Thank you to all my lovely readers who took the time to review! I'm so appreciative of you guys! You keep my writing going!
*PLEASE READ FIRST*
Anyways, this chapter has some touchy issues included in it. I just want to say that I was trying to make the story as authentic as possible and I was trying to make it as true to the times as possible. I apologize if something is inaccurate, I tried to make it as accurate to the best of my knowledge. The viewpoint of Michelle is not necessarily my own so please don't berate me in the reviews. If you disagree with something, please do not take it out on me. Try to focus on the WHOLE story not just one part. Thank you for your understanding and enjoy.
"P-pregnant?" I stuttered.
"Yes, that's the reason for your sudden nausea and fainting."
"But . . . but . . ." My mind was frazzled from the news I had just received. How could I be pregnant? I was always careful and always took the necessary precautions. Maybe this was a dream. Or maybe my doctor was simply playing a joke on me. A cruel, sick joke that was about to induce heart failure.
"I know this must be a shock to you, Michelle," Doctor Wilson said. "Especially for someone in your . . . unwedded state."
My jaw dropped. My doctor was concerned about my marital status while I was in denial about the whole pregnancy.
"Now you're still early in your pregnancy so doing something about it is still possible, if you choose to do that, of course." He stated leaning back in his chair. I half expected him to put his feet up on his desk in his overly relaxed state.
Was he implying . . . abortion? My stomach turned at the very idea. Yet, if I had this baby out of wedlock, I'd be branded as a whore and my baby as a bastard.
"How . . . How far along am I?" Words somehow were able to form and leave my mouth.
"Only about eight weeks."
Two months. Where was I two months ago? Oh, no. New York City. The pot. My mouth and throat went dry as I realized what had happened that night. George and I had conceived a baby in a haze of marijuana smoke.
"However," my doctor continued, breaking my thoughts. "If you do not want that, I would suggest a marriage as soon as possible to avoid the obvious."
The bump on the back of my head started to ache. Marriage? I-I would have to marry George, the father of the unborn child growing inside me. The ache grew throughout my skull, reaching my forehead. I held my head in my hands and closed my eyes trying to ease the pain.
"You don't have to decide this right now, Michelle," I heard the man behind the desk say. He was trying to provide comfort, but he was failing. He usually never had to deal with someone as hesitant as me. His patients who were in the same situation probably chose to end the pregnancy right there in his office. I couldn't do that though. Decisions always had to be thought out and over analyzed in my brain. I had the habit of weighing out the consequences, comparing the pros and cons, and foreseeing the outcome.
I finally lifted up my head to look at the middle aged man behind the thick glasses resting on his nose.
"I . . . I want to think about it."
"Alright, that's fine," he said nodding his head once. "Let me know as soon as you decide something."
As I left the doctor's office, I breathed in as much of the cold October air as possible. I needed oxygen in my system to think clearly, to help me decide what I was going to do next.
I thought about what it meant to be a mother. How giving they are of their time and energy and resources. How they dedicate their lives to their children, even after they are grown and gone. How selfless they are because they give of themselves tirelessly without stopping for anything.
I knew I could never be any of those things because I'm too selfish to care about anyone but myself. There was enough evidence of that in my relationship with George. Then there was the issue of possibly raising this child by myself. I didn't want that at all. My child deserved a father just like I had. A wonderful, caring and understanding man who could hold him or her when there was pain, who could teach him or her how to ride a bike, who could take him or her to the beach or park to play.
George could do all those things . . . but I didn't want him to. I couldn't take his career away so earlier on with a family, even though he wanted one. But he deserved someone who wanted him as her husband and as the father of her children.
I opened the door to George's apartment, or flat, and smelled coffee brewing. He was just getting up. I found him sitting at the kitchen table holding a mug between his hands.
"Hi," I said. He looked up at me with tired eyes. His body looked so small in his pajama pants and large bathrobe.
"You're home." He yawned.
"Mmhmm." I walked over to the refrigerator to get the milk for a bowl of cereal.
