Finally got to update this! Wanted to update after the 6x06 episode, but fanfiction was conveniently down at the same time...
But anyways, how great was 6x06? So much brittana and so much feels, I'm still smiling so hard from thinking about their unexpectedly fanfic-like scenes, trust me ;)
I know we left off at a not-so-eventful part in the last update, but I still hope you would like this!
Santana's POV
8.30PM
Get your dancer butt here, blondie ;)
I looked at the text that I had sent Brittany an hour ago, which has not yet been seen by her. Was the bar still busy since just now?
At that moment, my phone in my hands vibrated and I grinned as I answered the call and held it to my ears.
"Finally, baaaaaaby!" I tried to sound as flirty as possible.
The silence on the other end was odd.
As soon as the voice spoke up however, I knew what was wrong.
"Hi Santana, It's Mike."
I quickly checked the caller's number and realised it was a number that I hadn't saved. This was both weird and awkward, why would he out of all people even call me?
Before I could erupt into a litany of questions, I heard him took a deep breath and continued speaking.
"Something's terrible happened with Marissa and Puck and Brittany are waiting at the hospital now. I thought you might want to be there for Britt."
Shit. Something involving Brittany's best friend and a hospital was not a good thing for sure.
"I'll be there!" I exclaimed into the phone while rushing into my bedroom to change.
"Okay, I'm still at the bar because I had to stay and close it, do you want to meet me there before we go to the hospital?"
"Alright, alright. I'm coming!" I answered back hastily.
I quickened my pace to Brittany as soon as I saw her sitting outside the waiting room. Mike went over to Puck at the same time.
"Oh Britt, come here." I wrapped my arms around her as she slowly leaned into me.
I have never seen her looking this dejected before.
"She's going to be okay." I said, my thumb making circles around her cheek.
Brittany remained silent. She wasn't even crying to say the least. She just held on to me, and all I could do was to continuously assure her that Marissa would be alright.
We waited for a while before the door of the operating room finally opened. The four of us rose up in panic as we rushed towards the door. A surgeon stepped out and as soon as I noticed the grim look that was plastered on his face, I knew what the outcome was. I held Brittany's shaking hand with both of my hands tightly.
"Tell me she's okay, doc, tell me!" Puck yelled in despair and Mike had to hold him back from the surgeon.
The surgeon looked at all of us with the same grave expression on his face. I could feel Brittany's hands shaking so much more under my grasp.
"I'm sorry, we've tried our very best."
I have seen many deaths in television dramas where the surgeon would come and announce that painful line, but here I was, hearing it right in front of me.
For a moment, all of us were quiet. Puck, who was in a state of desperation just a few seconds ago, has become still, almost as if his whole soul has completely left his body. As for Mike, he looked just as lost and confused.
Brittany was still the same and I felt helpless just standing there, holding her hand. I didn't even know if that was giving her some comfort.
That was when I finally heard her draw in a long breath before speaking up.
"Let me see her." She spoke in a dull tone.
I stared at her and there wasn't any hint of emotion on her face at all. She just stared straight, while her mouth was taut.
I followed her into the room, and the cold, stale air greeted us. All around us were white walls and pieces of stainless steel everywhere. Steel trays, steel equipment, and the steel table where she lay, and she was covered in a white sheet from her toes to her chest.
Marissa looked the same, with exception of the much paler lips and skin. In fact, she actually looked more relaxed as compared to when she was sleeping after Brittany and I helped her back from the alley that night. Even though what happened to her was an accident, I couldn't help but think that it was also her way of letting go of everything that was miserable in her life.
I finally let go of Brittany's hand to let her walk over to Marissa and I watched as she approached her in trepidation.
She brushed the back of her fingertips against Marissa's cheek, moving up to her hairline, where she fixed her hair neatly into place. As she ran her fingers across her hair, she grabbed on to a few strands of her red highlights.
"Ris, remember how you wanted to dye your whole hair red?"
