I know, it's been a little bit, but RL has been crazy so far this year. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend now that a trade show I had to go to is over. MaggieMay14 betas this like a superstar and Risbee and Acinad816 are pre-reading queens who I adore.

Like usual, I don't own Twilight. I do have a daughter with a severely messy room we are about to clean. This is what I do with my days' off. LOL

"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing." - Marc Chagall

EPOV

November 2011

"Chicago? What happened to starting fresh?" I asked surprised as Bella jumped slightly at the increased volume of my voice. I just couldn't fathom why in the hell she would want to go back to Chicago. There was nothing left there for her, right? Or were there still some pieces missing to the puzzle?

"Well, truthfully I would probably move somewhere completely different, but I would need to go back to Chicago to get my affairs in order, you know?" she replied, the lilt to her voice soft and sad. "It's just... it would be too hard to stay in Seattle without you, and I can't live in Chicago again."

"Where would you go?" I asked curiously as I watched her sit back against the couch and tuck her legs close under her again. I was glad to see that not everything had changed with her over the past few years.

"Well, with Seattle, Chicago and Forks out of the picture, maybe I can head somewhere east. I hear Boston is nice or maybe Philly or Charlotte. I'd probably like something near water, since I've had it around me my entire life." I nodded my head softly in understanding as my heart sunk into my chest slightly.

Even though I wasn't sure I was ready to be with Bella again, all of my emotions were far too raw and my life too unsettled, I didn't know if I wanted her moving across the country either. It was a slippery slope I was treading and I knew it. Either I had to let her go, or I had to see what we could salvage of what we used to have. Just as I was about to speak, Bella's stomach began to rumble and I quickly remembered the food I had in the cupboard.

Standing together in the kitchen, it felt much smaller than it really was. We fixed some toast with peanut butter and then each of us grabbed a glass of milk before settling back in the living room.

I watched Bella intently as we ate in silence and I tried to weigh all my options regarding her previous question. At the heart of it, it was a simple choice: either I wanted to be with Bella again or I didn't. I took a sip of my drink and looked at her from the corner of my eye, watching as she licked some peanut butter from her bottom lip.

She had been through a lot of shit in the past few years, but the crux of it all was that I couldn't help but think that she was still the same girl I was madly in love with for a few short months. She seared herself into my heart on the very first day I met her, and if I am being honest with myself, I've never truly let go of her. I tried, oh how I had tried to move on, but I had never truly let myself be with anyone else again.

Bella was it for me, I knew that, but I also couldn't help that niggling voice in the back of my head reminding me how completely she had broken me. Between the loss of our baby, her father and her appalling behavior with Peter, I wasn't sure I could move past everything. I didn't know how.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked, as she finished her toast and put her crumb-filled plate on the coffee table. "You seem tense."

"Yeah... just thinking."

"About?"

"Everything really," I admitted anxiously as I rested my plate on top of hers and then gripped the hair at the nape of my neck. Bella gave me a soft smile, trying to ease my nervousness, but it only made things worse. She was trying so hard to be nice and sweet, but suddenly all I could picture was her with Peter and two other men. My stomach immediately turned.

"You can ask me anything and I'll tell you the god's honest truth. I want us to be able to move past everything," she said simply as I watched her nervously wring her hands together as she curled her legs up under her again and faced me on the couch.

"What is your biggest regret?"

"I wish I had scrawled out a note to you, or had kept my cell phone charged," she replied cautiously.

"You never had your cell charged, Bella," I replied, giving her a small smile. "Five years of time apart could have been avoided if you had just been able to contact me. I know how you felt like you needed to be there for your dad, but I wish you could have felt like you could have relied on me and waited until I got home. I would have gone with you."

"I never thought about it at first. My only instinct was to get to my dad. He was my sole focus until he died and then it just became about surviving for me. It didn't help matters that you had your gallery showing coming up and I knew you were overwhelmed. I just... I didn't know what to do," she said softly as my eyes grew wide in surprise. Was that why she didn't contact me? She thought that my showing was more important than her?

"Fuck the gallery showing, Bella. I ended up destroying all of the artwork and the showing was cancelled anyways," I admitted as I watched Bella frown once again. "I didn't love anything more than I loved you. I would have dropped everything to have helped you... to have been with you."

"I loved you too," she said quietly as I shook my head startled by her admission. Never, in all the time we were together, did she ever say the word love. It literally made my heart and my bones ache to know that she loved me too. "I know I never said it to you in our time together, but you... you were everything to me. I love you so fucking much, but I was so scared of ending up like my parents," she stammered as she began to cry again. "I didn't want to lose you, and I ended up fucking us up ten times worse than I ever imagined I could."

I couldn't help myself at that point, I reached over and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her into my lap, as my arms encircled her tightly. Her body shook underneath my touch, the sobs overwhelming her. I should have been angry and yelled at her for finally admitting that she had been in love with me, but I couldn't get past the fact that she said she loved me, as in present tense.

"Where do you think we would have been if we hadn't lost all that time together?" she asked as she lifted her head from my chest and tried to wipe the tears away from her reddened cheeks.