"So how was the doctor's visit?" I cringed. I had hoped he had forgotten about my appointment.
"It was fine," I answered while pouring the cereal.
"What did he say?" I put the cereal box down a little harder than normal out of annoyance. It irritated me how he asked so many questions.
"That I'm okay and perfectly healthy." There. I wasn't lying; that's exactly what my doctor told me. That should suffice.
"So he didn't know why you were sick and passing out?"
I groaned. "He said I was fine, okay? Isn't that what's important?" The words sounded harsher than I thought they would.
"I'm only concerned about you." I heard him push back in his chair. "Some people would appreciate that."
"George," I sighed. It was too late though, he had left the kitchen.
I left the flat without apologizing. I assumed I would be able to make amends later that night, but it wouldn't be possible.
. . .
Baby's good to me, you know
She's happy as can be, you know
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine
The boys' new single was playing on repeat throughout Brian's house. Their manager insisted on having the record on repeat so that everyone would leave the party singing it. I wished he would at least consider playing something else. I had been at the release party for 90 minutes and already had a headache.
I exited the main room to get as far away from the record player as possible. Entering the dining room, I found George holding a plate in his hands while circling the large buffet table. He was like a vulture, scanning the options trying to decide what to devour first. After he filled his plate, he looked up and spotted me. I wanted him to know I was sorry for earlier so I gave him a small smile. His face remained the same; cold and neutral. Those warm, dark eyes simply looked through me as if I wasn't there. George turned to leave the room without acknowledging my existence at all.
I felt so small and alone as the people filled the room. Suzie was still on her honeymoon so I had no friends at the party. I looked around trying to find someone, anyone to talk to. I was getting sick of always being alone or feeling alone. My eyes landed on my refuge - alcohol. In the corner of the room was a bar that Brian had requested for the party. Behind the bar tender were rows and rows of glasses bottles full of liquor.
Without thinking, I walked over to the bar and asked for a Grasshopper. The bartender gave me a puzzled look before making my drink. This didn't surprise me; of course he was confused. A Grasshopper wasn't a very popular drink in England because it was an iconic drink from back home. The bartender however knew how to make it without a problem.
The mint cooled my mouth, relaxing my body and mind. I felt a hand on my shoulder after I finished my first sip.
"Should you really be drinking?" A deep voice asked.
I turned around and saw Paul furrowing his eyebrows at me. "Yeah, why not?" I asked shrugging my shoulders.
"Your head?" Paul pointed to his forehead.
"News flash! Doctor says I'm fine!" At this point I had forgotten the fragile fetus growing inside of me.
"Well, be careful yeah?" He suggested before walking away.
I chuckled at his pretend concern for me. George probably asked him to talk to me, I thought. If I had any sense at all, I would have listened to him and realized I wasn't only poisoning myself, but also my child.
An hour later, I was stumbling around Brian's house searching for the bathroom. I giggled every time I tripped over my feet while people stared at me in bewilderment. I barely noticed them though because I was focused on finding the restroom. Somehow I made it upstairs after remembering the location of the room.
Walking down the hallway, I stared at the many closed doors before me. I finally decided on a door on the right side of the hallway. As I neared the door, I heard giggling from the other side. I opened the door slowly and peaked inside the small space between the door and wall. The only things in my view were the head of a bed and an end table next to it. I could still hear the laughing though along with moaning and heavy breathing.
Suddenly I saw John tumble onto the bed with a redheaded girl. I held back a gasp as I watched the two passionately kiss and grope at each other's clothes. My bladder forgot that it was full while my eyes attempted to focus on the scandalous moment unfolding in front of me.
"Oh, John," Jane groaned as the Beatle kissed her neck. "We don't have enough time though."
John lifted his head to look at her. "Are you doubting my abilities luv?"
The girl rolled her eyes. "Of course not. I can feel your abilities through your pants."
My mouth betrayed me and let out a snort of laughter before I remembered I was spying. Jane pulled back from John's kisses and asked him, "Did you hear something?"
