Still dun own.

Sorry this update was a bit late…I got lost in the piles of holiday 'to-do' stuffs.

^w^

Japanese – English terms:

Sensei – Teacher

Chapter 21

Iruka was slightly numbed from the events…or was it just the pain killers? He didn't know. The memorial service was planned to happen in a couple days, and he was still trying to realize the truth of the news.

He had been in the hospital for a couple days after the attack…he passed out on the way there, much to the concern of the others. Anko had suffered some damage, but was more in one piece…Itachi had chakra exhaustion and some broken ribs.

All in all, Team Kakashi spent two days in the hospital.

Anko was the first to be released, and the first that had to calm down a distraught Naruto. The boy was just upset that his family was in the hospital…and that Hiruzen was dead. He had heard it from Jiraiya, after all…but it took him a moment to put the names together, and since Iruka passed out on the frog ride to the hospital, it was hard to think about anything else.

Iruka hadn't waited for his team when he left the hospital. He didn't want to face anybody at the moment. The Sandaime had been there for him when nobody else had…encouraged him. It was due to the Sandaime that he met Naruto and Kakashi, and became a part of Team Kakashi.

Tears filled Iruka's eyes as he roamed down the street. His leg didn't bother him too much, but he didn't plan on walking forever. He found himself at the memorial stone, and sat down on the grass near it.

It wasn't fair. How could the man just…die like that? When Jiraiya had first told them the news, they were all petrified with shock. None of them quite believed it…and probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for the solemn look on Jiraiya's own face.

Iruka found the names of his parents that were carved into the stone, and knew that, soon enough, the Sandaime's name would be carved there, as well.

The teen pulled his knees up, then linked his arms around his knees. He stared at the stone for a few moments before the tears built up again and overflowed.

Just when things were getting back to normal…Orochimaru attacked. Sure, the man was dead, now…but so was the Hokage. The Sandaime. The man that helped Iruka, Anko, Itachi, and Kakashi…the man that saved Naruto from possibly being used by the council, and put his faith in a misfit group of people.

A sob tore out of Iruka's throat.

Being the Hokage, he thought, was the worst possible job. Even if everyone looked up to you, it hurt too much if you died. Iruka had entertained the idea of trying to become the Hokage back when his parents died…just to get recognition. Clowning around wasn't enough…but he always just figured that he wasn't good enough.

Apparently, someone thought him to be good enough to be promoted to Genin, and Kakashi believed enough in them to put them in the Chuunin exams. They even got to the last round.

Iruka's shoulders shook. I didn't even get to show him what I could do. Sandaime…I never showed him how I grew. I saw him so often before we moved to the apartment and out of the Hokage Tower.

It had been like having a living relative…like a grandfather…even though they weren't related by blood.

He wasn't good with this sort of thing. He knew that death was a part of a ninja's life…it was a part of anybody's life. But when it happened to the people he loved…it was tough.

More so that he didn't know how to face his teammates, or even Naruto. He knew the boy was worried about him…he always pretended he was asleep when the boy visited him in the hospital. He just didn't know what else to do…he was too empty to try and comfort the kid.

Iruka chuckled humorlessly. How selfish…I can't put aside my own grief to make sure that Naruto is okay. I'm a terrible person. Kakashi-sensei has been with Naruto and Sasuke…and me? I've been running away.

Why did the man have to die? Why did he have to sacrifice himself for the village? It had been a lucky shot to the already wounded Orochimaru that finished the traitor off in the end…so, why did the Sandaime have to die?

Iruka buried his tear-streaked face in his knees. The old man had given everything to keep them safe. Everything…and even left the rest up to them. We completed it. We finished him off. The traitor is gone, but…so are you.

He didn't hear the rustling behind him, or the crunch of feet on the grass. It was the soft voice that brought him back to the real world.

"Ah…I wondered who else was here."

Iruka didn't look up…he didn't want to show his tears, and he knew who it was, anyway.

Kakashi glanced down at the crying teen, then at the memorial stone. "The funeral has been decided…tomorrow morning, at nine."

Iruka didn't respond. He knew the funeral was coming up…the day when they would have to accept that the old man was no longer there. Accept it and move on. He knew that, but it was still hard to do. It was hard for logic to tell his emotions something and expect them to obey.

Kakashi was silent for a while, then spoke again. "Naruto misses you. And Itachi, too. He's being released from the hospital today as well."

"I know…" Iruka's voice was hoarse. "I know Naruto misses me. I know he's sad. I know he understands what Jiraiya-san meant when he said that Sandaime was dead. He's too damn perceptive. I know, but…"

"But you can't face him just yet."

A whimper escaped Iruka's form.

"It could have been worse. If you hadn't held them back, you could be mourning the loss of your teammates as well."

Another muffled sob. "That's…not something…I particularly want to hear."

Kakashi put his hands in his pockets. "I know. But I suck at comforting people."

No laugh…not even a chuckle.

Kakashi sighed quietly. "My teammates are up there. And my sensei. On that stone. And now, another name is going to be added to it. I come here every morning."

Iruka sniffled louder than he wanted to as he listened. Kakashi hadn't said the dreaded 'I understand' yet, so it was worth listening.