"Fuck, that's a hard question," I replied slowly, unsure of how to answer her. "I honestly don't know. Back then, I wanted everything with you. The big elaborate wedding, little babies, a house with a white picket fence and a dog named Calder. I used to be able to picture our future clearly back in the early days. Now though... it's not so easy to see."

"After I got released from the hospital, I used to dream that we had the baby and you painted a huge mural on the nursery wall, an outdoor forest scene, and our lives were perfect. You painted and I wrote. Then I would generally morph into any other woman and you would be so happy with your family – the family we should have had – that I would wake up in cold sweats."

"Oh, Bella," I replied as I brushed her hair back from her face. It was clear as day that after everything, she wasn't in the right place for us to reunite, even if I did want to. She needed some counseling to get past the abandonment she felt from her mother, the abuse she suffered from Peter and most importantly, the loss she felt at losing Charlie, me and our baby at the same time. "I think you should stay in Seattle."

"Really?" she asked, her voice high and teeming with excitement.

"You can continue to stay in the loft, but I think you should see a psychologist or something. Hell, maybe we should go together." I could feel Bella tense as I kept my hand against her lower back, attempting to ground her to me. "I should have done it a long time ago, but I have this feeling that we can't move forward, if we can't let go of the past. That's what you want, isn't it? To move forward?"

"Yes, more than anything."

At lunchtime, Emmett touched base with me to let me know he was heading over to the hotel. Esme had called and informed Em that she was going house hunting with Peter, so Emmett thought it was best he attempt to get Bella's stuff while Peter was gone. I was hesitant about it all, for obvious reasons. I just didn't trust Peter and after what Bella had told me about him, I hated his guts even more.

I didn't help Emmett's frame of mind when I told him about the existence of a DVD. I was leery about the possibility of getting it, because if Peter was a smart man, he probably had the disc in a safe, making it ten times more difficult. Emmett sounded confident, albeit angry, and told me not to worry. He insisted that I focus on taking care of Bella, and even suggested that if I wasn't ready yet, that Rosalie would be willing to come and spend time with her. I turned him down though. It wasn't hard to take care of Bella since she was fast asleep on the couch with a blanket thrown over her.

Em promised to contact me as soon as he was out of the hotel, so I simply grabbed an old sketchbook and began to draw random pictures of a sleeping Bella. It was oddly cathartic, drawing pictures of her, and before I knew it, it had been over two hours since I started. I had no idea how Bella had slept so long, but then I recalled her tossing and turning the night before. She had barely slept and talking about our issues and history, had probably exhausted her. If I hadn't been so keyed up about hearing back from Emmett, I probably would have been asleep too.

As I went to begin drawing again, my cell phone went off beside me, and I excitedly picked up it.

"How did things go?" I asked anxiously as I began tapping my graphite pencil against my leg. "Did you manage to get everything?"

"Huh? Get what?" I heard Leah's voice ask and I tensed up. Shit. I was hoping it had been Emmett on the other end of the phone.

"Sorry, I thought you were my brother," I explained as I heard Leah give a small sigh. Our night together had gone well enough, but I was really surprised she was calling so soon. "So um... how are you doing?"

"I'm good, I suppose," she replied awkwardly as I heard her shush someone behind her and I suddenly felt confused. "Listen, my mother is having a dinner at their condo downtown next week and she would like me... actually she is insisting, that I invite you." Leah breathed a big sigh of relief as I looked back to the couch and saw Bella waking from her nap. Shit.

"Oh um... Is Emmett invited? Is this something work related?" I questioned coolly. I was unsure where this invitation, or the pressure from her mother, was coming from.

"No, just you. My mother thought that since we were becoming friends, it would be nice to have dinner."

"Oh."

"Listen, I get that we are just doing the friends thing and all, so feel free to say no, but I think it could be fun." Leah continued to talk to me, but I looked over at Bella, who gave me a small smile before she motioned to the bathroom. As she walked away, I tried to focus on Leah, but it was so hard. Dinner with her parents was really the last thing I wanted. "So what do you think?"

"About what?" I asked quickly, clearly forgetting that I was supposed to be paying attention to her.

"Dinner and maybe heading out to a movie afterwards. I promise I won't let my mother pressure you about us dating or anything like that."

"I just don't think that's a good idea next week. I've got a lot going on right now," I said stoically as Leah let out a small snort.

"That didn't seem the case last night," she replied tersely. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, trying hard not to get angry with Leah because nothing was her fault. She just had the absolute worst timing ever.

"Something happened after the movie last night and I have to take care of something over the next few weeks. It's just not a good time to be having dinner with your parents," I answered simply, hoping like hell I was placating her. Leah was a wonderful girl and I knew she would be a good friend; I just didn't have the time to get in the middle of something with her. It wasn't fair to her and I refused to string her along.

"Oh... okay. Well, if you need someone to vent too or want to have coffee, you know where to find me." I looked up and saw Bella standing by the bathroom door, her eyes about to tear up, as she listened to my end of our conversation. "Anyways, I should get going. The gallery is actually pretty busy today."

