❤ Chapter Twenty ❤

I love him. There were no longer doubts about it. The realization hit me so hard that it knocked everything out of me. When we broke apart from the kiss, Logan's hands cradled my cheeks as he held my forehead to his. I kept my eyes closed, taking in his every breath, afraid that if I opened them, I would find out it was all a dream. With my hands still gripping his chest and the rain soaking our bodies, we stayed like that for an eternity.

"God, I missed you." His whisper was warm breaths washing over me.

My face couldn't help but fold as emotions flooded in. I held onto him tighter, clenching his shirt. All I wanted to do was listen to his voice. If this was a dream, maybe it would last longer if I didn't speak.

"Ace, look at me." His hand moved to my chin, lifting it gently.

I looked up into a pair of moist, brown eyes, brimmed by light lashes that were donned with drops of rain. Being so close, I saw every dark fiber weaving through his irises, and his charcoal pupils taking me in. To think I was away from those eyes, my heart ached once more.

Logan wiped my wet cheeks with his thumbs as he faced me, eye to eye.

"Do you want to go inside?" His tone was cautious. "You need to get changed. I don't want you getting sick."

Looking at his worried expression, I could only nod.

At my response, his jaws relaxed. With a faint curl of his lips, he straightened himself and reached for my hand, his palm thawing my frozen flesh. My hand folded easily into his while he led me toward the building, tentative at first as he looked back at me, as if seeking my affirmation. Slightly weak in the knees, I tried to follow him without crumbling to the ground. We walked side by side with our footsteps sloshing in the puddles. Filling the silence was the sound of running water under the drains by the road. With the tranquil, rhythmic sound and Logan's warm, gentle hand, I felt like everything will be alright. Walking soaked in the rain didn't get better than this.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The sudden, cool air in the the lobby hit me, making me shudder. I felt Logan's arm around my back and looked up to find him next to me. He looked almost shy as his hand rubbed some heat into me, sedating my shivers. I gave a small smile in return.

"Ohmigosh! Are you guys alright?" With her heels clicking, Denise hurried toward us.

My heart sank as reality poked its ugly head. Oh great, it's her again.

Logan's arm tensed. "What are you still doing here?"

Denise appeared to be scrunching her face, but the areas around her forehead were rigid. "You told me to wait here."

Through gritted teeth, Logan said, "I told you to leave."

"But your father said you're taking me to dinner. He said we're having steak." Her eyes rounded, looking hurt. "I can't have steak, but that's okay. There's always sala-"

"Since you're so close with my father-" Logan's cold voice brought chills down my spine. "You can personally tell him that I'm done with his shit."

Denise's mouth hung open as she stared at him. She stuttered, "But, but, he promised me I was well taken care of tonight."

"Sounds like he's the one you're in a relationship with." His arm left my back as his hand found mine. Eyes blazing, he said to her, "Enjoy your dinner with him." Then, he looked down at me and murmured, "Let's go, Ace."

"Whaa? You can't do that to me!" Denise whined, but Logan was already leading me away. I glanced over my shoulder and saw her stomping her foot, her full lips pouting furiously above her chin.

Then, she screamed, causing Logan to stop. "I'll tell my dad and he won't go easy on your family!"

He turned around, his body stiff beside mine. "Threats don't work on me. I'm surprised my father didn't tell you that."

Before I could wonder about the exchange, Logan pulled me into the elevator with my hand firmly in his.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Logan and I didn't break contact on the way to his unit, whether it was in the elevator or walking down the quiet hall, he held my hand the entire way. Arriving at his door, I watched as he opened it. His skin was glistening with beads of water gathered on his hairline and chin. His features were somewhat tense, as if my presence made him anxious.

When the door opened, Logan gestured me in. Incandescent lights shone from the corners onto the bleak, white walls of his foyer. The place was as sterile as his office, with a pair of black, leather armchairs entrapping a small glass table and a leafy, green plant, sitting in a corner. I stood in the center with my hands tugging at my soaked shirt.

"You can take a shower and change." Logan's soft voice echoed in the room as he walked to an archway.

I followed him. "Okay, thanks."

He turned to me. "I'll provide an official tour of mi casa afterwards."

Seeing the small smile on his lips, I said, "I look forward to it."

