"Tired." I yawned with a stretch.
"Me too." Roxas rubbed his eyes.
"I call Aerith goodnight." I said, taking Axel's home phone and dialing Aerith's number.
"Hello?" Aerith said on the other end of the line.
"Hey Aerith." I said.
"Hello Zexion. How are things going?"
"Good." I said.
"That's good to hear. What are you all up to?"
"Pizza and video games." I smiled.
"Sounds like fun. Are you having a good time?"
"Mhm, thanks for letting me." I said, hoping that she'd trust me in the future to let me out more.
"I'm glad that you are enjoying yourself."
"Called to check in."
"Thank you. Alright, well, call me in the morning, ok?"
"OK."
"Goodnight Zexion."
"Night Aerith." I hung up and sighed.
"You ok?" Roxas asked and I nodded. For some reason, all I could think about was the scar on my thigh.
"Bathroom?" I asked and Roxas pointed down the hall. I knew where it was, but I wanted him to know where I was going so that they wouldn't break down the door assuming that I ran off to do something stupid.
I walked into one of the spare the bathrooms and locked the door. I pulled down my pants, staring at the lines across my thigh, wanting so badly to just erase them. Why? Why was I so weak? God. What would Demyx say? Demyx deserves so much better than me. He's been through just as much shit, and he's still so perfect. What's wrong with me?
I can't keep living this way. Even though I'm putting it behind me, it doesn't change the fact that I succumbed to weakness; it doesn't erase my scars. I can be happy and I do love Demyx, but there will always be this hurt that I feel from all the shit I've put myself through. Maybe, maybe there are some scars that never truly heal?
I wanted Demyx happy; I want myself happy, but how can I be when I can't move past this?
How long? How long can I live this way? Will I ever reach a point where I just magically move on and forget everything? Is that even possible? If not, then what? Am I supposed to just ignore all this pain and anger for Demyx's sake? What's worse is that I can't even imagine putting it all aside for my own sake. Demyx really does deserve better than me, and it scares me. How long will it take before he realizes it and I'm back to being my lonely, single, depressed self?
"Zex, you ok?" Demyx knocked on the door so I flushed the empty toilet and pulled up my pants, washing my hands.
"Yeah." I opened the door quickly.
"Just wanted to make sure." Demyx shrugged and offered me his hand. I took it as we walked back to the couch, which was covered with pillows and blankets.
"Night." Axel laid down in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Roxas.
"Goodnight." Roxas huddled up to Axel's body.
I went on the couch with Demyx behind me, both of us facing the same direction, our backs to the wall. Demyx put his arms around me and as everyone fell asleep, I stayed awake, thinking about Demyx. I rested my hands on his, which were on my tummy, wanting so badly to put an end to all of this doubt. I knew that he loved me, and I knew that I loved him. So why was I still feeling like shit? I wanted to tell him about my thigh, but I couldn't dare risk getting my ass shipped off to Xemnas' nut house. I hated living with this secret. It never bothered me before, when I was a silent mute with a life that no one knew about. But now, now that I had friends and a boyfriend, I felt guilty knowing that I had information that they should know about.
Demyx's quick breaths tickled my neck, which made me giggle, which, strangely, only depressed me. Before I knew it, I was sniffling. The idea of how cute he is and how hard we both worked only made me feel like shit when I paired it with the reminder of my thigh. I spent two hours brooding over these dilemma's before I sighed loudly, a few sniffles caught in my throat.
"Hey, you ok?" Axel whispered in the dark.
"Huh? Yeah." I cleared my throat.
"Zex, what's wrong?" Axel sat up and I could roughly see his silhouette before me as I rubbed Demyx's arm that was around me.
"Nothing." I lied, trying to swallow the tears stuck in my throat.
"Come on, let's talk." Axel stood up and walked into his kitchen. I sighed, knowing that Axel was only trying to be a good friend. I had to unclasp Demyx's fingers which were interlocked on my stomach before I replaced my body with a pillow. I tip toed over Roxas and into the kitchen, where Axel was waiting with a small light.
"What's going on?" Axel asked and I shrugged.
"Nothing."
"Zex, I'm not stupid." Axel said and I grew quiet. "You can tell me now or we can sit here." Axel said and I sighed loudly. "If you don't want to tell me you don't have to. Just don't ever make the mistake in thinking that no one cared enough to listen." Axel stood up and I got the impression that he was mad at me.
"Whatever." I sighed, getting mad that he was mad. He's the one who made me get out of bed….well, off the couch.
"You know what," Axel turned around, pointed at me, then shook his head. "Forget it."
"What?" I asked but he shook his head.
"I'm not going to get into this. It's one in the morning and I'm tired." Axel walked back into the living room.
