Okay, so 72 bad bois and gurls, along with Itchy Hand Guy and Mr. Warp Zone had just invaded a training ground for young aspiring heroes. As his army of villains marched forth, Itchy Hand Guy spread out is arms and announced, "This is it, All American Blonde Superman! This is your final battle! Today will be the day you die!"

Ninja Eyes, confused, looked all around. There was no All American Strong Super Flex anywhere. So Ninja Eyes informed the villains that, "He's not here."

"What? Seriously?" Itchy Hands scratched the side of his face, and looked around as well. All the villains stopped marching forward, and took a few moments to look around. None of them spotted Blonde Superman. Itchy Hand Guy was shocked. "Wow he's seriously not here…"

Ninja Eyes shook his head. "Nope, he's not. But maybe we can reschedule this for later, when he is here?"

"Yeah, that would be great. What does his schedule look like?"

"Uh, I'll have to check with him and get back to you. Can I have your contact info?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's exchange email addresses—"

Warp Gate Man smacked the back of Itchy Hand Guy's head. "Itchy Boi, no!" he chided him. "He's tricking you! Don't give the enemy your email address."

"But how else am I supposed to know when to attack?"

Warp Man sighed. "It's not a surprise attack if they know when you're coming."

"Oh…" Itchy Hands sighed. "Dammit. I can't believe we wasted all that time planning this attack and he's not even here!" He kicked a rock and pouted. "It's not fair." He looked at all his minions. They were waiting for his orders. "Well, since we're already here, I guess we'll just kill everyone. Guys, let's just kill everyone."

Random Villains 1 through 72 cheered in agreement, and began marching again. Ninja Eyes groaned, "Shit, he almost fell for it." To Astronaut Guy, he said, "You're on babysitting duty." Then Ninja Eyes ran into the March of Villains and started whooping ass.

Green Boi clasped his chest and said, "He's so fucking cool! Look at his tactics! He's actually thinking about what he's doing, rather than using brute, overly destructive force! I can learn so much from watching him fight!" But he didn't have too much time to fan-gasm over Ninja Eyes, because Engine Legs dragged him toward the exit, saying, "Now isn't the time for analytics, Green Boi!"

The students and Astro Guy ran toward the exit. It seemed like they would be able to escape… but, no, Mr. Warp Gate appeared and blocked their path. He created a giant wall of purple sparkles in front of the UH students and said, "Greetings! I am Mr. Warp Gate Man, and I am the Vice President of the Super Villain Club. Our motto is 'EVIL: Every Villain is Lemons.' Apparently that's a Spongebob Squarpants meme. Itchy Boi loves Spongebob Memes."

Blushy was trembling in fear, but she managed to laugh and say, "Yeah, who doesn't?"

"I'm afraid he likes them a bit too much. When he's not recruiting for our club, he sits at his computer making memes, for hours at a time. Then he gets upset when his memes don't get enough notes. Whatever that means."

Green Boi nodded in agreement. "I hate that! Some dumb shitty shitpost gets thousands of notes, but my handcrafted artistic gif sets get maybe a hundred or so."

"That's what you get for using Tumblr," Blushy told him. "That site is a hellhole."

"I know, and I hate it, but it's my main social media platform. I basically grew up on Tumblr. How the hell am I supposed to crawl out of that cesspool now that I'm so used to it?"

Warp Gate Man nodded, "Itchy Boi says the same thing. Constantly."

Blushy patted Green Boi on the shoulder. "Instagram is a million times better."

"But it's not the same. Tumblr works by reblogging things, so that there's a conversation between users—"

"I know how Tumblr works, Green Boi. I used to use it all the time. Then I made the switch to Instagram and my life instantly got better."

He looked at her sideways. "How so?"

"First of all, on Instagram I wasn't arguing with random strangers about morality and ethics every single goodamn day. People are always trying to pick a fight on that damn site. Like, I'm sure if half of those idiots knew they were arguing with a middle school girl, they wouldn't have come at me like that."

"What the hell was your blog about that people kept coming after you?"

"You know what, let's not have this fight right now Green Boi," Blushy said, sharply.

Warp Gate Man agreed, "Please, let's not. I'd rather have a fistfight than argue about superior social media platforms."

"Then let's have a fistfight!" yelled Red Boi as he and Bomb Palms charged at Mr. Warp Gate. They launched a super supreme double bros attack.

Boom!

Following an explosion that would have killed anyone not made of purple sparkle mist, Mr. Warp Gate said, "Oh shit, if I wasn't made of purple sparkle mist, that attack would have killed me! You kids are more dangerous than I thought. Let me stop playing around." So he spread out his purple miasma, and engulfed almost all of the students. Luckily, Engine Legs quickly grabbed an armful of his classmates and jumped out of the way. Six Arms used his webbed six arms to shield a couple more of their classmates.