Brittany let out a soft, weak laughter as she twirled the strand of hair in her fingers.
"You settled on just having red highlights from a cheap hair dye because you said we were just bartenders who couldn't afford to go to a fancy salon."
She smoothed her hair one more time. "There, you look pretty now."
"You would look even prettier if you could open your eyes."
As Brittany said that, there was a crack in her voice and it hurt so much to hear her speak like that. The cheerful, vivacious blonde I knew was gone – for now.
"Or just breathe. Will you do that for me Ris? Please?" She pleaded with trembling lips.
It was painful seeing this. I took a few steps closer to Brittany and wrapped her in a comforting hug from behind.
12AM
The air was extra chilly tonight and I could tell a rain was coming soon as the smell infiltrated the air. I tugged my hand that was holding on to Brittany's in an attempt to get her to move faster otherwise we would be caught in the rain.
Within seconds, I felt tiny raindrops on my arm and all too soon, the rain became heavier and the raindrops were now pelting all over us.
"Shit, come on Britt, we're almost reaching my apartment!" I exclaimed.
"No, let me stay here."
"You're going to get sick babe." I answered as I tried once again to tug her hands to beckon her to move.
However, she stayed rooted to the spot, her soaked hair plastering onto her skin.
"I want to be alone for a while, San." She said as she looked at me pleadingly, as if granting her that request would mean everything to her right now.
So I did.
I backed away from her, giving her the space she wanted. And it was when she finally let all her emotions she has been holding in out.
The rain was beating down on her but I could tell when her own tears fell from her eyes down to her cheeks, and then to her chin. Her gaze was so far off into the distance of the gloomy night sky, and it didn't bother her that the raindrops was falling into her eyes as well.
I was paralysed with silence as I watched my Brittany breaking down in front of me. And it scared me. Not to see her like this, but because I felt so helpless. Gosh, I had to pull myself together. I could see a 24/7 convenience store across the street and went over to it without any further hesitation.
I returned to Brittany, quickly sheltering her with the umbrella I bought and extended my free hand in front of her. She looked at me, her face crumpled and her chest heaving. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but all that came out was another gut-wrenching sob that convulsed her whole body.
"Let's go home, alright?" I said, as I hung my arm over her shoulder and positioned the umbrella such that it was sheltering the both of us.
"Hold on, I'll just get my keys." I reached into my pocket to get my apartment key and unlocked the door, motioning for Brittany to go in first.
Quinn must already be asleep since all the lights in the living room were off. I led her to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She was shivering as I ran my fingers across her soaked skin. My hands then went up to her chin and I tilted it up slightly, until she looked back at me.
"You need to get a hot shower, okay? I'll get you my clothes."
She nodded her head and I pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her mouth before I went out of the bathroom.
With the clean towel, grey sweatshirt and matching sweatpants in my hands, I went out of my bedroom, and saw Quinn standing outside the bathroom with a puzzled expression on her face.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked.
"Yeah, but it's fine. What's happening?" She answered as her eyes darted back and forth from the bathroom door to me.
I let out a sigh as I shook my head. "Brittany lost her best friend."
Quinn's mouth formed into an 'O' and she seemed unsure about what to say back. I returned my attention to the door and knocked on it.
"Britt? I'm coming in."
All that I could hear was the sound of water splashing from the shower. I knocked on the door, a little more loudly this time.
"I'm coming in!"
There was still no response from her.
"I think you should just go in, Santana." Quinn mentioned from beside me.
I turned the knob of the door and went in slowly.
"Britt?" I called out softly.
I drew the shower curtain, only to see her pressing her palm against the wall, letting the hot water pour over her bare body.
"I can't do this." She spoke in a shaky voice.
"It's okay baby, I'm here." I said in a reassuring tone, as I reached over to turn off the shower.
I then passed the towel to her, and she took it slowly. As she wiped herself, her actions were so robotic, as if her mind wasn't in the right place.
"I'll help you." I took the towel from her and carried on wiping from there.