After weaving through an enormous living room and kitchen, we arrived at a hallway. He opened the second door to my right and flicked on the lights. Inside was a bathroom with pale grey walls and brown marble counters. White towels hung by the mirror, while a lone beige soap bar sat in a steel crate beside the sink.

"You can freshen up here. I'll grab you some dry clothes." Logan gave a warm smile before disappearing through the doorway.

When he was gone, I observed myself in the mirror and cringed. Clearly, making out in the rain wasn't good to me. My brown locks, full of deadly tangles, were plastered against the sides of my head. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot above the trails of water caked on my cheeks. If the encounter with Denise downstairs hadn't thrown me back to reality, seeing my reflection certainly did. I realized where I was, and what had happened minutes ago. Logan and I kissed... and now I was in his apartment. The realization should have scared me. I should be hyperventilating about what I had done, instead all I could think about was this. I was in Logan's apartment. I wonder how many girls have been here? How many have used this bathroom?

"This was all I could find. I hope you don't mind."

I jumped at the voice, turning my back against the counter. Logan entered and stopped before me.

"Sorry to startle you." His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "I only have these for you to wear." He looked apologetic, maybe even embarrassed, as he held out a bundle of grey and pale blue.

I took it. "It's fine. Anything will do."

Blush crept up my cheeks when I realized they were his. I could smell his familiar scent coming off the fabric. The thought of putting them on reminded me of his body against mine. My face flushed some more.

When I looked up from the clothes, my eyes locked with Logan's. He examined me, before he took a step closer. Knowing I was stuck, with the edge of the counter against the small of my back, my heart fluttered at full speed.

Softly, he said, "I'm glad you're here."

Swallowing, I didn't make a sound.

He licked his lips. "I just need you to know that."

Caught in his gaze and those sweet, sweet words, he was all I knew in that instant. And he was enough. Slowly, his hand reached to cup the side of my face. My eyes closed briefly as I leaned into his palm. It was so warm.

We watched each other with a hint of fear in his eyes, possibly mimicking the look in mine. Logan started leaning closer, cautiously at first, until his face was hovering before mine. Almost tasting the air escaping his lips, I let my eyes close. Hearing Logan's breath accelerate, my heart thumped even louder. Finally, after what felt like a hundred years, his lips met mine.

The kiss started out slow, a tentative gesture, as his hand held my cheek. Then, his other hand grabbed my waist. My insides clenched when he leaned into me. My back nudged into the counter while I swayed backwards, only supported by his firm hold. With his clothes in my hand, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Catching me by surprise, his palm spread against my back and squeezed me into him, deepening our kiss. Shudders went through me as I let the clothes fall to the ground. My hand, now free to roam, went into his hair, feeling it between my fingertips. There was no way I could think straight when my insides were melting, but I was trying hard to.

I couldn't do this to Sam, a voice squeezed through the hormones drowning my brain. He was waiting for my answer. He deserved to know. Though I focused hard on those words in between the pulses in my stomach, a whimper escaped when Logan gripped my hips. My breaths sped up and my mind was consumed by desire once more.

"God, you smell so good." Logan whispered against my skin as he started feathering kisses down my jaw and neck.

I was panting, desperate for air to fill my brain. "Logan... Wait..." I forced the sound out of me.

With his hands remaining on me, he slumped his body onto me, his face sinking into my neck. For several seconds, he stayed still while his chest rose and fell.

I swallowed hard and squeezed my eyes shut. I breathed, "I can't..."

Slowly, Logan pulled back. Facing me, his eyes, a powerful black hole, searched mine, sucking away all my strength. His breathing was ragged as he said, "I'm sorry." A sigh came out as he shook his head.

Feeling the warmth of his hands leave my body, I fought the urge to pull him back. "No, I- I'm sorry. I just can't...right now..."

"I know..." His expression softened into a look of guilt. "I understand."

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled as he stepped back. He looked down and picked up the clothes sprawling on the floor. Placing it on the counter, he said gently, "You should get in the shower and warm up."

My body was already boiling, but I nodded.

"Okay." He looked at me like he didn't know what to do. "I'll see you in a bit."