"I don't believe they're truly dead, though. Their bodies may have stopped, and their souls gone from this world…" Kakashi took a deep breath, then let it out. "But their memory still exists with me. In that way…maybe a part of them are still alive."

Iruka looked up slightly and wiped his eyes and nose.

"One of them was an Uchiha," Kakashi continued, "Uchiha Obito. Probably some form of cousin for Itachi and Sasuke. He died…protecting me. To save our third teammate. And then…he gave me this."

The older teen pushed up his hitai-ate, and to Iruka's surprise, there were tears gathered in the red Sharingan eye, though they refused to fall.

Kakashi lowered the headband to cover the eye. "I didn't want another team at first. When Sandaime-sama first proposed the idea. I didn't want more precious people to die."

"What changed your mind?" Iruka asked quietly.

Kakashi glanced at him, then looked back at the stone. "Memories. Rin, Obito, and sensei wouldn't want me moping. They left a piece of themselves behind in me…in the form of a memory. The good times, the bad times…I realized, I could still keep them alive, even with a new team. But this time…I wouldn't make the same mistakes."

Iruka wiped his eyes again.

"We all felt the same a couple days ago, during the attack. There were people we wanted to protect…people we didn't want to turn into memories just then. Even so we could continue to live, breathe, and remember them. No matter what our rank, it was the same."

Iruka frowned, but agreed silently. His only thoughts when the two renegade mutants ran into them was to protect Naruto, Sasuke, and Shikamaru at all costs. Even if it meant his own life. Carefully, he stood up.

"I know I can't protect everybody…but if I can save just one person, then that can make a difference. It might be futile, though…I wasn't able to protect anyone when you all had to fight Orochimaru in the Forest of Death. I couldn't stop you all from getting injured fighting the Sound mutants. I couldn't stop Naruto from crying when he realized that Sandaime-sama was dead…"

Iruka caused the older teen to stop talking when he wrapped his arms around the other from behind. His body shook, and his right leg shot pain through him from the pressure on it every so often. And, maybe it was more of his own subconscious need for some reassurance than the want to make his friend and teacher feel better. He didn't know.

"You saved me…you saved all of us. Anko, Itachi, Naruto, Sasuke……when you took us as a team, you saved us from being the outcasts that we were. You worked with us, trained us…put up with my pranks, Anko's sarcastic jibes, and Itachi's reticent persona. You were the first to take on Naruto…and you agreed to help with Sasuke."

Kakashi took a deep breath and let it out, then reached over his shoulder and put a hand on Iruka's head in a gesture of comfort.

And in that instant, Iruka understood. He still had his family…he still had Konoha, and all the people in it. Still had his team…the people that were closer than family to him.

Kakashi chuckled slightly when he felt the smaller body tremble against him. "Are you crying again?"

"N-no…"

"You suck at lying."

Iruka chuckled slightly, then blinked the remnants of tears away. He didn't wipe them off since he didn't want to move just yet. He felt secure, even with just a hand on his head.

The tears had stopped…it was like that day four years ago when the Sandaime came to offer him words of support. Only this time, it was Kakashi…and the older teen didn't even seem to realize how much he had helped.

Iruka pulled back and finally wiped his face from tears, then tugged at Kakashi's sleeve.

The Jounin was slightly startled when he saw a big smile on Iruka's face upon turning to face the Genin.

"Let's go home. And before you make an excuse, I'll remind you…our home is your home. I think there's a four year old there that I need to see, anyway." Iruka smiled.

Kakashi blinked a couple of times. He's smiling…it's reaching his eyes, too. He's still sad, but…we all are. Yet…could I really have helped him?

"Oh, and…thanks." Iruka gave the older teen a friendly punch in the shoulder. "You're still a bastard sometimes, but you're a cool bastard. Always saying the right things and putting stuff in perspective."

"It's my job, you know."

Iruka burst into laughter at the conversation that was so like the one they had not too long ago. "Come on. Let's go home."

Kakashi smiled under his mask as he let Iruka lead them away from the stone. Home, huh? That feels…sort of warm, actually. Is it because there are people waiting for me there? Home…

The Jounin's gaze strayed to the younger teen near him, then picked up again. I think I can get used to that concept.

Naruto was on his feet before the door even opened, which startled Anko, who had been reading the boy a story.

"Ru-Ru!" Naruto cried as the door opened to reveal Iruka and Kakashi.

Iruka smiled gently and hugged the boy, then stepped aside to let Kakashi in.

"Released you from the hospital? We were going to drop by after Kakashi-sensei finished with his morning disappearing act," Anko stated.

Iruka opened his mouth, then closed it. Apparently, the information Kakashi had just revealed to him wasn't revealed to the rest of the team. Thus, it wasn't his information to tell.

Instead, he smiled. "Sorry…I needed some time to think. Kakashi-sensei found me, so we came back together."

Naruto tugged on the Genin's shirt. "Ru-Ru…"

Iruka took the boy's hand and let the child all but drag him to the living room.

"Sit." Naruto pointed to the couch. "You're still hurt."

Iruka stared a moment, then took a seat. Anko and Kakashi chuckled as they joined the two.