After I was done helping Brittany to clean up and change, I led her into my room to rest. Quinn was in there when we got in, and she was placing a glass of water on the bedside table.
"Hey, I got you some warm water."
I didn't know if she was talking to just Brittany or the both of us, but I returned her gesture with a smile. Well, that was sweet of her. She walked over to Brittany and patted the top of her shoulder before leaving the room.
As I took the glass of water and handed it to her, I opened the drawer underneath the bedside table and found an unused lavender scented candle. I read before that the scent of lavender would take away the anxiety and stress of someone, so this was just perfect. I lit it immediately, and the scent began to diffuse around the room.
I lifted the sheets and climbed onto the bed, and Brittany followed. Before I could even pull her in close to me, she has already eased in to me, her arms wrapping across my waist tight while her head was resting on my chest.
I took in a deep breath, inhaling the lavender scent together as well. "I know this is going to be difficult time for you, Britt. But just to let you know that I'm still here, and I still care about you more than anyone else in the world. I promise."
I felt her shake her head as she laid on my chest. "Don't make promises. Ris promised me she would never leave, but now she's gone. Forever."
"Sometimes people make promises when they don't mean it, and that's an empty promise. Marissa is your best friend and I believe it wasn't an empty promise that she made. Things happen, but you'll know that that promise is still within her heart. Even if it's not beating anymore."
Brittany didn't speak after that, but I knew she was processing my words in her head.
It didn't take too long for her to fall asleep completely. I had to admit, it was strange holding Brittany so close to me. Not that it was unpleasant, but it was because I was used to the feeling of being the one in her embrace. She knew about my emotional matters and was always automatic in wrapping me in her arms. But right now, she was in the most vulnerable state and this time, I would be the one to hold her for as long as she wanted.
I gazed down at the sleeping blonde. She was slightly taller than me, but she felt so small in my arms now. I gingerly the kissed the top of her head so many times, until I found myself getting drowsy, both from the lavender scent and from my own weariness, and finally, found myself drifting off to sleep.
7.30AM
I normally woke up to the sound of my alarm, but this time, something felt so out of place, and it woke me up instantly. That's when I realised.
Brittany was no longer in my arms.
She could have gone to the toilet. Or to the kitchen to get something to eat. But that didn't stop my heart from racing and my feet from scrambling out of my room.
I heaved a sigh of relief as I saw her sitting with Quinn at the dining table, with empty plates in front of them.
"Morning, Santana. Brittany and I were just eating some ham and omelettes, we made extra for you." Quinn piped up as soon as she saw me.
"I'll get it." Brittany said.
She then stood up and turned towards the direction of the kitchen. I quickly scurried over to her and grabbed her elbow, stopping her movement.
"No, it's okay, I can get it myself babe."
She gave a small smile as she gently pushed my hands away, then taking the two empty plates from the table.
"I'm going to clean these anyway."
I watched as she disappear into the kitchen and I went to take a seat next to Quinn at the dining table.
"Is this the part where she starts distracting herself to keep her mind off things?" I asked.
"Probably. I was making breakfast this morning by myself and she came out of your room, saying that she wanted to help me."
"Gosh, this is horrible. Do you think Miss Shelby would allow me to take the day off to take care of Britt?"
Quinn made a clicking sound in the side of her cheek as she thought about what I had asked.
"You know." She started. "There are stages of grief. Last night, Brittany was clearly feeling numb about everything. Today, you can see her start to show some emotions, even if it doesn't match up to what she's feeling on the inside."
That was true. Brittany did smile at me just now, but her eyes weren't conveying the same emotion. The blue in her eyes weren't gleaming and there wasn't any crinkle by her eyes as she smiled.
"…. And she's going to need time by herself to figure out how she's going to deal with this grief. So don't skip out on your own routine. Brittany's going to be fine and besides, what can a pregnant woman like me do other than stay at home? So I can manage her."
I felt her hands squeeze mine as she giggled softly.