I felt my stomach drop. Quickly and quietly as possible, I snuck down the hallway and down the stairs to avoid being caught. I hurriedly walked away from the stairs to separate myself from the unfaithful couple upstairs.
When I entered the dining room, I looked behind me to make sure that John and Jane hadn't followed me. My feet kept walking however until I collided with someone else. I grunted in my drunken state while the other person chuckled.
"Are you okay?" Paul smiled down at me.
"Yeah," I said rubbing my head. "I'm just dizzy."
"Well, let's get you some water then." Paul took my hand and brought me to the kitchen. It was in the back of the house so no one was in it.
Paul sat me down at a small kitchen table with lovely flowers on it. I reached my hand out to touch the soft petals. Unfortunately, one of the petals fell off as Paul sat down next to me with a glass of water.
"Don't tell Brian," I said pointing at the petal on the table.
"I won't," he promised holding back a laugh. "Here." He pushed the glass towards me.
"Thank you Paulie."
The water felt cold and refreshing as it traveled down my throat. I hummed in happiness.
"Better?" he asked.
"Yes." I gave him an appreciative smile.
He returned the gesture before saying, "Yano, that's the first time you've called me 'Paulie' in a while."
"Yeah, well I'm a much nicer person when I'm drunk."
"So I've noticed!"
I stuck my tongue out at him before taking another sip of water.
"Aw, don't get sour on me now!"
"Too late!" I grinned evilly.
We both laughed at my childish behavior before someone walked into the kitchen looking for the bathroom. They apologized and left after Paul pointed them in the right direction. That reminded me that I had never found the restroom, but I had more important things to worry about. Like Paul.
"Hey," I whispered after a few moments of silence.
"What?"
"Wanna know a secret?"
"Uh, okay." He was perplexed, but curiosity was in his eyes.
"Come closer," I whispered softly.
Paul obeyed me and leaned his head closer to mine. He looked at me with uneasy eyes as if this wasn't a good idea. I reached my hand out to tuck his growing hair behind his ear thinking this would relax him.
"Promise you won't tell anyone?" I asked.
"I promise."
Moving my lips closer to his, I noticed he didn't pull away but instead met me halfway. As soon as we kissed I felt all the warmth return to my body. The numbness was replaced with adrenaline and desire. My lips responded in the same way to Paul's as if they hadn't been separated for a year. The only difference was that I was more desperate; I never wanted to stop. Even though I could feel myself losing air, I didn't care. My moment with Paul was more important than breathing. If I could have died in that moment, I would've. It was the happiest I had been in months. We were interrupted though before our kissing could go any further.
"Oh, shit," I heard a surprised voice say.
I opened my eyes after separating myself from Paul to see who had walked in on our kiss. My face turned bright red when I saw John standing in the doorway. I concealed myself in Paul's shoulder to hide the humiliation and shame I felt.
"Did I interrupt something?"
"No," Paul said gently pushing me away.
I watched as his soft face became angry and disgusted. "You know I'm with Jane, Michelle. You can't do stuff like that!" He stood up from his chair and shook his head at me.
Why was he acting like this? He had had plenty of time to stop me before our intimate moment. He had wanted to kiss me. So why was he acting like he hadn't?
"But Paul-"
"No, Michelle." He raised his voice. "You're lucky I don't tell George."
My mouth was agape. He was just as guilty as I was of cheating! Hell, Jane was screwing his best friend behind his back! He should've been ecstatic that I wanted him. He left the kitchen mumbling something to John as I sat confused at the kitchen table.
I tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes, but it was no use. As I attempted to muffle my sobs, I wondered why Paul abandoned me. I had never felt as unloved as I did in that moment. My best friend was happily married and on her honeymoon. My boyfriend was irritated at my juvenile and ungrateful behavior. And now the only person I wanted to be with was acting as if I meant nothing to him.
Don't you hate Paul now? And what about John and Jane? Did you forget about them? Poor Michelle. Tell me what you think in a review! Please and thank you! Till next time XOXOXO