Hey guys, I'm back! :)
*sigh* so here is chapter 21. I have a playlist for this chapter: http://www(dot)playlist(dot)com/playlist/17638088715
If you don't wanna go through all that trouble, the main song for this story is Cut by Plumb. I pretty much listened to it over and over while I wrote this chappie.
Isabel is my beta, as all of you know. She also makes this all possible. She's the best. The freakin best!! Love you!!!
A HUGE thank you to my forum girls for being supportive and loving my story. You guys keep me going! :)
We'll talk down below.......oh man....
Twilight belongs to SM, did you know that?
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Do you know that feeling? Like you know you're awake, but what's happening around you cannot be real? Your breathing gets shorter, and you start to hyperventilate. Your head starts spinning and you suddenly feel disoriented. And you are scared. You're so fucking scared because you know that you do not have a single ounce of control over the situation at hand. Anything could happen, and that's positively frightening.
It seemed like a dream. Like I was on the outside looking in, observing someone else's worst nightmare. Clearly this couldn't be happening to me. Not on the night that I had completely surrendered to the man I loved. Not on the night that had changed my life in the most significant of ways. Not tonight.
Everything was so eerily quiet. The wind was howling but I couldn't hear it. The rain was pounding, but in devastating silence. My heart was beating painfully in hushed and disarrayed sputters. How was this going to end?
Edward turned around to face me, and his eyes were filled with rage and trepidation. "I have to call the police."
"Yes, you do," I whispered, squeezing his hand. "I need to check on Masen."
I let go of Edward and walked backwards slowly to Masen's room. Could he really have managed to sleep through that? I opened his door just a crack and peered into the dark room. He was slumbering away, completely unaware of the nightmare that was unfolding just outside his door. Thank God. I was shocked that the commotion didn't wake him, but I was more than relieved that he wouldn't be conscious for this.
I shut his door tightly, meeting Edward's eyes as he gave my address to the person on the phone. He snapped his cell shut and slid it in his back pocket before pulling me around the corner and out of her sight.
He held me close, our faces just centimeters apart. "He's asleep," I whispered. Edward nodded and pressed his lips softly to mine before he spoke.
"Listen to me baby," he pleaded, holding me tight and kissing my hair. "No matter what she says, no matter what she does, we're together, and I love you more than anything. More than everything. Don't let her cheapen this, don't let her cheapen us. It doesn't matter to me what she thinks or feels anymore, because I am fucking outraged, Bella. I fucking despise her for doing this to us." He was shaking against me with fury. His jaw was tense, his eyes fierce and watery.
I kissed him with everything I had inside of me, trying to show him that he would never be alone in this. "I love you, Edward," I whispered fervently, letting my tears fall down my cheeks as I held his face in my hands. "And nothing can make me feel like we're something to be ashamed of. She can't separate us Edward, she can't take you away from me!" I was trying to stay strong, but I couldn't hide the panic in my voice.
"Shhh baby, it's okay," he whispered against my cheek, calming me down as I felt myself losing my composure. My irregular breathing intensified as I heard her calling for him again. Her voice was wild and erratic.
"I know you're in there, Edward! You can't ignore me like this!" she screamed.
Edward pushed his forehead against mine, like he was trying to press his thoughts right into me. I hated that I was adding to his anxiety by making him worry about me, of all things. "I'm going out there with you, Edward." His face fell in uncertainty, but there was no way I'd leave him alone to fend for himself. "As far as I'm concerned, we're a packaged deal. We're in this together, babes. Let's fight for us…together."
He pulled me closer, kissing my hair. "You're right, Bella. All we have to do is deal with this until the police arrive. And then we'll start our life without her. Without anything but us and our fucking happiness. Let's just make this go away, once and for all."
He scooped my hand up and I hesitated, thinking that probably wasn't the best idea at this point.
He shook his head in defiance. "No. You had it right the first time. It's us together, and I'm not letting go of you. I love you and I refuse to let go of you."
I nodded at him, ready to stand up for the boy I love and the feelings we shared. I was ready to fight, ready to stand next to Edward equally and acknowledge our faults and our mistakes. But never regret them.
We walked towards the door with our fingers linked tightly. I knew he felt me trembling against him. "Hey," he breathed, kissing my forehead. "It's just a broken window. It's just vile words she'll try to hurt us with. It's nothing. Nothing she says or does will take away what we've just given each other. Don't ever doubt what we are, Bella."