…

Mr. Warp Gate's Purple Sparkle Mist teleported Green Boi to the Underwater Zone. Green Boi fell from the sky and made a splash when he landed in the crystal clear water. Luckily, Green Boi was a good swimmer, and his hero costume didn't have anything heavy that would have caused him to sink. As he swam toward the surface, Green Boi wondered, What the hell is this Super Villain Club and why do they want to kill All American Blonde Superman? This is actually a really bad situation, because we're outnumbered. It seems like Mr. Warp Gate has a warping quirk, and he's separating all of us to further outnumber us. Ninja-sensei is fighting but he can't fight forever, meaning we should go get help—

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw something like a shark swimming toward him. It was a dude with a shark quirk. He was zooming through the water like a torpedo, and yelled, "Imma bite ya!"

"!" Green Boi almost gasped, but he remembered that he was underwater. His mind raced. Should I attack with Deus ex Machina? No, maybe I can avoid his attack? Or maybe—

Again, luckily for Green Boi, Everyone's Favorite Frog Girl swam to his rescue. She kicked the fucking shit out of Shark Quirk Guy, and used her tongue to carry Green Boi out of the water. She swam to the surface, and placed Green Boi on a nearby ship.

Because Froakie is as efficient as she is powerful, she had also saved Grape Baby from drowning earlier. She was holding him as she treaded water, and was about to put him on the ship next. But instead of saying, "Thank you Froakie, my hero!" like a decent human being, he said, "Damn girl you can do a lot of tricks with that long tongue."

She blushed. She used her tongue to throw him on the ship. He got the air knocked out of him. While Froakie climbed onto the ship, Green Boi, a decent human being, said, "Wow, you really saved me back there, Frog Girl-chan. Thanks."

She hopped onto the deck, and said, "I said to call me Froakie."

"Oh, yes, ah, sorry. Froakie."

"Stop apologizing. It's okay."

"Oh, yes. Sorry. Ah! I'm sorry!"

"Ribbit. Calm down Green Boi." She walked along the deck, and looked out at the faux sparkling sea. Behind their ship was the largest waterslide in all of Japan. "This would be beautiful if we weren't under attack. This is turning out to be a terrible day of class."

Green Boi agreed. "Yeah. I'm kind of freaking out about what that one dude said. He was all like, 'I can't believe we wasted all that time planning an attack and he's not here!' They were planning to attack All American!"

Diaper Shitty Child said, "The joke's on them. All American would literally kill these villains with a single normal punch. There's no way they could hurt him."

Frog Girl begged to differ. "Well I don't think they'd risk coming here if they didn't have serious plan to kill him. But before we start worrying about All American, I think we should figure out what to do for ourselves, because we're in trouble right now."

"Wait, stop playing," Diaper Child said, panicking. "It's not like we're in serious danger. The pros are going to save us. Right? Right?! RIGHT!? RIGHT! Green Boi! We can't seriously be in real danger! We're just kids! They wouldn't hurt children! Look at me, I look like a six-year-old! Aren't there laws against showing the graphic murders of children on TV shows?"

Green Boi rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Stop it. Just stop talking you two-foot-tall little fucker. I'm trying to think."

But Grape Diaper didn't shut up. Instead he started crying, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I don't want to die! I'm still a virgin!"

Frog Girl asked, "Wow, are you really that pathetic? Why are you in this school?"

"I want to be a hero, because heroes get laid!"

"No, I mean, how did you pass the entrance exam?"

"I stuck robots together and immobilized them with my sticky grape balls." He patted the top of his head, where his grape blorbs sprouted. "My quirk is actually really unique and it could be insanely useful. If I wasn't the whiny, useless, ugly pervert character, I could probably whoop ass."

"Then don't be the whiny useless, ugly pervert character. Ribbit. You could have been the cute adorable squishy character. You could have been Grape Plushie Child, or Sweet Grape Juice Kid, or Can't Eat My Chicken Biscuit Without That Boi. In fact, you can use this moment to grow as a character, and renounce your silly, perverted ways."

"Nope." He looked at the camera and gave the studio audience a thumbs up. "I made my choice, and that's what I'm sticking with."

"Okay." Froakie replied. She had bigger things to worry about. She turned her head toward the sea. "By the way, I hear enemies approaching. We should probably do something about that."

Green Boi, who had been lost in thought, nodded to himself. He muttered, "Yeah, no matter what, nothing is going to happen to my lord and savior, All American."

Froakie blinked a few times. "Were you listening to me at all Green Boi?"

"Oh," he blushed. "Sorry Frog Gi—I mean Froakie. What were you saying?"

"Enemies in the water." She pointed to the dozen or so bad men encircling the boat. "But they aren't attacking us. They're waiting."

Green Boi looked over the railing on the deck. "So maybe we should attack first?" he suggested.

