Anders
Anders
You tall asshole, help
Don't text-spam me dammit it's so annoying
How do you say no to an excited and happy woman?
...why?
Nyla wants to do the tandem bike thing in golden gate park this saturday she rented it for like, 1pm. Without asking first, of fucking course. Now I have to wake up at the crack of ten.
Why is tandem biking a bad thing, again?
Do we have to live out every fucking romance trope? I just… cannot.
She's a romantic. Just… give into it.
No! I need to figure out how to say no to her without making her sad.
How many times does she have you wrapped around her finger?
… all the times
Might as well just embrace it
Nooooooooo
Tandem biiike
Fuck off Anders you're not being helpful i do not want to tandem bike
Awwwww she'll be so sad though
I hate you so. fucking. much.
"So cruel. Way to support a friend." Leliana laughed hard, catching her breath before resuming buffing Anders' nails. "That was amazing. You're amazing."
Taking a deep breath to calm from raucous giggles, he lit up with a brilliant idea. "Oh! Oh! We should go. I need to see this. He's always tormenting us and he's so… fucking good at it. We need this."
"Ohhh yes… oh no… we need to..." Leliana chuckled hard, trying hard to stop for a moment, and giving in to a long bout of laughter, hitting her legs with her fists. "Show up in full regalia dressed for Tour de France in those…"
"Those fucking tight little biker outfits, oh god!" Bouncing his legs in laughter and giddy excitement, he continued. "We need to match. Matching helmets. And don't tell them we're coming."
"And follow them and take video… send it to Emily. She'll show everyone! "
"You don't?" Nyla blinked at him, tilting her head. "But you're the one who brought it up."
"You did not hear the whole conversation. I asked Anders to kill us if we tried.
"Come onnn, pumpkin," she crooned, biting her lip. "Do it for me?"
"Look, yes we're romantic, but must we-"
"Come on, it'll be fun. It'll make a sweet story to tell our-" she bit her lip, cringed, clenching her fist.
"You were going to say children," he teased, smirking at her.
Sputtering she scooted further away from him on the couch. "No! Nooo… I was going to say we can tell your mommies."
"With that backpedal, it is no wonder you are so fixated on this bike thing. Your cheeks are still pink." Laying back on the couch and nudging her with his toes he spoke in a sing-song voice, "Nyla wants to have my babies."
She shook her head and pointed, "Don't you dare start with your baby fever. We've only lived together for like… ten minutes."
"It has been two months tomorrow." He prodded her again with his toes. "And, apparently this household operates in negatives. I say I do not want to tandem bike ride, so it means I will. You say you do not want to have my babies, it means you do. I have just received permission to have baby fever. We should test this theory. I wonder what happens when I say I hope nobody crawls toward me and gives me a blowjob?"
"How about…" she bit her lip and wiggled her eyebrows, "I blow you in exchange for the tandem bike ride."
"You would blow me regardless."
"I know," she shrugged, crawling toward him. "But this way, I get what I want twice."
"Yes, helmet, Nyla." He spoke incredulously. "What if we fall? I need your entire head intact forever."
"Okay, okay, honey," she giggled, pulling the helmet on and buckling the chinstrap. "I just, didn't want to get all sweaty."
"Worth it." He reached over and adjusted it for her, tilting it more forward, tightening the chinstrap. She hopped on the back seat and he chuckled, "And I'm in front? Lovely."
"I want to stare at your ass in those shorts. You can watch mine on the way back," she winked, motioning with her head for him to hop on. "Come on, my moody pumpkin. It'll be fun. I'll make it fun."
"You look too hot in that!" Anders gasped at Leliana in the tight, pink biking outfit, her breasts round and prominent, accentuated ass, curves, curves, curves, uughh! He leaped at her, kissing her enthusiastically, grabbing her supple bottom with both hands to pull her closer.
"We're…" Leliana panted, kissed him hard, running eager hands along his arms, already having forfeited to their mutual desire despite her pending complaints. "We're going to be late."
"Mmm hmm," he hummed, guiding them to his room.