I nodded, and he kissed me softly. It seemed every move we made resulted in a kiss, and I was so thankful for it; for him. Every kiss and every touch made me realize just how united we were.
"Stay behind me baby," he whispered, kissing my ear before we descended out the front door and onto my steps.
She stood about ten feet in front of us in my yard. She was soaking wet from the intense downpour, her mascara streaming down her cheeks and her fists clenched in tight balls at her side. She looked enraged. She looked desperate.
"Bella," she sneered, "get the fuck away from my boyfriend."
"I'm not your boyfriend." Edward's voice was soft but vicious. It somehow managed to reach her through the wind and the rain. "I've broken up with you time and again. I've tried for so fucking long and all you've done is run away from it. We are done. As far as I'm concerned, we never even were."
Shivers ran up my spine at the icy tone in his voice. I don't know why or how, but I felt a twinge of sympathy for her as he spoke those words to her.
"How long have you been fucking her then, you son of a bitch?!" Tanya screeched, her voice carrying loudly over the crashing thunder. She took two steps closer to us.
"I really don't see how that's any of your business," he seethed, turning to kiss me on the temple.
"Edward," I whispered, shaking his hand. I knew he was taking it too far, but I felt helpless to stop it.
"Well let's see, Edward," she said condescendingly. "We've been broken up for a matter of hours, so yeah, I'd say it's my concern!"
"I never slept with anyone while I was dating you. Hell, I hardly slept with YOU while I was dating you!" he shouted frigidly. "That's all you need to know. Now get the fuck out of my life, Tanya. I mean it, just leave me alone and let me be happy!"
She laughed. "Oh and I suppose this little slut makes you happy then? That's rich." She rolled her eyes before turning her attention to me. "Tell me Bella, how does it feel knowing you were nothing more than his whore?"
Edward let go of my hand, taking two steps closer to her with long and angry strides. Both of his hands were in his wet hair, making it stand up in distress.
"Don't you ever call her a whore! That girl is a fucking angel! She's fucking everything! And she has absolutely nothing to do with this. I wanted to break up with you long before I even met her. And Instead of listening to me, you acted unreasonably, throwing your mother's death in my face. What kind of a person would I be if that didn't affect me? And what kind of a person uses a death to obligate someone to them?" She seemed to process his words as he continued, his voice a little less harsh. "I never wanted to hurt you, but don't you realize that you hurt me too? If you ever cared about me, wouldn't you have taken what I wanted into consideration? Would you have disrespected my family the way you did? I mean, how can you justify speaking to my nephew that way?"
"Oh here we go," she laughed humorlessly, wiping the tears from her face. "Masen, Masen, Masen, the golden fucking child. The world lives and breathes for Masen doesn't it? He caused half of our problems Edward!"
Edward stopped pacing, and his eyes filled with rage, but I saw a hint of something else there as well. I think in that moment he understood just how sick she actually was. "Masen has nothing to do with us. He is practically a baby; don't you see how irrational it is to blame him?"
"Well, he's not all to blame is he? Let's not forget the one who drove us apart in the first place. The cheating skank who couldn't find her own fucking boyfriend." Tears stung my eyes as I absorbed her brutal words. I was so angry in that moment. She broke my window and she slandered me. And a voice deep down told me she was partly right. I kept my eyes to the ground as she continued to scream at Edward.
"I worked with that bitch day in and day out. All the while she was taking you away from me. What kind of a pathetic person actually does that to someone? Well Bella? If you're such a fucking angel, why don't you defend your actions? Tell me why you were slobbering all over my boyfriend right under my nose?"
Everything she was saying was true. And I knew it all along, but refused to acknowledge it. Tears streamed down my face as I processed her hurtful words. I had nothing to say for myself, so I just shook my head and avoided her gaze.
"We fell in love," I heard Edward's soft and broken voice as he turned to face me. I lifted my head to meet his loving gaze. "We couldn't stop it. And I would never dream of trying."
The few feet between us suddenly felt like miles, and I needed him next to me. He gave me a soft smile, trying to assure me with one look that I wasn't what she said I was. I looked at Tanya and realized exactly what Edward had just divulged to her. His words were tender, his gaze so sweet, and he was practically throwing it in her face. Everything she had ever wanted from him, and I was the one to be on the receiving end. I knew this couldn't end well. I just hoped the police would arrive soon.