Hearing Quinn say something so philosophical was weird, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, I don't know, but I found myself agreeing with what she said.
I heard footsteps approaching us and I quickly changed the subject.
"What a surprise Fabray, I thought you were more creative than this!" I exclaimed.
"What's going on?" Brittany came out with a plate of ham and omelette in her hand and I took it from her as she settled onto the chair opposite me.
"Oh, Quinn was just saying that if her baby was a boy, she would name him Quinton, and if it was girl, she would go with Quincy. I mean, come on. That's pretty lame."
The look on Quinn's face was priceless. She was staring back at me in disbelief and I stepped on her foot under the table to hint her to play along. The grin on Brittany's face was there though, and she even let out a soft laughter.
Quinn might be a philosophical talker, but that didn't stop me from creating a joke that was centered on her.
2PM
"Tight feet, tight feet, tight feet!" Miss Shelby's barked out as she continuously clapped her hands in rhythm to what she was saying. Gosh, this was insufferable.
After I finished my chaine turns, which was part of the routine during the act, I realised that I had ended in a position that was way too far off. Miss Shelby walked over to me with seething eyes and that was my confirmation that it was indeed a horrible attempt.
"Why are you so distracted, Miss Lopez?" She asked.
"How can I focus when my girlfriend has just lost someone important to her and is alone right now?"
"Brittany, Miss Pierce?" Miss Shelby answered with a raise of her brows.
I nodded silently.
"So are you implying that I should give the rest of the day off so you could take care of her? It's Friday, just get today's rehearsals done with and you'll have the whole weekend with her." She said in a monotonous tone.
"What's the point of rehearsals if my mind is not in the right place?" I answered back almost instantly.
Miss Shelby seemed to be in a deep thought as she folded her arms.
She looked back at me. "Get the dvd copy of Swan Lake from me so you can watch and practise the parts at home."
I felt as if the whole weight in my chest has been lifted as soon as she said that. She was letting me go off early and that didn't even happen to Quinn before. I guessed I could stop calling her Shel-Bitchy.
"Brittany? Britt!" I called out as I unlocked the door of my apartment.
"Why are you here?" Quinn frowned as she walked out of her room, coming into view.
"I have my ways." I raised my left brow and gave a smug smile.
"Is Brittany in the bathroom or-"
"She went back." Quinn interjected.
Brittany's POV
I opened the door, and stepped into the room carefully.
There were still many posters of punk rock bands pasted onto the wall, and it was really a lot, because it took me a while to remember that behind all the posters, the wall was actually burgundy-coloured.
I moved to the other side where a guitar that was autographed by Gene Simmons was hanging against the wall. I still remembered how I queued up with her just to get an autograph from him even though I wasn't a huge fan like her. Still, it was one of the happiest days of her life and seeing her so genuinely ecstatic made my heart flutter with content as well.
As I glanced across the room again, I noticed a yellow material protruding from under her bed. I sat down and pulled it, only to reveal a yellow square-shaped box. I have been living with Marissa for a long time, yet I have never seen this box before.
I opened it carefully, and in there lay old wristbands from concerts she has been too. I dug further into the box, and found polaroid pictures that were taken from a while back. I saw a picture that particularly struck out to me, and I held it close to my face. It was a picture of Marissa and I on the rooftop back at home in Chicago. That was Marissa's first night at my house after being kicked out from her own home.
6 years ago, September, 9PM
I could hear the strumming of guitar as soon as I went up to the rooftop, taking a sip out of the cup of iced mocha in my hands.
"Hey, I figured I'd find you here." I tapped on her shoulders, stopping her movements on her guitar.
"Well this place is more relevant to me now that I have officially moved in here." Her lips curled into a smile.
I looked at the view of downtown Chicago and took in a deep breath as the night breeze swept across my face.
"Are you sure you're really going to stay here forever?" I turned back to her and asked.