"That's great. I'll be in touch soon, Leah." The moment I hung up the phone, Bella walked into the bedroom and shut the door quietly.

Great. Just fucking great.

I couldn't handle this drama.

Thirty minutes later, Emmett buzzed at the door, which surprised me since he was supposed to call first. When I went downstairs to let him in, he was out of breath and looked a little worse for the wear. He was also not alone.

"Edward, this is Paul. Paul, my brother Edward." I nodded my head and looked at the men before me. Paul looked vaguely familiar. "Paul is a locksmith and one of my best contractors. He did me a huge solid today, so you owe him one. Actually, you owe him about $500 dollars, but we'll get to that later." Emmett pushed passed me, pulling two oversized suitcases behind him as Paul carried a carryon bag.

"What in the fuck? Why do I owe him $500?" I asked as we loaded into the elevator and it moved slowly up to the loft. "No offence."

"None taken," Paul replied, his voice deep and serious. "However, it took a lot more effort to crack open that safe in the hotel room without causing damage to it. Emmett said he wanted it to look like no one had been there. That takes finesse and time. I didn't have time."

"Woah... wait. Does that mean you have the DVD?" I asked, clearly excited as we stepped off of the elevator and I heard the bedroom door open as Bella walked out, still dressed in my oversized clothes.

"Thank you Emmett, so much," she said simply as she stepped towards him and gave him a gentle hug while she appraised what he had managed to salvage. "You are wonderful, really."

"Well, I couldn't beat the shit out of the asshole...yet, but I figured I could beat him at his own game. He left about 5 minutes after we got there, we saw him leave from the lobby. I managed to get all of your stuff while Paul here retrieved the tape from the safe." Bella's mouth fell open and she looked between Emmett and me as Paul reached into the carryon bag he was holding and produced a DVD case marked 'Bella'. A big sigh of relief echoed between Bella and I.

"Oh my god, you are absolutely the best!" Bella declared as she hugged Paul and Emmett, her smile bright and her eyes wide. I hadn't seen her this happy since she came back into my life last month. "You have no idea how big of a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is just... it's fucking fabulous, really."

"I'd do anything for my brother, so don't worry about it, Bella." Emmett was sincere as he could get as he pushed her luggage further into the room. "I'm just hoping you stick to your guns and stay the fuck away from my cousin. He may be a blood relative, but I have no qualms about kicking his ass in a dark alley someday."

"Thanks, Emmett." Bella blushed dark pink across her cheeks and then pulled her luggage into the bedroom as Emmett grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen.

"Listen, things didn't go as smoothly as I would have hoped. As we were leaving, Peter was coming back in with Mom to the hotel for a quick lunch. She called out to me, surprised to see me at the hotel."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, Paul took the bags and I played it off like I had just finished a business lunch with a potential client, but Peter was very suspicious. You and Bella need to steer clear of him and lay low. I think you should head into work and get back to the everyday shit. I'll have Rose come to hang out with Bella if she wants the company. Sound good?"

Emmett was always the voice of reason, and he certainly wasn't failing me now. He was right that it would look odd if I wasn't at work or my apartment either. I had to make it appear like everything was normal in my life, even if it wasn't. Appearances were everything.

"Thanks man. You really are a lifesaver." I wrote out a check to Paul and when the guys left the loft, I found myself determined to keep Bella safe, which meant acting like everything was completely normal in my life. First thing, was to get back to work.

I cleaned up my art supplies and made Bella and I both a quick sandwich before I gathered my stuff to leave. When she came out of the bedroom, I motioned to the sandwich on the counter and she gave me a brief smile. "I need to head into work."

"Will you be back today?"

"I don't know...maybe. Emmett said if you want, he can have Rosalie come over for a little bit to hang out with you. He's worried about backlash from Peter and thinks it's best if I try and make it seem like everything is normal." I slipped my coat on as I watched Bella toss herself roughly onto the couch, her eyes never moving from mine. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah."

"If it's any consolation, I really don't want to go. It's just...I need to keep you safe."

"Who is Leah?"

"A friend."

"Dinner with the parents sounds a lot more serious than friends."

I grabbed at my hair and my entire body tensed. "Leah is a friend, nothing more. Her parents are clients of Emmett's firm and we are friendly with them. She is not my girlfriend and I'm not interested in her in that way. That's it."

"Okay." Bella stood up and headed into the kitchen to grab the sandwich I had left for her. "How do I contact you?"

"Call me on my cell phone. You still have yours, right?" Bella nodded softly and I couldn't help but walk towards her and offer her a small hug. "Keep your phone off and only contact me when you have to. I don't trust Peter. Also, make a grocery list and then text it to me. I can pick up some stuff for you tonight and either drop it off then or in the morning."

"The sooner the better, right?"

"Yeah, right." I turned to leave when I felt Bella's small hand grab my coat.

"Can you um... get some numbers for those doctors you want us to meet? We should do that soon too." I nodded and quietly made my way to the elevator before I heard Bella speak again. "Thanks Edward. For everything."