"Where's Sasuke?" Iruka inquired.

"With Itachi at the hospital. Since he'll be released today, they let Sasuke stay. Unless Itachi sneaks off, we're going to go pick him up before dinner." Kakashi sent a pointed look at Iruka.

The latter had the decency to look a little guilty and flustered.

Naruto climbed onto the couch.

"How's he been?" Iruka asked Anko.

Anko shrugged. "As well as all of us. The news hit us all hard."

"Are you okay?" Iruka frowned.

"Not really…but I could be worse." Anko took a deep breath in, then let it out.

"She did all her crying while you were unconscious," Kakashi filled in helpfully.

That earned him a light slap to the shoulder from the kunoichi.

"Bastard!" Anko flushed in embarrassment.

"You didn't want him to know?" Kakashi sounded a little too innocent in his question.

"NO, you stupid sensei!" Anko roared.

Iruka laughed, then immediately apologized when Anko turned her gaze of fury onto him.

"I cried." Naruto looked a bit confused at what the big deal was with crying.

Iruka hugged the boy that sat on his lap. "Are you feeling better, now?"

Naruto nodded. "Now that Itaki is coming home and you're back…ya."

Iruka sighed. "I'm sorry, Naru-chan. I…should have made sure you were alright sooner, and…"

"It's okies. You was hurt'n, too. And not just here…" Naruto gestured to Iruka's leg, which was still bandaged under his pants.

Naruto then placed a hand on Iruka's chest. "…but you was hurt'n here, more. And Anko. And Kakati. Sas'ke dun get it. I get it, though. Jiji is like mama and papa. Not come'n back."

Blue eyes leaked tears as he spoke, which the blond tried to wipe away. "I…I get it. I know…"

Iruka held the boy as tightly as he dared. "Shh."

That all about did it for Naruto's resolve as the boy broke down.

"I dun want him to go away…I want jiji back! I want mama back! I want papa back! They're never come'n back, though! S'not fair!" Naruto wailed.

Anko took a seat on the couch and placed a hand on the boy's back that she could find between Iruka's arms.

Kakashi stood nearby to offer his presence to the distraught blond.

"Mama…papa…jiji…" Naruto cried.

Iruka blinked away tears that Anko was already shedding for the blond.

Kakashi didn't seem to know what to do. He was able to comfort Iruka, but that was because Iruka was fifteen…he understood life and death, the way of the ninja, and everything else he talked about.

Naruto, though perceptive for his age, was only four. If the perception was taken into account, maybe he had the understanding of the situation as an eight or ten year old. But that still wasn't nearly old enough to explain it.

Luckily, he was saved.

"Naru-chan…a wise person told me something that might make you feel better," Iruka spoke softly, but was heard despite the boy's sobs.

Naruto sniffled and hiccupped, but looked up at the Genin.

Anko listened, and Kakashi wondered how Iruka could possibly explain it to the child.

Iruka smiled at Kakashi, then back at Naruto as he gently took one of the boy's hands and placed it over the child's heart. "Feel that?"

Naruto nodded with another hiccup.

"That's you, and me, and Kakashi, and Anko, and Itachi, and Sasuke…Shikamaru, Sakura, Chouji……even your mother, father, and 'grandpa'."

Naruto scrunched up his nose in confusion.

Iruka wasn't done. "That's where we all are. Every beat of your heart, and every moment that you're alive…you can think about us. When you think about your parents, or Sandaime-sa…I mean, grandpa, what do you see?"

Naruto tilted his head a moment, then smiled slightly. "Them smiling at me and playing with me."

"That doesn't sound very 'gone' to me."

Anko smiled softly, a thoughtful expression on her face. She hadn't missed the glance Iruka gave to Kakashi when he started talking…it was something that made her respect her teacher even more. These people weren't like Orochimaru's minions…and Kakashi wasn't like her old sensei.

Anko wiped her eyes as she watched Naruto's face light up. This is where I belong. This is my family. I'd give my life to protect this…this feeling.

"Understand, Naru-chan?" Iruka asked.

Naruto smiled and nodded as he felt warmed from the inside out. His mama and his papa weren't truly gone…even his jiji wasn't truly gone. He still remembered them, and he was still alive to remember them.

The teens watched the child.

Naruto hugged Iruka, then did the same with Anko, and even (a surprised) Kakashi. Then, he beamed up at them. "I get it! I'll get strong! I'll be a super ninja! And protect everyone, so nobody hasta live on inside us, but beside us! But for those that gotta live in us, I'll live so they can!"

The teens stared at him in shock.

"Ah…how old are you, Naruto?" Kakashi finally found his voice.

Naruto held up four fingers. "This many!"

Iruka chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair. "You'll make an excellent ninja, Naru-chan."

Anko nodded and gave the child a quick kiss on the forehead. "Smart little guy. Already vowing to get strong, but can't even spell his own name yet."

Kakashi chuckled, and just ruffled Naruto's hair affectionately. "That's Naruto."

The little boy giggled and beamed under the attention. Humans were still weird, but he understood them a little better, now. He also realized that the ones he loved were never truly dead.

TO BE CONTINUED…