Marissa's eyebrows shot up to her forehead. "Are you kidding me? Now that I've finally left that hell hole, I'm not going back!"
I rolled my eyes at the obstinate brunette beside me.
"It was still a house you grew up in after all."
Her lips were turned up as her nose scrunched up in disgust. "Sure, it was a house. But it wasn't my home. Pretty sure home isn't a place where your own parents would tear you down because they hated the music you listened to, or the people you hung out with. And there was an opportunity. They kicked me out, so I left. They won't be sad anyway, Caleb is enough for them."
She inhaled deeply and jutted her chest out. "And from now on, I am only known as Marissa Lyndsey. Add that Miller behind-"
She held the guitar above her head. "And this is going into your head."
I let out a soft giggle and took her hand, lowering the guitar down. I love my best friend to pieces, but she's still fifteen, how could she be so ready to walk out of her family already?
"God Britts, stop worrying about me. Come sing with me!"
I snapped out of my thoughts as soon as Marissa started to strum the tune she was playing earlier on.
"In the middle of the night I'm in bed alone, don't care if you're glass, paper-"
She paused to look at the styrofoam cup in my hands.
"Styrofoam.. Hey, continue that for me, Britt!"
I looked at the dark-brownish liquid in my cup and shook it gingerly, watching more of the ice melt into the liquid.
I looked back at Marissa with a raise of my eyebrows. "If you need some water baby, coffee or teaaaaaa."
"Oh, boo. Coffee or tea? How lame is that?"
"What? Don't they usually sound well together?" I faked a pout as I said that.
"You see, music is all about creativity. It's about creating new things that are out of the ordinary, and-"
I couldn't help myself but to snort upon seeing Marissa talking so animatedly, with her exaggerated hand actions and facial expressions.
"What's so funny?" She narrowed her eyes at me.
"I just- ha- I just can't take you seriously when you're talking with so much passion!"
She began to take something out from the other side of her and I stopped laughing as soon as I saw it.
"Can you take me seriously now?" She said, with a cool expression on her face.
She then began to twist open the bottle and put it to her mouth, taking it down in a big gulp before putting the cap back again.
"How did you even manage to get that? And doesn't gin taste gross, especially at our age?"
"Making music is also about experiencing things. I think Gin tastes fine too, definitely better than the miserable coffee in your hand. Want a hit of it?" She held out the bottle of Gordon's Gin in front of me.
I quickly pushed away the bottle from her hand. "No, it's gross!"
"Alrighty then, at least allow me to change the lyric of this unnamed song a little." She positioned her fingers onto the strings of her guitar as she played the catchy tune.
"When I need some water, baby, coffee or giiiiiii-nnnnn!"
"Sounds good eh?" She said with a smug smile.
"Alright Ris, you're the musical genius."
Present Day
I chewed on my lower lips as the tears that were beginning to well up in my eyes marred the clarity of my vision.
It still hasn't sunk in yet that my best friend is gone from my life forever. I could feel my throat stinging as the hot tears finally coursed down my cheek, and a few tiny drops landed on the polaroid picture I was holding onto.
"Britt?"
I suddenly felt two hands on my back and shuddered at the touch.
"Hey, come here." Her hands than moved up as she wrapped both arms around my neck, and I leant back into her as I continued to be inconsolably wrecked with sadness.
Santana's POV
2 days later, Sunday, 9AM
It didn't take long to carry out Marissa's funeral service. Brittany, Mike and Puck planned it, but Mike ended up doing most of the job because obviously the other two were still consumed with devastation seeing that Marissa meant something to the both of them.
The three of them, however, agreed on not having her funeral in a church as Marissa wasn't a hugely religious person. So here I was in a quaint park, watching as people, possibly Marissa and Brittany's friends, shuffling over to Brittany and exchanging hugs while expressing their heartfelt condolences.