"I love this!" Nyla giggled happily. "It's such a nice day for it!"
He glanced back at her with a smirk, "I'm glad, amor." Tandem biking wasn't too bad. It was just like riding a bike with her, only he didn't have to worry about her wandering off.
"Thank you for this, honey, I love you!" She giggled and pedaled at their leisurely pace. He nodded in response. So grumpy, she leaned forward, feeling needy, wishing he would join in her fun. "Are you okay?"
"I simply cannot believe my life is a one fucking romance trope after the other."
Nyla cackled, "This isn't so bad. It could be tropier."
"No," he sighed deeply. "It literally cannot."
With a sly smile, she leaned forward and sang softly, "Imagine me and you, I do."
"Oh no!" He laughed, "Okay it could be tropier."
Finally! Boyfriend laughter; clearly she should sing more. "I think about you day and night, it's only right."
"I get it, amor."
"To think about the girl you love and hold her tight," she leaned in and purred, "so happy togetheerrr…"
"Cute," he couldn't help but chuckle again, shaking his head.
"If I should call you up, invest a dime, and you say you belong to me, and ease my mind…"
"Nyla, why do you know all of the words?"
"Imagine how the world could be, so very fine…" she leaned in and purred again, "so happy together."
"Amor, seriously, don't-" he cringed a little, bracing himself.
With a dramatic intake of air she tossed her head back. "I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my liiiiife!"
"Don't make me turn this bike around."
"When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue, for all my liiife!" Pausing for breath, she saw Zevran's shoulders subtly relax, and she continued softer, "Me and you, and you and me. No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be..."
"Are you literally going to sing this whole song?" He looked back at her with a quirked eyebrow, and she was grinning ear to ear.
Enunciating her words with a pointing finger and a playful wink, she continued. "The only one for me is you, and you for me, so happy togetheeerr."
"You are going to sing the entire fucking song?" He turned his head to watch the path.
Her answer was an intake of air, and letting go of her handlebars to extend her arms and belt out with unbridled drama, "I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my liiiife! When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue, for all my liiiife!"
"God damnit, Nyla." He sighed, succumbing to his fate of being a living trope. At least the song is almost over…
"Me and you, and you and me, no matter how they toss the dice, it had to be. The only one for me is you, and you for me…"
"So happy togetheeeer!" Leliana's voice rung out, startling Zevran, making them waver on their tandem bicycle.
Then it got worse, as they all were intimately familiar with the entire fucking song. Every fucking sound, every damned word. "Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-baaaa!"
"Fucking tandem bicycles," Zevran grumbled, wondering if they had planned this.
"Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-baaaaaa…" Leliana, Anders, Nyla, singing each 'ba' in impeccable harmony.
Anders on the back seat of a tandem bicycle, Leliana in front, he bent his legs at the knee, resting his toes behind himself on the seat and continued the song. "Me and you, and you and me..."
Leliana and Nyla on back up with crooning ahhh sounds.
"God damnit." Zevran rolled his eyes and looked forward. "Nyla you're supposed to pedal with me here."
"No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be." Anders continued impassioned singing, reaching out to caress his fingers down Leliana's back. "The only one for me is you, and you for me, so happy togetheeer."
The three assholes continued to sing together in perfect harmony as if they had been practicing for decades, with Leliana as their frontwoman, "So happy together..."
"Leli, no!" He looked at her with wide eyes, and she blew him a kiss. "What are you wearing?"
"So happy together..."
"Oooooh…"
"So happy togetheeerrr…"
"Oooooh…"
"How is the weather..."
"Ba-ba-ba-baaa, ba-ba-ba-ba…"
"So happy together…"
"Ba-ba-ba-baaa, ba-ba-ba-ba…"
"We're happy together…"
"Ba-ba-ba-baaa, ba-ba-ba-ba…"
"So happy together…"
"Ba-ba-ba-baaa, ba-ba-ba-ba…"
Zevran clenched his jaw as their voices eventually tapered off, after taking fucking forever. Slowing their tandem bicycle to a stop, Zevran planted his feet firm on the ground, turned toward them, and yelled in awe and frustration, "The fuck did I just witness!?"
