
Those words snapped Santana out of her trance and she couldn't help but grin widely as the nurse tried to explain that the baby's color would even out soon. Brittany took no notice of the woman and turned to her wife thought the brunette already knew what she was going to say.
"Let's name her Purple."
Santana couldn't control the laugh that fell from her lips as she leaned over and kissed Brittany softly, "What about Violet?"
Brittany frowned, "Violet's are blue, it says so in the poem."
"No the poem just says that to make it easier to rhyme, I promise it's a shade of purple." Santana said knowing her well enough to know this naming discussion would be happening with or without the drugs.
She seemed to consider this for a moment and nodded, "That sounds nice too. She can be Violet." Looking the baby over one more time she turned back to Santana with that same dubious look, "You're sure it means purple?"
Laughing fully she kissed Brittany again, "I'm sure."
Pure excitement followed the birth, congratulations were received and her mother was beside herself at the sight of her first grandchild. There were kisses and hugs going around and she felt like she had taken a million pictures of Violet and sent them to countless people. When the normal morning hours came Mike and Jamie came to visit as well as a few of Brittany's closer friends from the studio and Santana showed her daughter off to anyone who would stand still long enough for her to. Long after Brittany had fallen back to sleep she continued to celebrate the birth of her daughter and the completion of another major step towards her idea of a perfect life.
That evening when everything had died down she was finally able to sit and rest, albeit with help from Puck and Quinn who were kind enough to handle canceling her work related obligations for the day. Though instead of returning to Brittany's room to join her in the land of sleep, she went to the nursery to be alone with her daughter for the first time that day.
When she had the baby in her arms in the quiet of the hospital she was able to feel how much her life had changed. Holding her was nothing like holding Joseph, it was totally different. Looking into Violet's shimmering blue eyes she understood that her heart didn't belong to her anymore. She had learned that she had boundless love to give but now it seemed that none of it was truly for herself. Her life was about Brittany, it was about their marriage and their baby and any upcoming children.
She sat in one of the soft cushioned seats set out for parents and watched in awe as a small hand weakly gripped her finger. Santana chuckled as she realized that even though Violet's pinky was less than an inch long she was totally wrapped around it, there was nothing she wouldn't give to make this child happy. The thought was frightening but at the same time it didn't bother her at all, it was just a little weird to feel her heart beating in her chest and knowing that the thing was just on loan.
Besides her initial discomfort of being brought into the world Violet had been a model infant and quietly allowed Santana's observation before drifting to sleep. Watching her, Santana couldn't quite figure out how after Joseph and having raised her children in Ohio she was still blindsided by this change to her life. Like the wedding, having this child was on a whole new level in her own world and if there had even been a snowball's chance in hell of her bailing out before, which their hadn't, it was an utter impossibility now.
Carla found her and approached announcing herself by smoothing Santana's hair lovingly, "She's beautiful." She said and though she had said it before it still made Santana smile.
"Yeah." After a moment of silence she looked up to her mother, "What do I do now?" like when Brittany had gone into labor she again suddenly didn't know what her next step should be even though she was sure it was obvious.
The question seemed vague to the point of being absurd but Carla understood her meaning, "There is no guide for this sort of thing and every child is different, but I can tell you this, love and patience are your best guides. Especially when she hits two." She added with a laugh.
"This is amazing and really scary at the same time." Santana said quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping infant.
"You worry too much Santana. You will be a wonderful mother and anything you don't excel at as a parent Brittany will have covered because you two are an amazing team. Between you and her Violet is in the best possible care."
The thought of her wife gave her strength, she wasn't alone, Brittany was her safety net in this.
"You're right."
"I know."
"Teach me your secrets." Santana laughed.
"No need. They all come with the parenting package and are taught one day at a time." Carla replied giving her daughter a meaningful look, "On your quest to the height of motherhood you will make some mistakes, but don't panic. I made more than I would care to count and my baby grew up into a magnificent woman."
"I don't know about all that, I'm less than the ideal."