Just then, a couple walked over to the crowd surrounding Brittany and as they turned to look around, I realised they were Craig and Susan Pierce. They didn't look as cheerful as before, but they still smiled when they saw me looking at them. Brittany's friends went over to my direction to take their seats around me while it was her parents' turn to exchange hugs with her. They hugged for a while longer, and I could see how much Brittany needed her parents' warmth from the way she looked as if she has melted into their embrace.
They walked over to me after that and took their seats beside me. As I saw them up close, I could see the weariness in their faces. This must be a hard time for them as well because I saw how they treated Marissa just like another daughter while we were in Chicago.
I gently touched Susan's hands, and shot her a comforting look. "I'm so sorry, Susan." I cocked my head to look at Craig. "I'm really sorry."
Susan sniffed before placing another hand on top of mine. "I thought my baby girl was just missing us and wanted us to visit her when she told us to come to New York. Turns out it was a-a-"
Before Susan could even finish her sentence, she covered her face, choking back on her tears. Craig rubbed her back and let out a huge sigh.
"Marissa was just like our daughter, I can't believe she's gone so soon."
"May I ask all guests here to take a seat." The funeral director stepped onto the makeshift altar and announced.
"We are all gathered here this morning to mourn the loss of a wonderful friend and person. We'll now have Brittany S Pierce to give a few words."
He signaled for Brittany to come up and she did, in slow, trudging footsteps. She shifted nervously in her spot a little before taking a deep breath and moving her head close to the microphone.
"If you had seen Marissa Lyndsey when she was still alive, you would see that she was someone who gave no care about the world. You know, someone who had no goals in life, and only drunk to down her sorrows."
She took a deep breath before continuing.
"But if you knew her like I did, she was actually full of life. In fact, she coloured my own life. Marissa had no ambitions, but she had a dream. She had a dream that she might one day, become a rock star. And I believed she could be one down the road, but an accident had to take it all away. And-"
Just then, Brittany's glance shifted to another area and she looked as if she was glaring. I followed her glance to see a couple in their fifties, with an eighteen-year-old looking guy who I assumed was their son. I turned my head back to face Brittany and her mouth opened to speak again. However, her glance remained fixated on them.
"Still, I can't help but think that my best friend's death was a significance of something. About how she wasn't loved much. Of course, I did love her. My mom and dad loved her. She had friends that loved her too. But the kind of love that she lacked was love from her own family."
She formed a crease in her brow as her gaze deepened at the family she was looking at.
"Family is a place where everybody loves you no matter what, but her family didn't understand, or even try to understand her. She would act as if it didn't bother her, but I knew that deep down, she wanted her family to love her, to accept her even if she decided to grow up in a different way than how she was brought up. So it broke my heart when she was on my doorstep that night, asking me if she could stay with my family."
She stopped looking at them and returned her attention to the front.
"So maybe Marissa didn't die because of an accident, or that her accident was caused by drugs. She died because she wasn't loved enough. Thank you."
Brittany stepped off the altar, and returned to her position where she stood beside Marissa's coffin.
Puck went up next.
"I'm sorry, but is it okay if I get to open the coffin once more?" He simply said.
The funeral director nodded his head to approve and Puck went down, and towards the coffin. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the ring he was going to propose to Marissa with. He leaned in to the coffin slightly as he touched Marissa's fingers, then putting the ring into her ring finger and kissing it tenderly. He muttered a few words into her ear before closing the top of the coffin back again.
After the whole funeral service and burial process was done, everyone else gave their last condolences again before taking their leave.
Brittany walked towards my direction, and I gave her a smile as I held my arms out towards her. However, she walked past me and I turned around, noticing that she was approaching the same family she has been glancing at during her eulogy previously.
"I did not invite you!" She burst out at them.
"Why isn't her surname on her grave?" The older woman barked back at her.
Crap, that must be Marissa's family. I hastened to Brittany and tried to hold her back.
"That's all you care about? Are you even upset that she's gone?!" Brittany cried out.
"She was a wretched child, but you still have no rights to take her surname off!"
God, she was such a heartless bitch.
