Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I call dibs on Titlight!

Tha increduboulus Laverett beta'd this, send her your love!

Hey guys! An early update, just because I could!

No M rating here, sorry, although a S warning for silliness, and maybe short interlude, is applicable...

Right, so Alice managed to work the truth about his bed partner from Edward...

[HCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC]

''Jasper… Alice knows.''

Edward spoke quietly.

Jasper shrugged, still facing outside.

''Alice always knows. She's really good like that, it's like she has a sixth sense, or something. Sometimes, she knows before you decide.''

''Oh.'' Edward scrubbed at his neck. ''Do you think it… bothers her?''

''What''?

Jasper spun around, but Edward still couldn't read his face, because he was backlit by the windows and his expression was hidden in shadow.

''No, of course not. Does it… bother you? That she knows? Because we didn't actually do much, but she doesn't know that…''

''I…'' Edward was rather bothered, actually.

It was ridiculous. Where had Zen-Gay-Edward-Master-of-Blowjobs gone? The out and proud parade, leaving confused-insecure-Edward behind?

''Listen,'' Jasper continued. ''Alice can imagine what she likes. She's seen me in all states of vulnerability. Naked, physically and emotionally. She's not the type to judge. So no, I don't mind.''

Jasper did mind that Edward seemed to have a problem with Alice knowing, but it was to be expected, right? Unless Edward minded that Alice might mind? In which case Jasper didn't even know if he minded because he was confused out of his mind…

It was nothing personal. Edward wasn't ashamed of him. Jasper firmly repeated the thought, before his insecurities could get a grip. Edward was simply new to being with a man; it was only normal for him to fear judgment.

Contrary to what most people thought, Jasper had learned that being out in public wasn't nearly as hard as facing the people you cared about. Although Jasper's experience was admittedly limited; he'd only had one actual boyfriend before, and it was a pretty messed up time in his life. Still…

From what he remembered, if a stranger frowned at you, you flipped him off. If a close friend looked at you in disgust… It pinched at your heart.

Edward was still standing, motionless. He pushed at his glasses with his nervous index finger. His mouth thinned, his eyes darted, his eyebrows moved; he was thinking stuff over.

Jasper let him be, stupidly making the bed.

He knew the maid service was going to change the sheets, but he couldn't just stand there… And he kinda didn't want the maid to judge for the mess, even if it was her job to…

It was like washing your hair before going to the hair dresser; ridiculous, but he did it anyway.

Finally, Edward snapped out of it.

''I'm cool,'' he answered Jasper's questioning look. ''I just… like to control things. And Alice finding out, and what she thinks about it and who she tells, well… I can't. But since I can't, I'm not going to let it control me, ya know?''

Jasper was starting to get a bit confused, so he suggested the thing all men needed when complex emotional issues arose.

''…Food? There's a breakfast buffet included with the room…''

It was the perfect solution.

Seated in a cheery room filled with crying toddlers, a bus-load of seniors and a flock of German tourists talking animatedly, they couldn't have had a meaningful conversation if they had wanted to.

Which they didn't, they were too busy attacking the lukewarm scrambled or had been scrambled and were now coagulated into a pan-shaped mass- eggs, toast, various other accompaniments and coffee.

It was decided that they would get a taxi back, rapidly stop by Jasper's place because he'd had enough of the motherfuckingleatherpants and then head on to the studio to meet up with Alice.

Unlike the cab ride the day before, that morning the time passed quickly.

Jasper and Edward chatted easily, discovering those all important details about the other; who liked which team, which foreign countries they had explored, which dream car they wanted to own, did they have any siblings, what type of music they preferred, and was golf really a sport?

It was almost a surprise when the car stopped abruptly in front of Jasper's building.

As much as Edward might have liked to go up, and quite honestly he wasn't even sure he did, the driver positively refused to wait if they both got out. Apparently, he'd been stood up or had wasted too much time idling, waiting for young couples to finish boinking, as he put it.

So unless one of them remained in the cab, he wasn't waiting.

''Fine.'' Jasper grumbled. ''Edward, do you want me to bring you some clothes then? Underwear or something?''

''That would be nice,'' Edward answered slowly. ''But not underwear.''

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips to Jasper's ear as he whispered ''I'm not wearing any…'' Edward sent a threatening look to the cabbie who was pretending not to watch them in the mirror and didn't seem at all impressed.

Jasper stiffened, and his eyes were lusty as he huskily asked ''Really?''

Edward nodded, feeling his own cheeks heat.

''After yesterday… and then I was feeling all clean after the shower this morning… I couldn't just…'' He grimaced, reached a hand into his coat pocket and pulled just a bit of the fabric out where Jasper could see it.

Jasper blinked in slow motion, his face ferocious, then abruptly pushed himself up and out of the cab, taking the front steps two, or maybe three at a time.

Uncomfortable and getting hard again, Edward slumped in the seat, staring at the brick while he waited for Jasper to return.

''So, how long have you been… boinking?'' The driver asked, staring at Edward in his mirror.

''We aren't… boinking.'' Edward cringed at the ridiculous word. Somehow, that sounded even more dirty, more taboo than fucking.

''You so are boinking. You want to boink.''

Edward refused to acknowledge he was being spoken too. He was tempted to stick his fingers in his ears and sing LALALA as loud as he could.