Her mother sat on the arm of the chair and peered down at her grandchild, "It will always be your wish that your children do better than you. But take it from someone who married for all the wrong reasons and had a baby in the hopes it would mend something that had never been whole; you could have done worse."
"For the record I think you're a great mom. You know… when you aren't making me beg for my wedding dress."
"I am pretty great, though I am aware I should have paid more attention to my daughter and her 'best friend' spending uncharacteristically quiet hours locked up in her room, but it all worked out for the best."
"At least we were quiet." Santana chuckled.
Somewhere in the hospital a door slammed and at the sound Violet stirred and she stroked the baby's hair until she fell back into a calm sleep. Santana grinned at her daughter's instant response to her touch and knew that her little girl would grow up with all the love in the world and a bedroom door that would seem unable to close, complete with a chronically broken lock.
Upon returning home Santana found that being a new parent was a totally different deal outside the hospital. After the first month she couldn't remember a life without diapers and midnight feedings and after two she wondered if everything before Violet had been a delusional dream because everything she did was wrapped up in her daughter. Even when she took business calls or hosted phone conferences the child was in her arms or nearby in her carrier.
Brittany was the perfect parent that Santana had always known she'd be, they spent their days together juggling the baby between them when they were busy and stopping to sit and be a family when they weren't. Faith and Richard came to visit their granddaughter and though both of them were clearly totally enamored with the girl it was clear that Richard wasn't any more impressed with Santana than he had been since the wedding.
Puck and Quinn came by more frequently and Santana felt the tranquility associated with everything finally coming together as it should.
It was on the very day that Violet turned six months old that Hailey managed to make her way to Florida to visit her niece. They had been in contact with her constantly, her and Santana especially since the brunette took nonstop photos of Violet and Hailey asked for daily updates.
When Brittany had finally returned home with her from the airport Hailey made a beeline for Santana and Violet.
"Oh my god she's even more adorable in person!" she exclaimed trying to keep her voice quiet. Violet became aware of the disturbance and looked in the direction of her aunt, "Can I hold her?" she asked almost bouncing.
Santana smiled at her exuberance and handed the girl over carefully, "Hi to you too by the way." She said jokingly.
"Sorry, hi Santana." She said earnestly.
"How is school going?" she asked, deciding to be productive while her arms weren't full she started to clear away the mess that had accumulated around her while feeding and playing with Violet.
"Pretty good. My grades are up and my professors love me so I think all's well."
"Got anyone back home waiting for you?" Brittany asked teasingly as she joined them in the kitchen and sat at the table.
Hailey flushed for a moment, "No, I've just been focusing on my studies."
"Really? There's no one?"
"Uh, there is this one guy who keeps following me around but he's architecture major who likes to make blueprints of Saw style death rooms so I think it's in my best interest to stay clear."
"I have to agree on that one." Santana said.
"Forget about my shit-"
"Hailey!" Brittany snapped.
"Sorry, my stuff." She corrected swiftly, "What's up with you guys?"
Santana shrugged, "Nothing much, work, baby and Brittany but not necessarily in that order."
"I'm planning to go back to work in a couple of months." Brittany offered, "I'm pretty much back in shape and Quinn had a bunch of creams that kept me stretch mark free so I'm basically back to my pre-baby body, I just need to do some strength training."
"I don't know about that…" Santana mumbled.
"So soon? I thought you guys were going to have more kids?" Hailey asked, surprised.
"We plan to but unless Santana has the next one I'm done for a while." Brittany replied with a light smile.
Hailey's eyes immediately found her sister-in-law's, "Are you going to?" she asked looking almost hopeful.
Stunned into silence by the turn of the conversation she didn't answer for a while, "Uh, I don't think so."
"Oh. So then your kids will be several years apart then?" she said looking down at Violet with slightly sad eyes.
Frowning Santana asked, "Why is that bad?"
