Chapter 21: Love Hurts and Strange Methods

Keita was having a difficult time getting out of bed. He thought he'd feel better after some rest. Unfortunately, it seems to have taken the opposite effect. He felt tired, frustrated, irritable. He began to wonder if returning to the hospital was such a good idea. Unfortunately, he knew staying home wasn't a viable option. He had bills to pay, an education to achieve, and a lot of moving on to do. Why the hell was life so unfair? He threw off his blankets and got ready for the day.

He glanced at his phone once again with an expectant expression. Though he'd never admit it, it alarmed him slightly that Kotoko hadn't reached out to him yet. No apology or wellness check. Just dead silence. It almost irritated him that she wasn't more concerned about his well- being. Didn't she break his heart two days ago? Wasn't he her best friend?

He shook off the childish thoughts as quick as they came. What the hell was wrong with him? Who cares if Kotoko wasn't speaking to him? It was a good thing, really. Who needs her? He had plenty of friends of his own. He didn't need her to be fulfilled or happy. She'd figure that out soon enough. Keita arrived at the hospital, determined to make it through the day. However, it was much easier said than done when he saw her…

Kotoko sat waiting for her friends at her first practical alone. She was almost tempted to sit at her usual spot, just in case Keita had a change of heart. But she didn't want to seem desperate or foolish. She's probably the last person Keita wants to see. Why stir up trouble? She glanced down at her notes when the door suddenly slammed shut. It startled everyone for a moment but they quickly went on with what they were doing.

Keita sat beside the door, attempting to calm himself. He felt like an idiot. What made him think he could do this?

"Keita?"

He looked up to see Motoko, Marina and Tomoko looking down at him with concerned expressions.

He gave them a stubborn look and looked away from them, "I'm fine."

Motoko hadn't expected to see Keita that day. She sighed and decided to take pity on him, "Why don't you guys go inside? I'll be there in a minute."

Marina and Tomoko nodded and went in to meet with Kotoko. Motoko sat beside Keita and stood silent.

"You don't need to be here."

"I know."

"So why are you here?"

"Kotoko isn't my only friend."

Keita nodded in acknowledgement.

"Kotoko told us what happened."

Keita let out a chuckle, "Of course she did."

"Look, I get it, okay? You're upset. But let's be honest here. This is 90% your fault."

"What?"

"A married woman? Come on, Keita. I think deep down we both knew this wasn't going to have a happy ending."

Keita gave an exasperated sigh, "I love her." There was no emotion in the way he said it. It was a simple fact. They both knew it. However, there was nothing that could be done now.

"I know." They sat there in silence for a while. Motoko wished she had all the answers. She tried to think of something- anything to say that might make Keita feel better. But nothing came to mind.

"So, what do I do now?"

Motoko knew what she was going to say next wouldn't be an easy thing to hear. But it was for the best. "I know that you love her. She loves you too. Maybe not in the same way, but she does. I'm not saying you have to forgive her now, but I'm sure it would mean the world to her to have some kind of conversation again… someday. Heartbreak isn't something you can shortcut. The only way out is through. And I won't lie to you, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot and things are going to feel hopeless for a while. But someday when you look back on your life with a wife and kids to call your own, this will seem like just another life lesson. I promise."

Keita couldn't help the tears that began to fall. He knew it wouldn't be easy. But God, it just hurt. Motoko hugged him for a few moments before heading inside.

Later that day, Kotoko was once again feeling nervous over today's session. Her and Irie had agreed to go to the session together instead of meeting there. They hadn't spoken much in the past few days. Irie was trying the best to give her the space she might need. At the end of the day, they promptly made their way out of the hospital, side by side.

"Are you okay?"

Kotoko wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um, yeah. I think so…"

"That doesn't sound convincing."

"What do you care anyway? Keita's clearly out of the picture. You got what you wanted."

It surprised Irie to see Kotoko so upset. He'd never seen her snap at anyone before. And it felt pretty unfair. He was doing his best to be compassionate and supportive and all she could do was snap at him for it. "What I want is for you to be happy. Sorry I cared."

Kotoko sighed, "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I just can't believe the way things ended between us. You should've seen the way he looked at me. I just wanted to tell him the truth and it ended with a stand off in a driveway. I try to do the right thing and it just blows up in my face."

Irie was obviously confused. Kotoko never said anything about breaking off her relationship with Keita. What truth was she talking about? The truth about the sessions? The truth about her feelings toward him? Did she tell him about the night they'd shared together? All these questions swirled in his head as they continued walking toward the office. In all fairness, it wasn't any of his business. He decided not to fixate on the matter. She was right, he'd gotten what he wanted. Even if it didn't end amicably, at least it ended. He had nothing to worry about now… or so he thought.

"Mr. and Mrs. Irie! Lovely to see you again! Please, take a seat." Mrs. Suzuki was in a strangely chipper mood today and it was making Naoki slightly uncomfortable.

"So, let's jump right into it. Obviously, this whole affair is still an issue. So let's continue with-"

"That won't be necessary."

The sudden interruption took the councilor by surprise. "Mrs. Irie?"

"Keita and I had a… falling out. We're no longer seeing each other."

Mrs. Suzuki was taken aback by the news. "I see… would you like to elaborate on the subject?"