I sighed even louder, wanting so badly to just text Sephiroth. I walked back into the living room, down the hall, and into Demyx's room. I snuck into the dark room, crouched by my backpack, took out my phone, and scrolled to Sephiroth's name.
I was one button away, just one, from happiness. From pure joy and relaxation.
"Who are you calling?" I dropped my phone as I turned around with a heart attack. Axel was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, his hair up in a messy pony-tail, and his eyes tired.
"N-no-no one." I stuttered.
"You really expect me to believe that."
I hung my head. "Wanted to calm down. Looking at phone helps." I said and I handed my phone to Axel. "I'm sorry."
"Look Zex, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm butting into your life and your business, but I'm just trying to help. And I know why you were crying too. I can tell by the look on your face that you're conflicted about dating Demyx. You want to be with him, but you're not telling him everything."
I looked at Axel with shock.
"And now by the look on your face, I know that I'm right." Axel smiled and I sighed.
"Don't want him worried." I said and Axel nodded.
"Do you want to tell me?"
I shook my head. "You're Demy's friend. You'll tell." I said and Axel sat down beside me.
"If it's something really serious, then yeah, but only because you might need help. But I'd rather keep a secret from Demyx and Aerith than have you live thinking that you have to keep secrets from the entire world." Axel said and I nodded.
"I messed up, better now." I said and Axel nodded.
"By messed up, do you mean you gave into old habits?" Axel asked and I nodded. "Drugs?" I shook my head. "Cutting?" I didn't nod, but my stillness was a confession. "Zex, is it bad?" Axel asked and I shrugged.
"Little deep, but healed." I said and Axel nodded.
"How long ago?"
"Few days." I said and Axel sighed.
"You sure you're ok Zex?"
"Yeah. Cut cause Demy was mad at me." I said and Axel shrugged.
"When was he mad at you?"
"When Demy not talk to me." I said and Axel nodded.
"I remember. Zex, I feel like if you tell Aerith, she might understand."
"No, don't want to go with Xemnas. Please, don't tell?" I asked and Axel sighed in thought.
"You have to tell someone Zex."
"I'll think about it." I said, knowing that it'll probably keep him happy.
"Zex, that's not enough. You have to tell someone."
"Who?" I asked, not wanting to know who he wanted me to tell.
"Aerith! She has to know." Axel said and I shook my head.
"She take me away."
"It's not my place to tell, but if it happens again," Axel started.
"It won't." I said and he nodded.
"Just remember that Demyx is counting on you, we all are. We love you Zex." Axel patted my back and I nodded.
"Thank you." I smiled and he hugged me.
"Yeah, anytime." Axel rubbed my arm and I sighed.
"I'm trying." I smiled poorly.
"I know you are. Come on, let's get some sleep." Axel helped me up as we returned to the living room.
"Night Axe." I hugged him before I took my spot, moving the pillow so I could lie down. Demyx whimpered before he pulled me into his arms.
"Remember Zex, he loves you." Axel said and I smiled.
"I love you Demy." I whispered before I kissed his nose and snuggled into his chest.
That talk with Axel was what I needed. I didn't want to tell him about my thigh, and I didn't intend on telling Aerith anything, but I felt so relieved to have shared it with someone. Axel always helps me realize things that I need to know when I am too stubborn to let myself face reality.
I woke up to the feeling of Demyx's chest rising and steadily falling beneath my cheek, and I knew that I could survive if I had this moment more. I let my fingertips trace his chest as I circled his nipple playfully.
"Mphmm." Demyx whined through closed lips as I kissed his tiny patch of skin on his chest that wasn't prisoner to his cotton v-neck.
"Is he awake?" Axel whispered and I shook my head with a child like smile.
"Demy cute asleep." I giggled as Axel crept out of his sleeping bag.
"Watch this." Axel kneeled by Demyx's and my face. "Dem, hey Dem." Axel whispered.
"M?" Demyx moaned.
"My god Demyx, put some pants on." Axel said, trying not to laugh.
"Eh, ugh, pants." Demyx squirmed with me on him.
"Axe!" I yelled in a hushed tone. Demyx looked scared by the way he wriggled and his face panicked.
"Haha, he keeps dreaming of pants." Axel shook his head as I combed Demyx's hair.
"Shh, Demy, its ok." I cooed as Demyx gulped and sighed through his nose, returning to a peaceful state.
"You need to tell him Zex." Axel starred at me, but I kept my eyes on the beautifully calm face before me. I knew what he was referring to.
"No. He deserves better than the truth." I said quietly.
"That...that is the longest, perfectly uttered, full sentence I've ever heard you say." Axel glared at me with confusion and I shrugged.