"Stop that." Nyla insisted from the other side of their table.
After their tandem bike ride, which even Zevran enjoyed after he relaxed from their spontaneous musical, they decided to eat at an outdoor cafe in Sausalito.
"Mm?" His attention snapped to her. "Stop what, amor?"
"You've been staring at that man for like, five minutes."
"No harm in watching someone be happy." His eyes flicked over again as the man kissed the infant's head. He could enjoy that; a babe asleep in his arms, warm against his chest. Little Nyla-colored eyes looking up at him with a toothless smile, dressed in gender neutral clothing. I would take my baby every god damn where.
"Stop that," Nyla chuckled as his gaze dragged back to her reluctantly.
It seemed babies were everywhere, as he noticed a man stroll by with a pregnant woman on his arm. Nyla would be the prettiest pregnant woman. Sexy, even. Big round belly, swelling breasts; he needed to draw that. She would need him to care for her and give her sex on demand. Sending him to the store to fulfill her random cravings and freaking him out with her propensity to consume actual dirt when he would willingly cook her the most amazing meals. And he would give his emotional, weepy, adorable, amor so many massages. She would visit him at work and he could show off his lovely, pregnant-
"Zevran. Zev. Zev. Stop." Eyebrows furrowed, he finally looked at her. "Stop. No babies."
"What are you reading my fucking mind?" He unclenched the fist which had been pressing against his lips, and a man jogged past with a stroller. Zevran would get his daughter the best stroller with real rubber tires just like that; easy to push, shock absorbing so she would be safe, and he could take her everywhere. It would be so fun .
"... a dog."
"I'm sorry, amor, what?" Or little front carrier. He could do that. Could wear a baby while he painted. A baby sleeping against his chest while he painted? Uuugh that would be amazing. Zevran would be the best dad.
"... you want?"
"What?" Zevran sighed, sitting up in his chair. "I'm sorry amor, my mind wandered. I wasn't listening."
"What like, the whole time?" Nyla giggled at him, "You were nodding... god dammit. I'll start over. How about we get a dog?"
"What for?" A woman with a baby on her back! UGH! Nothing seemed cuter in the entire fucking world than Nyla with a baby in a soft baby backpack.
"God dammit, Zevran." She laughed at him and sipped her coffee, googled corgi on her phone. She had met several corgi's in her lifetime, and it seemed he would like one. "Pumpkin. Honey. Look. This is my guess of what you would like."
The woman with the baby strapped to her back walked up to her partner and kissed her, they held hands and walked away together and it was too god damn sweet he was going to fucking die- "What amor?"
"Take my phone and look at it."
"Yes, cute. Short little legs! Yes, I could see having a corgi. Get one if you wish, amor."
"No, for you!" Nyla cackled watching his gaze drift away toward a man pulling a chair out for a pregnant woman to sit on; he wasn't even listening. "Zevran. Darling. Sweetheart. Dammit. "
Amor.
Amor.
Hey.
On break yet?
Now?
I need to tell you something.
Really badly.
Hey is everything ok?
Yes.
Do you remember the website you had someone build for me to publish my works on and I said what for and you said for publicity and I said what public and you took a glamor shot of me with a short bio and mentioned my eidetic memory and such?
Hehe yes darling I remember that whole thing.
Apparently being a self-taught painter with an eidetic memory is an interesting selling point for art and now this woman wants to come and see my works in person. Said I have "sellable art" or some such.
AMOR COME BACK AND READ THIS.
Work is busy. Holy shit, a gallery came to YOU? That's amazing.
Yes... YES What exactly do I do?
Why exactly are you still a fucking waitress with weird hours stop this.
Why would I show my art and sell it if not to make money?
We do not need money. I hate being rich what am I doing with my life?
Sell my ART? I sell tattoos!
I never wished to sell my paintings I was fine stacking them everywhere and leaving them hung up on my walls.
Amor, What do I do? This is your fault.
Stop being a waitress fuck!