"If you don't treat her like your daughter, I don't see why she deserves to keep her family name!" Brittany screamed, her voice cracking as she was on the brink of tears.
My eyes widened as I held Brittany tighter, trying my best to pull her away from Marissa's mother.
"Hush, it's not worth arguing with them."
"Enough, stop arguing. The funeral's over, you can leave now." Brittany's father said in a monotonous tone as he cut in between Brittany and Marissa's mother.
She stared angrily at Brittany's father before she turned to leave with her husband and son.
Brittany sniffed and lay her head on my shoulders, while her hand made contact with her father. She was already shredded to pieces, and her brittle emotions were further hammered by the appearance of Marissa's family. She didn't deserve that at all.
11PM
I put the ladle into my mouth, tasting the sweet corn soup. I was surprised it tasted alright seeing that I was pretty much distracted by the events earlier today while preparing it.
Just then, my phone started to ring and I placed the ladle back into the pot, allowing the soup to simmer.
I grabbed my phone and answered it.
"It's someone's special day in an hour!" Rachel's voice spoke enthusiastically on the other end.
I furrowed my brows, wondering what Rachel was talking about.
"What is it?"
"You don't even remember your own birthday?"
I paused as my eyes glazed over to the calendar that was hanging by the side of the kitchen wall and crap, it was August 17th tomorrow..
"Right, my birthday. Sorry, I was more focused on Brittany these past few days to actually take note of it."
"Doesn't matter though." I shrugged my shoulders. "I'll just be turning twenty-two, it's not that big of a deal."
"You'll be coming to the NYBC tomorrow right?" Rachel asked.
"I think that's a pretty redundant question, Berry."
"I know, it's just, you have been leaving early from rehearsals and I just wanted to confirm…" Rachel's voice trailed off at the end.
"It's just been a pretty rough week, especially for Brittany and I had to be there for her. But I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow, even if it means getting slaughtered by Shel-Bitchy on my own birthday."
"Alright then! Cece and I will see you tomorrow!"
I put the phone back onto the counter after ending the call. God, it was crazy that I needed Rachel to remind me that it was my own birthday. But I wasn't exactly excited or anything, not with the things that were happening right now. I knew I told Brittany about my birthday before but I guessed I shouldn't expect anything from her either. All I needed was for her to be happy.
I took the sweet corn soup in my hands and walked to my bedroom, where Brittany was in. I opened the door slowly with one hand, and saw her laying on my bed, playing with the duvet material in her hand and she looked as if she was lost in thoughts.
"Hey, I've brought you some soup." I smiled as I moved closer to the blonde.
"Thanks, I'll have it later." She said softly.
"Are you sure you don't want to have it now while it's still-"
"I'm sorry Santana." She said in a much more audible voice this time, and I placed the bowl of soup on the bedside table before retuning my attention to her.
"I know I have been a wreck and was horrible to you the past few days. You have always been there beside me, holding me, kissing me, telling me how much you love me, but I never returned those actions."
I looked into Brittany's eyes as the litany of words poured out of her mouth. Even though her eyelids were puffy from all the crying, her blue eyes were starting to have that gleam she always had whenever she looked at me.
"You know-" I moved my hand across the bed to hold hers.
"It's completely okay. Losing someone is never an easy thing to go through, and you'll definitely need someone to support you. Which is why I need and have to be there for you, Britt."
Brittany smiled, a more genuine one this time, and began to intertwine our fingers together.
"I love you so much, Santana."
I rolled my eyes playfully as I inched closer to Brittany.
"And I love you too. Heck, I love you more than anything else."
Her hands went to cup my cheek and I closed my eyes as soon as I felt her lips on mine.
We kissed, for the first time in a few days, and I felt so inexplicably good. Her hands moved from my cheeks down to my chin, gently pulling me down, and pressing another kiss onto my forehead.
I opened my eyes for a while, relishing the look of content on Brittany's face.
"Also, happy birthday bunhead." She whispered into my ears.