After he left and shut the door, I sank down with my body shaking, suddenly freezing as if he was my sole source of heat. I stayed there for a while, trying to calm my uneven breaths. It scared me to death the effect he had on me. I realized that was part of the reason I was hiding for so long. I always needed to be in control, but with Logan, it was impossible. With trepidation catching up to me, I thought of bailing. However, his fierce voice in the rain, yelling those four words, rang in my mind. They were the answer to the question I had for so long. He still loves me. With the thought of Logan leaving tomorrow, and the many questions left unanswered, I was determined to figure them out tonight.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I stepped out of the bathroom, self-conscious in Logan's dress shirt and sweat pants, and peeked down the hall. A faint light came from my left and I followed it, practically tip-toeing on the wood floors. As I got closer, the scent of coffee in the air greeted me and I noticed the light from the open kitchen opposite of the living room. I turned out of the hallway and found Logan sitting at a small, rectangular table against the wall. He looked up from his newspaper and smiled at me. His blonde hair was tousled and damp on his head, while he wore a plain, white T-shirt and black shorts. My heart flipped three-hundred and sixty degrees at the sight. He looked exactly the same as when we would have breakfast together back at Yale.

"Hey, I made you some coffee." As he spoke, his eyes subtly traveled down my body, before meeting my gaze. I felt heat rise through me, remembering our previous tryst.

"Thanks," I murmured. With the way he was looking at me, it was probably not safe to edge closer. I sat down across from him anyway.

A mug, with a bear in a tootoo skirt on it, filled to the brim was on the table in front of me. Feeling his gaze, I grabbed it and took a slow sip. When I couldn't stall any longer, I looked up. To my surprise, Logan looked almost as nervous as I felt. I guess, we both didn't know how to go about the inevitable conversation.

Uncomfortable in the silence, I whispered, "So..."

He pursed his lips. "So."

The single word stumped me. I didn't know what to say.

Logan started, his tone gentle but firm. "Why did you come today?"

"I wanted to see you." Embarrassed by my confession, I quickly added, "Candice said you were in town. She heard from Sheena who heard it from Christine. Or it might have been the other way around..." Great, I was rambling again.

Reaching for the mug in front of him, his eyes bored into mine as his lips twitched. "But then you ran away?"

Hearing him put it that way, I felt so childish. "I- I freaked out when Denise said she's your fiancée."

His brows knitted together. "Don't listen to her. It's all my dad's doing."

Remembering what Denise said in the lobby, my curiosity peaked. "What's he doing?"

"Well, it's become his hobby in the last years to set me up on blind dates." He looked tense talking about it.

"Why a sudden interest in your social life?" I frowned, trying to make sense of his words.

Glancing at me from his coffee, he let out a deep breath. "I believe his exact words were 'I don't care what you do with your career, but you must marry and carry on the family name'"

Oh. Mitchum wanted him to marry. I gulped, knowing what Logan must be thinking. If I'd accepted his proposal, he wouldn't be in this situation. Whether his family would have even approved, I suppose, was a different problem.

"But, why Denise?" I asked.

"Denise, Sandra, Holly. They're all the same to my father." His jaws clenched. "He only cares about their surnames, basically, what their family can bring for his business."

Though gradually understanding Mitchum's intentions, many factors still puzzled me. "But, he's the most powerful man in the industry..."

"For now, yes." His eyes hardened. He paused, as if debating whether he should continue. Then, he said, "The company's been having some problems with a decrease in readership, and a rise in competition from online media."

I nodded. Working for a small newspaper name, I knew all about the increasing hardship.

"So, my father's desperate to get on good terms with powerful figures who can help him stay on top."

"And you marrying their daughter is the way to go?" The thought made my stomach churn.

"Apparently." He pursed his lips.

Watching Logan intently, his face not giving anything away, my brows creased with worry. "Would your family be okay even with the problems?"

He sighed as he looked down at the table. "Finance wise, we'll be fine. But, you know my family. Face and status are more important than anything else."

Nodding, I wasn't surprised that his family was controlling his relationships. Yet, picturing Logan on dates with girls like Denise made my stomach boil. Trying to sound as casual as possible, I said, "If you're constantly being set up on dates, you must have seen quite a variety." I casually glanced at him. "Did you ever like any of them?"

Knowing Logan, I was fully expecting him to give a smirk, being amused at my question. Therefore, I was caught off guard by the way his jaws hardened and his eyes tensed. It's been three years, of course he's liked other girls, my conscious scolded. Then, the only name that I know of from his life in California popped into my mind - Amelia. Remembering the vague answers he gave me when I'd asked about her, my heartbeat quickened.