"In love," she repeated Edward's words bitterly. "Yeah you two are real fucking sweet. Your pathetic eye-fuck moments at school. Your little "silly string" fight, all the hand holding and forehead kissing. Do you really think I'm that fucking blind not to see it? Maybe you weren't sleeping with her, but you were cheating, Edward! Don't tell me you weren't!" She was shaking viciously, her eyes burning hate right into me.
Finally I decided to speak. "I'm sorry," I whispered sadly. "I'm sorry we did this to you, Tanya."
"Hang on," Edward said, the anger rising in his voice with each word. "What do you mean silly string fight? How do you know about that?" He waited for her to answer, but she said nothing. "Have you been following me? Are you serious with this shit, Tanya? Jesus Christ, you are fucked in the head. How could I have ever believed it was in my ability to help you? You need some padded fucking walls, immediately," he scoffed running his hand wildly through his wet hair.
She let out an ear piercing scream as she threw her head back in vehemence. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly as the harsh rain crashed against her face. "All I ever wanted was you! All I wanted was to get rid of the grief for my mother and I would be normal again. I'd be everything you needed me to be, Edward! If I do need a padded room, I have you to thank for it! You and that fucking bitch!" She turned to me, and when she spoke her voice was only a violent whisper. "I fucking hate you Bella. You ruined my life; you've taken everything from me. You disgust me. And the only person you're fooling is him. You are a whore, and everybody knows it."
I felt my hands begin to tremble as my eyes filled up with tears. All I ever wanted was you. I took a minute to put myself in her shoes. I knew what it was like to only want him. What would I do if he didn't want me? What would I do if the moment I lost the most important person in my life, he turned away from me? What the fuck would I do? The night began closing in around me, and I started hyperventilating. She was right. I took myself outside of my love bubble and saw the situation for what it was. I was the other woman. I was his whore.
Suddenly Tanya Denali didn't seem so fucking crazy anymore.
I looked up to see Edward standing in front of me, his eyes deep and his hands grasping at my waist. I didn't feel him at first. But once our eyes connected, he was all I saw as he desperately tried to bring me back to him. He shook me and pulled me towards him, placing his forehead against mine. "No matter what she says, no matter what she does," he whispered intensely, kissing me gently. My tears poured down my face as he spoke his words from earlier, the words he made me promise to hold on to. Together, he had told me. "Edward, she's right," I sobbed silently, holding his face in my hands.
"No," he said forcefully, shaking his head and kissing my lips.
"Yes. Because if she possesses even a fraction of the love I feel for you, then I don't think I could survive either, if you didn't want me. Don't you see? I am the whore."
"Bella, please stop," he begged in a trembling voice. "Please baby, don't listen to her. My whore?" he scoffed. "You're my fucking soul mate, Bella! Please, just feel me," he whispered, placing my hand over his heart as he shivered against me. "We're not something to be ashamed of, you said it yourself."
The weight of the past six weeks was pouring out of me in that moment. All the guilt, the pressure, the sorrow, it emptied out of me in body racking sobs and violent shakes. When you bottle something so powerful inside of you, it's inevitable that it will break you.
It broke me.
I forgot she was even there, until I felt him pull away from me and start breaking down right along with me. "Tanya, please, just fucking stop this, okay?" he screamed an octave higher than his normal voice. "Let me go…just let it go and stop doing this to us. I'm sorry I don't return the feelings you have for me, and I'm sorry I fucked everything up so royally. I went about this whole thing so completely wrong, but I can't go back in time to fix it. And I can't handle what you're doing to her. I don't even care that I sound like a whiny little bitch right now! Do whatever you want to me, but stop attacking her! Just leave her out of it. Leave us be, okay? Just leave us alone!" he begged erratically. My heart shattered as he pleaded with her to end this hell once and for all. His voice was nothing but quivering pain, and I couldn't stand it another minute.
His desperate cries snapped me out of my misery and I finally noticed what this was doing to him. Tanya wasn't the only one chipping away at my boyfriend's resolve. I was too. The one person who should always be there to hold it firmly in place.