"It isn't, but Brittany was in high school when I was nine." She turned to Brittany who was paying rapt attention, "It was never a problem really and you were always the best big sister I could have ever hoped for but by the time I was old enough to need her around for all the big stuff she was here and I was in Ohio." Looking back down at Violet she shrugged, "I don't know I'm not saying we aren't close or that I regret what we had but I did wish I would have been a little closer in age."
Santana saw how that could be, but there were plenty of children who were separated from siblings by a decade or more and they had solid relationships. What was it Hailey wished she could do with Brittany that she couldn't being several years younger?
She didn't know and wasn't going to pry by asking but then an errant thought hit her, she did recall Ella being rather estranged from Violet and Brittany due to her inability to connect with the two. She had personally worked to see that they all were able to understand each other, however that was a problem that was likely to be ten times worse if she were four or five years younger than her sister. She doubted that they wouldn't get along or anything so extreme but it would change their relationship. And she couldn't say she really liked the idea of Ella and Violet being a generation apart.
Which put her in the position of making the incredibly selfish request of asking Brittany to take off work again soon to have another baby, and if she even halfway hoped to have the same child she would further have to convince her to do it with her egg. That prospect didn't sound right no matter how she put it. The other option was having the baby herself.
That thought had her back to thinking that they would be fine a few years apart. Furthermore she had already decided that she was fine with their lives however they played out. But even as the words crossed her mind she glanced at her bracelet still hanging there after so long and suddenly she realized Violet aside she didn't want to wait to see Ella.
It was entirely possible that the child they had now may turn out to be nothing like the Violet from Ohio despite the name, and even if they were similar there was no guarantee that Ella would be as well, but she had a feeling that it was destiny for her to raise that girl. And she wanted to as soon as possible, she wanted her and Violet to grow up together, not just because that was how it happened in Ohio, but because she wanted them to be here with her now.
She didn't relish the idea of being pregnant and if anything Brittany's experience had made her more afraid but when she gave it serious thought, she knew she would gladly brave it all to have her other daughter with her now.
"Actually Hailey I think I'll have our next one." Santana said abruptly.
Her introspection had allowed the conversation between Hailey and Brittany to move on so when they heard her they both needed a moment to work out what she meant. When they did Hailey beamed at her and Brittany looked plain shocked.
"Our next child? You want to have our next child?" Brittany clarified.
Scratching her neck she ran through her feelings on the subject once again and nodded, "Yeah, I do."
She had barely gotten those words out when Brittany had her out of her chair and in her arms in an engulfing hug, "Ohmigod I'm so happy! We need to get you to the doctor right away!"
Hearing that Santana scrambled away, "Whoa slow down, I don't want to do it today or anything, maybe we can start trying in a few months since it'll be a while before it takes."
Brittany heard her but was clearly excited beyond caring when it happened as long as it did, "Hailey needs to come by more often." She laughed before kissing Santana deeply.
Hailey snorted, "You must mean I need to go home and come back later when you're done."
"Not with my baby you don't." Brittany said with a fake glare at her sister.
"Bah you can spare one now." She joked.
Santana listened to their banter and smiled although she was feeling slight trepidation at where her life was heading. Whatever she was feeling, she knew for sure that though she would never stop treasuring the bracelet she had been given, but she was ready to have Ella with her rather than a reminder of her. Even if it meant totally wrecking her figure, with a brief internal sigh she decided that if exercise and diet couldn't help restore her previous form there was always plastic surgery.
A/N:In case it isn't obvious (cause I want it to be but don't know how successful I was) Hailey mainly wished she were closer in age to Brittany so she could have had a chance with Santana.
It was brought to my attention that I might have made a grievous error in assuming people know that the Northern Lights are called Aurora Borealis. If you didn't know that the name came totally out of left field, my bad. This is the connection Brittany was making.
These events were always the reason Violet was almost called Purple. And for a while this information was in the original Glimpse story but it was introduced at the same time Puck was telling Santana the story of her life and it was just unnecessary information that didn't really fit elsewhere so it was cut.
Reviews are always appreciated :)