"Maybe. Ribbit."

"Are you two insane?!" whined Purple Shit. "We can't fight! We're useless teenagers!"

The other two ignored him. "Froakie, they sent you here to the Underwater Zone, so that means they don't know that your quirk is being a frog."

"That makes sense. Otherwise they would have warped me literally anywhere else. So they probably don't know any of our quirks."

"Yes, so that means we have the upper hand."

"How? We're surrounded by a dozen enemies."

"Yes, but they're in the water. They're probably thinking that they can overpower us once we get into the water. As long as we don't get into the water, we'll be fine. Grape Baby, what's your quirk again?"

Grape Baby stopped fussing long enough to say, "I pop off these balls on my head. They stick to stuff."

Green Boi got an idea. "Okay, so let's do this. Froakie you—"

Before he could explain, one of the villains did some water bending and sliced the ship in half. Greenie, Froakie and Grape Boi jumped out of the way. They were unharmed, but now their ship was sinking.

"Just fucking great!" Green Boi exclaimed, frustrated. "Okay, so I'm gonna jump into the air and use my Go Green Power to make a whirlpool in the water. Then Froakie, you grab Grape Shit and jump in the air. Use your tongue to grab me. Grape Shit, throw your sticky balls at the villains so they stick together and flush down, like a toilet. Got it?"

Froakie was pleasantly surprised. "Wow, that's actually a really simple solution."

"Yeah, the only problem is I'm gonna break my fingers after I use my powers, so I'll be in intense pain."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. You ready?" Green Boi climbed on the railing. He took a big breath. He braced himself for the pain. This is gonna hurt, but whatever. He hesitated for a moment. A long moment. Actually, I was just a couple of seconds, but a couple of seconds can feel like centuries when you're on a sinking ship, surrounded by enemies who literally are trying to kill you. And in those few seconds, Green Boi wondered, Can I really do this? What if it doesn't work? What happens then?

He felt himself tremble with fear. This is terrifying. This is actually really scary. Is this what it means to be a hero? Of course it is. It means running into danger and doing whatever you can to save the day. I know that. But then, why am I so scared? I wasn't scared last time when that Ooze Dude was attacking Explochan. Wait, no, I was scared. I was so fucking scared. But the thought of watching Explochan die right in front of my eyes was scarier. So my legs moved.

He took off the white glove on his right hand. He clenched that hand into a fist. I don't want my classmates to get hurt. So that means I just have to do this. I have to find that same courage that Explochan gave me. I just have to do it! Just do it Precious Green! He urged himself. The ship was sinking pretty quickly, so he had to act fast. You can do this. Just act like Explochan!

With a high-pitched primal scream, Green Boi jumped off of the railing, and activated Deus ex Machina. Then, with a flick of his fingers, he created wind pressure that parted the waters of the faux sea. The whirlpool he created dragged a couple of the villains under the water. The rest were pulled down by Grape Baby's sticky balls, which he threw rapid fire into the swirling waves. Froakie did her job by leaping to safety, and carrying the two boys along with her.

When they landed safely in the water, the three of them swam to the shallow edge of the shore. When they were able to stand and wade through the water, Green Boi started muttering to himself, "I can't believe that actually worked! It took everything I had to keep my composure. And the whole plan was such a gamble. What if they had more enemies hiding where we couldn't see them? Oh shit that would have been bad."

"Green Boi, you're freaking me out," Froakie told him.

"Oh, sorry."

Froakie faced the wreckage of the ship. "You know, we probably killed them," she realized. "The ball of supervillains that were pulled under the ocean hasn't resurfaced yet. If they can't breathe underwater, they probably drowned."

"Seriously?" Green Boi said, tightly gripping his right wrist to stabilize his trembling hand.

Froakie saw Green Boi's broken fingers. "Oh dang, your hand really is messed up."

He tried to shrug off the damage. "I'm fine." He hid the injury with one of his elbow pads. He hoped that thinking of an escape tactic would distract his mind from the pulsing sharp pain reverberating through his thumb and middle finger. "Okay, so our best bet is to get help. We need to avoid the main plaza, where Ninja-sensei is fighting the main group of villains. We can follow the shore all the way around to the exit… But…"

"But?" Froakie repeated.

"I kind of want to watch his tactics…"

"Ribbit. You want to watch him fight a huge group of villains even though you have a pretty bad injury and it would be better to sneak away and get out of Disaster Land?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay."

So the three of them found a spot on the shore to spectate Ninja Eyes' Battle.

Author's Note:

Okay, for those of you not from the Southern USA, a chicken biscuit is a piece of chicken sandwiched in a soft, flakey piece of bread. It's a breakfast food, and usually it's eaten with grape jelly.

(Whereas what Brits and other countries would call a "biscuit" is actually called a "cookie" here in the US.)