"There's not much to tell. I simply realized that I couldn't continue seeing a man I wasn't romantically interested in. I've come to realize that love and friendship are two completely different things. I shouldn't have allowed myself to become involved with another man just for the convenience. I was lonely and I needed someone to be there for me. And I allowed that to justify an affair. I'm ready to move forward and handle my romantic life with much more grace and maturity."

Naoki and Mrs. Suzuki looked at Kotoko in absolute shock. Naoki couldn't help but feel impressed. She'd come so far from being the lovestruck and naïve girl he'd originally fallen in love with. She was so much more aware and articulate and it baffled him to no end. Mrs. Suzuki was impressed with how much progress was being made in a such a short amount of time. It made her so happy to see her patient going through so much positive growth.

"Alrigh then. Excellent. Then, I suppose we're ready to move on. I'd like to focus this session around insecurity. Particularly with you, Mrs. Irie. How has your marriage effected your life?"

Kotoko was taken aback by the random question. "Well, it's effected everything. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for Irie. For instance, it was because of him that I decided to begin a career in the medical field."

"I see. And what brought on this career choice."

"Well… I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy of being Irie's wife." It sounded so pathetic to say it out loud. Back then, it seemed like such a wise and obvious decisions. Now it's just another thing to be ashamed of.

"And did it have the desired effect? Do you feel "worthy" of your own husband?"

Kotoko's eyes quickly filled with tears and she hung her head down in shame. "No."

Mrs. Suzuki turned her attention to Naoki, "Do you feel she's worthy?"

"Of course I feel that way."

"So why doesn't she?"

"How should I know?"

"Have you ever bothered to ask?"

Irie let out a frustrated sigh and turned to his wife, "Kotoko, why do you still feel this way after all this time? I've never given you a reason to believe I would be unfaithful or untrustworthy."

"Irie, you don't know."

"I don't know what?"

"You don't know what it's like to be with someone like you. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning knowing that you aren't enough for your husband? Do you know what people say about us? What people think when we're together? Woman throw themselves at you even when I'm standing right beside you. You might not respond but that's the problem. You just stand there and smile and act friendly as if it's just an everyday occurrence. But what if I don't want to deal with that on a daily basis? What if I just want to live a normal life with a man who treats me like I'm the only one?"

"Kotoko, what do you want me to do? You knew who I was when I married you. You knew being with me meant having to go through certain… challenges. Yes, people talk. It's not like I contribute."

"It's not like you do anything in my defense either. When you say nothing, all it does is reassure me that what everyone says is true. That I'm just some blubbering idiot that got lucky. That I should spend every single day of the rest of my life thanking you for marrying me. Who wants to live like that? Who wants to spend their life feeling alone their own marriage?"

Irie was at a loss for words. He never knew Kotoko felt this strongly about his status in their marriage. It hurt to see how much his status hurt her. But what the hell could he do about it? He can't help who he is.

Mrs. Suzuki watched the broken-down woman in front of her. She needed a boost of confidence, that much was clear. And it seemed her husband needed a reality check on his inflated ego. Some time apart might do them some good.

"Mrs. Irie, do you feel that there might be someone else out there who may be better suited to your needs? Someone who can love, honor, and respect you? Do you feel worthy of love?"

Kotoko thought about it for a moment. She didn't see why she wouldn't be. Everyone deserved to fall in love. "I deserve to be happy. If my husband isn't the one for me, I'm sure that there would be someone out there who is."

Irie's didn't like where this was going. She couldn't seriously be suggesting…

"In our last session, I asked you both what your futures would hold for you if this marriage ended in divorce. Mrs. Irie, you felt that your future would turn out very lonely and bleak. And Mr. Irie, you called it a stupid question. I disagree. I think it's the perfect question. I think it's a question that deserves some answers. I have an idea. It's a little unorthodox, but I think it's going to give you both a chance to discover some things about yourselves. It's a great opportunity to really analyze and compare your relationship with others. I'm suggesting a brief separation. Take some time apart to see what's out there. Meet people, date, and have a good time. See what's waiting for you beyond marriage life. I want this to go on for about two weeks. And at the end of it, we'll come back here and discuss what you've learned."

Kotoko was intrigued by the idea. It was strange but she's certainly not a licensed marriage counselor. She clearly knew what was best. Her husband wasn't taking the idea nearly as well. He was absolutely furious and quickly took his leave.

"Irie, what!" Kotoko ran after him, confused on why he was so angry. She struggled to catch up to him as he stormed outside the front door.

"She's out of her mind if she honestly thinks we're doing this."

"What else are we supposed to do?"

"Anything else! Her job is to fix our marriage not break it even more."

Kotoko was struggling to catch up with Irie's pace. There was no reasoning with him when he was this angry. She'd had enough.

"IRIE! Take a deep breath and look at me NOW!"

He stopped dead in his tracks surprised by her sudden tone.

"Irie, our marriage is in trouble. You promised to see this through with me. If we can't get past marriage counselling, how do expect our marriage to go on?"

He didn't know what to say. The idea of going through another separation made him sick to his stomach. But he knew she was right. This was their last chance. If he threw it away now, he'd never get her back.

"Okay."