I pulled on his hand until he turned around, and I wrapped my arms around him securely. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. I'm okay, I just freaked out for a minute, but we're all right. It's okay," I reassured him, kissing every inch of his face I could reach.
He closed his eyes as I kissed the rain off of his face. "Bella, do you know what it fucking does to me when you tell me that you think of yourself as my whore, after all we've been through? Do you have any idea how much that burns my fucking heart? Don't you know, baby? Don't you know by now that I love you more than my own life? The only thing that matters to me is you, Bella. Please tell me you know that."
I began crying harder as he confessed everything that I already knew to begin with. God I loved him so much, I could have collapsed from the pain in his voice as my boy fell apart in front of me. "I know Edward," I cried. "I know you love me. And it's not just me that matters. We matter. There is no me without you."
He crashed his lips to mine as the rain cradled us in its arms and encouraged us to love with all we had. The whole world fell away as Edward and I surrendered to each other all over again. I opened my eyes to gaze into the soft, green ones staring back at me, until something in my peripheral vision pulled me away. I turned to look over his shoulder and my heart stopped beating.
I forgot she was there, witnessing the full extent of our passion. I forgot that by putting it on display, we were pushing her further and further towards the edge. I forgot until something shiny caught my eye across the yard, and I saw the knife begin to drag down her wrist.
"Tanya, don't!" I screamed. I attempted to run to her, but Edward caught me around the waist and bolted past me. The eerie silence washed over me once more as I saw him rushing towards her. I watched as he struggled to remove the knife from her hand. The rain was falling in heavy and silent streams. Her cries of protest were nothing but empty pleas into the night. I heard nothing.
Until the moment I saw his body freeze and tense. The moment I saw his hands fall away from her and start to tremble. That moment shrieked and thrashed inside of me in ear splitting horror.
That single moment.
Her wide and tear filled eyes met mine as the knife fell from her shaking hands. "I didn't….mean…to….."
He turned his body towards me, his face twisted in shock and pain. He collapsed to the ground in front of me.
I screamed.
I ran to him before falling to the ground beside him. My stomach was heaving and I felt my life start to fade with every drop of blood that escaped his body. His eyes met mine, and he lifted his hand to my cheek. I brought my face to his, our mouths just whispers apart.
"It's okay, baby," he breathed shakily. "I love you, Bella. It's okay."
I looked down between us and saw him gripping his stomach. I placed my hand over his and wept in violent and unforgiving sobs. I groaned in torment as his warm blood slipped through his fingers and seep onto my hand that covered his.
I felt her presence hovering over me and I trembled with rage. "Get the fuck away from him!" I screamed desperately. "Just get away from us," I wailed. "Leave us alone!"
I looked back down to my boy and he was staring up into the sky. I turned his face, and his eyes bounced around frantically until they found mine. "Edward," I pleaded. "You promised me, baby. Stay with me, please. Talk to me."
He blinked as the tears fell from the corners of his eyes. "I thought when we got married, it could be in your meadow."
I cried out loudly. "It's our meadow, baby. Tell me more."
"Our first baby is going to be a girl," he groaned, wincing as he shifted his body. "She's going to have your eyes and my hair. She's going to be just as beautiful as you are."
I kissed him over and over, my heart jumping as I heard the sirens in the distance. "I love you so much, Edward. We'll have all that, we'll have everything you just said, babes. Just don't leave me. Please," I begged over and over, my tears falling on his rain covered face.
He smiled up at me through his pain, and I fell apart all over again. Because he was smiling at me. Everything he ever did was for me, and I would never live without him.
I would never live without him.
His hand trembled against my face as he kissed me once more, his smile never fading. "We'll be okay, baby. I love you. Tonight was the best night of my life, Bella."
I scoffed, closing my eyes tightly as my stomach lurched in revolt.
"Bella, look at me. Tonight has been the best night of my life, because we made love to each other. And it was perfect, and it was everything, and it's ours." I could tell he was trying to speak forcefully, but his voice was barely even there. "I'll love you forever, baby. I already promised you that."
I kissed him with my heart and my soul, like a desperate woman begging her only love to stay. His weak hand held my face, and I clung to him tightly, scared to let go. Scared of what this world would become if he wasn't in it.
I heard vehicles speed to a stop in front of my house, but I never broke our gaze. "Tell me," he whispered.