Everything Logan did from that point on played in slow-motion before me. Awaiting his response felt like the longest time I'd spent watching anyone. Taking a long sip of his coffee, his eyes left my gaze. When he finally placed the mug on the table, he just stared at it, for several seconds. I watched him and the feeling of dread in me grew. I was desperate to decipher his expression. With his eyes never leaving the table, he nodded slightly, before his head lifted and his eyes met mine. They were translucent layers of caramel masking a thousand emotions. Somehow, I felt I saw guilt, regret and pain all at once. I had no idea what to make of them.

Logan was silent for so long that his voice startled me when he finally spoke. "Rory... I was going to find you today to ask you to be with me."

Unable to process his words, I stared at him.

"But I needed to tell you something before you made a choice." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "There's something you need to know... It's about Amelia."

My pulse stopped at the name, and I had to mentally check that I was still breathing. Alarms went off in my head, loud and hostile. Without hearing myself, I asked, "What about her?"

He pulled his chair until it was next to mine. Then, he grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eyes. They were pleading, which only made my heart clench further. "Before I tell you, I need you to know that in the past three years, I never stopped loving you."

When I didn't respond, he continued, "I made some shitty choices, but just keep that in mind." Licking his lips, he looked down at our hands that were bound together, sitting on his lap. Softly, he said, "I was a mess. I was so angry about what happened with us, so irritated by my father's constant pestering, and-" He swallowed. "Amelia kept me sane."

Seeing how he couldn't even look at me, my heart softened. "Logan... We weren't together. You shouldn't feel guilty about being with someone else."

He shook his head. "It's not just that." Looking up at me, he said, "We were engaged."

A lump formed in my throat. Of course. His father was setting him up for marriage, not play dates after all. I was stupid to not realize it. "Are you still...?"

"No," he answered quickly, tightening his hold on my hands. "No. We're over."

I was nodding. Remembering the text I saw on Logan's phone, I found my voice. "But, you keep in touch?"

His grip hardened in my hands. "We're friends, but that's it."

"Okay." My voice was sharp.

"Ace, please believe me. There's nothing going on between us. She's a good friend of mine." He stopped. "She's actually the one who convinced me to come see you."

"Okay."

"Ace...?" Logan titled his head and examined my face. I was probably as pale as the white walls in his foyer.

"Okay, yeah. I'm fine." I withdrew my hands from his and tucked my hair behind my ear.

He wiped his face with his hand, and leaned back in his seat. "You don't look fine, Ace."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I sat up. "No, really. I mean, yeah, you didn't stop loving me, so you proposed to her." My head bobbed up and down. "That totally makes sense, and is totally normal. It's fine."

He glanced to the side before looking back at me. His tone was earnest when he said, "It really meant nothing. I-"

"Why did your engagement end?" The thought came to me.

Instantly, Logan's face paled. He looked taken aback by those simple words. I tried to brace myself for his reply, but from the look on his face, I knew I couldn't prepare for the answer even if I tried. For the longest time, he just stared at me. Before my eyes, I saw all his fronts crumple down. Whatever memory the question elicited stripped him bare. The expression on his face was unlike anything I'd ever seen from him. As if he was forced to watch torturous images play before him. His eyes were so pained. So raw. Seeing him like that, I wanted to retract my question just to rid of this moment.

I reached out to touch his hand that was stiff on his lap. Terrified of his silence, I whispered, "Logan?"

Startled, his gaze met mine. Slowly, he said, "She was pregnant."

Although my heartbeat stalled at his answer, I held his gaze, letting him know it was okay to say more.

"After a few months, I, I couldn't take it." Lowering his head into his hands, his voice cracked. "I yelled at her, she left and-" He shook his head. "She was driving, and there was this drunk asshole..."

A soft gasp came out of my mouth as my body froze. Goosebumps traveled through my skin. "Oh my god... is the..."

"I killed the baby," he said it like it was a statement he woke up to everyday. Like it was a callus on his skin.

Looking up at me, his eyes bloodshot, he told me, "She never loved anyone before. Only that baby and me, and I killed it."

Thanks for reading!

Please let me know what you think!

Next chapter will be a flashback of Logan and Amelia, 1 year ago, showing everything that happened leading up to the miscarriage. Yay many of you guessed it right.

There are a couple chapters left until the end. I'll let everyone know when the last chapter is coming up. There will also be an epilogue.

Thanks for all your reviews, and follows!