''You wanted to boink. Right now. Right in my back seat.'' The driver was like a dog with a bone, chewing and chewing…

''None of that, now. Keep your boinkers in your pants.'' He continued pointedly.

Boinkers? That was even less of a word! If you made a noun from a non-existent verb, it didn't legitimize it… At least Edward didn't think it did.

''We aren't boinking.'' Edward repeated sullenly, resting his head against the top of the seat. Why did he even use the non-word? The smell of air freshener must be getting to him; he could feel a headache starting to build.

He opened the window a crack.

''Oh. Secret boinking.'' The cabbie looked pleased with himself. ''You have girlfriend. And you boink him in secret. Very exciting.''

''No, no girlfriend.'' Edward was getting angry. ''And no boinking. Secret or otherwise. God! How many times do I have to tell you…''

Cabbie nodded, seeming pleased to be included in the boinking conspiration. His bald spot gleamed in the heat, a few wispy hairs around the edges fuzzily catching the light.

''Yes. Yes. Of course. No boinking.'' He winked exaggeratedly.

Edward sighed.

Fucking boinking.

Or not-fucking boinking in their case.

Jasper appeared then, bounding down the steps. His blond curls gleamed in the sunlight, lifting airily with his movements, streaming behind him as he jumped.

God, the guy looked like a shampoo commercial! How did he do that?

Edward's hair was straight and stubborn. It simply refused to be styled most of the time, and Edward had long since abandoned the war. He pretty much let it do as it pleased, only attempting to tame it with the help of Angela and her $80 gel.

''Okay, all set! Let's go!'' Jasper leaned forward, giving the studio's address to the man and accidentally-on-purpose dragging a hand down Edward's thigh as he did.

It did NOT make Edward want to boink.

Or be boinked.

Jasper's eyebrows lifted in confused amusement at the muttered ''are too boinking'' the driver emitted, but he didn't comment, instead closing the car door with a thud.

[HCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC]

Soon they were spilling out into the studio entrance. Jasper lit a cigarette as Edward paid the driver.

The man's black eyes shone as he nodded. A picture of serene wisdom. Like Buddha. If Buddha drove a taxi. And had a mustache.

''Ah. Paid boinking. I see…'' Apparently, everyone in town recognized the address… First PizzaMan, now TaxiDriver.

''The American dream… I have to tell my wife, she like movies. Boinking movies. Hot hot. Pretty boinkers. Like you. Makes more kids. Seven kids, I have.'' He gushed in a garlic-scented confidence.

Edward clenched his teeth into what he hoped was a smile, sweating.

He did NOT want the image of the man and his wife… boinking to his boinking.

Jasper looked at him, amused, as the car sped off. ''You okay? You look… about to puke. ''

Edward pressed his lips together, snatching Jasper's smoke and taking a deep drag to calm himself. They smoked in cozy silence, except for a bird chirping somewhere nearby.

As they started to enter the building, Edward had a sudden impulse to stop and wait. His steps faltered, before he pressed forward.

''What?'' He asked defensively.

''Alice knows.'' Jasper said quietly. ''If we arrive together or five minutes apart… doesn't make much difference. Unless it makes you feel better? I can wait a bit, and follow you in?''

''No.'' Edward shook his head. Alice knew. And who cared if others knew too?

So, Zen-Gay-Edward was back it seemed!

He lengthened his stride, determinedly pushing the glass door open.

Alice didn't so much as comment on their arrival, together or not.

In fact, she wasn't even in her office, although the door was ajar.

Settling into the chairs facing the desk, the two men barely had to wait before she appeared, handing each of them a coffee in a Styrofoam cup.

Jasper sighed in pleasure, taking a cautious sip.

''So, you boys had a nice night?''

Alice twirled a bit, diminished by the stark black of her office chair.

''Yes, we did.'' Edward answered into his coffee. Jasper simply shrugged beside him. Deciding she wasn't getting more info, boys could be so boring, Alice got down to business.

''Right, well, I wanted to tell you my new ideas for the script. Jasper, put your coffee down.'' she told him firmly.

Jasper sighed, motioning for Edward to do the same.

''It's not good then,'' he said, resigned . ''When Alice told me she wanted me to play with Victoria, I spilled my coffee and nearly burned my dick. Guess it was fate or something!'' he laughed wryly. ''A warm-up for what was to cum… ''

Jasper obediently placed the white cup on the desk, and after a beat Edward did too.

He had no inclination to burn his dick, whether with coffee OR wax. Some things, you just didn't do.

Alice waited until they both fixed their attention on her, before continuing. ''I have this idea; it makes the scenario rock-solid. And it will make the movie appeal to a larger public. It's so amazing… I'm so amazing... ''

''I want YOU to fuck HIM.''

Fuck.

Edward had surely misunderstood.

Jasper sat up abruptly. ''What?'' He asked, incredulous.

''I want him to be fucked by you.'' Alice pointed to each man in turn.

Well, fuck.

Edward hadn't misunderstood.

He couldn't believe Alice thought they would do that. And on film.

Fuck fuck fuck.

She wanted them to boink.

Edward was going bonkers.

Or was it boinkers?

Boinking is NOT an actual word. Although it can be found in the UrbanDictionary online.

Now, who do you thinks Alice envisions as the boinker and the boinkee?

*I'm so evil...*

See you next week!