"I love you, Edward Cullen. I love you, I love you, I love you," I sobbed as I voiced my love for him just like it was the first time.
I heard the commotion of people around me as I felt hands trying to pull me from my boy. "Edward," I pleaded, kissing him once more.
"I'm not leaving you, Bella. I'll never leave you," he rasped.
The strong pair of hands finally succeeded in their attempt to rip me away from the love of my life. I screamed and kicked in resistance. "No, please!" I cried loudly, begging for someone to listen to me and just let me be with him. "Don't take me from him. Please, please, please. Let me keep him!" I wailed fitfully, feeling my body fall limp against the person that held me up.
"It'll be all right, sweetie. Just breathe, the ambulance is on its way and then you can go with him," a deep voice said behind me, trying to soothe me from the nightmare that was literally ripping me apart.
I couldn't go with him, because I had Masen. I turned around and tugged on the police officer's shirt. "Sir please, you have to call my brother-in-law because my nephew is in there and I need to go with him! I have to go with him and I can't leave Masen. Please call this number! Please, sir….please call this number!" I felt myself getting dizzy as I rattled off Emmett's number in a frenzied panic.
The man held me tighter to him, advising some person to call the number I recited. I couldn't stop struggling against him. I needed to break free—from my anger, my fear, my heartache. I needed a release.
I looked around the large police officer to find the person who took him away from me. I had said she wasn't capable of doing it, but somehow she succeeded. All sympathy I had for her and what we had done to her quickly turned into a blind hate. An unfaltering burst of anger and disgust. Pure rage.
With strength I never knew I had, I wrestled away from the arms restraining me. The moment I escaped my confines, I screamed bloody murder as I ran toward her. She stood in the middle of the road, staring at me with glassy and emotionless eyes. She didn't even bother to fight me off as I tackled her to the ground and covered her body with mine. I punched and slapped and struck and beat her for what she had taken from us. I wanted to kill her. I never felt such a need before that moment. Anyone who took him out of this world deserved to fucking end. I grinned as I felt her nose break underneath my fist.
She looked up at me with her strange empty eyes as a smile broke out across her bloodied face. "Thank you, Bella," she whispered.
I faintly acknowledged the ambulance nearing my house. My body fell limp as I felt myself being pulled off of her. Everything was so foreign to me in that moment. I heard noises, but didn't recognize what they were. I felt textures, but had no clue what it meant to feel. Not anymore. A quiet and broken voice changed all that.
"Bella."
I twisted my head just as they began to cut his shirt off, and I turned to face the man who was keeping me from my boy.
"She's taking him away from me," I sobbed uncontrollably. "I'm not sorry I hurt her, but please let me near him. Please God, let me be with him. He can't leave me, sir. Don't let him leave me!"
He let go of me and I ran to the boy who made my heart soar and my life worth living. I clung to him with more force than I probably should have in his delicate state. "I'm here, Edward. I'm here," I cried, kissing his forehead.
He smiled up at me as his breathing became more labored. "Did you kick her ass for me, baby?"
I laughed as my tears fell against his cheeks. "Yeah."
"That's my girl," he whispered, his eyelids opening and closing heavily.
I realized how violently I was shaking when I attempted to kiss his lips. "Edward," I cried fervently.
"Stay with me," he pleaded softly. "Stay with me, Bella."
"Forever," I whispered, taking his bloodied hand in mine and kissing it over and over again.
"Forever," he whispered. And then he closed his eyes.
He didn't open them again.
I screamed his name. I yelled and shrieked and cried his name until my voice gave out. I collapsed into a pair of strong arms as the people in uniforms called out to each other in urgent commands.
We need to get him out of here.
He's lost consciousness.
Heart rate is falling.
And then everything went black.
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Well, I'm off to go into hiding with Tiff (sixxeightshuffle). If you don't want to cause us physical damage, come to the Robhole and drink some Heineken with us....
Voting is still open for the moonlight awards. I'm nominated for best AU-Human story and Best author. If you feel I deserve either of those titles, swing on by and vote: http://themoonlightawards(dot)yolasite(dot)com/
Please review, I'm dying to know what you have to say about this one....Thank you guys! :)
*Depression is one of the leading indicators of suicide so we must never underestimate this illness. If you or anyone you know struggles with depression, please seek medical intervention immediately.*