"If I use sentences, you won't tell?" I asked and Axel sighed.
"I think he deserves to know. He'll understand if you tell him, but not if he accidentally finds out."
"I can't make Demy sad again." I shook my head.
"You not telling him is hurting him more." Axel put a hand on my shoulder, but I shook my head again.
"You don't understand!" I whined, stirring Demyx slightly and causing a loud groan from Roxas.
"Shh, don't be grumpy babe." Axel rubbed Roxas' head.
"Mmrrr." Roxas grunted, so Axel laid down next to him and stroked his hair.
"Shh, Roxy, relax baby." Axel kissed Roxas' forehead.
"Tired." Roxas mumbled.
"Then go to bed." Axel smiled and rubbed Roxas' back.
"Mmooohkay." Roxas snuggled into Axels body, so I did the same with Demyx.
I gave Axel my back as I used Demyx's chest as a pillow, knowing that he deserved so much more than I'd ever be able to give him. There's not much left in me, but I'll give him whatever's left of me.
Author's Note: Sorry that it's been so long without an update. I'm working on a lot of stories and am swamped with homework. Sadly I've lost a lot of the drive and motivation that I used to have, so I'm hoping that with some rest I'll be able to bounce back. Thank you for your patience. Please check out my Akuriku Can You Keep My Secret! Even if you usually don't ship Axel with Riku, trust me, I'll have you changing your mind! Also, check out No More Broken Promises cause I'm hoping to post the first chapter to the sequel super soon!
That's it for my updates! Thank you for reading.
To Lukrecia: Hahaha, Zexy fetishes are the best, are they not? Thank you for reviewing!
To Kindofabadger: Hehehe, I love the pun. Awww, I'm so flattered! I love these couples too! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading chapter 20.
To CatlinP1997: No need to apologize! Awww, yay, I love unpredictability, so I'm glad that this story keeps you on your toes. Haha, fluff is awesome! It's so cute too ^_^ Thank you for the complement, and thanks for reviewing!
To IllMaryZemyx: YAY! I love when my stories seem adorable! Haha, I was at some friends house and they were playing, and they knew that I was writing gay porn (what they call my yaoi lol) so they got mad at me for not playing DDR. I decided that the least I could do was fit it in my story somehow, so I'm glad that it worked. Hahaha …that? You mean a lemon? Hmmm, we'll see lol. Awww, I'm so honored that you found my story to be that adorable! Adorable-overload! Hahaha, thank you for reviewing!
To Keyblademaster13: Aww, well I'm glad that I met my own standards haha. I love each of those players for different reasons, which you seem to have noted perfectly. Aww, thank you! I hope that I continue to real you back, and that I never disappoint you with my writing. I hope that the story continues to feel real to you and that you continue to read and review! Love, Sarabellum.
To Alice: O.o wow! Your mom is like one of my greatest fans lol. Hahaha, I will continue to supply you and your mom plenty of Zemyx, and thank you for reading my AkuRiku, Can You Keep My Secret!
To Shadowridge: DDR is a fun game, although I suck at it, so I prefer to watch. Guess I'm a Zexion haha. I shall post the sequel as soon as I can, thanks for being patient! And for not eating my soul haha.
To LegendofZelda2: Aww, thank you! I love you too! Hehehe, who wouldn't love Demyx without a shirt, dancing and sweating a little? Wow! I'm so honored to hear that! I'm so grateful to be considered a favorite ^_^ I will continue to write, thank you so much for the encouragement! I also plan on posting the sequel soon, so htank you SO much for being patient with me! ~Sarabellum
To KidaKama: Awww, that is so sweet! Thank you so much for that complement! You leave me so inspired, thank you.
To KingdomKuroGeass: hahaha, I absolutely LOVE your spamming reviews! Please, don't stop! Haha. Awww, well I'm so happy to hear that you found the last chapter to be "squeal-worthy". Hahaha, thank you! Sadly one of my classmates who likes me calls me fluffy (I really don't know why, other than the fact that he knows I don't like it lol). It's a little weird haha, but if it helps me write fluff through connection, then I'll take it lol. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate your encouragement.
To Cirxe145: Haha, yay! I love the happy moments so much. Although I am a sucker for tension and drama lol.
To SoraTrancy: Awww, I'm so happy that you danced hehe. Yeah, I can imagine that the end of the school year gets busy. I really hope that things calm down for you! It must be exciting too though. YAY for Roxas! Tell Roxas that I said thank you for the enthusiasm! Thank you Sora! ~Sarabellum.
To BuddyFaith: Yay for funny, sweet, and adorable fluff! I hope that this chapter met your "fluff" requirements as well hehe. Thank you for reviewing!
Heart Sarabellum